‘Higher! you need to be able to hit your opponent in the head’ the boy started to kick higher immediately following the orders and ignoring the stinging pain in his muscles.

‘Lean your body more into the kick’ the brown ropes scraped the ground lightly when the man started to circled the boy as he inspected his movements. The soon nine years old boy stopped and turned around to his master ‘Xiansheng, since it is my birthday soon, will you then teach me the butterfly kick?’ the boy tried to use his puppy eyes as best as he could. The man let out a laugh as he ruffled the boys brown hair saying ‘we will see.’

He felt wetness on his cheeks and the dampness of the pillow under his head as his consciousness came back. The first thing he noticed was his extremely sore body as he tried to move. He ever so slowly opened his eyes to be welcomed by darkness. But even though the room was dark he knew he wasn’t where he once belonged. His head started to throb again but not as badly as before and he felt contented in some way without knowing why.

That is until his memories came back in flashes.

‘My son, you have grown so much in just 2 years’ a woman’s hand reached up to cup a grown up boy’s cheek ‘but he hasn’t outgrown his father just yet’ a man’s voice boomed with laughter at the entrance to the room they were staying in.

Lifeless eyes stared at the ceiling and face twisted in shock. ‘Father?’ the boy’s hands came in contact with the bloody body of the other, shaking the man to try and wake him up. He knew that they were dead but somewhere in his mind he refused to acknowledge it.

A scream startled Luhan out of his sleep and he darted out of his bed and down the hallway. He almost ripped the door off its hinges in his speed of getting to the other. He saw Xiumin clutching his head between his hands much like he did before he passed out the night before. Luhan slowly walked over to the boy as not to startle him but as he sat down on the bed his attempts was fruitless when Xiumin scrambled to the other side of the bed.

“I’m not gonna hurt you” he put out his hands in front of him as to sooth a wild animal and when Xiumin’s eyes began to focus on Luhan, he visibly began to relax. Luhan made a move as to come closer but stopped when he saw Xiumin’s frown as a silent disagreement on the act. Luhan sighed and stayed where he was frowning himself when he just wanted to make the boy stop shaking.

“Are you hungry? You must not have eaten anything since…” the sentence trailed of when blue eyes bore into Luhan’s own orbs in an icy glare. He realized his stupidity and started cursing at himself inside his head while he mentally slapped his forehead.

“I will go and prepare some food” he stood up and grossed the floor rather awkwardly.

“I’m not hungry” the voice was hoarse and barely hearable but reached Luhan’s ears nonetheless. He spun around and looked at Xiumin who was slowly moving back to his previous spot on the bed. Xiumin looked so weak when he moved and his arms were shaking when they tried to support his way back. Luhan went back to the struggling boy and took him by the arms to hoist him up and onto the floor. Xiumin let out a shriek when he was lifted up and carried out through the door of the room.

“What do you think you are doing?!” Xiumin was still far too weak to put on a fight and his abilities to control ice would surely knock him out if he used them. So he hung limply in the arms of Luhan and let the latter carry him through the house. At the meantime Xiumin got a view of what he assumed was Luhan’s home. It was all new to Xiumin and totally different from his isolated life before. The house was neat and mostly in black, white and light green. The furniture looked simple in shape and was placed perfectly in the huge home. As they went on, they passed a larger room where Xiumin spotted a fireplace and a fluffy black blanket on the floor, wishing that he could curl into himself right there and then.

They soon reached the kitchen where Xiumin was placed on a stool by the dining table. Luhan raised a silent finger, daring Xiumin to move from the spot or escape. Luhan then began preparing food for them both and little by little Xiumin began feeling comfortable with the presence of the other. Even the feeling of being safe settled into his heart.

“Do you want to take a shower?” Luhan asked over his shoulder as he was finishing washing the dishes. Xiumin noticed by then that he was wearing different clothes but the smell of death and the blood from his beloved family still lingered on his skin. He suddenly felt very dirty like it was him who had committed the sin of murder and he nodded violently as uninvited tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. Luhan wiped his hands on a towel and proceeded to take the others hands in his somewhat hesitantly. When Xiumin didn’t protest Luhan smiled slightly and started showing Xiumin in the way of the bathroom.

“I have already prepared clothes and towels, it’s on the sink” Luhan explained as they stood in the doorway to the bathroom. He briefly explained how the showers worked and turned around to leave. He glanced back when he reached the door again, seeing Xiumin looking very uncomfortable and as it struck him why, he quickly made a big smile “I’m gonna be just outside the door if you need me.” He saw Xiumin sigh in relief and closed the door to give him privacy to start the bath.

Xiumin’s body enjoyed the shower, letting the warm water glide down his sore muscles but his mind was in pure chaos.

The leaves on the unfamiliar trees seemed greener than them on the temple grounds and Xiumin closed his eyes in the attempt of focusing better on the birds singing. The sounds of the forest in its fullest for the first time in his life filled his hearing. He felt so free. The glad boy let the clear air fill his lungs and transform into a satisfied sigh on the way out. This was something he would love to get used to but sadly he knew that he would soon have to go back to his bed before the others awoke.

Now that he thinks back, he clearly remembers the pull of discomfort in his gut. But at that time he was to occupied by being in the free and to see the things up close that he have only witnessed from afar, seated on the very wall that was keeping him inside the temple. The slight fright he felt from disobeying important rules and the consequences that would come after if anybody would find out that he was gone, vanished when the wind filled with the forest’s smells, pushed pass him while trough his hair.

Some people might think that he was lucky he wasn’t there when it happened but he felt anything but. He felt the quilt for abandoning the temple to go satisfy his curiosity. Felt guilty for leaving his family behind to go explore.

Felt the pang of pain from the stab of his heart every time he saw his parent’s lifeless faces behind his closed eyelids.

He swore he wasn’t away for very long, it could only have been a few hours at most. Even so the evil had struck as he was enjoying his senses being filled with new smells and sounds.

But as he was having the time of his life, he didn’t know about the people who got theirs stolen in the silent of the night.

Even with the disbelief fighting in his mind, Xiumin quickly turned around in the direction of his shared room with his parents, legs running as fast as they could. His eyes had never been so wide before and his heart had at any rate never beaten that fast before either. 

Chants of prayers kept leaving his shaking lips.

But even in his panicking state, he knew… that it was already too late.

The angst from then came rushing back and endless tears spilled out from his tired eyes blending with the warm water and making the shower colder. His breathing was uneven and he fell to the floor not feeling his knees hurting when they made contact with the hard tiles of the showers flooring. His body gave up and his shoulder slumped into the wall beside him. He wanted to scream so badly for anybody to end his misery but no sound was made as he kept it in, knowing that he deserved whatever harshness that came his way.

So he willingly gave in when the darkness consumed him but he didn’t black out. No, his body kept on feeling everything and a war was being fought inside the boy’s head. Xiumin opened his eyes wide when he felt a pang of pain and something unknown go through his head. His eyes couldn’t focus on anything but he still saw how the colors that normally painted the world beautifully melted away from his vision and down the drain along with the water mixed with his salty tears.

Small breathes came through tight clenched teeth as his pain only aimed to get worse. At some point Xiumin broke completely and he would give anything just to be able to feel the loving of his mother’s hand go through his hair. He felt so lost without his parents and the place he belonged. Right now there was no denying how badly he wanted to leave this world behind and go join his family in heaven. But even then a doubt lingered because he knew that he wasn’t done yet in this world. He still had dreams he wanted to fulfill…

He still had someone to repay for their kindness.

“Luhan...” he didn’t hear when the door slammed open with a great force and hit the wall with a loud sound. Didn’t feel when he was hoisted up against a comforting body. He didn’t feel anything.

He was lost in a pool of memories as his mother’s voice filled his ears and he could almost feel his father’s hand ruffle his hair. So Xiumin didn’t hear the panicking voice calling out his name nor did he feel the frantic hands on his bare body.

He was lost.

Gone to a place he didn’t want to return from.

But the bliss ended not long after it started when he felt something pull at his consciousness, distracting his mind enough for the memories to fade away to the back of his head.

“Xiumin, wake up” it was a persistent voice forcing Xiumin to open his eyes and look at Luhan. Upon seeing the person in his arms awake, Luhan let out a relieved sigh and relaxed his tense shoulders. He didn’t let the frown glide of his face though and looked straight into Xiumin’s eyes with a dominating stare.

“I think you have showered enough” Luhan lifted a small towel to Xiumin’s head and began to dry his brown hair. The smaller boy noticed by then that his body wasn’t wet from the shower anymore and instead he was dressed in a long black T-shirt and boxers.

The television was still on from earlier use as Luhan placed Xiumin on the couch and proceeded to sit beside him. They sat in silence until Luhan suddenly broke it saying “it is not your fault and it will never be” his voice was gently but held a sudden determination.

“Why?” Xiumin’s own voice had turned into a silent whisper, wanting to know desperately why his family had to die. Why the whole world seemed to go against him.

Why it all had to be so unfairly unfair.  

“I don’t know” Luhan’s jaw tightened and he felt a helpless feeling settle in on him. He couldn’t do anything for the poor boy than to be by his side and help him through the mourning phase.

Luhan snapped out of his thoughts when Xiumin seemed to lean into him. Luhan looked puzzled down on the smaller but couldn’t see his expression due to his face pressed into his shoulder. The taller male’s mouth formed into an ‘o’, realization smacking him across the face when he heard that Xiumin’s breathing had become even.

The action surprised Luhan briefly but he soon made himself comfortable too, resting his own head against Xiumin’s.

“Goodnight”

It has been three days after Xiumin had “moved” in and they had barely spoken a word to each other. Xiumin refused to speak and Luhan just gave up a little after hours and hours of one-sided conversations. He wasn’t glad to admit that seeing the vulnerable boy in his home with blank and unfocused eyes actually hurt a lot more than it should do. Growing fond of someone so quickly had never been a part of Luhan’s life but he never thought that he could get so “attached” like that by one person. When Xiumin skipped meals or stayed in his bedroom almost all day, Luhan could not deny that he was worried, a lot worried actually.

“Hey long time no see- Wow what is up with the gloomy atmosphere around you?” Luhan looked up when a tall giant took the seat across from him. He had called his longtime friend a few hours before, asking if he wanted to go get a drink together at the new café that opened not long ago.

“Hey Chanyeol…” Luhan spoke in a not so cheerful voice, a gloomy expression indeed plastered on his face. Chanyeol was a little bit taken aback from the aura radiating from Luhan, making the whole café seem more bland and graveyard-like.

“So how is it going?” Chanyeol asked while leaning forward and resting his chin on his folded hands. Chanyeol knew about Xiumin as Luhan had mentioned him before and he couldn’t help but to have a knowing smile on his lips.

“It could go better” Luhan didn’t only look defeated but felt like it too “Xiumin is shut inside himself completely and I can’t help but feel like all hope is lost” he gave Chanyeol a pleading look, something he didn’t do often as he was very independent. The other nodded silently as he thought of what to say.

“Maybe he just needs time, he will come around just wait and see” Chanyeol couldn’t say much more as he himself wouldn’t know what to do considering the situation.

“But what if he doesn’t? You haven’t seen the lost look on his face or the weak way he moves” Luhan frowned heavily “he has so many nightmares that he barely gets any sleep and I-“ Luhan cut himself of as he found it hard to continue. He felt so helpless and Chanyeol could see it through the crestfallen expression the other had.

“Just keep on being there for him, he will come to you when he feels ready.”

With a sigh Luhan thought about it and had to silently agree that it was probably the only thing he could do.

Xiumin lay completely covered under a baby-blue blanket, barely being able to breathe by the lack of air in the cramped place. He knew he had to let go but he refused every time the thought scratched its way into his thoughts. He wanted to keep being in the past and to never look into the future.

The future without his parents.

A future where he had to be alone. He have already realized that what happened can’t be reversed, it can’t be taken back and time can’t be rewound. It left him helpless as he didn’t know what to do with himself.

The memories replaying in his mind made him want to throw up but the tears of depression kept it in. His home was nothing more than a bad drama scene- a place where so many lives had been working and living peacefully every day.

Now a place more fitted to be called a graveyard.

He felt so insecure and loneliness was the only thing keeping him company, the only companion who kept following him wherever he goes.

Fright was there too… It followed him everywhere as a twin to his loneliness, lurking in the shadows and waiting for him to break down, to stop existing. It controlled him like a voodoo doll, stabbing him bare of the happiness he was once filled with.

When soft hands pulled the blanket down to his chin, Xiumin did nothing but stare at the worried expression that seemed to be the only thing he saw on his savior.

“Xiumin-” Luhan paused still a little unsure of what to do “I know you are not ready to talk… but you… you just have to know that I’m here for you when you need me.”

Luhan had never been the sentimental guy. He always did what was necessary to do and he always knew what needed to be done. He was a very independent person, not being the child that seeks safety under his parent’s wings. He was a smart young man and lived well of from it.

But with Xiumin he knew nothing.

Everything was new around the boy. Every moment, every touch and every feeling, was something Luhan had never experienced. Not like the way with Xiumin.

So as much as the boy was lost, Luhan was too. He felt helpless and the only thing he wanted to do was make Xiumin come back stable on his two feet.

“For now let’s go and eat something, you must be hungry” Luhan offered a light smile and pulled Xiumin out from the bed, holding an arm around his waist as Xiumin stumbled with his footing. He was dizzy from lying down all day and stars formed in circles around his sight. But even so he couldn’t stop from feeling Luhan by his side. That comfortable aura washed over him and made him lean closer into Luhan’s warmth. A shiver went down his spine when Luhan turned his head and asked him what he would like to eat, right into the shell of his ear. The small breath that ghosted over his ear and traveled to his cheek made him weaker in the knees and Luhan might as well just carry him.

He just got more confused as he felt this tinkling inside him and contented was something he hadn’t felt for a long time too.

Luhan helped him out and into the kitchen seating him down on the usual stool and turned around to start making dinner. But not before giving Xiumin a brightening smile and a lingering hand on the boy’s shoulder.

If Luhan had waited just two small seconds before turning around, he would have seen the smile forming on Xiumin’s face and the contented glint in his softening eyes.