[September 14th: Seoul, South Korea 4:30 AM]

 

“Why are you still up?” questioned Yunho softly as he dropped his keys into a bowl sitting on a small table by the doorway of his apartment and looked across the room to find Changmin sitting quietly on the sofa in the dark with only the light of the muted television flickering throughout the room.

 

“Couldn’t sleep,” he sighed.

 

“Why?” Yunho questioned, worriedly, as he made his way towards the seemingly sulking man.

 

“This whole thing with them, it’s...” sighed Changmin.

 

“I know,” admitted Yunho, joining the man on the sofa with a sigh of his own.

 

“How are they?” Changmin questioned.

 

“How do you think?” he scoffed.

 

“How is she?”

 

“Getting better,” answered Yunho, as he ran his hand through his hair. “So the Director says.”

 

“Did,” stammered Changmin softly. “Did you happen to see them...?”

 

“Just Su, asleep,” he sighed.

 

“And Jae?” he questioned hesitantly.

 

“No,” Yunho sighed deeply.

 

“So,” Changmin ventured. “Is it how you suspected? With...with Junsu, I mean?”

 

“It seems that way,” nodded Yunho. “At least, the Director seems to think so.”

 

“He must be going out of his mind right now,” breathed out Changmin, worry truly lacing his words.

 

“He’s a mess,” confirmed Yunho. “He looked like hell...so thin...so lost...”

 

“Well, it’s to be expected,” nodded Changmin.

 

“Meaning?”

 

“After you left," admitted Changmin, softly. “I watched the news for a few hours...they kept replaying the footage over and over again...and no matter how I tried to justify how they acted at the scene...I always came up with the same conclusion as you.”

 

“But, Yun?” he continued. “I just don’t understand it.”

 

“What’s so hard to understand?” Yunho countered.

 

“What is it about this woman that has them so involved?” he questioned. “In all the time we knew them, known them, Jae and Su were never ones to get so invested in a staff member. We always had to be so cautious of everyone around us, because we never knew if their sincerity was real. But, with her, it seems that they almost trust her completely. How is that even possible?”

 

“I don’t know,” sighed Yunho. “But from what the Director said, I get the impression that this Nikki person is far closer to them than I thought. He said that all three of them are practically devastated by her current state and implied that their world has literally stopped.”

 

“She’s special to them if Junsu’s reaction at the scene is anything to go by,” he added. “And the Director practically confirmed it. They see her as family. And...Well...”

 

“I get it,” nodded Changmin. “Kind of like us and Noona.”

 

“Yeah,” sighed Yunho in agreement.

 

“Have you heard anything from her yet?” questioned Yunho curiously, a few quiet moments later.

 

“No,” frowned Changmin, worry once again marring his face. “She hasn’t answered any of my calls in days.”

 

“That’s not like her,” muttered Yunho worriedly.

 

“I know,” sighed Changmin sadly.

 

 

 

[September 14th: Seoul National University Hospital 5:53 AM]

 

Long after the overheard conversation between the Director and Yunho, and hours after the man had left him alone with Nikki for the night, Jaejoong slept quietly at the ailing woman’s beside as the memories of the final night as five, and they love the woman held for all of them, lingered in his mind.

 

Ever since her accident, Jaejoong couldn’t help but remember the past over and over. What happened between them during that time was something that had always haunted him. The things that were said. The things that were done. The pain and anger stemming from misunderstanding and mistrust. It all had come to a head, seemingly all in one night, and the heartache that it caused had always made Jaejoong feel guilty.

 

Nikki had once said to him: no matter what life throws your way, it is to the people who love you that you must be accountable to first. At the time, they had been discussing what to do about a career decision he was debating but the weight of her words had seemed to be hinting at more. He had come to know of Nikki’s past, knowing that she had been by their side at that moment –even though not physically– when their life as five fell apart and knew that her words always held a double meaning. Over time he had gotten the sense that she knew far more than he was willing to share and that knowledge subconsciously made him aware of her words more than most.

 

Even though it had been years since he had openly admitted it to anyone, especially himself, the love he felt for his former bandmate –the love that they had shared– had never truly gone away. Junsu and Yoochun knew that, and it seemed in some strange way that she, too, knew it. And that thought comforted him some. There were only a few souls on this earth that truly knew of his real relationship with their former leader, knew the bond that they once held so sincerely, and to come to realize that another soul had accepted them without question made him somehow accepting of his current life.

 

Nikki had always been so supportive, even when he disliked her and mistrusted her, and never faltered in her chosen conviction. And he admired her for that.

 

He wished he was as confident. He wished he could be so sure.

 

What happened between them, the night his world thoroughly fell apart, seemed so long ago. Yet, with every moment in time, it had been renewed. Every time he stepped out on that stage, and sung with all his heart, his soul always yearned for those who were no longer with them. Every time they stood in front of a massive crowd vying for their attention at some crowded airport, his heart cried out for the safety that that dear man always seemed to provide. And every time he sat quietly in his airline seat, jetting across the world for this and that, his body missed the ever comforting warmth of the serenity his once whole family provided. He had lived with that longing for so very long. And though his two brothers tried to help him cope with their new life, that wanting was always there.

 

Somehow, Nikki had managed to feel the void in some way –though not fully.  Having her around, getting to know her and care for her, had somehow made him feel less burdened. As if, her very presence was that of an unspoken promise of love and support. Whenever she was by his side, he never felt inadequate or unloved and that feeling has made his heart feel lighter. Having her around was like a salve to his ailing heart, a bandage upon a never-ceasing and bleeding wound.

 

But now it seemed like the fates were determined to take that comfort away from him and he felt as if his whole world would fall apart once more.

 

 

 

[September 13th: Seoul National University Hospital 7:01 AM]

 

The world is not that simple, Jaejoong! berated Yunho.

Why can’t it be?

Why can’t we be who we really are, Yunnie?!

Because life is not that easy!

easy! screamed Jaejoong. I don’t want it to be easy. I want it to be happy!

Is that too much to ask for?

We can’t Jae! defended Yunho. The world won’t accept us!

We’ll lose everything!

So what? Jaejoong countered. At least we’ll have each other!

I’m going to tell them! argued Jaejoong adamantly. I’m tired of hiding!

You can’t! countered Yunho, stepping up to the man and grabbing him forcefully.

Watch me! fired back Jaejoong as a resounding slap was heard.

 

 

Jolting up from the bed, Jaejoong’s heart lurched at the torturing memory that had haunted his subconscious for years.

 

The night everything tumbled out into the open.  

 

Clutching his chest, his eyes pinned shut, he tried to fight back the anger, frustration, heartbreak, and fear that night had held as he tried to bring himself to the here and now. Taking a few deeps breaths, trying to calm his thundering heart, he knew that it was all a dream and that getting all riled up over something he could no longer change was useless.

 

“I can’t be like this,” he told himself. “It’s done and over with.”

 

Releasing one final cleansing breath, he slowly opened his eyes to the quiet glow of morning’s first light filtering in through the windows of Nikki’s hospital room and once again accepted the things he could not change. After admiring the dawn for a second, he turned his eyes to the bed before him only to watch on in horror of its condition.

 

It was empty.

 

Shooting up to his feet in a full-on panic, Jaejoong frantically scanned the quiet room for any signs of his Noona. The bed was still messy, its blanket looking as if it had been tossed aside in a mad rush, but the rest of the room seemed as if nothing had changed. Fearing that something had happened to her while he slept, Jaejoong immediately bolted towards the door to find out what was going on, but when he rounded the partition that blocked off the door from the rest of the room, he came to a screaming halt as his eyes landed on a familiar form.

 

Standing there, dressed in her hospital gown, wrapped in a white hospital blanket, and clutching both the door framed and the IV stand by her side, with her back mostly to him, Nikki quietly stared down at Junsu as he slept peacefully on the small sofa by her doorway. The look on her face, a mix of heartbreak and fear, mirrored the inner turmoil she so seemed to feel as silent tears streamed down her face.

 

“Noona?” questioned Jaejoong hesitantly, his voice echoing with both joy of her awakening and worry of her current state.

 

“How long,” she whispered, her voice breaking and trembling with every syllable. “How long has he been like this?”

 

“Since you got hurt,” he heard himself say before his mind could stop him.

 

“And where were you?” she questioned, her voice sounding almost hard, as she glanced back at Jaejoong with disappointment flashing across her face and tightened her grip upon the door frame.

 

“He wouldn’t listen,” defended Jaejoong softly, instantly knowing why her tone had changed.

 

“That’s no excuse,” she dismissed, turning her eyes back to the sleeping man before her seconds before her legs seemed to give out and she fell against the door frame.

 

“Noona!” exclaimed Jaejoong softly, stepping up to her and reaching out to her to help.

 

“Don’t,” she softly ordered, waving him off instantly.

 

“I’m fine,” she justified as her legs wavered once more.

 

“No...you’re not,” he countered before grabbing her lovingly by the arm.

 

“You’re still not well.” he justified. “You shouldn’t be out of bed.”

 

“You need to rest,”

 

“I’ve rested long enough,” she declared softly.

 

“Noona,” Jaejoong nearly whined.

 

It was then and only then that she finally turned to look at him fully. As her eyes settled in on his face, the look on her face seemed to twist under the sadness of the situation as the realization of the pain she had cause hit her instantly.

 

“You too?” she whispered worriedly.

 

“You...you scared us, Noona,” he admitted, understanding the meaning by her question just by the look on her face. “We thought we’d lost you.”

 

“It’s not your fault, Jae,” whispered Nikki sincerely.  

 

“Isn’t it?” he countered, his voice straining under his own guilt. “I mean...”

 

“No...No, the fault is mine,” she whispered. “You didn’t do this. I did.”

 

“I should have never, never gotten so close.”

 

Turning her eyes from Jaejoong once more, she looked down at Junsu, took a step towards the sleeping man, and sighed.

 

“This is going to have to end Jaejoong,” she declared softly. “Now, more than ever.”

 

“You can’t mean that,” he whispered heartbrokenly.

 

“There’s no other choice,” she answered gently, her eyes tearing, as she reached out and gently ran her fingers through Junsu’s hair.

 

“It’s...it’s just too much,”

 

“For all of us,”

 

 

 

 

A/N: Sorry this is super short but I needed to add in the transition before I went on to the next phase of the story. 

A/N: Sorry for the slow updates on this fic guys. Real-life is really trying to ruin my fun. Divorces ! Anyway, I hope you like this latest update. 

A/N: As many might be aware, I mostly write Yunjae fics; but I've decided to branch out a little. I recently came up with a plot that is JaeSu centric. If you are interested in reading it, click here ----> REVOL<----- and subscribe. The forward and first chapters are up, next update coming soon.