“Do you guys realized that we never talked about my relationship with Sungjong?” Myungsoo said in his seat next to his tall best friend, while Dongwoo was driving with Hoya was next to him as a tour guide. They were about halfway there to Sungjong’s house when Myungsoo suddenly asked the question out of nowhere.

Dongwoo switched off the radio immediately. “Why would you asked that?”

“I mean.. you guys seem okay with this. You guys act like this is a totally normal for a guy liking another guy. Don’t you guys freaked out or something?” Myungsoo was nervous as hell. But he was curious too. He knew what public reaction would hold for him, and he really wanted the people who close to him -especially his family, his friends, s- being honest to him. He knew he might lose some of them. That was a small price he needed to pay, and he was ready to risk and sacrifice what he had to.

Hoya was looking outside, as if he didn’t listen to Myungsoo. He sighed and answered, “Since we were a trainee, we always reminded each other to follow our heart- what makes us the happiest- and we also always reminded each other to support the others when he finally found his source of happiness. That is I believe makes us bonded like real brothers we are today. I think some of us might have forgotten the promise but it already engraved in our hearts that this feels like the right way to do. To be there for you and Sungjong. If you are looking for the answer, then yes, we won’t ditching you guys. No one. Not in my watch.”

Myungsoo was shocked when he listened to Hoya’s answered. He was so moved by it. “Thank—thank you—I--.” He never thought he got that kind of answer.

“Come here you big crybaby!” Sungyeol hugged the crying Myungsoo sideways with his right hand while his left hand ruffled Myungsoo’s hair. Myungsoo let himself a small laugh and Sungyeol just smiled at that while releasing his best friend from his hug. “Rest assured, buddy!” Sungyeol gave Myungsoo a thumb up.

“Actually, Myungsoo, I don’t know if this may help but we kinda know about you and Sungjongie,” Dongwoo said pointedly while having this huge smile on his face. “Well, maybe way before even you realized it. What surprised us isn’t you and Sungjongie in a relationship but the time you guys took to make it happened.”

“Oh, wow, I’m sorry to breaking this up to you but there’s still nothing between us yet. I was in my own confusion for too long I guess, and I already made up my mind, but Sungjong.. he.. doesn’t seem to fancy the idea of us being together.”

“But you love him, yes?” Sungyeol liked this Myungsoo. His normally Myungsoo wasn’t always speak up his heart. Kim Myungsoo preferred to keep everything just to himself. That action often took a tool on him. Lee Sungyeol tried so hard to make Myungsoo to open up to him, share whatever burden he might be facing at the moment but no, Myungsoo was a tough nut to crack.

“I’d die for him and many more-”

“Then just go for it!” Sungyeol encouraged.

“-but he wouldn’t let me die for him.”

“Wha-what?” Dongwoo was a little bit confused with that.

“Because Sungjong already died because of you.” Hoya said without any ill intention.

“Yes,” Myungsoo confessed, ashamed. “He believed in me and I betrayed it. I made him disappointed in me. I made him believe that he wasn’t that important to me, not as important as Infinite and our popularity, our success.” Myungsoo swallowed the lump in his throat and desperately tried not to cry again. All the painful memories back to him like a hard punch in the gut. He wanted to throw up.

“Sungjong.. he.. promised that if one day I came to realize I was wrong all this long, he would let me live with it all my life as a punishment.” Myungsoo felt angry at himself. “I’m so stupid.”

“Hey, come on now.” Hoya wished he was that the backseat together with his two brothers. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I made it stupidly clear to him that my ambition weighs more than my feelings for him. And he probably thinks that I can easily throw everything else away for the sake of my dream. That I can throw him away. I—I killed him, Hoya hyung. Oh my God, I did that.” Myungsoo’s heart was aching and the only thing that he could do at the moment was to grip the fabric over his chest, hoping that it would somehow lessen the pain and numb himself.

“Yesterday, I went to Sungjong’s,” Myungsoo continued. His hands balled tightly on his thighs. “He.. he doesn’t want me. No matter how much I pleaded, he doesn’t want me in his life. What do I do?” Myungsoo felt his eyes burn with unwanted tears. He felt so weak, vulnerable, full of holes.

“Try again! Try harder! Wait Myungsoo, you are not thinking you going to him now is wrong, right? Because you got me scared for a moment there, bro,” Dongwoo said without hesitation. Myungsoo did think maybe he was wrong for trying to explain the situation and win Sungjong’s heart for a split second. Not because he was already tired. It was because he was afraid of another rejection from the maknae. He didn’t need any reminder of his failure again and again.

“You seriously love him, yeah? So do it more seriously this time. Show him you are not playing and you seriously serious. Effort, man, effort!” Sungyeol gave a few squeezes on Myungsoo’s shoulder, lending him his strength.

Hoya smiled at that and added, “Don’t be the man you were before, Myungsoo. I hate stupid coward Myungsoo. I like this reckless, fearless Myungsoo I saw an hour ago. The moment when you said you don’t care about anything but only Sungjong, I thought you really grow up and grow out from your old self. Now, you open up to us- I can’t thank you enough for being honest. I’m so proud of you.”

Myungsoo never felt so much love before. He felt so warm and blessed, and he loved s to the moon and back. If they believed in him, then there was no way he could afford any doubt in himself. Hell, he was about to be a father. Someone would look up and be dependent on him. He needed to throw his childish bits away from him, and became reliable man, a reliable father.

Wait for me, Lee Sungjong.

Sungjong was leaning over the sink in the bathroom with his hands gripping the edge of the counter firmly as water continued to run down the faucet. His shoulders were rising and falling heavily and Sunkyu heard another heave from his brother. Sungjong jolted forward and hurled the contents of his stomach with the running water.

“You okay there, hyung? I thought you said the crackers and ginger tea are supposed to make your sickness at bay.”

Sungjong gurgled with water to keep the nasty taste from his mouth. After turning the faucet off, he nodded his head as he tried to take in deep, measured breaths.

“I am no expert but I think you should eat something, hyung. You haven’t had anything except the crackers and ginger tea. You can see yourself turn rather pale. Or should I bring you to your doctor?” Sunkyu was worried sick. Unfortunately, he had a stubborn brother.

“It is fine, Kyu. It’ll go in a minute.” Sungjong’s smile was weak and obviously Sunkyu won’t buy anything his hyung said, but he had to get the door. The bell had been ringing for a while.

I wonder who is coming.

Sungjong was washing up his face when he heard a few rushed steps towards the bathroom. With still wet face and hands, he saw a very worried Myungsoo standing in front of him.

“Sungjong, are you—” Myungsoo couldn’t even finished his sentence when he felt a sharp pain connected to his right jaw. He swore he saw black and stars. Myungsoo was stumbling to the back because of the impact, luckily Sungyeol was fast enough to catch the visual.

“Ouch!” Dongwoo and Hoya almost could feel the punch too.

“Why the hell are you here? Why you let him in?” Sungjong’s face was crunched in rage, hands still balled in fist.

“Technically, I was just opened the door. Myungsoo hyung was asking about you and rushed in.” Sunkyu shrugged innocently.

“It’s-it’s okay, Yeol. I’m okay. Thanks though,” Myungsoo said as Sungyeol helped him to stand straight. He was still a bit shock but nothing he cannot handle.

“I’m sorry. I was just worried about you,” Myungsoo said while rubbing his sore jaw