Kibum disappears to Daegu for a month after that. Jonghyun didn't want to see him go, but he didn't stop him either. Kibum's grandmother is the last comfort of family that he has, and Jonghyun wasn't going to step in the way of him seeing her. A month, however, was a drastic length of time to be gone. Even so, Jonghyun doesn't demand him home; he lets him go.

He returns after four weeks, and Jonghyun is there to greet him at the airport, Hara wrestling her way out of his arms to run to her missed appa. Kibum scoops her up immediately under the scrutinizing gaze of Jonghyun as he takes him in. 

Jonghyun notices he's gained a bit of weight, just enough to round his cheeks. His hair is black again, and it makes Jonghyun wonder if he only went back to his hometown to dye his hair. He shakes it off when Kibum hugs him tightly with his free arm, whispering that he missed him.

If you missed me, Jonghyun wants to ask, then why didn't you come home?

But he doesn't.

"You look well, Kibum. I suppose your grandmother treated you good?" Jonghyun is already tugging Kibum in the direction of the car.

"She did... Always has. You know that. What's been going on back home? What have I missed?"

"Not much really. It's just been Hara and I hanging out at the apartment. There's not much either of us wanted to do without you, you know. We've just been lazy."

"It must have been pretty boring without me." Kibum teases, a smile coming to his lips.

"Yeah, it had its days, but now that you're back, we can go back to our normal routine. Hara missed you a lot while you were away, Kibum. She asked about you basically every day, sometimes more than once. She just wanted her daddy back."

Kibum looks down at his daughter in his arms. "I needed the time away..."

"I understand that, but she doesn't. She's only a toddler."

"Well, I'm back now, my beautiful little princess."

"And you'd better stay, Kibum. We both missed you bunches."

Kibum smiles as he hooks Hara into her car seat, shutting the door and putting his arms around Jonghyun's neck to kiss him gently. Jonghyun missed the feeling of Kibum's lips against his, and it's so good to have the feeling back.

---

"You know, Jjong, I had a lot of time to think about things after I had the miscarriage. I realized that... I actually want another baby."

Jonghyun pulls Kibum closer into his arms as they lay down for bed. "How long have you thought that?"

"A week or two... I just... I feel empty, Jonghyun. I think I've... somewhat passed the pain that came from losing the baby, but now, I miss the baby. I went through the stages of grief, and acceptance feels good, but I'm still missing that part of, well, me, I guess. I was supposed to have another baby... I may have lost it, but I think something was telling me we were meant to have another child."

Jonghyun laces his fingers with Kibum's. "I thought you wanted to wait until Hara was older to have another baby."

"I-I did, but... Things change, I guess. What do you think about it?"

"I'm not opposed to the idea of having another baby. Hara is basically an angel, and she'd be nearly three by the time the baby is born. She's already independent enough as it is anyway. Do you really want another baby? We can wait, at least until you're twenty or older."

Kibum nods, resting his cheek against Jonghyun's chest. "I really do, Jonghyun."

"Then we can start trying. Get some sleep tonight though. You need it, and I missed sleeping next to you too much."

---

"Well?"

Kibum sighs as he sits down in the living room next to Jonghyun. He's got three drugstore pregnancy tests in his hand, holding them out for Jonghyun to look at.

"Two negatives and a positive... I'm not sure if I should get my hopes up or not. It's the first positive I've gotten from these tests too."

"I heard that false positives are rare, even with these cheap tests. Why don't you make a doctor's appointment? I'd rather trust them over these tests anyway."

Kibum touches his cheek as he nods slowly. "Okay..."

"Kibum," Jonghyun reaches over and rubs his thigh gently. "Don't worry too much, okay? If you're not pregnant, then we can just try again."

"Jjong, this is the third time in two months that I've taken the test. I guess the positive is a good sign, but still... I'm worried. I'm losing hope. What if the miscarriage messed my body up or something?"

"Like I said, don't worry. I'm sure nothing is wrong. It doesn't work every time, you know that. It's not a guarantee that you'll get pregnant just because we had . It might take a few tries, that's all."

Kibum looks down, clenching his hands into fists. "It's ironic, isn't it? When we had our first time, I got pregnant no problem. Now that I want another baby, I just can't get pregnant."

Jonghyun lifts a hand and sets it on Kibum's back to rub gentle circles. "You'll get pregnant, don't fret so much."

"I hope so, Jonghyun."

---

Kibum sits in the doctor's office, picking at his nails as he waits for the doctor to return with the results. Jonghyun is considerably more calm than Kibum, sitting in the chair in the corner as he plays on his cellphone. He wants to yell at him for being calm while he's so paranoid, but he keeps his mouth shut, looking up when the doctor comes in with a clipboard in hand.

"Well, Mr. Kim, it looks like you're expecting again."

"Really?"

Kibum's eyes widen as he looks up. Jonghyun grins at the doctor then Kibum, a look of 'I-told-so' on his face.

"Judging by the information you've provided me, you should be about six weeks. Can you just step onto the scale for me so we can start tracking your weight? Congratulations. I know that you had a miscarriage a few months ago. It's always good to see my patients moving on so quickly after a tragic happening like that."

With a small nod, Kibum walks over to the scale and steps in. He's still in shock at the news. He should be happy, and he knows he will be, but to hear such good news after having a pessimistic attitude is certainly a shock to Kibum. It certainly caught him off guard.

---

The next month goes slowly for Kibum. Jonghyun begins working more and more at the office and insists on putting Hara into the daycare down the street to meet new little friends her age. Kibum doesn't protest, for it's only a few hours a week and he knows she enjoys it, but he doesn't know what to do with himself when he's home alone, without Jonghyun and the baby to keep him busy.

One night, Jonghyun picks Hara up from daycare and drops her off at his mother's house for the night so he and Kibum could have a movie night (at home of course). When Jonghyun walks in with Chinese takeout (as per Kibum's request), he finds Kibum with a box of crackers on the couch, chip bag close by. Jonghyun chuckles, dropping the Chinese food and the rented movie on the counter in the kitchen.

"You told me you wanted Chinese food. Why are you eating crackers and chips?"

"I'm hungry! I've been eating all day," Kibum stands and stretches his arms over his head, tank top riding up to show his little bump. "I've been starving."

"You'd better stop eating," Jonghyun jokes, patting Kibum's stomach as he passes by. "You already look like you're going to pop. Try munching on some vegetables."

"Oh, shut up! I do not. You're such a jerk sometimes."

Jonghyun smiles good naturedly and kisses Kibum's cheek. "Then why do you have your jeans ed?"

Kibum blushes and reaches down to rebutton them, but Jonghyun stops him. "I was uncomfortable when I was sitting."

"I don't know, Kibum. You might be having twins."

"Shut up." Kibum repeats and glares playfully as he makes himself a plate of Chinese food.

---

Jonghyun scares Kibum enough to ask the nurse to check for twins for his first ultrasound at twelve weeks. She only laughs and tells him not to worry before she even begins the ultrasound, saying that he's just measuring big because of fluids. She assures him that he would have gained double the amount of weight he has if he were carrying twins.

Kibum doesn't tell Jonghyun that he asked when he calls him at work to let him know that his appointment went well. Jonghyun uses his lunch break to drop Kibum off at home, giving him a kiss on the lips and a pat on the belly before he hurries off to the office again.

Kibum doesn't like that he's working longer hours at the office, he hates it actually, but from the sounds of it, it seems like Jonghyun's father is retiring soon. That means that Jonghyun will inherit the family business completely as owner, so Kibum up his loneliness and waves Jonghyun off with a small smile.

The extra alone time proves to be both good and bad for Kibum. Without Hara running around begging for attention, he's able to keep up with care for the apartment (and take cat naps between chores because his stamina isn't what it usually is). Some days, though, the silence becomes too much, and he finds himself walking to the daycare to pick Hara up early.

That day just happened to be one of those times.

At first, she refuses to leave her friends and their tea party, but she goes running to Kibum when she hears his voice and hops up into his arms. She babbles about her day to him on the walk back home, stories turning to questions when something different catches her attention. Kibum swears she must ask a thousand questions a day, but he's used to it by now.

"Appa?"

"Hm, sweetheart?" Kibum shifts her to one arm as he unlocks the apartment door, answers coming automatically to his lips.

"Where's baby?"

"Bab-- Ah." 

Kibum and Jonghyun hadn't sat Hara down yet to her about the baby, in fear that she wouldn't understand or take it the way the hoped. Somehow, she's figured the truth out herself, and by her pointing at Kibum's stomach, she's figured out that there was a reason why Jonghyun had a newfound fascination with Kibum's belly. Any further than that, Kibum doesn't think she understands.

Kibum sits down on the couch, pulling Hara onto his knee as he hugs her little waist. "In a few months, you're going to be a big sister. Jonghyun appa and I were planning on telling you, but we were wondering how. I guess our smart little princess found out all by herself."

"Brother?"

"It could be a sister too. We'll have to wait to see. It's like a surprise," he taps her nose gently with a smile before she squirms off his lap. "Are you excited, sweetheart?"

Hara nods at Kibum, picking up one of her baby dolls from the couch and bringing it to set on her father's lap. "Baby! Look  baby!"

Kibum smiles softly and nods as he lifts the baby doll to hold it just like he held Hara as a baby. "That's exactly right. You'll have to practice holding your little sibling like this, so you can hold them when they arrive."

Kibum knew he shouldn't have been so worried about Hara. Most of her playmates at daycare are one of at least two children, sometimes the youngest and sometimes the oldest, and Hara does seem to get jealous of them because they have extra responsibility. It's fascinating to Kibum how quickly Hara is growing up.

Even so, he's wary of what's to come. He's only eighteen, nearly nineteen, and he knows having two kids before twenty is something quite out of the ordinary, even for somewhere as liberal as Seoul. His young age is the one thing that's truly holding back full happiness for him. He still wonders if he could give Hara and the baby a better life if he had been older. 

He remembers what Jonghyun told him so many months ago, that age doesn't matter if he loves their child, and stands to hug Jonghyun when he walks through the door.