Jongin left outside and let you have your time alone. You glanced at the crumpled letter that he had handed to you before. You were having a mind battle whether to read it or not. In one side, your curiosity was eating you up. On the other hand, you knew it was wrong to read it because it wasn’t Sehun that gave you the letter.

‘Just this time’ you said to yourself as your hand slowly opened it. Your hand was shaking as you prayed so hard.

You braced yourself to stare on the paper and started reading it.

Dear Soojin,

I don’t know if I really should write this or not. I hope you won’t get affected after reading this. I honestly have no idea how to start this letter, and I also never write any letter, but I think I have to tell you my feeling.

Remember when I accidentally confessed to you? Truth to be told, I meant it. You must be thinking I was joking, but I wasn’t. And that wasn’t an accident, I was actually really planning to confess to you, I even had arranged the words. It was just the words didn’t come out as what I had expected, and I actually forgot all the words. Because when I see you, I can never think straight. I’m also afraid that you would be angry when you knew my feeling for you.

Then, I saw you with Kai hyung. You might be able to fool the others, but not me. I know that you love him. Yeah, I said love. The feeling that you have for him isn’t just a crush or things like that, it’s far more serious than that. Your eyes tell it all. And then I saw Kai hyung is exactly having the same feeling towards you. He said that he loved Min Hee, but I know it was a bull. The feeling that he has for her was no more than lust. Even if he refused to believe that, he is already falling for you.

So, I think it’s better if I leave you two alone. I won’t fight for something that I know will never belong to me, and you’re not an exception. Moreover, I do not want to fight with my hyung, especially because I know I would be at fault if I do that. It’s true that love is selfish, but only if the love is mutual among two persons. My love for you is only one way, not mutual so I guess I’m not supposed to be selfish in this case. But both of you are the one who are supposed to be selfish. Do not think others’ feeling, don’t care of what others may thought, including me. Because I’m happy if I see you happy. Even if you’re happy with another man. And I’m actually happy that the other man is Kai hyung because I know he won’t hurt you. He might not be the best or perfect man in the world, but he is the best for you and I’m sure he will take a very good care on you. Maybe that’s also the reason why I can let you go easily. So, please Kim Soojin, be happy, because you deserve it.

Sincerely,

Oh Sehun.

Right after you finished reading the last words, your tears were rolling down out of your control. You had been trying to hold back your tears, but you couldn’t. After the letter reached its end, you were already sobbing so hard to the point that it suffocated you. You just couldn’t believe what you just read. Oh Sehun, someone that you first thought would be the least wise amongst EXO was actually the wisest. And Kai was right all along.

“You have to see her.” Kai almost gave up.

“But hyung, I’m not ready to face her. And it’s all your fault! Why the you gave him the letter? I had thrown it to the dustbin to forbid anyone from reading it and you happened to pick that up! And look what happens now!” Sehun was actually also sad to see your condition. After reading the letter, you were exactly like a zombie, you refused to eat and see anyone. You had become so thin but you didn’t care. You kept blaming yourself for not noticing what has been going on.

“I know it’s my fault, but you see, she doesn’t even want to see me! How the could I cheer her up?”

“She doesn’t want to see anyone, maybe that’s including me!”

“Maybe, but it’s not 100% right? Everyone had tried, only you that’s left.” Even Suho tried to persuade Sehun. Yeah, Kai just told EXO all the s that had been happening all along. Of course, everyone was at first angry, but their anger died down immediately after they understood.

“But-“

“Look maknae, I’m a ing happy virus, but I even couldn’t cheer her up! You know what? I feel sad too! Now, you get to get the inside or-“

“Or what?” Sehun bravely cut him off. His eyes were burning, his stare was sharp. Everyone in the room was very shocked, they have never seen Sehun in that state. No one even expected he could cut someone’s speech.

“I’m tired of all of you dominating me, okay? Just because I’m the youngest doesn’t mean I have to do everything you want me to do. It’s my ing life and I have all the right to do what I want!” He almost shouted if he didn’t remember he was at the hospital.

“You’re right Sehun, you’re right. But we are here not to ask you what to do. Do you think we don’t know that you actually want to see her? You just don’t have the courage. So now, stop being a ing kid and get in there! Face your worst nightmare! Well, to see her can’t be that bad!” Baekhyun stood up from his seat and held Sehun’s shoulder.

Sehun didn’t say a thing, his glance darted to his feet. Everyone was trying to figure out what he was thinking, but nobody could be sure. They could only guess. They now know that Sehun they knew wasn’t really Sehun, it was a cover Sehun.

“Okay, we won’t force you. Just want to remind you, that she is going to dead if you don’t get in there. She hasn’t eaten anything for 2 days straight and her condition is getting worse each day, each hour, even each second we are debating here.” D.O finally spoke.

“Alright. But you guys must promise me one thing.” Sehun finally spoke.

“What?”

“Wait for me here.” He said and got into the room.

Inside was a view that he didn’t want to see. Your fragile body was lying on the white bed, your hair was dull, your skin was all pale, your thick eye bags, thus hurt Sehun. You did sense a presence, it was just that you were already too weak to shoo away the person.

Without even opening your eyes, you spoke, “What do you want?”

“It’s me, Sehun.” He spoke and you were quite surprised. You thought he would not speak to you anymore. Your eyes snapped open and you tried to sit, but of course you couldn’t, you were way too weak for that.

“Look at you, that’s why I think you must eat. You cannot even sit properly.” He said as he helped you to sit.

“Se-Sehun? Wh-What are you doing here?” Your voice was barely a whisper. True, you had no energy left even to utter some words.

“Visiting you of course. But I don’t expect to see you in this state, I thought you would be healthier than this.” He flashed his small smile.

You lost words. He caressed your hair gently as he spoke, “You know, I think I’ve reminded you not to be affected by my writing. And I think I also mentioned that I’m okay, and I want you to be happy with Kai hyung..”

“Why?” The question that you wanted to ask so bad. The one word question that had been haunting your mind for 2 days 2 nights.

Sehun took a deep breath before spoke, “You’ve known why. And I have said the reason there.” He pointed a letter that you held. Yes, you had been holding that letter since you read it, wondering all the things, blaming yourself.

He took a seat at the bed side as he continued, “I’m okay, don’t think about me. It’s not me that you want. You know that.”

“But-“

“No buts. You know that I’m right, so why are you torturing yourself? Do you know that you just make me sad? I’d rather see you smile with another guy than I have to see you crying, especially me as the reason. I never want that. So, you see now? You see why I do not want you to know, why I threw that letter away. Because I somehow had predicted your reaction. And I don’t want it.”

“But why are you so kind to me? Why Sehun?” You demanded.

“Because I love you. That’s it. You’ve known all you want to know. So now, you have to eat as the exchange!” He smiled.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Yeah, you’re just famished.” He chuckled. You couldn’t help but to chuckle as well.

His eyes landed on the probably already cold porridge on the table next to your bed. He took the bowl and a spoon of the porridge.

“Say ah..” He hung it in front of you.

Slowly, a smile formed to your lips as you gladly opened your mouth.

Oh Sehun, he is really a man full of surprise!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

How was it?

Please do comment!^^ I really want to know your opinion!

At least do show me that there are people who are reading this :D

Thank you in advance!

~janeloveexo~