Kibum's P.O.V

Jonghyun have been spending time with me again ever since I got discharge from the hospital a week ago.

I want to push him away and just disappear from his life. But I can't. I can't do that when I always gave in to him everytime I see his face. I can't put myself to have the urge to leave him again. But I have to. I have to do that to keep him from hurting. I don't want to hurt him. He deserves better.

He deserves someone who will make him smile. Someone who will be there keeping a promise to be with him forever. Not someone like me who will eventually leave him in the end. I love Jonghyun so much, and I want what's best for Jonghyun. And that, that is probably not me.

Onew-hyung asked me last time. He asked me if I still love Jonghyun. I do. I really do but I told him that it was before. I told him that I was not sure about my feelings for him anymore. But I am. I am sure enough that I still love Jonghyun. I love him more than anything. More than life itself.

You may be asking why I told him that? Simply. I know Jonghyun was there listening. I find it suspicious how Onew-hyung is talking to me with the door slightly open, and I can see how he seem to be watching someone from the side.

Was what I did considered a cruel thing? It was right? I know Jonghyun was there listening. I know he's hoping for an answer that contains how I still do love him but what he got is the opposite.

I hurted him. I know. And it makes me feel guilty. I feel guilty for saying that when the truth is that my feelings for him did not change. Not even a bit.

The time he entered the room minutes after Onew-hyung left, I saw him smiling. He was beaming me a smile. Giving me the most gentle and sweet smile he can give. Despite of what he heard, he still manage to act as if he did not hear anything at all.

And guilt is eating me up alive that time. How could? How could I hurt someone like Jonghyun.

As I've said, Jonghyun is usually spending time with me. He comes to my apartment and I just let him. I let him in.

Can I be a little selffish just this once? I missed him. Like really bad. I want to at least spend some time with him. Even just for a while.

This day is no different. Jonghyun came early. He came with breakfast in his hand as always.

I smiled at Jonghyun. Yes. Just let me feel this feeling of happiness again even for a while.

I promise, this won't last long. I will leave him. I have to, but let me have him for a moment.

We both head to the kitchen and I set up the cupcakes he bought in a plate.

I smiled when I opened the box containing the cupcakes. He still remember. He remembers it. He remember how I love this cupcake with my coffee. Let it be a normal americano coffee or an iced one, it won't be complete if I don't have this.

I started to munch on the cupcake I got first when I saw Jonghyun just watching me. I asked him why isn't he eating and told me how those are only for me.

I answered him using my diva tone. I know he'll get scared and obey me.

I chuckled to myself when I saw him get a piece and started to munch on the cupcake as well. And with that, I started eating again.

"Bummie?" Jonghyun suddenly called me as I took a sip from my coffee.

I hummed in response telling him that I'm listening.

"I love you." Those three words. Those beautiful three words suddenly slipped out from his mouth. It caught me off guard hearing those words. 

Three words I wanted to hear yet scared at the same time.

My heart flips everytime I hear those words from him. And it's as if butterflies and bee's are having a war inside of me.

But I'm scared. I'm scared because I don't know what will I tell him in response. I'm scared.

I want to tell him I love him. I love him too. Very much indeed. But no, I don't want to give him the hope that what I told Onew-hyung is something I don't mean. I know. I know he's thinking about it.

I put my coffee down and bowed my head. I can't look at him in the eyes. "I.."

I love you Kim Jonghyun. I love you so much that it hurts. I love so much but I can't be with you again. I love you that I wanted to spend my forever with you but that's not possible at the moment. And it seems like it won't be possible at all.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

"I know." I told him instead. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. But no, I have to be strong. I have to.

I heard Jonghyun let out a chuckle. He let out a chuckle despite my answer.

I looked up at him and saw him smiling at me.That smile again. That smile that makes me feel guilty. You should hate me Jonghyun. I'm hurting you. Please don't do this.

"That's good Bummie." he told me sending me a wink. "But I won't get tired reminding you just so you know." he added.

Guilt. Guilt. That's what I am feeling. I know you're hurting Jonghyun. I know you're expecting for a different answer. I know that was not the answer you wanted to hear from me. But how? How can you still manage to smile while I'm hurting you?

You're making it harder for me Jjong. How can I leave you again when you're being like that to me? You're making it really hard.

I manage to put on a fake smile at him and just continued on munching on the cupcake.

Suddenly, Jonghyun's phone rang. I looked at him again and he beamed me another smile. 

"It's Onew-hyung." he told me.

"Answer it." I told him back.

"Well, okay. Excuse m