You know those weird dark spots you see if you squeeze your eyes shut for too long, then you feel like you're blind for a second? That's kind of how my memory is-- my father was a very highly respected man in the military, though during the last weeks I got to spend with my parents there was someone trying to ruin my father. Ultimately that happened. My father, mother and I were on a trip to see an old friend of my father's who said he would be able to help him. Before we could even get there the car had been rigged and during the drive blew up.  

My memory from that time and for a few years afterwards, is like the dark spots you see when you close your eyes. I can't remember everything. Maybe becasue I was too young? Or maybe I just didn't want to remember any of it. Since then I was sent to my uncle, after my father's image as a highly respected military officer was tarnished, no one wanted anything to do with my family name. But my uncle was on my mother's side, he said it wouldn't have mattered either way though because I'm family.

I never met the man my father was in such a rush to meet. Sometimes I wish I had to know how he could've helped my father, other times I want to blame him for why my parents aren't here with me today, then I just wish I could forget about him altogether- but that's not possible. How could I even think it would be possible?

I'll daydream about my memories or even have dreams about them too, but I can never tell how much of them are true or not. There's always a fantasy aspect, where something goes right, my parents lived, there was no explosion, there was no mean man after my father.