(Italics = flashback)

Chapter 9

“You’re wrong, Heechul. That’s impossible. Why would Kyuhyun be following Donghae to South Korea?”

“Then tell me the real reason he went there.”

“He went there because he was following someone else, someone he loved.”

“Do you know who that ‘someone’ was, Hyukjae?”

“Of course I…” Hyukjae stopped and gave it a thought. He actually couldn’t remember knowing the man his brother loved; Kyuhyun had never mentioned the name to him. Yes, his brother did tell him about the man, how he looks, why he liked him. But Hyukjae could not recall any name.

“You don’t.” It wasn’t a question; it was the truth. Heechul rubbed his face with his hand. He didn’t want to believe this either but it was so connected. The link was so accurate and there was no other route that could lead to another conclusion. This was the only truth.

Hyukjae’s lips were tightly clamped and his eyes were shut along with it. What is this? What is happening? How is Kyuhyun linked to Eunhyuk and Donghae? He was sure he was going to get a migraine from all these. At that moment, when he lifted his eyelids, he realized something.

His question.

The question Heechul ignored.

The question Heechul said would be answered if he answers his.

Hyukjae looked at the guy in front of him, who looked just as miserable as he imagined himself to look. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words just wouldn’t come out. He closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath before he finally asked, “What do you mean, Heechul? You said you were wrong about Eunhyuk’s death had nothing to do with helping Donghae. What changed and made you wrong?”

Hyukjae was asking, but that didn’t mean he wanted to hear the answer. In his mind, he already found the answer. Hearing it being said verified it and Hyukjae didn’t want that. He didn’t want what he was thinking to be the painful truth.

Heechul seemed to be in the same dilemma. He was pretty sure Hyukjae had known the answer, and before this conversation started, he was hoping he would. He didn’t want to say it to the other’s face; that would be mean. But, Hyukjae was asking, and he had to answer though he didn’t want to.

“What changed was now I know who your brother is. What made me wrong was what your brother had done.”

“What had he done, Heechul?” the tears were already burning Hyukjae’s eyes, but he held it in. Oh, this hurts. It hurts for so many reasons.

“Hyukjae… Kyuhyun was there. He was there when Eunhyuk died. He stared at him, dying on the ground with Donghae half-cradling the almost lifeless body. Then he ran. That was why he was lost. It wasn’t because of bad things have happened to him; it was because he himself had done something bad.”

Hyukjae didn’t get to react; he didn’t know how to react. Then, shouts were heard coming from inside the house, calling him. He walked to the door, while Heechul went to his car and left after sparing another glance at him. When Hyukjae got inside, he saw Donghae; his face wet with tears, his hair was in a mess.

If Hyukjae could, he would have run to the other.

If Hyukjae could, he would have wiped those tears as quick as he saw them.

If Hyukjae could, he would be the first to wrap his arms around the other.

But, Hyukjae was paralyzed for a moment.

When Donghae ran up and encircled him with his arms, Hyukjae felt pain. Not because how tight the hug was, but because the arms were Donghae’s and it felt as if they were squeezing his heart. Why did it felt that way? Hyukjae himself didn’t know the answer. But then, as he returned the hug, Hyukjae started thinking. Maybe he did know the reasons; maybe he was just denying them. Inside himself, Hyukjae was having a battle of his own; to stay ignorant of his own feelings or to accept something he had been denying?

The arms around Donghae tightened, a single tear dropped, and the winner was chosen; Lee Hyukjae accepted that he was in love with a man named Lee Donghae.

For now, he would bear that in mind. He loved this man holding him close, and he cared for this man in his arms. For now, he would take care of this man… at least until he found his brother; at least, until he could personally asked Kyuhyun who he had loved.

A few chuckles left his mouth then, bittersweet chuckles accompanied by tears. How ironic could all these get? First, the meeting of him and Donghae, second was the fact he was falling for the man, third was his own brother loving the same man, and the last was this man didn’t even loved either of them; this man was loving someone his brother had maybe murdered. Maybe.

“Hyukkie?” Donghae called.

Hyukjae took a step back, still keeping his hands on Donghae, and offered a smile to the other, “Hm?”

“Everything is fine, right? No one is hurting you, right?”

“No, Donghae. Do I look like I’m hurt?”

“You have tears in your eyes,” Donghae said as he caressed Hyukjae’s face with a hand.

“I know. You have them too. Now, why were you looking for me?”

Donghae shook his head, “Nothing.”

“Are you sure? Maybe you missed me?”

“Yeah, maybe I did,” Donghae grinned and poked Hyukjae’s cheek.

“Well, I missed you too. Shall we get back to work since you’ve found me?”

Not wanting to separate from his Hyukkie this time, Donghae and Hyukjae worked on the living room together. They got the whole down floor done quite quickly and Hyukjae went up to their room first, bringing a broom and a dustpan with him. Seeing his bag and a frame with glasses scattered around it lying on the floor, his stomach churned. He quickly zipped the bag and put it back at its previous spot and he picked the broken frame up and took the photo out.

So, this was why Donghae was looking for him; he saw Kyuhyun’s photo. Hyukjae sighed. This meant Donghae did know his brother. Judging by the cracked glass, he did not know him in a good way. Oh, no. No, this didn’t confirm anything. Just because the framed broke while Donghae was holding it didn’t mean he hated or was afraid of his brother.

For a moment, Hyukjae stared at the smiling face of his brother. How could it be possible? How could someone accused his brother of killing someone? He had such nice and soft features, a smile so bright; there was no way this innocent face could have been the face of a murderer. No, Hyukjae couldn’t believe that.

Hearing footsteps, Hyukjae tucked the photo into his pants and begun sweeping all the glasses. He warned Donghae not to come in yet, afraid there might still be pieces of the glass.

 “Where is the photo?” Donghae asked after he came in. He saw the frame on the bedside table but the picture was not anywhere near it.

“What photo? There was just the frame on the floor,” Hyukjae inquired, playing dumb with a perplex look on his face.

Donghae was torn between asking or leave it. It was absurd if something gone missing when you were sure where was the last time you saw it and he wanted to know how. But, at the same time, he wasn’t certain who was in the photo, only that he brought bad vision to him and he didn’t want to ever look at him again, in real life or in an unmoving picture. “Nothing. Just a plain paper just now, maybe it flew away.”

Hyukjae nodded, feeling slightly at ease, “Let’s finish up then.”

They cleaned the bedroom; rearranging several furniture, mopping the floor, dusting the room and lastly, they changed the bed cover. Exhausted, both of them dropped face first on the bed, one from each side. And they fell asleep like that.

2 hours later, at nearly 5pm, Hyukjae was waking up. Still lying on his stomach with his head turned, the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was the closeness of him and Donghae, who was in the exact position as him only his face was facing Hyukjae’s. Tempted, Hyukjae gently gave a peck on the tender lips and a smile begun forming from those lips as Donghae lifted his eyelids and stared into Hyukjae’s eyes.

“I love you,” surprisingly, the words were said together by them and the lips were peck again.

“I’m hungry,” Hyukjae suddenly said, and they both laughed.

“There is no food. We’ve thrown away almost everything since they are close to expiring. We can’t cook.”

“Then let’s go out and have dinner outside. I’ll pay,” Hyukjae retorted.

“Agree. What other choices do we have, right?” Donghae got off the bed and held a hand out to help Hyukjae, “Want to take a shower together?”

Hyukjae grabbed the hand and pulled himself off the bed, “I think no, Hae. We won’t be out of the bathroom even after an hour.”

“Fine!” Donghae huffed out and let go of Hyukjae’s hand. The other just smiled when Donghae went into the bathroom and closed the door, only to open it again seconds later with puppy eyes, “Please?” Hyukjae shook his head and the door was harshly closed.

Half an hour later, they were both in front of the mirror, tidying their hair and spraying cologne. They helped each other to put on their blue and red scarfs. Those were necessary now whenever they went out.

They locked the door and got into Donghae’s Bentley, Hyukjae was driving. As usual, Donghae asked him to park the car a bit further from the restaurant, like he always did. Hyukjae followed, though he didn’t know why Donghae liked that. He didn’t know that Donghae loved walking with his boyfriend because Eunhyuk once told him, “The walk we share is the most important part of love, since without the walk, we would never found each other.”

Holding hands, they went into the restaurant and sat at a table for two. They ordered and soon the foods were placed in front of them. They ate peacefully, there weren’t words, but there were glances. Sometimes, Hyukjae would stare at Donghae, sometimes it was the other way round, and sometimes, their eyes met and smiles appeared.

“Thanks,” Donghae said after he was done with his food.

Hyukjae took a sip of his champagne before he asked, “For what?”

“For staying with me. Things have change lately; you’ve changed, I’ve changed. I know I started being clingy nowadays, but all I want was to be close to you. I’m not sure why myself but I just have the needs to always have a hold of you. So thank you, for bearing all that,” the sincere words were said while Donghae caressed Hyukjae’s hand on the table.

Hyukjae was biting his lips, not sure what he should say. His heart felt pain for the second times today, “Then, thank you too, for giving me this love I don’t deserve.”

“What are you saying, Eunhyuk? You deserve all my love,” Donghae emphasized his meaning with a kiss on the lips. He didn’t realize how that kissed made everything worse.

Eunhyuk…

“Thanks anyway. Donghae, I’m going to the rest room, okay?”

“Alright.” Hyukjae left after he pulled his hand out of Donghae, and as soon as the contact was lost, Donghae felt something missing in his hands.

Trying to keep himself occupied so that he didn’t have to care about those few people looking, he saw Hyukjae’s phone lying on the table and grabbed it. He went to the gallery, thinking of looking back at the pictures they had taken before.

But, he only found one. The one he had captured when they were at Westminster Bridge. The others were either pictures of cars, scenery, Hyukjae or…

Donghae almost lost the grip on the phone as his eyes widened and started feeling burned.

Hyukjae stared at the reflected image of himself. He touched his face with a hand, from his eyes down to his lips, “He loves someone who looks like you, not the real you, Lee Hyukjae. Those words are not for you. So don’t lose yourself, alright?” he said to himself as he looked into his reddened eyes, “Keep this in mind; this will all end one day.”

He pressed his palm against his eyes before he huffed out a breath. He fixed his clothes a little and walked out of the rest room. He was walking towards the table when he stopped as his eyes landed on Donghae.

In Donghae’s hand was his phone.

Donghae was staring right at it, not blinking, not moving.

When Donghae felt someone was looking at him, Donghae turned and his eyes were locked with Hyukjae’s. Both red, burning eyes’ were fixed on each other.

What happen next? Do you know? Do I know?