"They are teachings, about when to let others sacrifice themselves for you, even if it's selfish. They say that if the sacrifice is the ultimate way for that person to show you that they love you, you should let them do it."

*

09:16: When will you start calling me oppa, Yun-ah?;) 

09:20: Give me a reason why I should other than to inflate your ego :p

09:21: Damn, idk. that's the only reason I could think of :( :( 

09:26: where are you anyway?

09:27: in your heart ;) ;) now quit changing the subject & call me oppa! 

09:28: it's so easy cmon just say Chanyeol oppa~

09:29: you know you want to ;)

09:30: you're such a pain in the omg 

09:31: I can be the biggest pain in the in the whole wide world but you'll still love me ;) 

Soo Yun smiles like an idiot at her phone screen. She's supposed to be finishing the last bits of arranging schedules---that took her almost half of the day yesterday and it is still in the 'unfinished' files in her laptop---but here she is, giggling to herself over a few texts from Chanyeol. After pondering whether or not she should reply, Soo Yun decides to let the conversation stop just at that. She doesn't want to respond because all the choices will end up making that pabo's ego higher than Mount Everest. 

She puts her phone aside and stretches her sore legs in front of her. All the work and preparations for EXO's new winter album has left her drained and utterly worn out since she had to rush through everything. The amount of work has been strangely increasing and mounting like addled snow at the corner of her desk. It's not like she's the only staff who's available, but it feels like she is the only staff doing all the work. Soo Yun glances at the clock plastered on the wall in front of her and slowly counts down the hours before Chanyeol would get back from his tight schedule with the other members. 

She pulls her hair up into a messy bun and resumes her work just as the glass door to the room swings open. A set of high heels click into the room followed by other footsteps and soon enough the whole room that was quiet a few seconds ago now erupt into laughter that sounds strained and high-pitched. Soo Yun looks up and instantly cringes when she sees who it is. 

She walks so effortlessly in her pumps, her tight short skirt and long red coat covers her slim frame and her hair looks sparkling with bright gold highlights. Her "friends" crowd her and laugh that sounds a decibel too high at a joke that she makes, until her eyes land on Soo Yun and she knowingly smirk behind the rims of her coffee cup. 

"Yah, golddigger!" Her voice is condescending and sounds horribly fake to Soo Yun's ears that she wants to strangle her so bad. 

Soo Yun knows it's aiming directly towards her but she ignores it. 

"Yah, are you ing deaf?" She challenges her pointedly, and Soo Yun grips her pen a little too tight. 

"I don't have time for this, Haeri." Soo Yun says between gritted teeth and controlled patience that's slowly thinning. 

"Oh i'm sorry. Of course you don't have plenty of time, Soo Yun-ah. You're too busy wrapping Chanyeol oppa around your little finger and strip him out of his money, am I right?" She folds her arms across her chest, and pretends to busily checking her nails. Her friends snicker loudly behind her like it's the most funniest joke in the world. 

Breathe, Soo Yun. Breathe. 

"If you have some kind of an issue with me, just spit it out." Soo Yun puts her pen down and glares at her straight on. 

"As a matter of fact, I do have some things to discuss with you." Her words slur like a snake as she makes her way towards Soo Yun's desk and leans her hip against the table, her hands twirling the coffee cup. "You know, the rumours about you and Chanyeol are pretty wild around here and I must say that I didn't quite believe it at first, considering the fact that why in the world would anyone like someone like you in the first place. So I had to check. And it turns out to be true; which I guess, is such a bummer. Because you clearly go for him for his money and Chanyeol oppa deserves someone a whole lot better and prettier than you." When she pronounces his name like that name solely belongs to her, Soo Yun feels sick to her stomach. 

"I wasn't aware that my private life is something you care about so much since you were the one who decided to walk out and turn your back on me." Soo Yun tries to keep the anger at bay but what Haeri did to her keeps burning in the back of her mind like a retinal burn and she can't dismiss the loathe she has towards her. 

Haeri used to be her best friend since middle school, and they basically did everything together: from homework to science projects to cycling around the village in their wobbly bicycle to sharing crushes and ice creams and having the same goals and dreams. She told Haeri everything about her life, never leaving a layer of secret within her, because she trusted Haeri that much. When she had to drop out of college because of financial issues, Haeri suggested she should try out to be an idol in a famous company called S.M Entertainment. Soo Yun was reluctant; since she didn't know how to dance and her voice wasn't all that superstar quality and she doesn't have an appearance that would make them want to accept her. But Haeri persuaded her; saying that she would audition as well, to keep her company. In the end, she didn't get through but Haeri did. She didn't care though because she was overall excited that her best friend had made it through. She couldn't leave empty-handed so she applied to be a worker there and everything fell back into place. But little did she know that everything would never be the same again. 

Their friendship started to fall apart ever since Haeri became a trainee. Everytime Soo Yun approached her, Haeri would ignore her; especially in front of her new "friends" that were also the other trainees. Haeri wouldn't even glance at her direction, and even if she did, she would look at her with a feeling of distinct disgust. Soo Yun didn't know what made her changed so drastically, but she always hoped that the old Haeri would resurface soon enough because she was tired of going through this alone and she needed her best friend, badly. But of course, her judgements were wrong because Haeri became worse and she treated Soo Yun like . Haeri would sneer at her every actions, throws hurtful remarks towards her about something that she is strongly insecure of, and purposely embarassed her in front of public multiple times. Haeri had easily threw away their friendship like a used up tissue paper, stomped on it, and left it laying on the ground scathed and teared up. And Soo Yun would never forgive her. Ever. 

"What are you talking about? I thought we were still best friends." She smirks. 

"Best friends my . Why don't you save my time and get the hell out of here before I decide to claw your eyes out of their sockets."

"I don't even know what Chanyeol sees in you. It'll be a matter of time before you get fired, Soo Yun-ah." Haeri eyes her up and down mockingly and lifts her lips in a sly smile. 

"At least he sees me. I wonder when will Baekhyun notice you, Haeri-yah. I mean, you've been around for quite a long time and you've practically drooled over him more than a dog would ever drool in its lifetime. But it's a pity he doesn't take a single glance towards you."  Soo Yun raises her eyebrows, challenging her. 

"." Haeri hisses; her eyes widen up in anger. The coffee cup is half crushed in her tight grip. 

"So I am the now? Wow okay. I wonder how many insults that you have in your long list that you'd think would actually affect me." Soo Yun says calmly, and folds her arms across her chest. 

"I wonder how Jihoon's doing?" Haeri's angered face dissipates into thin air and is replaced by a cunning smile. 

Soo Yun's body suddenly becomes tense by the mention of her brother. "Stay him out of this." she warns. 

"Jihoon is quite an impeccable kid isn't he? Say, if you get fired, you won't have anything to get by and he'll probably get kicked out of the team. I saw him play, Soo Yun-ah, and God, he's so pathetic. Everyone knows he can't play football with those legs." 

"Shut up." Soo Yun tries to reach out the bit of strength left for her voice but she's now trembling in anger. 

"Remember that accident? I don't think it'll be long before his legs give out under him." Haeri laughs scornfully, and Soo Yun feels herself deflate and shrink. 

Soo Yun looks up at her; the rage now washing every inch and every part of her body and burning her with fury. "Don't you dare speak of him. Since you walked out of our life, you don't have a single right to even say his name. You can insult me all you want, but never drag Jihoon into this." 

Haeri pouts, feigning regret, just as she steps closer and tilts the coffee cup on Soo Yun's paperworks and pours the remaining black brown liquid on her shirt. She steps back, and lets out a gasp. "Oops, guess my coffee slipped." Then she takes out some cash from her purse and flips in on the table. "Here's twenty bucks. Let me know if it's not enough to go send it to dry cleaning." Haeri flashes her a gorgeous smile and prances away with her friends. 

Soo Yun feels her eyes burn, and she wipes them fiercely with the heel of her hand; catching a tear before it falls. 

Chanyeol stares at his reflection in the mirror before turning on the sink. He cups the water using his hand and splashes his face with the cold liquid. He rubs off the remaining make up that's still plastered on his face and washes his face again. After feeling freshen up, he reaches out for a towel hanging beside the mirror and dries his face and neck. His eyes travel back to the mirror and he inspects his chiseled face. There's a small acne on his cheek and some are dotted on his forehead. His traces his fingers across the faded scars on his eyelids and long-defined ones on the back of his neck that disappears under his shirt. Chanyeol sighs and continue to dry his face and hands. 

"Yah Chanyeol! Are you coming with us or not? We're going out to eat," Baekhyun voice calls out from outside the bathroom, and Chanyeol is cut out from his trance. 

"No, you guys go ahead. I'm not hungry," Chanyeol shouts back and hangs the towel on the rack before he steps out of the bathroom. He sees Baekhyun sitting on the edge of the couch, waiting for him. 

"You sure, man? We've had a pretty long day and there's no way you're not hungry." Baekhyun raises his eyebrows at Chanyeol, and Chanyeol simpls shakes his head. 

"Nah, I'm not hungry. And I need to find Soo Yun anyway so I guess I'll catch up with you later." Chanyeol smiles, hoping Baekhyun would let him go this once. 

Baekhyun sighs and lifts himself up from the couch. "Araso. I guess I'll be the only one teasing Suho hyung later. It'll be no fun." He pouts adorably and Chanyeol chuckles.

"Is my sister coming too?" Chanyeol asks and Baekhyun nods straight away. "Don't worry Baek, I'll be with you in spirit. You'll never notice that I'm not even there." He slings his arms around Baekhyun's shoulder and Baekhyun groans. "That's just creepy, Yeol." 

Chanyeol laughs again and reaches out for Baekhyun's hand. They do their secret handshake and slam each other into a brief hug before Baekhyun exits for the door. "Tell Soo Yun I miss her," Baekhyun winks and Chanyeol simply rolls his eyes and waves him off. 

After Baekhyun had left, Chanyeol slips himself into a comfy sweatshirt and fixes his hair. He checks his phone but there were no texts from her so he decides to surprise her. He heads out of his room and tries searching for her. The building are crowded with staff and workers and it feels impossible to find her in just a short amount of time. He tries her desk, but she's not there; only mountains of paper piled up on the table. He attempts to ask around, but no one seemed to know where she is, and some even looked annoyed. He can't call her, because then she would know he's back and it would be no surprise for her. 

Along the way, Chanyeol bumps into Kwan who's walking in the opposite direction. Kwan smiles when he sees him, his eyes almost indecipherable when he does so. "Are you in a hurry, Chanyeol-ssi?" 

"Oh, I'm searching for Soo Yun. Have you seen her? I can't find her anywhere," Chanyeol admits, and scratches the back of his head. 

Kwan frowns and he appears to be deep in thought before realization dawns on his face. "Ah, yes, I saw her at the dance studio earlier. She's been working really hard lately." Kwan smiles, but his eyes are tired. 

Chanyeol nods and is about to thank him before Kwan speaks again. "Oh, and there's something you need to know." he says solemly. 

"What is it?" Chanyeol asks, a little taken aback by the change of his tone. 

"I've noticed that Soo Yun has been getting quite the attention lately, and it's not a good one. I saw her colleague lashed out at her earlier this morning, and I can't deny the fact that everyone seems to be avoiding her. And I know that her manager is purposely giving her extra work just to tire her out, and doesn't even let her have some break. I guess this is all because of the rumours going around about you two, and people aren't very acceptable of the situation." Kwan explains, and Chanyeol feels his heart drop to his stomach. 

"She never told me about any of this," Chanyeol says, feeling guilty for not knowing. 

"I suppose she doesn't want you to worry over her, Chanyeol-ssi. Soo Yun is a lovely girl, and she deserves to have someone who cares about her. And just so you know, I support both of you. But my advice is, think this through, Chanyeol-ssi. If you really think this is worth fighting for, then go for it. But if you don't, then don't give her false hope." Kwan holds his gaze and Chanyeol nods, his mind racing. 

Chanyeol storms towards the dance studio and pushes open the door. The studio is quiet, but his eyes immediately spots a figure laying her head on a table, breathing slowly. Chanyeol breathes a sigh of relief and walks over to Soo Yun who turns out to be sleeping soundly. He squats beside the table and shakes his head while smiling to himself. Slowly, he scoops Soo Yun in his arms, being careful not to wake her, and lays her down on the couch situated at the door. He takes off his sweatshirt, leaving only his shirt for him to wear, and drapes it carefully over her figure. 

Chanyeol lowers himself to the floor and sits by the couch. He gently pushes a strand of hair that's falling in front of her face and tucks it behind her ear. He watches her sleep in silence, and smiles to himself when she mumbles softly in her sleep. Chanyeol sits with his arms resting on his knees, and his mind recalls back bits of conversation over the past few weeks. 

"I'm sick of pretending that I'm okay when I'm not..."

"I'm struggling to swallow everyone's hate towards me..."

"You know the worst part is? They hate me because of you..."

"If you really think this is worth fighting for, then go for it. But if you don't, then don't give her false hope..." 

Had he been selfish all this time? Had he really been an ignorant jerk? He never actually gave a thought on how it would truly affect on her side; as he was clouded by his own decisions and not caring enough to weigh the odds for both of them. But now it seems like she's the only one dealing with the repercussions and he's simply letting her without holding her hand and protecting her. 

And he's never been truly honest with her about his real feelings. He can't replicate the same feelings he has towards Haneul. Even after all these years, his scarred first love still leaves a deep impact on him and to love someone else with the familiar emotion feels contrastingly alien to him. 

Chanyeol drops his head into his hand and sighs heavily. 

He doesn't know what to do. He can't think. Why does he have his emotions tangled up so intricately?

Soo Yun suddenly shifts in her position and interferes his train of thoughts. Chanyeol looks up, half-expecting for her to wake up, but she snores softly beneath his sweatshirt and snuggles in it. While watching her sleep so peacefully, he moves closer until his face is a few centimetres away from hers. Then Chanyeol leans in and plants his lips softly on her forehead. 

"Sleep well," Chanyeol whispers against her hair and pulls his body back to take a last glance at her. He lifts himself up and walks out of the studio; closing the door soundlessly behind him. 

After hearing the door close, Soo Yun breathes normally and her heartbeat calms down a bit. She smiles to herself, and tries to sleep again so that she would dream of beautiful places; engulfed in his scent.

She loves him. God, she loves him. She was too egoistic to admit it but now she can't deny it any longer. And perhaps....he feels the same way too.

Chanyeol feels his shoulder being tapped, and he instantly turns around to find Kwan staring down at him with an expression that puts him on edge. It's a narrow line between anxiety and fear. 

"There's something you need to see." He simply says. 

Chanyeol obediently follows him into a room filled with boxes and parcels and sacks. The moment he steps into the room that smells like milddew and parchment paper, he immediately spots a stack of white letters situated on a table in the centre of the room. Kwan walks over to them, and lifts one up for Chanyeol to see. 

Chanyeol sighs and shakes his head. "If this is about the letters then save me the time. Just put them in my room. I'll open them later," he says, feeling tired already. He's about to turn around but Kwan grips his arm a little too tightly. 

"Something is wrong, Chanyeol-ssi. You have to see this," He hands him a white envelope, similar like the ones before, but this time it's not similar. The letter is stained with red at the edges; crimson red. It smells almost irony.

Chanyeol feels his heart rate pick up, and his hands shake slightly when he holds the envelope. His name is not anymore in a pretty cursive handwriting. The name, 'Chanyeol' is scrawled on the front page, like it was written in a hasty manner; the letters are too pointy and long. 

He flips the envelope to the back and there's a dot of red on the edge of the opening. With the help of the fluorescent lights, he realizes that the red stains are blood. Trying to control the dread that's building up in his chest, he opens the seal and tilts the envelope slightly, and the plectrum plops on his palm; XXXVIII. 

Kwan scrunches up his face and says quietly, "38. The number is 38." 

Chanyeol gulps, a sense of terror clouding his thoughts and making his palm sweaty. 

"Look, there's something written on the envelope!" Kwan suddenly points out, making Chanyeol jump. Holding his breath, he lifts up the envelope closer to his face and sees a word jotted down on the inside. He squints to read the letters. 

"H-O-P-E-L-E-S-S", Chanyeol reads out, and immediately frowns. 

Hopeless. 

But he notices that there are letters circled purposely, and it was H,P,E,L. 

H P E L 

H P E L 

H...P...E...L...

Wait a second.

If you rearrange the letters, doesn't it spell HELP? 

What the hell is going on? 

{ A/N } 

I've been having writers' block for the past week and I honestly didn't have the time to sit down and write a chapter T_T But here it is guyssss, after more than a week of not updating. *gives myself a tap on the shoulder* please please bear with me and hopefully you'll stay with this story until the end, yeah? :) 

Comments are appreciated, subscribers are welcomed, and upvotes are loved <3

btw there are some reading-between-the-lines here, and the quote at the top will somehow relate with the sebsequent chapters so you'll get an idea of what to expect next ^^

-Z