Sandeul

Surprisingly, we managed it. We managed to get back to normal! Not immediately! Slow and by taking little steps but we managed it. I made up with Jinyoung and O thought I was okay with all of this. No, I was SURE I was okay with this but when this day came, I couldn't fool me and my heart anymore…

Before the first lesson Baro wasn't there, yet. I was puzzled and a little bit worried because he usually arrived earlier than me but today he didn't…

And when he finally arrived he changed everything. He entered the room but he wasn't alone. Next to him was Stacy holding his hand giggling and when I saw the way he looked at her I felt like I was dying inside.

He stopped walking, pulled Stacy close and passionately kissed her goodbye and she left. I was too startled to react when he walked over and greeted us. I cleared my throat and turned to the others.

"Seems like Stacy forgave you that you left her back then when you had your date!" Jinyoung said and wriggled his eyebrows. Everyone laughed. I awkwardly faked a smile. Then Baro turned to me, smiled and leaned down to hug me.

"Hey, wanna do a movie night on Friday?" he asked me.

"No, sorry I'm busy at the weekend." I answered and was confused about myself after. What did I just say?! Busy? Busy with what? Busy with who?!

"What? Come on, Sandeul, who or what would be more important than me?!" Baro said and faked a heart-melting-puppy-gaze.

"I will get on your nerves for the whole week if you still refuse!" he added. I faked a smile and sighed.

"Okay, fine."

"Great! You're the best!" he said excited. All I thought was ' No, I'm not the best, at least not to you. To you, Stacy seems to be the best, the number one." And that's it. I'll not be able to become his number one ever and it was killing me to know that I'd probably forever be his number two. My chest was filled with a weird pain and with every thumb of my heart it seemed to get worse and worse…

I stepped outside the house, hesitating for a moment and then closed the door behind me. I could've cancelled. I could've said that I was ill or honestly busy or whatever. Or I could've just not gone there but now I was already on my way and it felt like I couldn't use any possibility to escape anymore. My feet automatically took one step after the other as if they were leading me home, as if they were too use to going to that place…

Ten minutes and probably millions of thoughts of regret later I arrived in front of Baro's house. My fingers were shaking from the cold outside when I was ringing his doorbell. A few moments later Baro opened the door with a bowl of popcorn in his hands.

"Sandeul! You came!" he said and smiled happily.

"Come in, take off your jacket!"

I got in and did as he said. I put the jacket where I always put it and sighed. It was like my special place, only for MY jacket!

"Go to the others into the living room, we're starting in a minute!"

"The others?" I asked surprised. I thought he had been talking about a movie-night with only the two of us.

"Yeah, Jinyoung and Gongchan are there, too." He answered and then disappeared into the kitchen.

On my way to the living room I wasn't sure whether I should be happy and thankful or not. On one hand I was glad that Baro and I wouldn't have to be alone together because since that Stacy-thing was revealed I had tried my best to avoid being alone with him because I didn't know how I would end up…

I was at least thankful that Stacy herself wasn't there! But on the other hand I had to admit that I felt a little bit disappointed because when Baro begged me to agree I felt appreciated and special but now I didn't feel special anymore at all. I was just one of others, nothing special, just one of his friends. The thought of never being able to be more to him made me desperately wanting to run out of the door, run our of Baro's life and run until the pain in my lungs would cover the pain in my heart…

I entered the living room and greeted Jinyoung and Gongchan. I sat down at one of the two free corners of Baro's huge couch. Jinyoung and Gongchan had occupied the whole middle of the couch, so they would be sitting between Baro and me, which was a benefit to me. I took a handful of Gongchan's popcorn and sighed, waiting for the movie-night to begin…

Baro

It was 2am and Gongchan was so drunk that Jinyoung had to carry him home. We had all drunk alcohol but Gongchan really exaggerated.  I was glad it wasn't Sandeul. Semmed like he wasn't drunk as often as before which was a big relief to me. Jinyoung shut the door and I heard Sandeul eating the rest of the popcorn. I stood in the doorframe of the living room, watching him. He put the popcorn aside and got up.

"I guess I'll then leave, too." He said and approached the door I was blocking.

"What? Are you not staying? You're leaving me alone?"

"I'm tired, what should I do here?"

"You can sleep here, come on!" I said and looked at him pleading. Sandeul sighed. He looked at me dull but then seemed to give in and said:

"Fine, I'll stay." He finally said.

Sandeul

We then started to clean up a little. I was cleaning up the bowls in the kitchen when Baro entered the room. I felt his gaze on me but didn't say anything.

"Aren't you curious?" he suddenly asked.

"Curious about what?"

"About Stacy and me!" he answered. It seemed like everything darkened in my heart. I wasn't curious about them I just didn't want to know it. I didn't want to hear anything about how they had ended up together or how lovey-dovey they were. I swallowed and looked down to the ground.

"Not really." I finally answered.

"You're my best friend, aren't you at least a little bit interested in me and my life?" Baro said. I looked up.

"Of course I am!" I said protesting and it was the truth. I was interested in Baro and his life more than in any other person in this world. I wanted to know everything about him and his life but not his love-life. At least not if it doesn't involve me.

"You don't seem like that at all! I need someone to talk about these things!"

"You can talk to me about whatever you want except for…this! I'm not a good help in love-matters, talk to Jinyoung!"

"You could at least listen to me!" Baro said and looked disappointed in me. Once again my heart ached. With every stupid action I did it felt like I meant more and more less to him. I opened my mouth but didn't answer him. After a while, I mumbled 'I'm sorry' and turned around facing the wall holding up my hands on the work-plate, taking deep breaths.

Be both hushed, but after a while, I turned around and approached the door.

"Let's not fight, I'm tired. I'll go get some clothes to sleep from yours." I said and passed him and went upstairs. I took some comfortable clothes out of his cupboard and put them on. When I was done, I heard him come upstairs. When he entered the room I passed him and mumbled:

"Goodnight…"

He turned around and asked:

"Where are you going?"

"Downstairs….to sleep." I answered. I was standing on the stairs, looking up to him.

"You're not sleeping with me?" he asked confused. At the first moment, when we realized how suggestive that sounded, we both slightly blushed, but then burst out laughing. Although I was laughing, it hurt…

"No, honestly, why are you not sleeping with me? Don't we always do it like that?" he asked and looked into my eyes. I sighed, bit my lip and then mumbled:

"Yeah…you're right…"

I went upstairs again and entered the room. Baro started changing his clothes. I couldn't help but take a glance at his muscular upper body. I sank down on the bed and already lay down, taking my half of the blanket to cover myself. Baro turned off the lights and lay down next to me taking the other half of the blanket. I felt his warmth underneath the blanket. For a moment we were totally silent. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep…

"Do you remember the first time you slept here?" Baro asked and let out a silent giggle.

"Yeah, I do…" I answered. Baro didn't say anything anymore and I closed my eyes trying to chase away the sudden memory. I slightly shocked when I suddenly felt Baro's arm around me, his head being cuddled to my chest and his body being adapted to mine. I felt his warm body, heating up mine.

"What's up?" I whispered.

"I feel cold…" Baro answered and the memory of me saying this sentence returned and made my heart ache. Those words sounded so absurd coming from him, because his body was so hot. Silent Tears ran down my face, burning just as hot as Baro's skin…