KAI

I can't believe I'm actually doing this. Leaving Korea. Leaving behind my home, my family, and most importantly, Jiyeon. Am I even sane right now? I found myself shaking my head: no I am not in the right state of mind. Maybe this was for the best. Nothing was going so well for me in Korea anyway. 

I looked back at the surroundings of Incheon International Airport before going in the boarding gate. In the center was the clock, reading October 13, 2014 - 03:43:37 P.M. I sighed with the ticket fiddling in between my fingers. Today was Jiyeon and Baekhyun's wedding. Jiyeon directly gave me an invitation and placed it on the palm of my hand the last time I saw her. I still remembered the last few words she said to me before I left. "Please come Kai. Even though you probably don't want to come, please be happy for me. And in return, I'll be happy for you." Even if she's saying things like this, I couldn't go to her wedding. I didn't want to see her dressed beautifully in her white wedding dress or her cuddling next to Baekhyun. I didn't want to see them exchange rings and have Baekhyun "kiss the bribe". If I did, I probably couldn't control myself very well. 

However, I regret not saying my farewells to Jiyeon and everyone else in person. Instead, I just gave them a little note. Now that I'm thinking back to these actions, I felt like a coward. I couldn't say these things out loud. Maybe it's just because I'm not that kind of person to say farewells. 

I took a deep breath. When I came back to Korea for my senior year, I only hoped that my life would be back to normal, but in reality, I became a different person. All these years and months, the only thing I've been doing was chasing after Jiyeon, who already found someone else to be with. I've wasted my life just trying to get back together with her and even though she continuously said that she couldn't accept my confession, I kept loving her. Now here I am again, going back to America without telling her. I guess some things never change. 

I sighed once more before turning around and officially giving my ticket to the ticket guy. My legs felt weak as I crossed the boarding gate and went to sit in the first class seat. I kept my backpack next to me, while taking out my black headphones and inserting the plug into my phone. I closed my eyes as I pulled up my headphones to my ears and played music in a medium sounding tone.

This was it. I couldn't turn back anymore. I was finally ready to move on. 

But somehow, thinking about moving on only made me more anxious. It only made me realized that what I'm thinking right now was fake. I wasn't ready to move on. I wasn't ready to let go of the past. I wasn't ready to start fresh when the thing that's holding me back were my memories. But what can I do now? I'm already sitting on this plane ready to take off to New York. Whatever. I couldn't do anything but it up. And somehow, I drifted off to sleep with one little tear streaming down my left cheek. 

*****

Aish. I ruffled my hair while waiting for my goddamn luggage to come. It's not that I missed it while luggages are going around in circles. My luggage is VERY noticeable as it shows very neon colors spotted everywhere. It's either now or never. I started putting more weight on my right leg, as I tiredly stand for what seems like twenty minutes. I perked up when I finally saw my colorful luggage. 

"Kkaja," I said to myself as I rolled my luggage away to the front of the airport. 

"Kai-ah!" A familiar voice called out.

"Ah Kyungsoo hyung!" I waved. "What are you doing here?" I asked as I stroll my luggage with me towards his direction. His name was Do Kyungsoo. Most people call him D.O just like people call me Kai when my real name was Kim Jongin. He's been a close friend of mine since the first year of middle school. We used to play together all the time in Korea until he moved to New York the summer after we graduated middle school. I would visit him often when my family and I had to go on business trips. Just like me, he liked to be in the entertainment field, but he liked to major in singing, while I'm going for dance. 

It's so good to see hyung again when I've been on the airplane by myself for 14 hours straight. I took a good look at him and smiled. Nothing has changed about him. He was still pretty short and cute with his black hair hanging over his forehead. He dressed entirely in black as he like to say it as "black fashion". Even though he was my hyung, he was still so fun to make fun of. 

"I'm here to pick you up duh." 

"Ahhh hyunggg."

"What did you do to your hair?" He pointed at my white bangs.

"Ahh," I flicked my bangs to the side with my index finger. "Just going with the trend. Trying something new."

Suddenly, he headlocked me rapidly into a position where I can no longer move. Yup he's definitely my hyung. Still so strong. I patted his arms as a sign telling him to release me before I can't breathe.

He gave me a cheeky smile and ruffled my hair. "Aigoo, why is my dongseng so handsome? He's even trying to change his hair style."

"Aish hyung! Stop flattering me." I put both of my hands under my chin, making a V, then smiled. "Am I really that handsome?" I tilted my head to th