I’m sorry…

I can’t seem to open up yet.

Talking about my feelings and thoughts is just something I’m not ready to face yet.

But I’m not good at hiding them either, wearing them like I’m wearing my clothes.

I can be read as easily as an open book.

But even in books you sometimes have to read in-between the lines.

Because even though I at times want to scream out loud…

Or beg for somebody, anybody, to take me away from my miseries.

I still keep on saying in a reassuring voice that “I’m okay.”

When in reality…

…I’m not.

In the corner of the living room a figure could be spotted swallowed by shadows. Nothing could be heard, but the small shakes of the person’s shoulders indicated that the person was crying. Small whimpers was almost inaudible but did make their existence clear once in a while.

Xiumin’s mind did not allow him to sleep, punishing him by sending nightmares out to hunt him. He had tried to escape but only ended up in this lonely corner. The floor-to-ceiling window was pressed up against his right shoulder and provided him with the view of Beijing. But he didn’t watch the cars that drove by under him, or see the few people that still roamed around in the nighttime. Xiumin’s head was buried in his arms to block everything out, but unfortunately also everything in.

He didn’t even react when Luhan’s hands pulled at his wrists, leading him forward and into the embrace of the other. He got placed like a child in the arms of a parent, seated on the lap and head resting on a comforting shoulder. Xiumin hid his tearstained face in Luhan’s neck and inhaled the comforting smell he got so used to be surrounded by.

He had no idea of how long they stayed like that, Luhan rocking them lightly from side to side and not forgetting to whisper sweet nothings into Xiumin’s ear. Those nothings were everything to Xiumin, catching him when he falls like a safety net under the thin robe he was walking on.

The apartment was silent except for Luhan’s small humming and the ticks of the clock announcing that time was in fact still going. Luhan pulled away gently after having finished the calm melody, timidly untangling himself from Xiumin to stand up, leaving a confused Xiumin still on the cold flooring of his living room. The smaller was about to mumble a goodnight as he thought that Luhan was going back to bed, understanding clearly why the other would be tired considering it was past midnight by now. Xiumin once again buried his head in his knees opening his mouth to wish Luhan sweet dreams but tensed in mild shock when Luhan’s arms s under his knees and behind his back. He felt the muscles in the arms around him work and the small hiss of breath at his nape when he got lifted off from the floor. Luhan made a small jump to adjust Xiumin in his arms properly, tightening his grip ever so slightly to make sure not to drop the smaller. Luhan took small steps in the direction of his bedroom before slowly halting to a stop to look down at the boy in his embrace.

“Xiumin…” Ice blue eyes stared up at him in question, wider than their everyday size in slight bewilderment. Luhan didn’t say anymore but just held the gaze, searching for permission in the Atlantic Ocean that seemed to be trapped around the other’s black pupils. Xiumin’s stare softened when it dawned on him what Luhan wanted and he gave a small nod, clinging more onto Luhan’s shoulders when they started moving again. Luhan made Xiumin open the door when they reached his bedroom and stepped carefully trough the opening, making sure that he didn’t bump Xiumin into the doorframe. He gently placed Xiumin on his bed and the smaller sunk comfortably down into the soft madras. The lights were turned off so Luhan slipped immediately into the bed as well and draped the covers over his and Xiumin’s bodies. That was all he did, laying a good half a meter away from each other with their eyes being the only connection between them. Both longed for more but still not daring to move.

One thinking he couldn’t ask for more…

The other thinking he didn’t deserve more…

Luhan opposing his own thoughts, slowly lifted his hand as if reaching out to a scared cat, only stopping once it was an inch away from making contact with Xiumin’s cheek. He saw no trace of rejection, but got eternally shocked when Xiumin’s hand swiftly came up and covered his own, giving it permission to rest on his cold skin. Luhan gave a small smile and caressed the cheek gently with his thumb. The silence was comfortable between them but yet it still felt like something wasn’t right. Luhan’s body searched forward increasingly coming closer to the coldness of the other. Seeing no sign of disapproval from Xiumin he continued to nudge closer until the space between them had decreased to a mere few inches. Instead of closing down like Luhan is so used to Xiumin doing, the eyes that stared up at him was not dull like usual, but instead telling their own story and nothing less but totally vulnerable. The hand that still rested on Xiumin’s cheek glided down, slowly tracing down his side and stopped when it was on Xiumin’s waist instead. Luhan pulled Xiumin closer, making the few inches vanish between them, only wanting to hide the smaller from his fears. Xiumin hummed a small sound of approval, feeling completely relaxed when wrapped in the other’s warmth.

“Goodnight” Luhan let out with a contented sigh, not daring to sleep before he heard the other’s breathing even out. Xiumin mumbled a small reply only just being able to do so before sleep consumed him.

“I’ll keep the nightmares away”

-and he did.

Next day was like any other day, except…

 It wasn’t.

Waking up to each other’s sleepy faces and a funny case of bed hair, muttering good mornings under unpleasant smelling breaths…

-was not like any other day.

Getting out of bed two hours after waking up simply because they could be lazy and make small talk about Luhan’s life…

-was not like any other day.

Luhan was a little sad that the only subject that Xiumin seemed comfortable and being able to talk about was Luhan’s life, but then again Luhan was overjoyed for Xiumin to even be talking.

-Something that again wasn’t like any other day.

No… today was different in many ways. It seemed like everything had taken a ninety degrees turn, not fully turning to the opposite but just being on its way. Xiumin was still careful as ever but visibly, even though only the slightest, opened up. Showing more and more the emotions he normally tries so hard to conceal and letting himself enjoy the bright light that seem to surround him when being near Luhan.

They were currently in the kitchen making breakfast. Xiumin was cleaning the things they used to make the pancakes with and Luhan was frying the dough on the hot pan. Slowly the pile of round shaped food made from heaven itself increased in height. Luhan side glanced at his companion who was in the midst of washing the dishes, mentally chuckling when eyeing the light pink apron he was wearing. To think about it, why did he even have a pink apron to start with? Being busy in his thoughts he didn’t concentrate on his movements causing his hand to come in contact with the hot surface of the pan. He yelped and cradled his middle finger in his unharmed hand, not daring to let go. Xiumin turned around hastily upon hearing the cry of pain and saw Luhan jumping around in the kitchen like a bunny being chased. Luhan was blowing drastically on his finger, trying to (and failing) to ease the burn.

However Luhan stopped in his tracks, forgetting everything beside the laugh that he hears for the first time. The voice that is so gentle when talking, so small and contains no trace of power was transformed into a hearty giggle. Luhan gazed up to see the eyes that is normally so wide and mysteries as the dark side of the moon, be formed into slits and only letting him see the glint he had yet to witness in the dullness they used to be clouded by. His finger started to throb, commanding attention and making Luhan make a face that just made Xiumin laugh more until having to clutch his stomach as it started to ache. Xiumin with a little trouble made his way over to Luhan and took his hand gently in his, still laughing as he guided Luhan’s injured finger to his lips. Luhan’s breath got caught in his throat when Xiumin lightly kisses the burn as his lips turned blue and cold as ice. They stood like that for a good amount of time, Luhan’s brain seemingly stopping to function properly from the softness of the other’s lips and the coldness soothing his burning skin.

“How does it feel now?” Xiumin pulled away but still holding Luhan’s hand in his gently.

“It’s much better…” Luhan was stunned, only being able to feel Xiumin’s hand holding his own “thank you.” He lightly raised their hands to head-height and intertwined their fingers together for the both of them to see. He was determined to hold Xiumin’s gaze, maybe pressing his luck a little too much considering  that Xiumin had just started to open up to him. But despite his worries about the other pulling away, what made them part was the smell of burnt pancake coming from the stove.

“!” Xiumin just watched as Luhan hurried to turn of the stove and pick up the pan, taking it to the sink while muttering profanities under his breath.

“Let’s just eat now and clean the rest up later” Luhan sighed and forgot about breathing when he turned around to a bright smile from Xiumin still in that ridiculously cute apron.

“Sure!”

“Not fair!” Xiumin slammed his palms down on the table and glared at Luhan who was seated in front of him “you cheated!” Luhan just laughed as he placed the last token into the middle of the Ludo board.

“You used your powers didn’t you?” Xiumin looked accusingly at the chuckling culprit who raised his hands in the air as to surrender.

The day had gone by awfully quick and before they knew it as soon as they had finished the game the sun was setting, casting its last rays across the sky and coloring the clouds light pink and orange. Luhan could still not quite fathom how much he had actually talked with Xiumin during the day. Like really talked, not just a one sided conversation but an exchange of words and gestures, reactions as well as emotions.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Luhan asked to get the other to drop his accusations against him, chuckling as the other whipped his head in his direction to nod with a gentle smile adorning his lips.

“Go get the movie ready then, I’ll make some popcorn” he didn’t go to the kitchen before Xiumin disappeared out of his sight, enjoying the way Xiumin walked without a care for the time being.

Xiumin had picked a typical action movie with of course a lot of explosions and colorful cursing. Despite all the noise coming from the huge television, Xiumin still managed to fall asleep and there by missed almost half of the movie. He woke up to the credits rolling and Luhan’s hand caressing his cheek in effort to make him go to bed instead of sleeping on the couch. Xiumin stood up and stretched out his body, arms above his head falling down to rub at his eyes.

“Go get ready for bed, I’m just gonna clean up here” Luhan nudged Xiumin in the direction of the bathroom and the smaller went without much protest. Xiumin felt pathetic but wouldn’t want to admit that the walls in the bathroom felt much colder when Luhan wasn’t there. He frowned as he picked up his toothbrush and began brushing his teeth, not being able to believe how clingy he felt towards the other. He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind as per usual and walked out from the bathroom as soon as he finished getting ready. He almost bumped into Luhan on the way out the door but was fast enough to dodge. Without knowing why they just stood there, staring at each other before Xiumin avoided Luhan’s gaze and went to walk away after announcing that he is going to bed.

“Good night, Luhan” Luhan felt disappointment settle in when he heard the sound of Xiumin’s bedroom door close after the smaller entered his room, leaving Luhan alone in the hallway. Luhan heaved a heavy sigh before getting ready himself. He had thought that it had changed today. That Xiumin would be able to let go by now and not shut Luhan out like that, but he was wrong. By the end of the day Xiumin is still as closed off as he has always been. He had hoped that from today everything would be taking a better turn, that they could enjoy themselves without a care in the world.

Without thinking about the past…

But it had changed, right?

Luhan couldn’t help but agree; it definitely had changed. Even though that change was small it was still for a brighter future. Hope filled him again and he knew that he just had to be patient. That from now on things was running in a better direction.

Luhan felt sad if not a little lonely that his last night companion wasn’t with him when lying in bed but he knew he couldn’t complain anymore. Xiumin had been so free that day and the smiles Xiumin had given him still popped up when he closed his eyes.

He could wait for Xiumin, even if it took him years.

He would wait.

Luhan was on the verge of falling asleep when he felt the bed dip down from the weight of another and not long after he felt the familiar pleasant coolness join him under the covers.

Hot and cold cuddling perfectly with each other in the comforts of the night.

A/N: 

I'M BACK!!! 

Anybody who missed me?!

No?

Okay...

SOOO he opened up DUMDUMDUUUUMMMM

Actually I have nothing to say but...

I love you all so much! thank you for supporting me. 

Your comments make my day so please keep on writing them ^^

And I'm sorry for any mistakes, I'm not native in English.

Basically my English ~~

But I hope you enjoy my story anyways XD