XLIV
Plectrum of Hope"Noona, I don't want to go to school. Seonsaengnim will get angry at me again." Soo Yun's seven year old brother, Jihoon, tugs persistently at her trenchcoat to pull her back when they arrive at the gate of the school.
Soo Yun holds both of his shoulder and looks him in the eyes fretfully. "Why would he get mad at you? You didn't do anything wrong did you?" She had wrapped him in a thick sweater with fluffy earmuffs and a scarf to prevent him from catching a cold in the freezing weather. Jihoon avoids her eyes and stares down at his worn out shoes. "He said I needed to buy new sports shoes for the match next week. Or else he would kick me out of the team."
Soo Yun's heart drops. "Well, tell him that we can't afford one right now. I'm sure he'll understand." she insists.
Jihoon shakes his head profusely. "I already told him that but seonsaengnim said that wasn't his problem. But I don't want to force noona to buy it for me. I know we don't have enough money right now."
Soo Yun studies her brother's gentle face. She feels a dull ache inside of her. Jihoon has always loved football. He used to practice every single day until his legs were filled with purple bruises. He started eating healthily to gain more energy to fill up his physical needs. He studied hard just so that she would let him enter the school's football team. Then one day the coach saw a hidden talent in Jihoon and he was given the striker's position when he tried out for the team. And ultimately it was Soo Yun who jumped around the house excitedly; almost knocking over some of the flower pots. But now she will be reason for the towering hopes to be crushed.
She takes a deep measured breath. "Noona will buy them for you, okay? I promise." Her lips curl into a small smile that hopefully looks reassuring enough for him.
"Really?" Jihoon asks dumbfoundedly, his eyes gleaming in happiness.
"Really." She kisses the top of his head and ruffles his hair slightly. He grins a loopy smile just before she ushers him into the school gates.
After watching him disappear into the school compound, Soo Yun starts towards her destination. She had made her mind last night; and the conversation with Jihoon erases the last of her doubts.
She will be selfless. And it's not going to be easy.
When she arrives at the famous trainee building in Seoul, she spots Chanyeol sitting at the front entrance near two sacks of heavy bulged bags; several parcels poking from the opening, his eyes staring intently at a distance. Soo Yun ducks behind a wall quickly and curses under her breath. Why is he up so early?
Okay Soo Yun calm down you don't need to freak out. Just use the back door. She tries to talk some sense into herself.
She peers from the side of the wall again and Chanyeol is already gone. But then she feels a tap on her shoulder. She holds back a grimace. Please don't be him please don't be him please--- but Chanyeol's wide cheeky grin greets her when she turns around.
Crap.
"Hey, I was wondering why you didn-" Before he finishes his sentence, Soo Yun cuts him off coldly. "What?"
Chanyeol deadpanned for a second; he doesn't expect to get that sort of tone from her this early in the morning. "Do you wanna get coffee or something---"
"Look, I'm busy right now. I don't have time for this." she snaps at him. Chanyeol is taken aback. Then without waiting for his response, she dodges him out of the way. Chanyeol is about to run after her, but stops himself. Soo Yun must've work to do; she wouldn't just ignore him like that. He knows his best friend more than anyone.
Doesn't he?
"Hyung, I heard your sister's coming this weekend!" Jongin exclaims when they're taking a break from dance practice. The studio is thick and heavy with the scent of sweat.
"No way! The famous Park Yoora? Jinjja?" Baek interrupts casually. He strolls up at them while taking a bite from a cupcake.
Chanyeol tries to smile; his wind wandering somewhere else. "Deh. She said she would love to meet all of you again."
"Suho hyung!" Baek shouts behind his back, a smirk playing on the corner of his lips. "Maybe you'll get a chance with Chanyeol's sister this time."
Suho looks up from the couch and he can feel his cheeks getting warm. "I don't need you to remind me what happened. I got over it already."
The others try to hold back their laughter. Suho had left a pretty bad impression on Yoora when they first met earlier this year. Being a straight up gentleman as he is, Suho bought her yellow roses and since he was a nervous wreck and clumsy as ever he accidentally shoved it into Yoora's face when he presented it to her. Little did he know that Yoora had an awful allergic case towards flowers and ended up sneezing the whole day that she had to take an early leave. Suho called her later and apologized for God knows how much and that was the last of their relationship as far as it goes. Yoora never called him back and they had to console him when he cried his eyeballs out.
"Well perhaps you should contemplate about your feelings and sort out your priorities again since she's coming this weekend." Baek adds with an indifferent tone.
Suho's eyes widen up in a thin line between surprise and excitement and pure shock. "WHAT? She's coming? When? Damn it I knew I should've had my hair cut earlier!" He huffs in exasperation.
"Whoa calm down there casanova. You seem to forget that her brother is here?" Jongin laughs in amusement.
Suho looks up at Chanyeol with a sheepish smile and scratches the back of his neck. "Sorry--Hyung didn't mean to--you know hyung's feelings towards her--I mean--it's complicated---but"
"Hmm...I don't know, hyung. You're a bit...uptight for her." Chanyeol pretends to be deep in thought. Suho's face falls. Then Chanyeol grins widely and nods in approval as he slaps his back. "I'm kidding. Go for it, hyung. You have my support. Fighting!" He raises his fist slightly in the air and Suho beams back in relief. "Gomawo Chanyeol-ah." He chuckles; and crinkles appear at the corner of his eyes.
Just then, Soo Yun enters the room with Sehun and her dulcet laughter fills the room. Sehun probably cracked a joke that brought the warm giggle out of her. They look like a happy couple falling head over heels over each other.
A sense of jealousy that Chanyeol isn't sure where its coming from engulfs him. That should be him making her laugh, not Sehun.
Soo Yun's laughter is cut short when she realizes Chanyeol is in the same room. Like a permanent reminder, manager hyung's warning comes swirling in her mind like a thick black liquid.
"Jwesonghamnida." she bows quickly; flustered all of a sudden. Her hair cascades over her face like a waterfall. "I'm here to ask if you guys need anything? Coffee perhaps?" She looks around the room; anywhere but locking eyes with Chanyeol.
"Black coffee for me, Soo Yun-ssi" Suho raises his hand.
"Cappucino" Jongin grins.
"No thanks. I already drank coffee this morning." Baekhyun replies, waving lazily at her.
"Americano would be fine" Sehun glances at her and smiles warmly. Soo Yun nods and makes a mental note. "Okay I'll be righ---"
"Yun-ah, I'll go with you. I'm sure you need an extra hand" Chanyeol interrupts. Soo Yun looks up; startled. Helping her is merely an excuse; he's is actually desperate to talk to her in private. Soo Yun has been avoiding him for the whole day without any appealing reason. Chanyeol starts towards her but then he sees Soo Yun hastily holds on to Sehun's arm. He stops dead in his tracks.
"It's f-fine, Sehun's going with me." she stutters, but then her body relaxes because she had made a relevant excuse. Sehun raises his eyebrows in surprise at her sudden change of mind and the fact that she's holding on to his arm. "I am?" He frowns.
"Yes, you told me you would help me earlier." she amends. "Now if that's all, we should go now." She tugs Sehun's hand and bows before turning away to exit the room that's beginning to suffocate her. Chanyeol watch them leave; an empty feeling drapes over him like a blanket.
-
Avoiding someone who you see everyday is a whole lot harder than she thought. Especially when your feelings towards him is inevitable. He is like a little pebble that's stuck in her shoe. She shakes it out and she's pretty sure it's gone but when she starts walking again she could still feel the stone under her toe. That's exactly the thing with Chanyeol. She can't go on forever avoiding him because she can't get rid of him. And she can't dismiss her feelings that will keep coming back after she forces it down to the core of her heart. Feelings are insurmountable. No matter how hard you try to deny them, it will come back to you eventually and you can't do anything about it.
The week passes by in a blur. The November air is so much colder when it's in the middle of the month. And by colder, she means it literally. It's not just the ice lining the pavements, it's the cold stares and mocking glares of everyone to her. Apparently, everyone hates her now. The rumours are still wild even after the press conference they held. She'd get sneered at and receive insulting side glances on the streets when someone recognizes her. Her co-workers are not acting much different. She doesn't understand why she's receiving so much hate for simply going out with her friends and for having a quality time with her best friend. What's so wrong about that?
Soo Yun sighs in defeat. She realizes that she's a nobody compared to EXO. She's a fading shadow compared to the bright Chanyeol that can make anyone laugh without trying too hard. Chanyeol is an idol, a rising celebrity; while she, on the other hand, is simply a dull looking girl that lives in a run down apartment with her little brother. She's a poor orphan girl who can even barely pay off the rents. How did they even end up being best friends? Chanyeol deserves a better friend than her; someone who's beautiful and laugh at every joke he makes, not someone who always gets mad at him for no reason, someone who has her hair pulled up into a messy ponytail and considers it decent for work, someone who still wears the converse she owns from a few years back that she refuses to throw away because it's still in a good condition, someone who throws sarcastic remarks and ends up hurting him without knowing. Someone like her.
She huffs in relief after stacking the last of the papers on the table. Absentmindedly, she wipes the cold perspiration off her forehead using the back of her palm and collects her things and carelessly shove it into her sling bag. She makes sure that everything is in place before kicking the chair into the area under the table and heads towards the exit. Everyone else had gone off for lunch break. She purposely stayed back so that she could finish her work, but mostly because she wanted to be alone--- where no one is boring holes behind her skull.
After passing the hallway, she hears her name being called like a faint echo. Soo Yun turns around; half expecting for someone to order her to do errands, but she sees a familiar tall figure dashing across the hallway towards her direction.
Chanyeol catches up with her just in a matter of seconds and tugs her hand to pull her towards him before she runs away again. She gasps in surprise when she's greeted with the close approximity distance between her and Chanyeol. She attempts to pull away from his grasp but Chanyeol holds on to her hand firmly; refusing to let her slip this time.
"Just...give me five minutes. I need to talk to you." He says quickly and Soo Yun stops struggling. Instead she looks down at their shoes that's almost touching.
"Why have you been avoiding me?" His eyebrows are pulled together in a deep frown as he studies her.
"I-I'm not, " she stutters nervously. Soo Yun flinches at his touch. His fingers are like knives that cut her heart open a little bit more everytime he touches her.
"You're not? Then tell me why everytime I try to talk to you, you shut me out entirely. Whenever you see me, you run away like I'm some kind of plague you're terrified to catch. Tell me why you easily smile to the other members but you wouldn't even glance at my direction?" He gushes out, the disappointment as clear as the sky written on his face. "Tell me why...you won't even look at me right now, Yun-ah." His voice breaks a little and he doesn't even try to hide it.
Soo Yun can't remember how to breathe when she finds the courage to look him in the eyes. His hair is disheveled than ever; and falls slightly in front of his soft honey-like eyes that her fingers burn to push them back from his face. She's so close to him that the gap between them is so tempting to be excluded. But she can't give in to those pair of eyes. Chanyeol has left his fingertips in the dust that had accumulated on her heart during the years nobody had touched it. But now his fingermarks burn with his soft touch and she's desperate to collect dust again to remove his marks.
A tear falls slowly down her eyes. "You want to know the truth? The truth is I'm sick of all this. I'm sick of getting bash and lashed out by everyone for being your friend. I'm sick of pretending that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm ing tired of putting up with your cheerful moods everyday when you don't even ask about how mine went---how I have to get on my knees to postpone paying my house debts because I don't have enough money to pay for anything. You didn't even care to ask about my life, about Jihoon, and the fact that I'm struggling to swallow everyone's hate thrown at me. You didn't even ask, Park Chanyeol, even though you claim we're best friends." She spits the words forcefully, trying not to choke on her tears. "You know the worst part is? Everyone hates me because of you."
Chanyeol's grip on her hand releases. His knees threaten to buckle under his weight. Her words are like hot fire, purposely burning every vein in his body, melting his bones and turning him into ashes.
"I....I never thought you felt that way.." he begins slowly, his mouth beginning to feel dry.
"You never did care, Chanyeol. All you ever care about is yourself." She spits the venom-like words even though it makes her sick to her stomach.
Chanyeol flinches, the words punching him right in the gut.
"So now do me a favour and stay the hell away from me." Soo Yun warns, her whole body trembling relentlessly. She gives Chanyeol a final look--a last glance--before turning around and walks away.
No. Chanyeol thinks.
He quickly races up to her and wraps his arms around her body and hugs her from behind tightly. Soo Yun gasps; his sudden embrace out all the air from her lungs. She feels weightless; like she's floating. Her racing pulse throbs in a whirlwind. Chanyeol's heavy breath warms her ears as he snuggles into the crook of her neck. "You...are such a liar. Hajima. Don't do this." He whispers into her ear, his deep voice sending shivers down her spine. "You know better than anyone that I'll never let you go. I'm sorry, for everything. You don't deserve any of this. You can put all the blame on me but don't do this Yun-ah. I need you. Kajima." Chanyeol hugs her tighter and she freezes in his warm embrace. Her heart palpitates rapidly against her chest that's about to burst open at any moment. The world feels like it's moving in a slow motion; and they're suspended in an unknown universe of their own.
Mian-ne, she thinks to herself; as if Chanyeol could read her thoughts. She wants to be in his arms for as long as she possibly could but she can't. She releases herself out of his grip with the last bit of strength she has left. Her eyes are wet with tears when she looks at him again. The next moment he knew, he can feel a sharp pain on his left cheek when Soo Yun's hand made contact. Then she storms off without looking back.
Chanyeol touches his cheek that's starting to burn. He feels a sore ache inside of him but it's not coming from the slap; the ache is deeper. Like a hollow feeling in his chest. It's cutting him from the inside and slowly tearing apart every fiber of his body.
She hates him.
And that thought is too painful for him to bear.
{ A/N }
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