The weather is nice today. The sun is shining bright but the cool spring wind quenches the heat which makes it enjoyable for most people to sit outside and enjoy the warm clime. I am one of those. I love warm weathers, I’m not a big fan of winter but got used to it through the years. It’s not like I have a choice anyways.

I was sitting outside because it’s lunch break. School’s almost over. I am graduating. I’m a senior student of dance in one of the many art schools in Seoul, South Korea. My name is Bang Minsoo and I am 23 years old.

While sitting outside, I noticed a lot of people loitering here and there. Some of them are sitting alone just like me. Some are walking, some are chatting away with their friends, while some are spending time with their loved ones. I’m not a huge fan of romance and being together with someone but I want to share that in my life time, I’ve fallen in love thrice.

The first time was back in kindergarten. I think it was during a school festival when I saw this cute little kid. Smaller than me, with frail looking limbs. I don’t know what I saw in that kid. I think it’s the smile. The kid smiles so brightly and so innocent after receiving some cotton candy. I watched that smile grow even brighter as the kid bite into the cotton candy and enjoy its sweetness. That day, I learned that other people’s happiness can come from other people’s happiness. I didn’t do anything though. I just stood there and watch the kid finish the candy and walk away.

The second time was in primary school. This time, I’ve already learned that I am into arts and design. I love drawing but few are those people who understand what I draw. They’re most of the time abstract – a form of art which needed time and patience and deep appreciation to art before even beginning to get a grasp of the art’s meaning. What I like most about it though is that you get to give it your own meaning, your own perception, and your own feeling. The spectator is in charge of giving story to the art. They can ask the artist. But really, how you perceive an abstract art mirrors your trail of thoughts and how your mind perceive things.

I was so into my drawing when someone approached and looks at my drawing. I don’t plan to give that person any mind but that person was able to catch my attention when that person defined my art the way I see it. I was shocked at first, it’s rare for anyone to understand my train of thought, much less my creative juices. I was shocked and I looked at the person’s face. The person is all smiles at me but never did once say anything else. After that, the person left. I was still stunned. Again, I didn’t do anything. I merely let the person walk away.

Today, I found a white envelope on my locker room. I picked and flipped it. It has my name written on it so I opened and read it. The letter goes:

Hello!

I don’t know how or where to begin but I think I will just write the things inside my head the way they come rushing in. Haha. I’m sort of weird that’s why I never got the courage to talk to you or even approach you, scared you would turn away because I freaked you out.

First, I want to tell you that I really like you. You don’t know me but I have known you for a long time. I can’t remember when it all started. All I know is that one day, I caught myself staring at you, wanting to know you, wanting to be loved by you.

Am I scaring you right now? Please don’t. I mean you no harm. I just wanted you to know that somewhere, someone likes you for who you are and really appreciates everything you do, everything that you are. That as you go your everyday routine, someone is happy to see you smile, laugh with your friends, and have fun.

What is it that I like most about you, you might be wondering. Hmm.. it’s not just your handsome face or y body. Yep. Please don’t be creeped out that someone you don’t even know existed has been checking you out. It must have been your beautiful appearance that drew me in but it’s your personality that made me stay. I like how you handle things coolly and not let other people’s opinion cloud your judgment or how you would react to things. You don’t let the majority press in on you that you’d later lose your voice on things. I like that you stick with what you believe in and live your life the way you see it should be.

I like how you treat your friends. With respect. You respect them so they respect you in return. I like your relationship with your friends. It’s as though you really are brothers separated in birth with how you understand each other and give way to each others’ whims. I like seeing you goofing around with them.

Another thing I like about you is how you’re not embarrassed to tell the world that you dearly love your mom. How many grown men out there would be too comfortable to talk about how their moms still treat them as a baby and that they enjoy the attention? I like how you appreciate her and treasure her. Now you might be wondering how I know these things. I’m going to tell you a secret now; we are classmates. Yup, since first year. I’ve seen you with your mom a couple of times during school activities where the administrators require the students to invite their parents. You always invite your mom, stick around her, put your arms around her and make her laugh. I love seeing that. It’s one of my precious memories of you.

And because we’re classmates, I also know that you are good in drawing, dancing, and rapping. I really like your deep voice. You deliver your lines unlike any other rappers I know and I know you will continue to do so if ever you decide to pursue a career in rapping. I like how you dance as well. Again, you move unlike any other. You have a different way of delivering those steps which sends me always enthralled with every movement of your body. Lastly, I like your drawing. I’m no big fan of abstract but somehow, I can always understand what you wanted to show, what messages you wanted to deliver, and how you want people to feel upon seeing your artwork.

Can I say now that I like everything about you?

The reason for me writing this letter is not to get you to like me. Rather, I want to say goodbye. I have been nurturing this special spot where I let you stay inside my heart. I nurtured it so much that one day I came to realize that my whole world has been spinning around you. Everything I do, I say, even think, is associated with you. What could you be eating this dinner time? Have you eaten at all? I wish you’re seeing this beautiful rainbow too, or that funny-looking man at the corner of the street.

I have lived these past four years of my life with the ghost of you following me around, never once living my side. My world depended on you, will he like it if I act like this? Will he like it if I say it like this? Will he like it if I wear this? Go to this place? Eat this food? Laugh out loud? Play silly under the rain?

I have come to a realization that before another person could appreciate my worth and love me for who I am, I should first love myself. Do the things I want to do not because I think you would like them, but because I really like them. Decide on things without consulting your ghost inside my head, and just live my life the way I wanted to.

I wanted to be like you. So full of life and doesn’t depend on anybody else. You hold your own happiness, and I would love to be like that too.

I realized that I fell for you because you are everything I wanted myself to be. So from today onwards, I decided to love myself first and forget about you. Build my own personality and not depend on you.

I am saying goodbye. This is the first communication I ever attempted on having with you and it’s silly funny that this is also the last. Who would’ve thought that this day would come? Certainly not my friends. They truly believe that I will never stop liking you and straining my eyes towards your direction every time you pass by. But I have decided, I will love myself above everybody else first. Who knows, you might notice me by then. When I am standing proud in front of everyone without that fear in my eyes about how people would react to my actions.

Ah, here I go again, living behind your ghost. I should stop that. I should start living on my own.

This is goodbye. I hope you well.

But before I finally let go, let me tell you this; I love you, Bang Minsoo!

Ahn Daniel

I finished reading the letter and have not an ounce of idea who might Ahn Daniel be. He said we’re classmates since first year yet I don’t recall hearing that name, not even once.

I heaved a sigh. What is this? After reading the letter, I suddenly felt something strange inside me. Checking myself, I realized I was feeling that same feeling I felt with that kid during the school festival eating cotton candy, and that kid who pop out of nowhere and proved that he could understand whatever it is I was drawing back then.

I put my hand on my chest where my heart is, it’s beating normally yet somewhere at the back of my brain, I know that letter affected me and made me feel this strange feeling right now.

Could it be…? I fell in love for the third time?

I shook my head to whisk the thoughts away. I remained seated and tried to recall the contents of the letter. Somehow, I wanted to meet the boy. I wanted to know who he is and why would he choose to like someone like me. But I know that’s all nonsense now. He decided to let me go already. He’s moving on. So why am I stuck here?

My head snapped sharply towards my left when I heard someone yell; “Ahn Daniel! Wait for me!”

That name.. Ahn Daniel.. I looked at the remarkably thin boy whose head snapped to the direction of the voice who called him and I saw him. I saw Ahn Daniel. The boy who confessed his love for me through a goodbye letter.

I don’t know what I was doing. I quickly sprang to my feet and half walked half run towards his direction. He saw me approached and his eyes bulged out of their sockets.

I didn’t waste a second. “Ahn Daniel?” I asked him. He nodded, his eyes still as large as they could get.

“I’m Bang Minsoo.” I said which I quickly thought as stupid. Of course he knows who I am! He nodded his head without taking his eyes away from my face. His friend is standing close to us but no one paid him mind.

“I was just thinking..” I started.

“If we could grab lunch together?”

There, I said it. I don’t know why I let my two first chances slip without asking for his name or knowing him. All I know is that this time, the third time, I’m not letting him walk away.

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A/N: Because I still wasn't able to update Killing Island, I think I should make it up to all of you somehow. So, here's another N.A.P oneshot for you. What do you think of this? Comments please! And if you like these oneshot stories, please subscribe and upvote this story. Thank you! *sends huuuuuge hugs towards your direction* ^0^