Have you ever thought of Suicide?

Suicide, The act or an instance of intentionally killing oneself.

Suicide is one of the topics that always lingers in my mind.

Hello, I'm Kim Minseok, people call me Xiumin. No matter what I do, suicide is always there in my head. I even dream about it sometimes.

I'll tell you about myself. I'm 18. Still in Highschool. I don't have many friend's in school. I don't have a mom. I have a brother named Seongmin, he doesn't live with us anymore. I have a dad, I wish i don't though. He's abusive. He hates my guts. I don't even know why he hasn't killed me yet. Maybe he doesn't want anyone suspecting anything.

My friend's at school are Lay, Kris, and my best friend is Luhan. They're all Chinese, they're good at speaking Korean though. Lay's such a good dancer, Kris looks really cold at first but is funny and kind when you get to know him, and Luhan. Luhan is nice all the time. Always smiles, never frowns, never gets mad, and etc.

I'll tell you a little darn secret. I have a crush on Luhan. No I take that back. I love Luhan. Ever since I met him I had this tingly feeling in my chest telling me that He's The One.

Anyways back to the story

Have you ever thought of Suicide?

I always do. 24 damn 7. I want to die. I know I want to die. I bet you're thinking, oh why not just kill yourself already?

Well trust me, I've tried. Yet there's always something that lingers in my head that always makes me stop before I really die. That something is Luhan. What would Luhan do if I died without saying good bye? What would Luhan think if I just kill myself without telling him I felt down? What would Luhan do if he never saw me again.?

So today is the day I'm going to ask Luhan has he ever thought of Suicide.

I wonder what he'll say. What will I do if he starts asking questions?

I should answer them... He's my bestfriend anyways.

Will he leave me? Will he think I'm a creep? Will he laugh in my face? Will he think I'm disgusting?

No no, Luhan is not like that. Luhan loves me. Kris loves me. Lay loves me.

I'm very thankful for them. I can't possibly just leave them behind.

I love you guys.