Sometimes I feel like a flower.

Not because I’m pretty or needed in nature.

Nor is it because I spread joy to those who wants to stick around and see me grow.

No, I feel like a flower because when I finally open up…

“Luhan, what’s this?” the taller of the duo turned around in order to look at Xiumin. He followed the outstretched finger’s direction with his eyes to spot the object in question.

“That’s what I would call a piece of heaven, the finest art that you can ever find” Luhan answered, and walked over to Xiumin who now had a frown on his face in confusion.

“But it’s just food, no?” Xiumin made a surprised jump when Luhan exaggeratedly gasped and held a hand over his heart, faking a hurt expression.

“Pizza isn’t just food okay?” Luhan was looking at Xiumin as if protrusions of mushrooms appeared on his head “it’s unreplaceable and outright delicious” Luhan said, throwing all traces of maturity out the window. He defended what in his opinion was better than any cook belonging to those five stars rated restaurants could ever muster. Xiumin not knowing what to respond with instead just shook his head. A ringing tone interrupted their moment and Luhan upon hearing the familiar sound, reached automatically into his back pocket to receive his phone. A sigh, however, escaped him as he saw who the caller was but reluctantly swiped the green button anyway and raised the device to his ear.

“Hel-“

“Do you have any idea how much chaos you have left us all in?” Luhan wanted to cringe at the sharpness of the other’s voice but frowned instead when the words registered in his head.

“Have you still not fixed the problem yet?”

“Excuse me but you are the freaking problem here!” Luhan dragged on a stressed sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger “when the hell are you coming back?”

“I told you I’m a little-“ Luhan stopped and glanced in the direction of Xiumin who was standing a good distance away from him before continuing in a whisper “-busy.”

Xiumin had stepped away to give Luhan privacy for his conversation with whomever called. He busied himself with learning the different names for the various products presented before him on the shelves. Luhan had been getting a lot of phone calls lately, and he didn’t know from whom but by the serious tone Luhan used showed the liability he had in the ongoing conversations. Sometimes though, the serene voice of Luhan would more often than not end up rising to sound only seconds away from losing patience. He couldn’t find out what the phone calls was about because every time Luhan would excuse himself with an apologetic smile to go to his study, also implicitly indicate that whatever their talk was about it wasn’t his business. Xiumin respected that and managed to elude from his curiosity but not from the slight pang of guilt. Xiumin had lost everything that day when his parents got assassinated and Luhan had taken him under his wing. Luhan still had his life and Xiumin couldn’t help but feel like he was taking him away from the life he used to live.

And for what?

A mere kid he had found crying alone? Luhan had been more than kind to him, providing him with food and a roof over his head. What had he given in retaliation?

Nothing…

Xiumin was sure that the time he had been living with Luhan had not been tough for only him but must have taken its toll on the other as well. Luhan must have been altering his whole daily life so that Xiumin could fit into it. The imposing responsibility he had taken upon his shoulders when the smaller moved in. Xiumin could do nothing to repay Luhan from the help he had received, but Luhan had not even demanded anything from him either. What was he to do? What would be for the better?

“Sorry, I made you wait” Xiumin fell out of his intercepting thoughts with a start when Luhan jogged up to him “lets continue on shopping for dinner, shall we?” Luhan bend out his arm, forming a loop for Xiumin to link his own arm trough, as a gentleman does for a lady. A small smile crept on Xiumin’s smile as he did a small neigh and accepted the gesture by interweaving their arms.

It has been easier and easier for Xiumin to confide in Luhan. Since a few days ago when Luhan found him in the middle of the night hurled up and hiding in the corner of the living room, Xiumin found himself automatically seeking the other. He was even surprised about his behavior the following day, and not to mention the way he sought out Luhan’s comfort by sneaking into his bedroom to sleep instead of his own bed. Even with no words being exchanged between the two, they came with the habit to wake up to see each other’s smiling faces in the morning. Regarding the fact of whether they went to bed together or not.

By the time they reach the cashier the cart was half full with foods and the occasional snacks because asking Luhan- a kitchen is not a real kitchen if it doesn’t store the needed snacks. They had to wait ten minutes in que, giving it was a weekend the store was pretty packed with people. And today it seemed like the families with the bigger amount of children were out to store up there cupboards and fridge. Filling their carts to the brim and some things even had to be carried instead of risking it falling over the edge of the food mountains. Despite the longer wait, Luhan and Xiumin wasn’t annoyed and waited patiently for their turn, even killing time with Luhan teaching Xiumin the thumb game. The smaller was bound to lose from the start seeing as his fingers was shorter compared to those of the taller male. Disregarding the simplicity of the game, Xiumin found great amusement in the activity, even when losing. Even after the fifth time Xiumin lost was he yet to give up. 

“One, two, tree, four I declare thumb war” Luhan’s thumb swiftly stretched up, hovering over the opponent with the intention of forcing the other down using sheer force and the advantage in height. Xiumin quickly moved his thumb to the side and the power Luhan had used in his thumb made him instantly crash down, giving Xiumin the opportunity to hold him down in Luhan’s weak moment.

“Ha! Gotcha” Xiumin triumphed and his smile stretched further on his face, eyes forming into the shape of crescent moons.

They heard a rather fake cough making them both whip their heads to the person who grabbed their attention. At first they just looked at the cashier not quite understanding the obvious hint she gave them. It took a few awkward seconds of staring until Luhan realized that it was their turn to pay for their groceries. The two scrambled to give the things to the worker so she could run it up and give them the price. Luhan twirled around on his heels to face the other costumers, bowing repetitively and simultaneously spurting apology after apology for keeping them waiting. The elderly woman who was next in line waved her hand in a dismissing way and reassured that no harm was done, which made a smile form on Luhan’s face. They finished paying and packing, giving a final bow to the cashier before leaving the store.

The duo made their way down the street, each with a full bag hanging by their side, occasionally having to worm their way through the busy crowd with Luhan leading. The weather was perfect with the sun shining high above their heads and only a few clouds spotted here and there in the baby-blue sky. It being a Saturday too just made the streets more packed with people, their agendas filled with things having to be done before the new week starts. Xiumin was trying to get used to living in a busy city, but only a few weeks wasn’t enough to accommodate him to the change in lifestyle.

On instinct he reached out to hold onto Luhan who was a few steps in front of him, instantly feeling safer from the threat of being separated. Luhan looked over his shoulder when he felt a tug at his shirt and smiled lightly in understanding at the sight of Xiumin. The smaller was biting his lower lip slightly while trying his best to avoid bumping into the other pedestrians. It was a miracle that Luhan hadn’t run into someone yet considering his lack of caution to where he was going. He turned his head back to look in front of him and reached a hand back to where Xiumin was holding onto the fabric of his clothes. At the feeling of warmth embracing his hand, Xiumin got startled and stumbled to catch his footing when he was tugged forward to walk beside Luhan, his companion never letting go of his hand.

“What are we gonna do for the rest of the day?” Xiumin asked timidly. They had eaten lunch after reaching home and were now standing with an empty schedule. Luhan raised a hand to his chin in thought for a few seconds before he answered.

“Well, it’s the first day of a new month and I usually throughout clean my apartment” Luhan had walked over  to the calendar hanging on the wall and showed the date of the day marked with a blue ring surrounding the box with number 1 on it.

“But you don’t have to help me do that if you don’t want to” he added in a rushed voice with his hands waving dismissively in front of him.

“Thank you but I want to help” Xiumin replied.

“Then I’m the one who have to say thank you” Luhan smiled. They seamlessly made a plan on who cleans where and what rooms, agreeing that splitting up will get the tasks finished faster. Luhan got the job to clean his own study, the kitchen and the living room. Since he knew where the things where placed he took the bigger rooms just in case Xiumin got confused. The other boy was then left with the two guest rooms and the toilets that belonged to them, and lastly the master bedroom. Luhan isn’t a messy person so his bedroom was fairly organized and just needed a cleaning. When they had discussed the most important, Luhan had showed Xiumin the cleaning supplies as well as explaining what the differences between the various bottles was. After making sure Xiumin was well into his tasks and also repeating that he didn’t have to help if he really didn’t want to, only to get the same reply as earlier, he then went to go start on his own chores.

Xiumin had chosen to start with the guest bedrooms. He was wearing an apron with pockets holding the necessities for cleaning and a rag was folded neatly in his hand and ready to be used on the dusty surfaces. He gave the room a quick onceover to point the best places to begin. The room was only furnished with a fair sized bed, a closet, a body-sized mirror hanging on the wall and shelfs with a few books and some decorations. Xiumin noted that it wouldn’t take him that long to finish so he folded up his sleeves and got started. He cleaned all the surfaces presentable, removing the dust that had layered there before polishing the floor to ceiling windows. After a good twenty minutes he changed the beddings and was only left with vacuuming and mopping the flooring.

The toilet got the same treatment as well as the other quest room with its bathroom following suit. Xiumin took his time and after around two hours he was only left with the master bedroom. Standing in the doorway he couldn’t quite understand why he suddenly felt so nervous. It wasn’t his first time in Luhan’s room and looking in the direction of the bed made him crack a small smile. It was his first time to really see the room in full detail. It made him feel as if he would get to know Luhan more, as if it was Luhan he was exploring and not the room belonging to him. Some say that the room of a person reflects their owner and looking at the space before him, Xiumin can see what they mean. It’s organized, simple and spacious.

Luhan is a serious person but at the same time lighthearted and friendly.

The room holds gently colors and a timid warm glow.

Luhan is caring and reflects feelings in the debts of his eyes.

The room holds shadows and there can be something you easily can oversee.

Luhan is mysteries and if you don’t look close enough he could at times be hard to figure out.

The room gave Xiumin a sense of home.

Just like Luhan did.

He got his senses back together and began on the cleaning process. He moved over to the dresser, the rag still in hand, cleaned from the previous dust it had collected. He moved it over the surface and picked up the different items to get all the dust under the way. Once satisfied he moved on to the shelfs on the opposite wall and did the same. Xiumin also dusted off the books neatly placed in alphabetic order and made sure they would still be in that way when done. Picking up a photo frame he started doing the same again when the actual picture caught his attention. It was a smiling Luhan standing sandwiched between two people who had on similar grins with their arms thrown over Luhan’s shoulders. Xiumin couldn’t help but think that the photo must be holding great memories. He had not seen the two strangers before, not even heard about them and now that he thinks about it, Luhan haven’t really hung out with others since he started living with the latter. Xiumin could only mention the phone calls Luhan had gotten in the past days as outside contact, otherwise the time had been spend with him.

He felt a tightening at his chest spreading and making his fingers and toes feel numb. He sank to the floor with the photograph still held in his loosening hands.

Had he taken Luhan away from his life? Xiumin was in too much of a trance to notice the tears slowly falling down his cheeks. A raging storm of conflicting emotions invaded his mind, clouding it with saddening thoughts.

“Xiumin” the sound of his name being called awakened the boy on the floor and he quickly swiped the bulbous tears away as best as he could from his wetted cheeks. He stood up fast and placed the photo frame on its right place. He steadied himself as best as possible before the door opened and Luhan came into view, wearing the same smile Xiumin saw on the photo. He gulped the lump forming in his throat down and in a breath to stop from crying.

“I’m soon done, do you need any help in here? Is it going okay?” Xiumin found it difficult to hide his emotions and was afraid to say anything but realized his struggles may be obvious he didn’t reply.

“Just need a few more minutes” he forced in a smile at the end to try and increase the effect but Luhan just walked over to him and looked him straight in the eyes, his face noncommittal.

“What are you thinking?” it seemed as if his eyes softened when he asked the question, never losing eye contact with Xiumin. It felt like the room was closing in on him, breathing dangerously close to unevenness. He should have realized he couldn’t hide anything from Luhan. The man had become a master in reading him over the past two weeks that Xiumin had been with him. Luhan could by now automatically sense if something was wrong with the other.

“Nothing” Xiumin just mumbled.

Luhan knew the nothing was something but didn’t press it further, which Xiumin was thankful for. The taller didn’t want to leave Xiumin alone knowing that he was struggling with something inside his head again and therefore offered for them to finish the last bit that there was left to clean together. His offer was answered with a protest.

“I’m really fine” Xiumin’s mood was lifting a bit with Luhan’s presence so the next smile seemed more sincere “see.” Xiumin pointed at his face and tried his best to look as happy as possible. It wasn’t that hard when Luhan was standing in front of him. Just seeing the man he had come to cherish so much made some of his doubts vanish into thin air.

What was he even sad about?

Xiumin reached up and gave Luhan a hug whispering “thank you” into his right ear before pulling away and ushering the taller out of the door.

“It’s only gonna take around twenty more minutes and then I’m done” Xiumin shooed Luhan with his hand and gave a slight laugh when the other gave Xiumin a pout in return. He shook his head before finishing the last bit of cleaning.

“Coming, coming, coming, damn hold your horses, why so impatien-“ Luhan got shoved away when he opened the front door for the person who had insistently abused his ringing bell. He stumbled a little and had to grip the doorknob tighter while finding his footing back.

“Baek-“

“Explain” Luhan sighed but knew that this would have to happen sooner or later. He had just preferred later but showed nothing of such thoughts when he turned around to face the intruder. He hoped that this conversation wouldn’t lead to his diva of a friend to shout at him and awaken Xiumin who was napping in Luhan’s bedroom.

“Baekhyun what are you doing here?” his friend was standing with arms folded over his chest and his foot impatiently tapping away, making a stamping sound going a mile per second.

“I’m the one who asks the questions here mister” Baekhyun grabbed Luhan by the arm and dragged him into the living room to sit down on the couch “I’m not going before you give me answers.”

Luhan just had to accept whatever was coming his way but in the end he couldn’t help but crack a small smile, he had indeed missed his energetic best friend.

“What’s going on with you? You haven’t been at work for over two weeks!” Luhan rolled his eyes at his friend but had to admit to himself that he did owe him an explanation for his absence at the office.

“Like I have told you a thousand times by now- I have been busy” he answered.

 “How can you be ‘busy’ when your business is your freaking job!?” Baekhyun huffed an annoyed breath and glared at Luhan. “Plus, you rarely contact us anymore” Luhan caught the slight hurt that flashed in the other’s eyes and he let a defeated sigh escape him.

“I’m sorry, I promise I will come back to work as soon as possible” Baekhyun didn’t seem quite satisfied with just that so Luhan added with a contagious smile “and I will remember to contact you guys as often as before” Baekhyun smiled back at Luhan but it soon glided off his face and a frown took its place instead.

“We are just worried about you Luhan, we don’t hear from you anymore and you always avoid the subject when we ask what your so called business is about” Luhan felt guilty for worrying his friends like that and had to admit that he had maybe gotten a little too devoted in staying at home with Xiumin. Surely the smaller could take a few hours alone while Luhan was away on work, right?

Luhan hadn’t even tried to contact any of his friends beside that one time with Chanyeol when they met at the new café. Chanyeol was also the only one whom Luhan had told about Xiumin to.

“We miss you Luhan, the squad is not the same when you are not around, it feels unbalanced in some weird way when we don’t have your serious situated among us” Luhan gave a friendly punch to Baekhyun in the arm upon the statement and they both laughed. Luhan had to admit, now that one of his friends was there beside him that he did miss the whole group of dorks that he call his buddies.

“I miss you too.”

To live is to fight an everlasting battle between you and life in itself.

Life keeps on throwing obstacles your way, swims in your unforgettable memories and plays around with your feelings.

The only retaliation you can do against life is to not give up.

That is the toughest thing to do.

For Xiumin it’s on the brim of being impossible.

He now knew that Luhan had given it his all to make sure Xiumin didn’t feel alone, even casting away his own daily life. The things that made Luhan happy had been put aside so Xiumin was the first priority.

The coldness seeped up from the flooring and into Xiumin’s feet from where he stood at the end of the hallway leading to the living room.

Making up his mind was in just a moment made easier.

‘It’s better this way’ is something he really believes by now. He just wished he had realized earlier that whatever he and Luhan had developed between them, whatever friendship had blossomed was only meant to be temporarily. If he had only known, then it wouldn’t put him in such agony. He could have prevented it from hurting so much.

Xiumin’s mind was like a mirror being touched by the bloodied hands of fate. Handprints with the dark red liquor smeared on a once clean surface, now so imperfect and unable to make out what had once been reflected. Xiumin could no longer recognize himself behind all the dirt that hides away his mirror image, his understanding of who he is.

When night time falls the only regret he takes with him while standing with his back to the closing front door is that he didn’t say goodbye.

One thud echoing and he is all alone.

The flower he felt like is slowly withering away. 

A/N: aannnndd the drama begins.

Do you all hate me now? haha *laughs nervously*

I'm sorry for taking so damn long on updating but yeah just a little writer’s block

Hope the length of this chapter makes up for it considering it’s like 1500 words longer than I usually give you 

Your comments are what moves my fingers! And believe it or not but there is one comment that I got that actually made me write faster so thank you so much 'nicolebaozi' your comment was awesome! Don't worry I won't abandon this story

Thank you all for supporting me I love you!