When you love someone, 
you don't just love them for who they are,
you love them as a whole, 
a being with shortcomings and imperfections, 
and sometimes, 
sometimes,
when the time is right,
you need to let them go,
because when you need to choose between two bad options,
you choose the one that saves the people you love and believe in most

*

Day 40: 0945 a.m.

She pushes the door open and it lets out a creaking sound that sounds stark in the silence. She holds her breath; and slips into her shoes. It's still early, the sun barely rising up to the horizon but the weather is already cold as ice. Gripping to her yellow satchel bag tightly, she vanishes outside while he's still asleep. 

*

"I'm home!", Soo Yun utters when she steps inside of her apartment as she unwraps the scarf around her neck and hangs it on the wooden coat rack. To her surprise, there are no sounds from the television screening football matches or the commotion of video games. Jihoon must be asleep. She trudges to her brother's bedroom and found him sprawled on the bed; a textbook resting on his face as his chest moves up and down, blowing the pages.

Soo Yun shakes her head and lifts the book from his face; meticulously, so he won't wake up. She sits at the edge of the bed and his hair, pushing back the strands falling into his puffy cheeks. She touches his face softly, and wipes away remains of scrapes of biscuits at the edge of his mouth. 

But then her hand travels to her own lips, and traces using her fingers. The ghost of his kiss still lingers, pulling her back to this morning. How vivid, how close Chanyeol was before he leaned in, and the honey brown eyes that stared right through her, seizing her in his gaze. It was as if time stood still for mere five seconds before he pulled away and she melts under his spell. 

Her first kiss was from her best friend. The one who she loves more than a friend. 

It wasn't entirely the kiss that she hoped to be for a first kiss, since it was so sudden and so quick. But remembering back how Chanyeol's soft lips planted against hers perfectly, she wouldn't ask for anything better. But was it real? Was the kiss driven and sparked through love, or something else? Did Chanyeol kissed her because he wanted to, or because he felt lonely and broken that he was trying to find a piece to complete him, and that happens to be her at that moment? 

She shakes her head; her heart breaks at the latter thought.  

Soo Yun sighs heavily. She can't afford to think, or to make any decisions right now. Should she go back to keeping her distance from Chanyeol? Or should she go against the odds and try to make this relationship with him work, even though it would cost her. Why are choices always end up being the hardest ones to choose from? 

Her head begins to throb painfully, making her feel a sharp pain that feels like it's cutting her brain from the inside. Soo Yun winces as she tries to soothe the pain by massaging her temples. She walks towards her small room and grabs the bottle of pills on her bedside table. She swallows a pill and lays down on her bed, the cold wind outside slips through the open window; caressing her sweaty face softly. She falls into sleep a moment later despite the headache as fatigue takes over her body and she dreams of the boy who always smiles, whom breathes love to her skin. 

Day 40: 1118 a.m.

Everything turns back to the way it was before. Back to reality that trails incessantly. The recording process had been tedious--they had to rewrite, ditch, rewrite again most of the songs. Consequent from Chanyeol's absence, everything had to be postponed that resulted in the abundance of schedules that needs to be fulfilled: fan-meetings, commercial photoshoots, magazine advertisements, song editing and radio station invites that comes swirling and pulling them into a hectic routine that makes 24 hours feel like 72 hours of non-stop working. 

"Alright Chanyeol, you're good to go." 

Chanyeol breathes a sigh of relief when the recording session is over. He smiles to the glass mirror in front of him and holds up a thumbs up. He yanks the headphone from his ears and hangs it gingerly on the stand. His stomach grumbles in protest as he makes his way out of the recording studio. Chanyeol lifts up his arm a little and glances at his watch. 11.20 a.m. She should be here by now. 

He huffs loudly and throws himself on the couch; letting the cushion swallow him. The other members are at a radio show, and they won't be back until evening so he's alone and abandoned. His head bears a snapback to obscure his haggard face. Shades would be better but it wouldn't be appropriate to wear them inside the building. He'll wear them on his way out. Yes, definitely. 

The door creaks open, cutting him from his reverie, and Yoora peers from the frame, a strand of wavy hair hanging at the side of her face. Chanyeol beams and lifts himself up from the couch, and hugs his sister tightly. Yoora had only one arm wrap around his tall frame, the other holding a brown paper bag that smells of mushroom and cookies. 

"I brought you food. Hope you're hungry," Yoora places a hand briefly on his shoulder, smoothing out the wrinkles on his shirt while looking up at him with a wide smile. 

Chanyeol grins. "I'm always hungry. Did you bring your infamous mushroom soup with rice?" 

"I brought cookies too. Gingerbread and chocolate chips." Yoora takes a seat beside him and takes out two plastic containers from the paper bag. She peels open the lid and the scent of mushroom fills the room.

"You need to eat more. You're getting skinnier," She sighs and furrows deeply. 

"I'mh noht," Chanyeol blurts out with his mouth full of rice. It takes a few seconds before he finally swallows. "I've gained muscles, noona. But I like to wear baggy shirts nowadays so I guess that's why you can't see my guns that are perfectly obscured." He grins cheekily. 

Yoora laughs softly, her eyes form into half crescents; just like him."Guns don't mean a thing if you fall sick again. Promise me you'll take care of yourself better." She rests her hand on his knee, her eyes fleeting with worry, and Chanyeol covers her hand with his, sharing warmth. 

"I promise." He nods, and offers her yet another lopsided grin as he gently gives a reassuring squeeze to her hand. "When are you leaving?" He asks. 

Yoora lets a sad smile slide across her features. "In a few days. My work needs me terribly."  

"Yah, don't work too hard." His cadence is childish, but his tone has a slight warning to it but Yoora knew her brother worried about her more than she worries about him. 

"Speak for yourself," She holds up her hand and ruffles his brown curls slightly. "You've grown up too fast, Chanyeol-ah. Slow down will you? The next thing I know you're getting married and having little Yeollies." She teases and earns a hearty chuckle from Chanyeol. 

"Noona, you know you'll always be number one. Apart from omma and appa. You'll always be my favourite." 

"You'll always be my favourite too. I love you, you know." She moves closer and wraps her arms around Chanyeol's wide frame, embracing him tightly, her head resting on his shoulder. Yoora struggles to hold back the tears that's threatening to fall; her orbs glassy, making the room blurry at the edges. She takes a deep breath and swallows hardly; to push the despondent away and forces herself to smile, even though he can't see it.

Chanyeol his sister's back softly, knowing and fully understanding now how much his noona cares for him. 

When he was little, she always comforted him when he came home crying from a scraped knee, an awful day at school, when his ferret went missing, or the day when he received the news about Haneul. She would hug him just like this; and back then he would try to push her away, mostly embarassed, other times refusing to be comforted like a baby. But right now Yoora's arms is the safest place he could find shelter, and he never wants to let go. 

"I love you too, noona." 

Time is like a train that goes too fast, leaving us behind. It slips away from our fingers easily like the sand in an hour glass, and floats away indifferently without caring to leave a warning. There's nothing we can do to stop time from passing or even to slow down, and every second of the day is another second lost. 

Chanyeol saunters the shopping streets in Cheongdam-dong, his hands buried deep in his pockets. Snowflakes cling to his hair, and vapor curls around his mouth with every breath. Snow swirls generously outside, floating weightlessly on the wind. It is cold, like any other winter days, but today the weather feels reasonable. People from all walks of life hurries past him in a blurry of images, in a rush of completing whatever it is that they have to do. 

At the top of the buildings, Christmas lights are hung in a zig-zag formation, creating a canopy above his head. And the clouds hung low in the sky that's clear blue like the colour of the ocean; but more azure. 

His thoughts drift to Soo Yun; her eyes dark like wet earth, wary and impenetrable. But the same eyes sparkle with delight and confidence whenever she laughs, appearing the dark pools to be daring and bright. The left impression at the corner of her lips when she quirks a smile, and her natural fair and pink cheeks. He had memorized each dent and every curve of her facade like the lyrics to a song. 

Other people might think, What does he see in her? 

The pavement is lined with ice, and the trees sway slightly by the wind; the leaves rustling a melody only the heavens would understand. 

What do I see in her? 

I didn't see her back then, didn't fully understand who she truly is, but I see her now. After all these years, I finally see her. I was blinded by my fear of loving, of opening up my old wounds, but she is different. Maybe she won't be able to cure me, but she is the only one who can change me. 

"Chanyeol hyung!" 

His head lifts up by the sound of his name, and peers around cautiously to find the source amid the sea of people. A few metres away, he sees a kid with large earmuffs bobbing up and down from the crowd, his hand waving frantically as he bolts towards him with amazingly fast speed. 

"Jihoon-ah!" Chanyeol gasps in surprise when Jihoon finally emerges from the crowd, his puffy cheeks blushed with a tinge of red from the cold. Chanyeol lowers himself to his knees as the ecstatic kid jumps into his arms and squeezes tightly; his short arms trying to fully wrap around his wide frame. Chanyeol chortles and returns the embrace, wrapping his arms around Jihoon's tiny body with ease. Jihoon smells like candy and fruity soap. 

"Jihoon!" A strangled cry cuts the scene, and Chanyeol glances up to find a drained Soo Yun panting heavily, her arms resting on her knees as she tries to catch a breath.

She looks up and her eyes find Chanyeol's, and her breath is cut short like a string being cut with scissors and now she finds it far more harder to breathe, like her heartbeat has picked up speed and now accelerating at its best. If he notices her flustered expression, he doesn't seem to acknowledge it and gives her an adorable grin. 

Chanyeol reluctantly pulls away from the hug and adjusted Jihoon's earmuffs that's skewed to one side. "Jihoon-ah, I know you miss hyung so much but that doesn't mean you can leave noona behind like that. What if she falls while trying to catch up with you? You want her to get hurt?" Chanyeol taps his cheek lightly and Jihoon instantly shakes his head, a pout potruding from his lips. 

"Mianhne hyung, I didn't mean to," Jihoon pouts, and promptly turns back towards Soo Yun who's trying her best to smile despite her racing pulse. Chanyeol watches her as Jihoon hugs her legs tightly. "Mianhne noona. I was scared Chanyeol hyung would disappear so I had to run really fast." 

"Kenchana. At least you didn't hurt yourself," she cooes softly and taps his small back. 

Jihoon beams and lifts his chin so that he would look her straight in the eyes and Soo Yun prepares herself for the return of the puppy-dog face. "Noona, can hyung join us? Maybe he can help me pick the right shoes for the match." 

The gentle breeze ruffles the hem of her dress that she wears under her trenchcoat. Chanyeol walks silently beside her, his steps matching hers in rhythm as Jihoon skips elatedly in front of them, holding a paper bag with his brand new red sports shoes that Chanyeol and him picked together. 

It took a surprising two hours before they found the right one, the perfect match, like Jihoon describes it. Soo Yun simply stayed back and watched in amusement as the two boys shopped together; looking like father and son. Jihoon would always go for the official football shoes that real players use in a real match, but Chanyeol would persuade him softly to get a more comfortable and suitable one for a young player like him. 

Soo Yun chuckled when Chanyeol frowned deeply at how small Jihoon's feet were. She found it adorable how he would scratched the back of his head and grimaced slightly, and the way he would pull a handful of his hair at the front to smooth it out when he's contemplating whether the crimson red or the neon green would be better for Jihoon. 

Then Jihoon and Chanyeol teamed up and played foot wrestling in the store. Chanyeol's feet were hilariously gigantic compared to Jihoon's small ones. Jihoon grunted when he tried to put down Chanyeol's toe, and Chanyeol pretended to slowly losing his strength, shouting in protest as he grits his teeth. After a few seconds, he relaxed his foot purposely and Jihoon slammed his toe on the floor and Chanyeol screamed in made up agony. 

Right until then, the walk is silent except for the buzz of people walking past them. But the silence doesn't feel awkward at all but rather a good silence where no words are needed to fill the spaces between them. Soo Yun tried to utter words at intervals of time, but her voice seemed to be stuck in whenever she tried to talk. 

Soo Yun shivers in the frosty weather, the wind beginning to bite her to the bones. She should've worn three pieces of clothing if she'd known the weather would start to drop drastically after a few hours. She wraps her arms around her body and rubs it persistently to obtain friction heat. 

"Are you cold?" Chanyeol asks softly, stopping his steps. 

Before she can answer, Chanyeol reaches over and takes both of her hands into his. He puts them close to his lips and blows them, sharing warmth from his breath. His hands are cold too, but their hands start to share the heat instantly despite the windy air. 

Soo Yun is speechless for a moment but then she blushes as she feels the warmth creeping on her cheeks. She holds her breath as her gaze feeds on his fair facade. The butterflies are let loose from the jar inside of her stomach and they swarm and flutter nervously inside of her. 

Chanyeol finally looks up, and quirks a smile. "Better?" 

"O-oh," she stutters, and nods her head a little bit too quickly. She is bracing herself for the moment when he drops her hands, but Chanyeol doesn't let go. Instead he intertwines his fingers between her lean ones and letting their arms fall between them. Their fingers are like a lock and a key, fit each other perfectly. His fingers curl securely between hers.

Her mind raced in sychronisation with her heart. His eyes are gentle when he looks at her.

"What if someone sees us? We can't--" 

"Who cares? I deserve a private life, don't I?" he grins widely, and his eyes sparkles like a star that twinkles in the dark sky at night. 

Soo Yun bites her lips as she's about to argue but Chanyeol already tugs at her hand persistently, ushering her to start walking again. 

"Come on, let's get something to drink." 

Soo Yun stands rooted to the ground and pulls him back. Chanyeol raises his eyebrows in surprise. "But this is not just about us. This is about your career. And EXO too. It will impact everything." She starts to slide her fingers away but he shakes his head. 

"That's exactly why I'm doing this. Everyone needs to realize that I am a person too; a normal human being that deserves to live his life, to take chances, and to be with someone who he likes. They don't have the right to tell me what to do with my life because our choices depends on ourselves, not everyone else. And if they have a problem with that, then that's fine with me because I don't care anymore. I'll protect you, Yun-ah. Whatever it is that will come in our way, I'll protect you."

Soo Yun can see clearly when she locks eyes with him, the sincerety pouring out of his gaze, the genuineness in his deep voice. She's never seen him like this; his voice solemn, and the glint in his eyes like an ember. And suddenly she laughs, and it's laughter, that casts out the darkness within her, that reminds her that she is alive, and he is here beside her, asking her to fall into this risky decision where everything would cost them, but she doesn't care. And neither did he. 

She always had a radiance emitted out of her like a bright sunlight whenever she laughs, and it makes him feel more fond of her. 

"What's so funny?" he asks. 

"Nothing, just--...thank you." she smiles. 

He grins, and a dimple emerges on his left cheek as he reaches for her hand again. This time, she doesn't decline.

They found a Japanese stall up front that sells hot and cold beverages and mouth-watering delicacies. Jihoon asks for the biggest cotton candy and he munches happily; clearly enjoying being pampered. But not only that, his noona and Chanyeol hyung are holding hands now, thanks to him. It was his mischievous masterplan all along to get them together, and it successfully worked. That's why when he saw Chanyeol hyung on the streets earlier, he took his first chance. Jihoon sings to himself. 

Chanyeol and Soo Yun both bought a ginkgo tea that's warm and refreshing in the chilly weather. The ahjumma explained to them that the leaves of the ginkgo are actually used in tea to enhance memory. It also acts as an alternative healthy energy drink. Ultimately Chanyeol decides to bring back some for the members.

The snow falls generously, and snowflakes cling to their hair and shoulders and coats. Their shoes leave a dent impression in the blanket of snow on the pavement. On their right, tall and bare trees are alligned in a single file, creating a beautiful mirage. While sipping her tea, Soo Yun stares in awe at the afternoon sunlight spilling through the spaces between the trees, making the scenery appear more serene and beautiful. 

Chanyeol gazes at her rather than the vicinity; trying to memorize again every curve and freckle and dent on her face. She looks fascinated by the surroundings, her eyes sparkles in excitement like a child. She's wrapped up in her favourite trenchcoat, her golden brown curls creeping out under a dark woollen beanie, and her red nose appearing above a black scarf. 

"What?" She blushes slightly when she catches him staring at her. 

Chanyeol bites the inside of his cheek as he tries to hold back a giddy smile and points to his nose. She eyes him curiously before comprehending what he meant, and her hands immediately shot straight up to cover her nose. "Boya!" She squeals, her ears hot with embarassment. 

"Hajima! Don't look at me!" 

Chanyeol chuckles lightly and tries to peal her hands away from her nose. "Yah, it's not like it's a bad thing." 

"I'm pretty sure I look like a clown right now," she mutters and huffs exasperatedly. Her nose tends to turn red like a bright tomato whenever she's cold or having a flu; and right now, with the temperature below 19 degrees celcius, it's not a surpise that people would mistake her for a failed disguise of a clown. 

"We should go out more often at times like these. You look adorable," he teases playfully and earns a smack to the arm. 

"Are you asking for a death wish because I can give you one," she glares at him. 

"If the death wish involves dying in your arms, then my dear, I would gladly take the offer," he smirks, and without waiting for her remark, leans in and plants a quick peck on her cheek and bolts; leaving her behind. 

"Park Chanyeol you are so going to get it!"

Jihoon simply watches the two adults playing tag, shaking his head. Chanyeol hyung purposely slows himself down so noona would catch up with him. Chanyeol hyung doesn't mind when noona hits him, instead he laughs ebulliently like he's being tickled. Perhaps it doesn't hurt. Or perhaps Chanyeol hyung likes noona so much that he doesn't care about the pain he receives from her.

Jihoon shakes his head again. He doesn't understand how this like thing and not being mad when someone hits you painfully works. But if noona is happy with Chanyeol hyung, then he will be happy too.

They negotiate their way to a bookstore wedged between a patisserie and a small antique parlor. The crowd is thicker here, and the air feels heavier. Soo Yun and Jihoon have already crossed the road, leaving Chanyeol behind amid the horde and mass of bodies walking in alternate directions just as the lights turn red for the pedestrians. Soo Yun glances back at him from the other side of the road, and Chanyeol can sense by her expression that she's stopping to wait for him but Chanyeol raises his hand to wave and ushers her to go first without him. 

When they disappear into the glass door of the bookstore, Chanyeol waits patiently for the red beam of light to turn green. He sees another crowd waiting at the opposite street of where he's standing; waiting to cross the road too. Then the vehicles start to slow down to give way for the pedestrians in thick oversized coats and muffles. 

Just as he's about to arrive at the other side of the road, Chanyeol feels his shoulder being bumped roughly by a figure. The impact almost stumbles both of them but he manages to hold onto her arms to catch her before she loses her balance. They're entertwine in an awkward angle, him expanding his legs to avoid falling over and her leaning towards him in a close proximity that her breath caresses his neck.

"Omo, are you okay??" Chanyeol asks in a panicked voice, his eyes mirror his anxiety. He can't observe her expression clearly since it's half-covered by a mask and her hair falls over half of her face. 

Chanyeol can feel her hesitating a little in his grip. The moment she lifts her face slowly, her eyes widen in complete shock and utter disbelief when they lock with Chanyeol's stare. 

"Jwesonghamnida, are you ok-," 

She pushes him away harshly, like his touch burned her or something. Chanyeol stumbles a couple of steps back before regaining his balance. He frowns in confusion. Well, so much for being polite. He brushes off some of the snow caught on his coat; feeling slightly annoyed. 

When he glances up behind the strands of hair that fell in front of his face, she's still staring at him like he's some kind of a ghost. She looks horrified. Her hands shake, and if he looks closely, he can see her body quivering too. 

His brows furrow deeply. Is she a fan? Why isn't she asking for an autograph? Why isn't she crying? Why isn't she saying anything at all? And why the hell is she staring at him like that like he just died and reincarnated in front of her? 

The only thing he can decipher from her face is her right eye peeking from beneath her black, long, wavy hair that cascades over her shoulders. Her nose and mouth are entirely covered by a mask. 

Without waiting for him to say anything further, she turns around quickly and walks away and instantly gets swallowed by the mass of crowd crossing the road. 

He only manages to catch a glimpse of a yellow satchel bag before she disappears. 

She turns around a new corner; running and running and running until her legs finally give out under her weight. She collapses to the ground and pulls off the mask from her tear-streaked face using her numb fingers.

She met him. 

She finally met him. 

And he didn't even recognize her. 

{ A/N }

Hello lovelies! I'm really sorry that this chapter took really long for me to finally finish it ;;__;; I'm super busy with school and homework and life that it took me a while to finally update! mianhne T_T but hey, hope you guys like this chapter! And uuuuuu cliffhanger ;) Regarding the day that I included, I simply wanted to state that the first scene of the girl and Chanyeol x Yoora's scene falls on the same day whereas Soo Yun's scene took place a few days before(after the kiss in the last chapter). I hope this will wash away any confusion if you had any!

Hope all is well 

-Z