Two.
Always By Your Side (There I Stay)
"What are you going to do about school?" Jonghyun asks gently, arms curling around Kibum's waist protectively.
There are silent tears running down Kibum's cheeks. It's become common in the two days the younger had stayed with Jonghyun so far. Jonghyun doesn't react when he turns toward him with a wet face.
"Everyone is going to find out, Jonghyun. Everyone at school, they're going to be against us... Well, me. I-I think I should just drop out. Once I start showing... It's all over."
"Kibum," Jonghyun holds Kibum's arms, looking serious even in the darkness. "You aren't dropping out. I won't let you. Finals are in a few weeks, and then we'll be on break."
"I'll be on break. You'll have graduated. I still need to go back next year. And I'll be... eight... sixteen... plus eleven... Jjong, I'll be almost thirty weeks pregnant. You expect me to go to school all day?"
"Yeah, I do actually. Kibum, you're smart. Don't waste it by dropping out. You can make a future for yourself," Jonghyun his side slowly when Kibum rolls so his back is to him. "We won't worry about that now, okay? Let's just try to make it to finals week at least."
Kibum grunts. "I'm going to be showing! Everyone will know, Jonghyun. I'll get ridiculed to no end."
"Kibum, shh... You'll be fine; I promise. I know you're scared. I am too, but let's not jump to anything crazy. First, we'll focus on finals, and then we'll see what's happening. For now, get some rest. We both have school in the morning."
"I still don't have my uniform..."
"You can wear mine. After school, we'll pick up things from your house while your parents are out. Do you think the spare key is still on the door frame?"
"It has to be. Mom didn't know about. I doubt she looked that hard."
"Then that's our ticket in."
---
Jonghyun leans up on his toes, feeling for the key sitting on the door frame. He knocks it off and catches it with his other hand before unlocking the door.
"I'll be quick. I need to find a couple bags."
Jonghyun nods as Kibum walks off, pacing around his living room. Kibum calls him back a few minutes later with a request to help, and they both begin to shove all Kibum's belongings into three dufflebags.
"Is that everything?" Jonghyun asks, lifting two of the bags.
"Almost. My parents have an emergency fund in their room with some spare cash. Let me grab some; I think this is considered an emergency. Just in case I need it for something in the future."
When Kibum returns, he picks up the last dufflebag and his laptop case, sighing softly as he looks over his room once more. He'll miss his apartment. Even though he didn't love living with his parents, the apartment they bought when they moved from Daegu to Seoul was nice enough.
"Does your grandmother know?" Jonghyun catches Kibum staring at a picture of the old woman.
"Not yet."
"So you're going to tell her?"
"Eventually," Kibum sighs, walking to the door to leave. "I need to get down there and visit, but I don't have any time. I'll go down after finals are over..."
"Will she understand?"
"She won't be... upset, per se, if that's what you're thinking. She's cared about me so much more than my parents ever had. You should come down to Daegu with me. You haven't even met her yet, and she's basically my most important family member. Her house is huge... She's got one of those traditional Korean homes, so she has the room."
Jonghyun nods as he kicks the door closed behind him, leading Kibum down to the parking lot. He unlocks the door and throws the bags in the back, helping Kibum with his before he wraps his arms around him tightly.
"What if you tried talking to the school about taking your finals early? Lessons are basically over, and these fast few weeks are for reviewing. You obviously want to be in Daegu right now, and if that'll make you more comfortable right now, then that's what I want to do for you."
Kibum wiggles out of Jonghyun's arms. "No, it's okay. I'll wait."
Jonghyun sighs, getting into the car. "You need an ultrasound."
"I don't want to see the baby."
"It doesn't have to be to see the baby, but the doctors need to make sure it's healthy. Don't you want to make sure the baby's okay?"
Kibum stares out the window. "I don't have health insurance... I won't be able to afford it."
"I'll get Dad to put you on our family insurance somehow. You need to stay healthy and so does the baby, whether you want to regard the fact that it's there or not."
Kibum wants to glare at Jonghyun. He wants to scream and shout and run away, but instead he only stares out the window as Jonghyun drives, forcing himself to keep all the emotions inside of him.
For now.
For Jonghyun's sake.
---
"Kibum."
"Don't touch me, Jonghyun."
"Kibum," Jonghyun tries again, reaching for Kibum's wrist beneath the blanket. "Get up. You need to go to school."
"I said don't touch me!" Kibum screams, smacking Jonghyun's hand away.
Jonghyun grunts in annoyance, tearing the blankets off Kibum and tossing them in a heap before throwing his uniform on top of the him in exchange. "Get dressed."
"You can't make me."
"Would you ing stop, Kibum? Are you going to act incompetent for the next nine months? Are you going to sit on your and feel bad for yourself? Is that all you're going to do now?"
Kibum stands up, balling his uniform under his arm and shoving past Jonghyun to leave the bedroom. By the way the door slams behind him, Jonghyun knows that Kibum is pissed, but he's not left with much of a choice. If he has to urge Kibum to continue his high school career by making him hate him, then so be it. Jonghyun wants Kibum to succeed because he knows Kibum can. But not if he only feels sorry for himself.
A few minutes later, Kibum walks back in. Jonghyun is shoving books into their bags, opening one of Kibum's notebooks as he gets smacked on the back by the younger.
"Don't look through my things."
"You had math homework."
"Math homework won't help me change a diaper, now will it?"
"You're being impossible."
"You're being impossible." Kibum mocks, sneering at his boyfriend.
Jonghyun shoves Kibum's book bag into his chest but doesn't say anything else as he leaves. He's not about to spend his entire morning arguing with someone who chooses to be childish. Jonghyun grabs his car keys on the way out, grabbing an apple for breakfast.
The ride to school is silent and awkward, and Jonghyun can tell that Kibum is glaring at him though his eyes are focused on the road. He chooses not to say anything and parks his car in the lot, grabbing both their bags from the back seat and walking behind Kibum to his locket.
When Kibum pauses in front of his locker, Jonghyun peeks around him. There's notes and pictures taped to the outside of his locker and '' scrawled across the span of the locker in marker. Kibum reaches forward, tugging a note off that explicitly asks for Kibum's services.
"Everyone knows. It's over." Kibum crumbles the paper in his hand and drops it to the ground.
Someone passes and cat calls, asking how the baby is.
The look Kibum gives Jonghyun is heartbreaking as he walks past him, grabbing his book bag. Jonghyun thought he was leaving, but instead Kibum marches in the direction of his first period class.
---
Jonghyun drops Kibum's books on the bed, tugging his laptop away.
"Homework time."
"Don't have any..." Kibum mutters, trying to pull the laptop closer again.
"Nice try. I went to your teachers. You have a history review and three pages of math. You're supposed to read the next chapter of your book for literature class, too."
"So?"
"This isn't open for discussion," Jonghyun shuts the lid of the laptop. "Do your work."
"Do s need to do homework? I can make more money working the corners."
Jonghyun grabs Kibum's chin, forcing him to look in his direction. "Stop it."
"Jonghyun--"
"No, Kibum. Just stop. You're not four years old."
Kibum stares Jonghyun in the eyes, lower lip beginning to quiver slowly before he begins crying. He leans into Jonghyun's chest, gripping his shirt as he sobs. Jonghyun knows that this is what Kibum has been holding in for days, and he thinks it's better yo let him cry it out, so he only holds him and rubs his back. He pecks his head, his hair slowly.
"Please let me drop out."
"Kibum, I can't let you do that. You wouldn't forgive yourself if you did."
"Home-schooling. School online... Anything but going to that place, Jonghyun. They're going to tear me apart if I stay..."
"Show them up."
"Jonghyun, it's not that easy!"
"Let's go to school tomorrow and sit down with your teachers. You're well-liked by them, all of them, and I think that they'll let you take your finals early. You're fifteen weeks pregnant, and this stress isn't good for you. You'll have a miscarriage."
Kibum wipes his face. "Please don't leave my side, Jjong. If you're with me, they won't touch me. Everyone is afraid of you..."
Jonghyun holds him tightly, resting his cheek on his head. "Sure. But you need to promise me something too."
"What...?"
"Make an appointment at the doctor's office for an ultrasound, okay? You don't have to look, you don't have to get a print-out, but we need to make sure that the baby is healthy."
"Fine," Kibum sighs. "Fine, but I'm taking my finals before I go to the doctors."
---
"So? How do you think you did?"
Jonghyun lounges on his bed, watching Kibum his uniform shirt. There's a bump where it's usually flat, and it's beginning to strain the buttons on his shirt. He notices that Kibum takes extra care not to make contact with it.
"I definitely won't graduate eleventh grade with my ranking," Kibum sighs, dropping his shirt on the bed and putting on a baggier t-shirt. "But I don't think I did absolutely terrible. They weren't... horribly difficult."
"Well, that's good, right?"
"I guess. It's not what I intended a few weeks ago, but there's not much I can do now. By the way, my appointment is at four? What time do we need to leave? I'm already exhausted."
Jonghyun glances at the clock. "Fifteen minutes or so. The appointment won't take long. I asked Mom about it, and she said ultrasounds don't take too long as long as there aren't any complications. She said we should pick up a Doppler to listen to the baby's heartbeat."
"No."
"Kibum..."
"I want to distance myself as much as possible. I get attached to things easily, and it'll be harder to give up the baby if... I love it."
"You don't think you're going to fall in love with it while it's inside of you for almost a year?"
"I'm going to try not to."
---
"Come on, Kibum. Look at the screen. Just a little peek. You could see the outline of the baby." Jonghyun urges, prodding gently at Kibum's wrist.
Kibum has his arm strewn over his eyes, blocking the sight of the monitor completely out of his vision. Jonghyun is encouraging him to look at the baby, but Kibum refuses. He feels a pang in his heart every time Jonghyun mentions the word baby, and he hates it.
He reminds himself again that he's only sixteen.
Kibum can't even drive a car. How does anyone expect him to learn how to take care of a baby? How could he live knowing someone else's life depended on solely he and Jonghyun?
"No, Jjong. I told you I won't look."
"I'm going to get a print-out of the pictures. Just in case you change your mind later."
"You promised me we wouldn't get print-out."
"I said you didn't need to get print-outs. Look, I'm not going to force you to look at them, but I want them. You never know if you'll change your mind. You can't get this moment back."
Kibum feels like crying, hiding beneath his arm. He wants to cry and disappear, only for a little bit so he can sort out his thoughts.
"Am I almost done?" Kibum asks but doesn't remove his arm.
The picture could still be on the monitor.
"She has to listen for the heartbeat. You better block your ears too."
Although it was a joke on Jonghyun's part, Kibum does just that. He sticks his pointer fingers in his ears and listens to the buzzing of silence until he feels the comforting hand of the nurse over his own.
"So far so good," she says softly as she picks up her clipboard on the cart. "You'll have appointments every other week until you hit thirty-five weeks. We'll switch to weekly appointments then to monitor the baby. Once you get closer to forty weeks, we'll be able to set a date for your c-section. In a way, you'll almost be able to chose the birthday, with respect to the baby of course. Think about it that way."
"Yeah," Kibum grunts, sitting up when Jonghyun tugs down his shirt. "Thrilling."
"You sound thrilled," the nurse stands and picks three pamphlets from a holder across the room, handing them to Kibum. "These talk about adoption. The risks, the benefits, the process... Everything you need to know to see if it's really for you. Otherwise, you're good to go. Don't hesitate to call if you have any questions. Better safe than sorry."
Kibum is busy leafing through the pamphlets on their way out. He doesn't notice the look of overwhelming sadness Jonghyun has in his eyes as he stares at the trifold papers in Kibum's hand.
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