Life simply became nothing but a mere bland cycle for her. She no longer cared, well she did obviously if she still cried every night, but it become a usual schedule. The daily routine society set up for her was slowly initiating. She became self-conscious once again, she became shy, she became quiet. The joyful girl who was grumpy to begin with at ended with a mute girl, who cares about nothing any longer yet her emotions are feasible to show. Her friends, noticed the change of course, but some didn’t know what actions to take in precaution.

Kikwang had attempted talking to her, but she remained muted for the most part. She didn’t speak a simple word towards his questions, she didn’t look up to him, she lost all in respect for him. He was hurt, though he knew the situation she was in.

Yoseob always attempted to cheer her up, during the small teasings that had occurred during the beginning of the school year,

“Ah, ignore them! They always say that!” He would always say with a smile glued to his face. It made her feel nothing but worthless.

Doojoon knew something was up, but he wouldn’t pressure any longer, even if it was for the best. He gave up. She gave up. Their friendship was given up.

Suzy though, remained the most persistent within getting her feelings out. She sent So-hyun plenty of texts, messages, calls, in hopes that she would finally talk to her about it but she never replied. So-hyun never played the voicemails, she simply deleted them. She read the messages, but never replied to them. She would put her phone on mute so she wouldn’t receive the repetitive calls.

~~

It was horrible at school. Ye-Jin continued to harass the young girl, but she never argued back, knowing she would lose to the girl’s cruel words. Sometimes, whenever they got too hostile, she even agreed to Ye-jin causing nothing but pure satisfaction. People started taking attention to the argumentative scenes that happened around them, but they never interfered. They either laughed, or just stood there in plain silence, pain stricken into their eyes. No one did anything nor attempted to. Her friends now just ignored Ye-Jin and Dongwoon along with So-hyun, but they couldn’t always do that.

~~

The dorms remained awkward. Despite their comeback happening within a few weeks, the atmosphere of the dormitory was quiet and silent nowadays. Kikwang always gave Dongwoon the cold eye whenever they passed by, perhaps even a slight push whenever he was feeling that angry. Dongwoon, ignoring his immature actions, continued into his days, ignoring Kikwang. Doojoon was always looking stressed now, especially with a comeback coming up soon. It wasn’t good to have thoughts of a girl plastered into his minds, but he couldn’t help it. She was in fact, like his little sister.

Poor So-hyun.  He mercifully thought, his heart feeling guilty but yet furious. He had seen Ye-Jin within the hallways, but he never did nor say anything to her. It was So-hyun’s final wish.

Who’s the boy? He would always ponder the answer to that question every time he saw Ye-Jin. So-hyun never told him the male’s name who had crushed her heart, but he had a few suspicions here and there.

Yoseob remained cheerful, though after a few times of nothing but silence in return, he gave up as well, “Hi, oppa.” He would greet Doojoon whenever he came home instead of a huge bear hug. It was saddening.

~~

The mysterious teasing textings continued. Despite how many times So-hyun tried to block the unknown number, it never worked and the rascal threats were made to her phone somehow. It was a miracle already if all So-hyun got was an insult for a day, but some days, the cold messages varied from death threats to hate messages. No matter how much she tried justifying that they were just bullies from her school, she still cried at night time, even worse than the days before. She cried silently, whenever everyone was asleep, whenever everyone was away from her. It was just the perfect timing and the perfect isolation.

~~

The walk to school was silent. Only the noise of shoes pressing against the sidewalks could be heard. They no longer played the car game. They just strolled in silence.

~~

Her locker soon became her rummage area, as she piled loads of trash, hate notes, sticky notes that were glued onto her locker into them. With a mustering amount of strength, she pulled off the blue sticky note which stated, “Never try.” before others could see the own note. The handwriting was sloppily wrote, probably from a male.

Opening the locker was a tremendously hard task already, as whenever she opened it, the notes would fall out, gaining her more attention she never wanted. Of course, unlocking the locker combination, the notes slowly fell down onto the floors like feathers, drifting to the bottom locker below hers.

, , . She thought to herself, panicking to gather all the notes in a hurriedly manner. They were various colors, filled with various messages, none being positive though. She would burn them, she decided. Burn the hate messages. Eventually. Stuffing the trash into the locker, she slammed the door with a force that attracted loud noises from around her,

This day wouldn’t get any better.

“Calm down there, So-hyun. Sorry your locker doesn’t like you. Wait, no one does!” Ye-Jin snarled from across the hallway, causing huge havocs of laughter to break out from her friends near her.

her.

Heading towards the direction that Ye-Jin’s clique remained in, she pushed through the ringleader, causing the girl to stumble back in shock. Gasps were heard.

“Uh, excuse you. What the did you do that for?” Ye-Jin asked, causing the girl in front of her to stop mid-way, her heart beating pacingly.

Glaring her eyes, So-Hyun turned around and countered the girl’s words, “For being a .” And with that, she turned back around and continued her walk towards homeroom, her heart still beating rapidly.

~~

The classroom’s attention was always on her now. Whether it was a compliment from Mr. Park on her working techniques, an insult from Ye-jin, a soft chuckle from Dongwoon, everyone always turned to her for the cause. Being used to the bland lifestyle, she was also used to the starings. The limelight was always on her view, and she couldn’t do anything about it.

~~

The text sent to her phone, triggered her feelings. It wasn’t a note from her usual bullies, no, it was a text from her mother. The text that held her world had been sent,

From: Umma

Grandpa’s health got worse. As soon as you get out of school, come to the hospital.

It’s time? So-hyun sadly asked herself, staring at the text message for several minutes in the classroom.

Being pushed to the side, So-hyun fell onto a chair, still staring at the test in the midst of the pushing. Dongwoon, scoffing at her weakness continued walking through the rows of desk, making his way to the doorway.

Worse. It’s worse.

Sliding down the cardigans sleeves, So-hyun began her journey to the hospital. The journey that involved life or death for one of her relatives. The cold winds calmed down, showing a feel of mercy for the seventeen-year-old as she braced through the freezing weathers instead. The hospital wasn’t too far, being only a few minutes away from the school since they were both located within the busy areas of the district. The white, grayish building stood with tall poles surrounding it, a flag settled within the air, not flowing like it usually did. Ambulances were parked in the front, surrounded by bunches of cars of all sorts, full of people who were hoping to get treated by the best doctors and nurses.

She walked through the automatic doors, and found her family waiting within the back row, all looking solemn. Her younger siblings weren’t there, but they were at school, where they were completely oblivious to this whole event.

No, event wasn’t a very good word to describe this, perhaps, incident. Grandmother sat there, a blank expression on her face while the mother was prickling her fingers against the fabric of the chairs, nervously biting down her lower lip. Waving towards her daughter, she lured the girl to the family, which only consisted of the two older women.

“How is he?” So-hyun asked sadly, not wanting to know the real truth.

They could only manage to stare at her before slowly responding, “We don’t know. He woke up a few times before, and then his health remained horrible. But now it’s getting worse.”

Her mother continued after the statement, “Your father can’t make it down here. He tried his hardest but somehow his bosses won’t let him. They’re in a busy state right now, but I would still think they would let him come down. Right now, Grandpa’s going through surgery, hopefully to last him a few more months, but we’ll see.”

So-hyun’s heart dropped again after hearing her dad’s name, followed by how he wasn’t able to come down to Korea. She hadn’t seen him in months, and she missed his fatherly presence. Her mother was enough, but her dad would’ve been a great addition.

Speaking the slow words, So-hyun could recognize the heavy bags underneath her mother’s eyes, representing the stress and fatigue she had. So-hyun felt bad for her mother. The caring figure had sacrificed her all to take her here, but she hadn’t known about the bullying So-hyun was forced to go through.

For her grandpa’s health, all they could do for the remaining hours was hope.

~

Hours went by, minutes went by, seconds went by. It was like the first time they had been to the hospital when Grandpa was admitted to the ward. The patience was soon killing them, the family members becoming restless. Soon after nine o'clock had passed by, the doctor finally came out, sweat glistening from his forehead. It was in fact, the same doctor Grandmother had questioned. He looked more stressed out, but his usual glasses was pushed against his face in a unusual manner.

So-hyun’s mother stood up first, rushing over to the doctor after the two made awkward eye contacts, “How is he? How’s dad?” She sputtered worriedly, her hands gripping the doctor’s wrists.

“You might want to sit down, m’am.” He advised, pulling the woman down onto the chair besides his.

After the umma had calmed down, he started the results, “Your dad, had gone through major throughout the past few years. Some of them weren’t as severe, so they had no effect on him but the one last time seemed to have.”

The doctor’s word became more nervous as the tension in the waiting room increased.

He continued, “His health was quickly deteriorating and he had to soon be admitted to the emergency ward as you probably already know. Now, he just woke up, but his health over the past few days had even gotten worse.”

Gotten worse.

“I’m afraid to say, that you now have a choice. To take him off of life support, or keep him on there.”

The words stopped the three women’s hearts. He still hadn’t finished, “If you want to take him off life support, you have a few minutes to have a few last words with him.”

These sudden words, were the most cruelest words she could hear in such a little amount of time.

What kind of life was set up for her?

~

So-hyun entered the room alone. Her grandma and mom had already visited him making her the last one.

The elderly man lied in the bed, plugs and contraptions all plugged into him, a machine stating his heart’s pace on the side of his bed stand. The grandpa was propped up against a pillow, his skin complexion extremely pale at the moment.

“Grandpa..” She whispered, after taking a seat next to him, her arms on his arms. His head remained static but he started to mutter words where she could only hear briefly, “Hello, Sohyun-ah.”

The words were warm, despite his croaking and hoarse voice. She couldn’t help but let out a small grin.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, fixing his blanket for him. Flowers were on the edge of the stands, roses and daisies all mixed together to create a more merry feeling for him. Turning his head slightly, he answered her,

“Ah, feeling the same as ever.” He said sadly, his own mouth turning into a depressed grin now. It was heart-breaking, to see her grandpa in this condition since she hadn’t seen him in so long. His breaths lined up with the intervals of the ticking clock.

“Yeah? Are you tired?” She asked stupidly, soon after realizing that he was in the hospital for a reason.

He didn’t care though, he was glad to have the ability to communicate still, especially to his loved ones, “Of course. I always been tired these days, I feel like I’m going to take a long nap after you leave.”

Tears were forming slowly on her eyes.

Her eyes watered, little droplets flowing out, “O-oh..” She stuttered, wiping the tears with her cardigan sleeves.

He noticed the tears, despite his eyes not even wide-open enough to see, “Why are you crying?” He asked. Grandpa must’ve heard her using his keen sense of hearing.

Not receiving an answer, the elder continued, “Remember, what I told you? Be glad, not sad. Be glad for all the memories. Be glad for what happened.”

Those were where the words came from. That’s where she got the quote from. The pieces clinked together though it still didn’t make sense to her.

“Right..” She agreed, nodding her head in agreement at her grandpa. A silence was pursued after. Both of the humans just continuing to stare at each other while tears began to form on his face now. She wiped them off quickly, making sure they wouldn’t drop.

“Don’t be sad, be glad..” She repeated after him, causing him to laugh joyfully, a laugh she hadn’t heard in years.

“Right.” He agreed with, nodding his head slightly as he couldn’t move it that much.

The silence continued, until he started another conversation, startling her, “I have a few wishes to ask of you before I die.”

The word die somehow had caused her to flinch and cringe. He knew it was coming itself, and that was one of the most saddest aspect about it.

“Yeah, Grandpa? I’ll do anything for you.” She stated, assuring him that his wishes were in her commands.

“Tell everyone, that I loved them. I’ll miss you all dearly.” He sadly said, his eyes closing once again. He knew he was going to die. He spoke it in such a tone, that it made it obvious he would lose the game to Death tonight. But, Grandpa wasn’t sad. He wasn’t mad. He was glad, he knew it was coming, and he had discussed it in terms with Death himself multiple times. The two were old friends.

“Of course, Grandpa. Anything else?”

“Yeah, I have a wish for you So-hyun.” He said, causing the girl to stare at him in shock. She had a wish to fulfill. tightened after he finished his sentence, in which he managed to say with much difficulties.

“Yeah?”

“Be happy. Stay strong, you never know what you’ll have coming. Remember the times I was always mean to you?”

She nodded.

“They were to prepare you for life, because not everything is a joyous adventure. Life is a rollercoaster, and you’ll never know where you’ll go or what you’ll do. Don’t make bad decisions, I taught you better. I know, you’ll make it. Make it further than me, win the game. Live happily for me, please.”

His pleading wish, was the most difficult task of her life, especially in this situation right now.

She didn’t object though. She would give it her best effort even if it was the most impossible task in the world, “Of course.”

~

“The young girl held the balloon, holding it with all her mightiest!” Grandpa read joyfully, the colorful pictures of the book perfectly imaged. So-hyun sat her in Grandpa’s at the time, strong lap as he read her a children’s story, as a reward for her getting good grades on her test. It was her favorite book at the time.

“Omo, the balloon is so big!” So-hyun excitedly said, pointing at the sphere figure with her tiny fingers.

“Yeah! It is, isn’t it?”

He continued reading out of the book, turning to the next page,“She then let it go, remembering the words her family told her. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s truly yours.”

The girl was confused, as the next few pages consisted nothing but pictures of the balloons making it’s venture towards the outer worlds. The girl in the book didn’t struggle to jump up to catch it. In fact, she smiled at it.

How weird.

Despite the book having a confusing ending, she always loved the imagery the author had illustrated, and the story was just so happy. She loved it so dearly and kept it under her pillow just in case anyone ever wanted to read her a story.

“Why did she let it go?” So-hyun confusedly asked her grandpa, his warm eyes averting towards hers.

“Sohyun-ah, if you love something. Be grateful for it, be grateful for what you have. But sometimes, you have to let go of what or who you love the most. It’s the best for them.” He explained slowly, choosing his words carefully so the girl wouldn’t become more confused.

“Oh?” She said, scratching her head.

“Yeah.” He gently said, closing the book and leaving it in her grips.

~

The final wish he had, was the one that she had first refused to do in her thoughts, but eventually gave in to, realizing how much he really wanted it. He was in pain, agonizing pain that couldn’t be cured except for one treatment.

“Take me off of life support.”

She remembered the balloons and didn’t object.

“I love you, Grandpa.”

“I love you too.”

The tears made the floor this time.

~

And that night, Death had taken another victim, but it wasn’t forced as other victims would fight back. Grandpa was welcomed into the afterlife, as Death greeted him with a wave.

“You think she’ll be fine?” Death asked.

“Yeah, she will. I know she will.” Grandpa said assuredly, and the two figurines flew off, leaving the conscious world to its own self.

~

“I’m afraid, he passed away.” The doctor said sadly, causing the family to break into tears, sobs, and cries for the endless tiring nights.

~

And that night, she committed an act she would regret for the months and years that came by. It was her only way out of her pain, even if it wasn’t justifyingly right.