The deceased elder’s funeral took place within the next few days after his death. They all wore black, and as they lowered the coffin into the ground, So-hyun couldn’t help but release silent tears. Pained tears.

“I’ll live for you, Grandpa.” She whispered softly after the coffin was finally released onto the dirty patches of dirt.

~

The next few days, her family remained in a worsened state, as no one spoke. The younger siblings weren’t informed of his death yet, but yet they went to his funeral in complete oblivion, confused as to why everyone was wearing black and why there was a huge box in the ground. No one had the audacity nor cruelty to explain to them.

So-hyun slept in pain, her heart aching more and more while she continued to stare at the usual stars and moonlight. School was no longer her top priority, as she began to study less and less. Her friends had learned about Grandpa’s death and they all concurred together that it would be safe to just give So-hyun space. She was glad, that they knew her chinks but it would take more than her own solitary.

The texts she received were as cruel as ever, “Look who's Grandpa died. Poor ing you.”

She cried out loud that day, not even at nighttime. She regretted the choices she made. She regretted the cruelty she treated her Grandpa with, and she would do anything to see him again, alive and joyful. That couldn’t happen of course, so she took out her emotions in another way. A much more horrible way.

Her sweater sleeves covered her arms, protecting her from the cold as well as her past.

And that night, she still felt the physical inflicted cut.

~

“I’m sorry, So-hyun.” Doojoon apologized after she stumbled out the front door, automatically falling into his arms for a deep hug while she cried silently on her front porch.

“It’ll be alright.” He whispered softly, patting a hand upon her head as she cried into his shoulders. He didn’t mind. He didn’t mind at all.

She whispered back to him, “I miss him. I miss him so much, Doojoon.”

“I know…” He said, his head on her head as slight tears began to form on his eyes now. He wiped them off quickly as he wanted to regain a strong composure for So-hyun. He had to stay strong for her.

“It’s too cold..” She admitted, pulling up her sleeves even further, hiding her arms.

“Yeah, it is. Let’s go to school, unless you don’t want to go? It’s fine with me.” He wistfully said, his arms still around her waist.

“I’ll be fine.” She said mournfully, tears continuing to stream out of her eyes.

“Are you sure?” He asked again, persistent to know her true intentions.

“Yeah.”

“Alright.”

“Thanks Doojoon.” She depressedly murmured, her arms still wrapped around his waists, supporting her.

“Anything for you.”

The wind swayed the friends in a soothing pattern, as she held onto him for support.

~

She tiredly paced through the hallways, taking the same path she did everyday. But for some reason, today it felt different. It felt more...empty, as it was usually crowded. Perhaps it was just her perception due to her own conditions, but in her eyes, she could only see Ye-Jin and Dongwoon, who stared at her in such feelings she couldn’t even describe. The feelings of hatred, furiousity, and frost were all implanted into their eyes.

“Don’t mind me.” She said sadly, as she pushed through the pair who had crowded the hallways. Dongwoon, asked by Ye-Jin to pull her back, didn’t object and grabbed onto So-hyun’s arms pulling the girl back forcefully, in which she didn’t try to struggle out of the grip, surprising him deeply.

“We’re not done with you.” He said unfeelingly, turning the girl towards Ye-jin. She was alone today which was surprising. Usually Hyomin or one of her supporters were always by her side, ready to laugh at the girl in disgust but only her boyfriend remained with her today.

“Sorry for your grandpa’s death.” Ye-Jin said, smirking as if it was a playful joke. This ignited fuses within So-hyun for a reason.

Don’t ing talk about my grandpa.

“Why is it funny that you’re laughing?” She asked, as Ye-Jin’s expression turned into a face that was holding itself from bursting into laughters.

She shrugged absentmindedly, “Seems so ironic. You're just a damsel in distress, but no one's going to save your ugly self.” She said heartlessly, after she flicked So-hyun’s forehead.

The insults harmed the girl's confidence. Not that she had any.

She sighed on the inside, gripping the ends of her cardigan tightly.

“Please don’t say that.” She pleaded sincerely, not wanting to cause a scene. It didn’t matter though, since she could only see those two humans within her vision. The rest of the school environments were ignored,

“Why? It’s the truth.” Ye-Jin said coldheartedly, not caring about any of the word’s effects they had on So-hyun.

This time, she sighed out loud, before saying with a much more louder tone in her voice, “You don’t know that. You don’t know anything about me, and yet you continue to bully me relentlessly every single day.”

The two were shocked that she had countered but she continued her rant, “I don’t know what problem you have with me. But it’s not my fault, that Mr. Park likes me. It’s not my fault, I was born in America. It’s not my fault I want to earn good grades.”

Ye-Jin’s expression became shocked as had widened while Dongwoon’s expression remained guilted.

“You don’t know anything about me. So, just stop.” She finished, now grinning sadly at her own confidence. Normally, she would be surprised at her own level of bravery but today, it was nothing but someone else taking over her.

Dongwoon released her from his grip allowing the girl to continue her pace towards her classroom in which none of them objected to this time. The couple remained silent as they watched her sulk tiredly in the direction of the homeroom.

“What the hell was that, Ye-Jin?” Dongwoon spat, after no longer seeing the girl’s figure The tone of his voice had shocked Ye-Jin the most, even more than the words So-hyun retaliated with.

“What do you mean, what was that? She deserved it, for being such a . I don’t know what’s her problem either!” Ye-Jin countered, her clenched fists turning a reddish color. Her face was burning as well, as students continued to stare at the couple who had this angry aura coming from them. Seeing the classmates stare at her, she angrily roared at them,

“WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!”

They briskly continued their pace, no longer staring at the girl in confusion but in fear.

~

Doojoon stood at the lockers, where the argument had just occurred, being careful to not be seen by Dongwoon. The sudden pieces had puzzled together, as he realized who the male was. The male who continued to relentlessly bully So-hyun. It felt like betrayal to him. He never expected this from the maknae, but yet he had at the same time. There had to be some reason for this, as he knew Dongwoon was never this rational before towards others. He knew the maknae he was used to was more obedient and kind towards others. This was all just a blur to Doojoon, as anger surged through his body for an unknown reason. He would have a talk with Dongwoon later at the dorms.

~

She didn’t attend study hall for the past few days, and she wouldn’t today either. She had too much on her mind to the point where migraines pounded within her heads every hour. The girl refused to take medicine, and her reason was just as horrible.

I deserve all this ing pain, don't I?

Pushing open the front door, she was greeted with her own mother passed out on the couch, a bottle in her hands with a foul stench arriving from it. This hadn’t surprised her. Her mother had become too stressed out lately with work. So stressed that she took out her emotions within the alcoholic beverages they never spoke about nor ever touched.

So-hyun gazed at the unknown woman on the couch. Though she was only frail-looking, there was much more differences to the drunken woman on the couch who was once her caring role model. She was no longer the graceful, lively, and younger person she had made herself clearly before. Now, she was just a working mother who took the drinks as a way to escape her own troubles, just like any alcoholic.

~

Grandmother didn’t object to her daughter’s breakdown, but instead, she tended to herself within the master bedroom, knitting sweaters for her deceased husband who would never be able to wear them. She took them to his grave anyway, whenever she visited Grandpa’s grave everyday. She took a specific time period everyday where she just strolled there in her trench coat, carrying tons of sweaters she knew her spouse would’ve loved to wear. The patterns varied and so did the colors, depending on her mood, but she made sure they were knitted to perfection, knowing that her husband himself was a huge perfectionist.

~

So-hyun’s younger siblings questioned about where Grandpa’s beings were more these days, but So-hyun had the mercy to not tell them. It was horrible either way though, as she was just keeping a secret behind their backs. They also questioned about where Grandmother was since she had the bedrooms locked most of the times. She had no answer for them except that Grandma was sleeping. Their last question though, was the one that stumped So-hyun the most.

“Why is umma drinking beer?” Jun asked, Min by his side coloring in a coloring book neatly and precisely.

“Uh..” So-hyun hesitated, not wanting to let the real truth slip out of .

She struggled but realizing they were still waiting for an answer, she lied, “Mom likes to drink beer once in a while. It’s whenever she gets to celebrate. And she recently..got a promotion for the hospital.”

She said this lie with a smile, a smile that the children’s believed.

“Ooh, okay. I hope umma is happy!” Min said, continuing to color the tiger with the orange crayons that were sharply tipped.

“She is…” Their older sister said, staring at the drunken mother.  She was glad her mother never woke up whenever she was drunk, or if she did, she was already having a hangover. The children weren’t ready for her drunken behavior yet. They had never seen the dark side of mother yet, but then again,

So-hyun wasn’t either.

~~

Doojoon waited at the stool, waiting for the door to open while he kicked his foot lightly against the counter impatiently.

That bastard’s going to die. He thought angrily while punching his palm furiously. He knew Dongwoon would be better than this, he would be better than to go behind and disrespect others. It just wasn’t him.

What about the press? What if they see him like this? He’s putting us in jeopardy.

He cared about So-hyun of course, but they also had an image to keep up, and an image of Dongwoon bullying others wouldn’t be a good image. He had to have a talk with him.

~

“Did you finish your homework?” Suzy asked So-hyun through the phone, flipping through the pages of the Korean textbook.

She sulkily replied, “No.” So-hyun was propped up against the bed, her head against the walls in a pained expression.

“Oh..” Suzy replied, “Well are you gonna do it?” She asked soon after.

“No.”

“Oh..”

A stammering silence filled the distances of the two girls.

“So-hyun..” Suzy called out through the phone, hearing crackling from the other end of the line.

On the other end, she had slumped to the bed now, her head aching from migraines, “What?”

“What’s wrong with you?” She asked, “I mean, I know your grandpa..died..but there’s something else on your mind. I just know it.”

Her heart began picking up its pace as the conversation had started tensing up, “Uh, nothing.” So-hyun denied.

That wouldn’t cut it.

I know something’s up.

“No, there has to be something.” Suzy countered, the intensity in her voice rising up slowly.

So-hyun was beginning to feel annoyed and pressured by her best friend, “Nothing’s wrong.” She pretendedly said.

Suzy wasn’t choosing the right words, “Sure.”

“Yeah, nothing’s wrong. Can we just stop talking about it?” So-hyun asked, pleading on the inside that she would stop.

“Fine.” Suzy said with a hint of anger in her voice, “You know what? I have to go. Bye.”

And the call was ended.

So-hyun’s thoughts were unclear, as she was beginning to feel woozy, Sorry Suzy, I just can’t tell you. I’m not ready.

Soon, she fell asleep, with new regrets and new scars imprinted in her.

~

Fine. Suzy thought stubbornly, if she doesn’t want to tell me, then she doesn’t have to at all. I’m just trying to care for her, but she’s the one pushing everyone away.

She slammed her textbook shut and pushed it off the bed, causing a loud, echoing sound. Shutting off the lamplight, she went to sleep, angry.

~

“What the hell Dongwoon.” Doojoon angrily sputtered as soon as he entered through the front door, pushing the maknae immediately against the wall to the point where he was pinned literally against the wall.

“What!” He surprisedly said, struggling to push the leader back in retaliation. He failed, even though his height had crushed the leader’s height.

. Doojoon thought disgustedly.

Doojoon raised his fist, and slammed it against Dongwoon’s face, causing the maknae to wince in pain heavily as he flinched, not being able to avoid the hit.

He was shocked, “What the hell was that for?!” Dongwoon asked, his cheek burning in pain.

“For you and your y girlfriend.” He snapped, raising his fist again and this time slamming it against his stomach, causing Dongwoon to groan in pain. He knew what this was for, but he completely forgot about the consequences it would bring him.

“Stop.” Dongwoon pleaded, stings of pain stringing through his body while the leader continued to punch Dongwoon repeatedly.  Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

“Stop! Stop, god damn it, stop and let me explain.” The maknae yelled, his arms now released. He used this advantage to defend himself, holding up his hands in protection.

“Explain what? What an you are to her? What the is wrong with you, !” Doojoon madly yelled, fuming in anger. His face had turned a dark shade of red, as the blood rushed to his head. He wouldn’t calm down at this point, he was on a long bench of furiosity. Though he was that mad, he backed away, standing a feet away from the pained boy.

For you, So-hyun.

“Please...just let me talk, Doojoon.” Dongwoon begged, his jaw aching in horrible amounts of pain while his nose bled heavily. He fell against the wall, and was sitting up with his knees to his chest, heaving heavy yet deep amounts of breath.

“You know what a douche you are?”

“Yeah, I know.” Dongwoon said sadly.

“Then why’d you do it? You’re such an . No words can describe how much pain you done to the girl.”

Dongwoon felt a shot go through his heart. His leader’s cold words were truly cruel words but they were genuine and deserved.

He stammered nervously, “I-I..don’t know.” His body was in pain everywhere, especially at his head and his upper torso. Doojoon had a tendency to punch really hard, and had an issue to not control his anger really well.

“Her grandpa ing died.” He said, leaving the younger boy to feel deep amounts of guilt now, “ HE DIED. AND YOU BULLYING HER DID NOT HELP HER AT ALL.”

Whoa. You’re such an Dongwoon. His conscience said leaving the boy shocked, unable to communicate any words. Multiple shots of guilt had been shot through his body now.

Died. How...I treated her. I was..a..douche.

“That’s not even all of it. What if the reporters see you? What if netizens start up a rumor?  You put all of our career’s on the stake now. You .”

It was true. Dongwoon realized throughout the midways of his actings that it would soon get him back. He was careful to not let anyone see, but that soon spiraled out of his own control.

“You and your girlfriend. You both disgust me.” He spat menacingly before turning to walk towards the dorm bedrooms.

The leader and maknae were the only ones at home, so the other members of the idol group couldn’t question what happened. But whenever they would see the bloodied boy, only Kikwang and Yoseob would know the truth while the other two would just worriedly question about his condition, to which he would reply somberly,

“I deserved it.”

~