Chapter 10

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Silence filled the air as they headed home. Hae was driving this time. He had slammed a few bills on the table before he got up and walked out of the restaurant, Hyukjae’s phone still in his hand until this moment. A bit shaken by the slamming, Hyukjae too went out and got into the passenger’s seat, as Donghae had already sat at the driver’s, and just right after he shut his door, screeching of tires were heard as Donghae drove out of the parking space.

Hyukjae was feeling panic after every second; Donghae was driving quite fast and turning sharply at every corner. Hyukjae had a grip on the armrest, a really tight one, and he looked at Donghae, who was barely blinking though the wind was blowing right into his face, “Slow down, Hae.”

Donghae ignored what the other said, though he heard it. No, he couldn’t slow down. His Hyukkie didn’t know how much he wanted to yell and scream into his face. Donghae didn’t want to do that, he was trying to avoid hurting his boyfriend. But it was so hard.

“Hae, I said slow down,” again Hyukjae was ignored. His head kept turning, a second his eyes were on the road, another he was looking at Donghae. Their first encounter flashed in his mind. Donghae had looked dead at that time for a moment, and Hyukjae never wanted to have a look at that again. It was time to stop this, before it worsens, “Donghae, you either slow down the car or stop it right now. If you don’t, I’ll jump right out of it.”

Donghae stomped on the brake and parked the car at the side of the road. Hyukjae placed a hand on his chest as he let out a relief breath. A phone landed on his lap after a moment and Hyukjae grabbed it. When he turned the screen on, a picture was shown. It was a picture of him and Kyuhyun; they each had a hand wrapped behind each other’s back and their heads were leaning against each other’s. This was the last picture he had taken before Kyuhyun left and never returned to him. He couldn’t stop the bittersweet smile from appearing on his face, but he quickly hid it, hoping Donghae didn’t notice the smile.

But, it was too late though, and the other had seen those thin lips forming a smile and Donghae’s heart was clenching tightly, “Who is he?”

“My br… no one. He is no one.”

“Please don’t lie. I’m not stupid. He couldn’t be no one.”

“He is just one of my friends…”

“You have no friends! They left you when they learned you are gay, which was more than 5 years ago, and since then you never hang out with anyone. Just this afternoon I saw a framed photo of him in our house, and at that time, I already had a bad feeling about him. So, please Eunhyuk. Tell me who that person was,” Donghae was fuming on the inside, and maybe Hyukjae could sense that, even though the other was trying to control it.

“I can’t tell you, Donghae. I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to hurt you,” if only Donghae understood the real meaning behind those words. The truth would hurt him. But, he didn’t get it.

“Why would it hurt me? Is he your other lover? Do you love him?”

Hyukjae gripped his phone as hard as he could and he shut his eyes as he leaned against the leather seat. At this moment, he regretted agreeing to this plan. He felt so burdened right now. He had to keep lying, he had to, but he couldn’t afford to. What should he do? He knew this day would come, but he had never thought it would be this hard to let go. To let go of the puppy he promised he would bring home, and the puppy was not even home yet. He thought, he could simply put the puppy on the ground and leave right after. Right now, it seemed like the puppy couldn’t stay on the ground and Hyukjae didn’t want to leave. If only there were other choices.

“Answer me, Eunhyuk.”

Hyukjae opened his eyes and looked at Donghae right into his, “He is not my lover, Hae. But, I do love him. He is my brother.”

“Brother? I never knew you had a brother. Damn it, Eunhyuk! I said tell me the truth!”

“This is the truth, Donghae. Kyuhyun is my brother. It makes sense if you don’t know Eunhyuk had a brother, because he really doesn’t. I have a brother, but not Eunhyuk.”

Donghae ran his fingers through his hair. What is his Hyukkie talking? What nonsense is this? “You have a brother but not Eunhyuk? You are Eunhyuk.”

“That is where you are wrong, Donghae. I’m not Eunhyuk. I know this is hard to take in, but, you want the truth and this is it.”

Donghae had a look Hyukjae could not decipher. He seemed like he couldn’t believe it and at the same time he looked devastated and hurt. If only he knew Hyukjae felt almost the same but tried to keep a neutral face. “N-no. You are Eunhyuk. You are. You’re the one I love, you’re him. Don’t play a joke on me, Hyukkie,” Donghae started smiling and chuckles left his mouth while tears leaked from his eyes.

Hyukjae immediately wrapped his arms around Donghae before his own tears dropped on the other’s clothes, “I’m sorry, Donghae. But this is not a joke. You must accept this; you must accept and start to live in reality. What I am telling you next will hurt you more, but this is for your best. Do you hear me, Donghae?” Hyukjae’s voice was shaking while he talked.

Donghae was hiding his face against Hyukjae’s neck and he nodded his head, letting Hyukjae knew he was listening though he didn’t want to.

Hyukjae braced himself for the worst as his arms tightened around Donghae and he took a deep breath, “Donghae, Eunhyuk is no longer with you. He has not been with you for 3 years now, based on what I’ve been told. All this time, when you thought he was there, he wasn’t. All this time, you’ve been leaving in your memories with him, not in reality. Nearly 2 months ago, we crashed into each other’s car and since then, I’ve been playing Eunhyuk’s role because you thought I was him. I have the same look, the same voice as Eunhyuk, but I’m not him, Donghae. The doctor said you are having a mental disorder and I wanted to help you recover from it. I don’t think I’ve been much of a help though,” the last line was a mixed of tears, smile and chuckles.

“But you’re my Hyukkie,” Donghae was holding the other really tight as he wept. No, this wasn’t the truth. This was his Hyukkie; the one he was holding was his Hyukkie.

“I’m not your Hyukkie, Donghae. My name is Lee Hyukjae. Your Eunhyuk died, 3 years ago.”

Silence accompanied them. They stayed in each other’s arms. A few cars that were passing by might not even notice they were people in the car. Both of them were crying in silence, sobs were heard occasionally and their shoulders trembled. Their lips were quivering too. But there were barely any sounds.

The moment tears stopped forming, was when Donghae finally caught up with reality. This person he was holding, who was holding him in return, was not his Hyukkie. This person, who he had shared kisses with, hugged with, and shared a bed with, was not his Hyukkie.

Hyukjae was beyond shocked when he was suddenly pushed away from Donghae.

“Get out.”

“Donghae…”

“I said get out.”

“But…”

“Get the out of my car and never show your face again!”

And Hyukjae went out of the car, with tears still wetting his face, and he watched as Donghae wiped his own tears and drove away, leaving him there, “Just because I’m not your Hyukkie, doesn’t mean I don’t want to be yours, Hae.” With a broken heart, Hyukjae walked, back to his real home.

Donghae arrived home and he stumbled into the house after he unlocked the door. He was having a blaring headache and a hurting heart. He was going up the stairs when he started feeling so weak. He sat on one of the steps, and leaned his head against the wall. The headache made him closed his eyes, and when he did, flashed of his memories was what he saw.

First he saw Eunhyuk, and they were having so much fun playing around their house. Then he saw himself being hugged by Eunhyuk. He saw his Hyukkie, his real Hyukkie, sitting next to him on the flight as they headed to South Korea after so long, because Hyukjae had missed his family. After that, came the memory he wanted to erase the most. He could hear himself shouting, screaming for Eunhyuk to not leave him.

Donghae stared at his own hands with his eyes widened; it was as if he could see the blood on them. But because of the splitting headache, he fell unconscious there, right on the stairs as he leaned against the wall.

Hyukjae arrived at his apartment, and fortunately, he had left a spare key near the window of his house. He unlocked the door and went in. The tears on his face had dried up on his walk home and he went straight to his room. He took the red scarf off and let it dropped on the floor before he fell on his bed. Almost 3 months he had not been in his house, and surprisingly, he did not miss it.

What he missed was when he lied on the bed, on his own bed, was Donghae. It felt so empty without Donghae by his side, and he felt lonely for the first time in a while. Hyukjae tried to ignore the feeling and closed his eyes, hoping the pain would lessen in the morning.

But, he was wrong though. “Donghae?” was the first he said when he woke up and his heart was still hurting, and the pain was a lot worse when he couldn’t find Donghae anywhere.  He rubbed his temples as the memory of last night came back to him.

He took his phone, wondering what time it was when he noticed he had a few missed calls and a text from Heechul. “Great. Maybe he already knows about it and wants to kill me now.” He opened the text and the content wasn’t what he expected it to be. There weren’t any death threats or cussing.

            Call me as soon as you saw this. I have something to tell you about your brother.

I know this is a lot shorter then the other chapters but I have to stop here because my mom is yelling at me to go and get ready for school. SCHOOL ON SATURDAY ! just had to say that. I promise a quicker update next time and maybe you'll finally know what had happened in South Korea. Maybe.