Jonghyun holds Kibum in his arms gently while they're in bed in the middle of the day, chin resting on his shoulder. He's amazed at how Kibum's stomach moves with the baby. When he was younger, he always assumed that a baby kicking was only a little thud that happened every once in a while. That's what health class made it seem like, at least. He's learned over the weeks that that's a misconception. Every day, Kibum's stomach looks just a little bit different. Sometimes, it's not perfectly round. Other times, he's carrying higher or lower. Kibum tells Jonghyun that the baby especially likes to sit low in his stomach, probably because it's most uncomfortable for him.

Kibum, on the other hands, seems more than used to the movements at this point in the game. He only gives a little grunt if the baby's movement is exceptionally painful or if it makes him nauseous (which happens more than Jonghyun likes to think about now that he was pushing thirty-eight weeks). He's able to sleep through the baby's turns now, unlike how he had been unable to only a few weeks prior.

Kibum is sitting up in a rather awkward position that he insists is more comfortable than it looks, pillows propped behind his back to keep him more upright, and has Jonghyun's iPad in one hand as he reads some sort of book for his literature class that Jonghyun really has no interest in. His other arm is draped over his stomach lightly, somewhat blocking Jonghyun's view of his belly.

Kibum swipes his finger across the screen to turn the page of his book after a few minutes, hand retreating back to his stomach afterward. "What are you doing, Jjong?" Kibum crosses his ankles after a few seconds. "I didn't expect you to sit here and be good."

"I'm just watching the baby. She's being really active, isn't she?"

"I guess so. She's probably excited that she only has fifteen days left. I think she's pretty squished up in there. It can't be any more comfortable for her than it is for me."

"You're right."

"Mm..."

Jonghyun reaches up to Kibum's cheek. There's a few patches of acne near his hairline from dry skin and hormones. He rubs his thumb against the faint red skin but doesn't stay on it too long. It's barely noticeable, but Kibum knows it's there, and it's enough to make him self conscious.

After a few moments, Jonghyun's fingers move to play with Kibum's hand as he holds the iPad. Jonghyun smiles. Kibum's fingers are swollen from the pregnancy, but they're still long and beautiful to Jonghyun. There's a light band on his middle finger from his grandfather's wedding band that he always wore. He took it off last week for the first time in years, mostly because he was paranoid it wouldn't come off if he didn't remove it when he still could. Even then, it took a lot of soap and hand cream to slide it off his his finger.

"Kibum?"

"Hm?"

Kibum looks over at Jonghyun. It's the first look at Kibum he really gets, taking in his features just the same. Kibum doesn't look much different. His face is obviously rounder, but Jonghyun thinks it makes him look younger. He could get used to Kibum with bigger cheeks, but he knows his sharp jawline will be back as soon as Kibum begins losing weight.

Jonghyun can tell how tired Kibum looks; that's what's most different about his face. His lips are slightly more full, but Jonghyun only notices because he knows every curve of his face. The bags under Kibum's eyes are most prominent though. Never before had he had so little sleep. Between being uncomfortable and worrying about the baby when he could get comfortable, Jonghyun knows he hasn't been sleeping more than a few hours every night.

"I love you."

---

"Do you still want to exchange presents this year for Christmas, Bummie?"

Kibum looks up at Jonghyun from his food, pressing his lips together. "I really don't know what I'd get you though... I have a lot to do before the baby comes. I'll look online though. I'll try to find something."

Jonghyun smiles softly. "You don't need to get me anything, but I just wanted to know if you wanted to do a big thing this year... or as big as we can do in a hospital... I know you love Christmas."

"Maybe the baby could be the only gift. I'll go crazy if I have to think about gifts and wrapping paper and cards and... Everything has been driving me nuts, even the smallest things."

Jonghyun rubs Kibum's knee. "Then don't think about it... Do we need to go anywhere else before we head home?"

Kibum nods. "I need a few more things for the bag for the hospital. I know we won't have any surprises, but if it's done, it'll be one thing off the list."

"What do you need?"

"A comfy robe and slippers. Some sweatpants that are baggier than the ones I have too... Um, a button-up shirt that's actually warm for when I can come home. From what I've been reading about c-sections, I don't think I'm going to want to lift my arms over my head."

They both stand once Jonghyun pays the bill and the tip. Jonghyun helps Kibum into his jacket and puts on his scarf with a smile before putting on his own jacket.

"We'll get whatever you think you'll need," he watches Kibum fix the scarf around his neck. "Make sure you bundle up. It's great getting cold out there. We don't need you getting sick two weeks before you're set to have a baby."

"You stay warm too, Jonghyun. You can't be sick either. You whine more than I do when you're sick anyway."

---

"Fold everything small, so it all fits, okay? Thank you so much."

Kibum hands everything to Jonghyun as he folds it for Kibum and packs it into Kibum's dufflebag. He isn't sure if Kibum needs half the things he's bringing for three or four days in the hospital, but he doesn't question. If bringing twenty pounds worth of things with him makes Kibum feel safer, Jonghyun won't stand in the way.

"Where are all the things for the baby? Are they going in a separate bag?"

The silence that follows his question scares Jonghyun.

"Jonghyun, we're not bringing her home."

"But Kibum..." The words die on Jonghyun's lips.

Kibum shakes his head, pulling the bag closer so he can zip it closed. "Jonghyun, why am I the only one who's able to face reality? We're not going to be able to do it. Can't you understand that? We don't know how to take care of a baby."

"But the books--"

"The books are books, Jonghyun, and a baby is a baby. Babies don't come with a manual like that. It's easier if we just give her up so she can live happily and be healthy growing up."

"Live easier mentally or physically? Is it easier for her or US? Or just you?"

Kibum sighs and stands up. "Don't do this to me, Jonghyun."

"What happens if I want the baby? Is my opinion mute just because you don't want her? You've been calling her by name, Kibum. When you see her--"

"I'm not going to see her. They're taking her as soon as she's born to make it easier."

"I'm not letting that happen."

"Oh yes you are, Kim Jonghyun."

"Mom told me that the most important time to a newborn is that first few minutes when they're held by their mother... or in this case, father. They crave that. It's their first moment with their parent. You're just going to deprive her of that because you're being selfish?"

Kibum pauses long enough to listen to Jonghyun but ultimately opens the door. "Yes."

---

Jonghyun lays awake that night. He can't imagine Kibum giving the baby up like he plans. Why had he gone through nine months of what Jonghyun would assume to be Hell just to give up the baby without so much as glancing at her? If Jonghyun had known this would be the outcome after nine long months, he would have (horribly) suggested an abortion to make it easier on everyone, even the baby.

Jonghyun turns onto his side, back to a sleeping Kibum, as he sets his jaw to fight back tears. He'd never been emotional, not until he had met Kibum. Sure, he'd have a good cry once in a while when he was younger, but no one ever saw that. He's so much more likely to cry now, shamelessly, usually in front of Kibum.

There's a hand set on his back, and he knows Kibum is awake. He's not sure if he woke him up or something else. Jonghyun doesn't ask. He doesn't roll over, and he doesn't crane his neck to look at Kibum. He lays quietly in the darkness of his room and hopes that Kibum gives up and goes back to sleep.

"Jonghyun... I know you're still awake. Come on, don't be childish right now."

Jonghyun sighs because he knows Kibum is right and sits up, reaching over his head to turn on the lamp. Kibum whines softly at the flood if light, looking half asleep.

"You need your sleep, Kibum."

"So do you." Kibum retorts, frowning up at Jonghyun tiredly.

"Why are you up?" Jonghyun sighs again in return, looking down at Kibum.

"Because you are," Kibum sets his hand on top of Jonghyun's, fingers curling around his. "It's cold, and you moved away. I got cold too... We still have a few days, Jonghyun. I could always reevaluate my decision."

"But are you going to?"

"I could." Kibum tries uneasily.

"Even... if you don't, am I allowed to see her? If we really give her, I want to hold her. Just once. I've waited so long. She's so close to me all the time, but so far. You wouldn't take away my only chance to meet her, would you?"

Kibum looks away, pulling his hand away and reaching up to rub his face. "Of course not. What you do is your decision... and what I do is mine."

"Right... Okay, as long as I get to see her. Is the adoption... open at least? Will I be able to see her if I want to?"

"That's up to the people who adopt her, Jonghyun. I can't speak for them. It's whatever they want to do."

"Please just go back to sleep, Kibum. You'll be tired tomorrow if you don't sleep now. You told me you had a big test. You won't score well if you're tired."

"Don't hate me for this, Jonghyun."

"It's going to be a little hard not to."

---

Jonghyun greets his mother at breakfast the next morning, kissing her cheek. "I think you might as well cancel the order on the furniture. Kibum isn't budging. I think he's dead against keeping the baby."

"Are you sure...?" His mother turns away from the stove, coming closer to Jonghyun in the doorway.

"Unfortunately. We're not getting anywhere, and there's just... no sense in me wasting my breath when he's not going to budge. I was hoping he'd see the baby and change his mind, but he told me he's not going to see her. I don't know what to do, Mom."

She set her hand on her son's shoulder. "I'm going to keep the furniture order. Your father already painted the room for you two with the intentions of having a baby in the home. Wait until he has the baby. The connection might come then. Until the baby is completely someone else's, everything will arrive on time. We'll make sure the nursery is all set up for when she comes home."

"If she comes home..."

"Kibum isn't that cold-hearted, Jonghyun. Even I know that. I'd be very surprised if he goes through with it. You'll make yourself age, worrying so much. Everything will be alright in the end, my son."

---

Kibum stands outside the kitchen quietly, numbly walking back down the hallway to the guest room. He quietly opens the door just a crack, a flood of pink catching the light. He grips the doorknob tightly, knees feeling weak as he opens the door wider. The bed that's always been in the room is gone now. Everything has been cleaned out, and Kibum knows why.

"Everyone wants to keep this baby... They were... doing this all behind my back."

Kibum's fingers brush past something hanging on the doorknob on the inside of the room. He picks up the small hanger, staring at the little pink dress. The tag size is for zero to three months, and Kibum realizes this is the outfit intended for the baby to wear on the day she comes home.

Biting his lip, Kibum hangs the dress back up and shuts the door, leaning against it for a moment. He stares up at the ceiling blankly before squeezing his eyes shut. A few tears slide down his cheeks, but he quickly wipes them away. He's not going to cry over this baby again, not when she's so close to being born. 

"What are you doing, Kibum?"