Spring shoots. 

 

 

Some children, they become doctors, some become scientists, teachers, some even become national, global, even galactic and intergalactic idols. The list goes on. 

 

But not for me, not for us. 

 

My name is Luhan. And I will not become a doctor, scientist, I will not become a teacher or an idol. My path has already been chosen. Sometimes I hate it. In fact I always hate it. But we learn, we do, we crush our dreams and ambitions, for if we don't the misery, the reality of our lives becomes too unbearable. There are twelve of us, together, suffering, living but perhaps wishing for death. Our future is already uncertain they talk about chances. Seventy percent chance, sixty percent. 

 

I think I feel the most saddened by Kim Joonmyun, the program renamed him 'Suho' they say he will be our leader, along with Yifan, they want to rename him too. I refuse to let them rename me. I will always be Luhan, no one will take that away from me. Joonmyun, his father is the head scientist of the UN, he volunteered his own son for the project, he can't stand to be in the same room as him. Unluckily he has to frequently since he runs the project. They haven't started any procedures yet. 

 

I wonder when the human race became so desperate to resort to using pubescent boys as lab rats. Sehun told me once that humans are an aggressive race- we were sitting by the pool that day, afternoon sun warming our backs, watching Suho. He was being held under, strong hands forcing his head to stay submerged in the water, tubes and all connected to his chest so they knew when to pull him out, these tubes, they track vitals. I wanted to tell them to stop, the chlorine will burn his lungs. But they treat us like rats here. I guess we are. 

 

Sehun. Sehun. He's from Seoul- a lot of the boys are. That's where I met him. The intricate maze of tall white buildings and neon blue writing, they show the stock markets, the temperature. They tell me South Korea used to be filled with neon pinks and greens, filled with lights and glamour, filled with people. But that was a long time ago, the twenty first century in fact. Now is a whisper of that, everything, the same. It's the same wherever you go. White buildings, or silver. That's all you see around here. 

 

Sehun was kidnapped. He was walking home when they took him, head phones plugged in, just like many of them, most of them. They flashed cloned him, and sent the clone in his place. Joonmyun told me that anything flash cloned doesn't last very long, a year, maybe two if your genes are impeccable. I asked Sehun once if he ever wanted to go home. 

"Then I wouldn't have you to keep me company" was what he said, flicking my nose lightly before walking off to join Chanyeol who was shooting hoops on the court. 

 

I think he just buries his feelings, because feelings get in the way. And feelings sure as hell won't get us out of this mess. Since when did humans ever care about feelings? If feelings are what make us human then we mustn't be human. 

 

Sehun was kidnapped. Chanyeol, the tall boy with coffee brown hair that always seemed to get in his eyes was kidnapped, in fact everyone in the project that was from Seoul was kidnaped, apart from Joonmyun. Baekhyun was an orphan, an easy fix, Kyungsoo too. Yifan is from the west, far west, don't remember where, his accent is hard to understand. They found Zitao living alone. But not me. I was sold. 

 

My father was a business man, very rich, very famous. But successes don't last forever and he became bankrupt, so he and my mother sold me to the project, I was worth billions apparently. Because this project is important. To whom though, I have no idea. 

 

---- 

 

"Luhan" Sehun prodded him lightly forcing him to blearily open his eyes, the white light was harsh and he closed his eyes again. 

 

"Come on Luhan" Yifan said sternly "Wake up, we have endurance today" 

 

"Why should I wake up to run ten miles for these mindless idiots" Luhan grumbled sitting up and running at his eyes. His bed was cramped, white sheets and hard pillow, he got used to it. 

 

"Because you don't want to be punished" Yifan straightened his sheets looking at the white walls with no emotion. Emotion meant you were weak. Yifan wanted to be strong for all of them. He wanted to protect them. But emotion always finds it's way in, perhaps that's why he cares about everyone so damn much. 

 

Luhan groaned, glaring at Yifan. Sehun put his hand on his shoulder and looked at him, it was a way they communicated Luhan supposed. It was a look that said 'Yifan is only trying to help you' Luhan rolled his eyes and pushed Sehun lightly. 

 

"I'm going to go throw Jongin out of bed" he told Luhan turning around "Be dressed by the time I get back" 

 

Sehun returned to his own room where Jongin was sleeping soundly, his light snores filled the room, Sehun almost didn't want to wake him. They push him pretty hard, he is the fastest of them all, Sehun close behind but even that couldn't match Jongin. So they make him run non stop, till he can't breathe, till he collapses and they carry him back into their room at night when they think Sehun is sleeping. 

 

"Hey" Sehun softly shook Jongin "We have speed testing today" 

 

Jongin opened his eyes and looked at Sehun sadly "Okay" he whispered quietly hauling himself out of bed. Sehun looked at him in understanding. 

 

Joonmyun walked in at that moment, small smile graced on his features.

 

"Good morning, breakfast is ready, Kyungsoo cooked today, he's worried about you Jongin" 

 

"See you in five" Sehun clicked his tongue and walked outside with Joonmyun, linking their arms together, Jongin just blearily stared outside, the small window overlooking the basketball court. It looked grey, lifeless, abandoned. They say it had been there for centuries, more than that maybe. The blue digits on his clock forced him out of bed, wincing slightly at the pain in his legs. He ran twenty miles yesterday- while the others were at the pool, well Joonmyun anyway. He suspected that Chen had been dragged off to be electrocuted or shocked and Minseok forced to spend hours in the freezer room, maybe they sent Chanyeol to be swarmed in fire, he had burns all over him, Baekhyun his roommate could always be heard crying about it, every night. He supposed he could have it much worse. Running was okay. 

 

He got dressed, slowly, pulling his top over his head before ruffling his hair once or twice- when you've been here for a while, people stop caring what they look like because it's not like they had a future anyway. Or they did, but people didn't count for much. 

 

They say this is a project to save humanity, all of humanity, the far wide breeches that edge into the distant galaxies on the other side of the universe. But to save humanity, you first have to kill it. Burn it in the depths of hopeless disparity. 

 

And they will kill you, you're soul, they will reduce you to ashes. It seems unfair that we should suffer for everyone. 

 

Jongin sighed and limped outside where he bumped into Luhan his honey locks entering his vision. 

 

"Morning" he said grimly "Have you seen Sehun?" 

 

"Went down to breakfast with Joonmyun" 

 

"I see" Luhan looked down and Jongin saw something like disappointment in his eyes. That was the problem with Luhan- he was almost impossible to get close to, but once you did, he would leech onto you like a parasite. Jongin knew that Luhan was both mentally stable and totally insane. Everyone knew that only Sehun could calm him down, if he was hopeful dare he say Sehun may be able to fix him. That was if he was being hopeful of course- which he wasn't.

 

"Come on Luhan dammit he's just down there, I bet he even saved a seat for you" 

 

"I know, I know, I'm sorry I get so paranoid sometimes it's just that I lo-" Luhan shut up immediately, going bright pink and closing his eyes, Jongin raised an eyebrow at him. 

 

"You what?" 

 

"I-I he just you know, he's there for me and all and I guess it's just- I need him" 

 

"Remember, we're all there for each other, all in this hell hole together and when there's no hope of ever escaping, at least we have each other to stop us from slipping into the darkness of insanity" 

 

Luhan shook his head, he laughed to himself inside his head. Jongin doesn't understand, he knows that. He knows. But he needs Sehun. Needs him. Sometimes he likes to think that Sehun needs him too. 

 

But Sehun is a boy who walks alone along the sunset, head stretched towards the sun in longing. Sehun is free like the wind, he flows, and Luhan is a jumbled mess of bitterness and he's probably a little insane- one of the many side effects that come from having such a high IQ. He told Sehun he was insane once, it felt good out loud, it was like he had accepted it once he'd told Sehun. Except Sehun frowned and shook his head. 

 

"Don't you realise?" He said "We're all insane in here" 

 

He was jolted back into the present when he saw Chanyeol and Baekhyun exit their dorm room, Luhan could see the thick wads of bandages underneath the shirt. He mentally winced, Baekhyun carefully helped him arm looped around his waist and Luhan wondered how on earth Chanyeol was going to survive endurance this morning. Chen too, he was pretty banged up last night when he flopped into the common room at around midnight, it was Minseok who found him funnily enough while he was scrounging the cupboards for a snack or two. Well there's a perk Luhan thought bitterly at the cupboards stocked full of food, they always feed you well here. 

 

As it happens Sehun had saved him a seat. His set of pills neatly aligned in a row by his glass of synthetic orange juice which tasted a lot like chemicals. Luhan just ignored them and helped himself to a couple of pancakes that Kyungsoo had cooked his morning. There were many mother ducks in this lot, Luhan observed, Joonmyun and his selflessness, Yixing and his kind, caring nature, Kris- well Kris was something of his own kind, not exactly a mother duck of sorts, but something similar to that and Kyungsoo of course with his domestic ways. Luhan was not a mother duck. He didn't really like people, not really, people were confusing and Luhan found it difficult to communicate. In fact Luhan wasn't even a baby duck. He was a rock. A very intelligent one. 

 

"Your thinking too much again" Sehun nudges him from under the table. Luhan just gave him a look and Sehun just shook his head and pointed towards his neat row of pills. 

 

"Yeah I'll do it soon" 

 

Sehun inhales sharply "Luhan, you have to take them within the hour" 

 

Wordlessly Luhan picks up one of the five pills he is required to take. Sehun only has three. He looked around the room to see many sullen faces, Joonmyun was especially down this morning, he was eating slowly and his eyes were constantly looking downward, this was an observation Luhan made, in fact- He made many observations but had no idea what to do with them all. But Chanyeol was happy, he was always happy, and Luhan envied that immensely, he didn't know Chanyeol very well, in the way that Minseok didn't know Jongdae or in the same way Joonmyun didn't know Yixing. 

 

He didn't know whether that was bad or not. And he picked up his pills throwing them into his mouth and gulping down the orange juice that burned his throat on the way down. Apparently oranges were a type of fruit, they grew on trees and were imported from foreign unions. 

 

Luhan didn't think orange juice was very nice though, he'd never tried an orange. And quite frankly he never wanted to. He felt a hand on his leg. Staring at it he knew it was Sehun's from the various strings around his wrist that hid his barcode. 

 

"He's here" Sehun whispered into his hair linking their hand together in a fluid movement. His thigh still felt warm from the pressure. Sehun didn't have to tell him who, because Suho had stiffened dramatically- face turning to stone and his eyebrows furrowed into a scowl that was specially reserved for daddy dearest.

 

"Good morning, Suho, others" he greeted, white coat and clipboard. Luhan watched Joonmyun hold his tongue and glare at him in disgust. 

 

"Don't differentiate us, we're equal, you have no reason to hold me above the rest sir" Joonmyun finally spoke and Chanyeol winced at the sheer hatred in his voice. 

 

"You're still my son" Dr. Kim said almost desperately. 

 

Joonmyun scoffed "Stop trying to fix things and just do your job" 

 

The rejected look in Joonmyun's fathers eyes almost made him feel sorry for the guy. But then Luhan remembered why and the sympathy fled from his mind. 

 

"Very well" he coughed "We are cancelling endurance today, we cannot hold off treatment any longer. Today you will be marked with your ability and the very first candidate will undergo the first procedure today" 

 

There was silence in the room, all eyes opened wide and mouths dropped open in shock. Suddenly Luhan wanted to regurgitate his breakfast, to get out, to run away, to scream. He did none of those and just gripped Sehun's hand harder. 

 

"S-so who is that exactly?" Kyungsoo stuttered in fear looking at the clip board. 

 

"I have the sheet here, you can read the order, afternoon tests will still be run, of course those going under procedures will be exempt I expect you all in the medical lab in an hour precisely" 

 

Luhan didn't bother to mention that actually it was only one of them. 

 

They watched as he put the clipboard into Joonmyun's hands and walked away. Joonmyun stared at the clipboard for a moment, he stayed silent and the suspense was killing him. 

 

"Well?" Jongin asked "Who is it?" 

 

But Joonmyun didn't reply. Luhan could see tears welling in his eyes and for a moment he thought it could be that Joonmyun was going first. It wasn't though because he turned the clipboard around and there it was. The name printed at the top of the list, he had to squint a little because the writing was small and even perfect vision wasn't that good but he saw it.

 

The first name on the list. 

 

It read Oh Sehun. 

 

Oh Sehun. His Oh Sehun. With seventy percent chance, sixty. 

 

He could still hear Joonmyun crying and he gripped Sehun's hand even harder. 

 

Sehun just stared at his name, typed in black ink on the paper. Eyes empty. This was it. 

 

They were throwing him to the cards today. Either he survived or he didn't. 

 

And Sehun hoped, for Luhan's sake that he came out of it, alive. Functioning. Breathing. 

 

Joonmyun's tears came faster, who echoes of it should have been me, and they all remember that to everyone. They're just a science experiment. 

 

 

----

 

It's okay bby Sehunnie <3 

 

Sorry so yeah first actual chapter. 

 

And sorry sorry Luhan T.T I know you're broken... Joonmyunnie is broken too. (I think I'm a sadist towards the guy really T.T) but I guess I want a switch up you know I always feel that Sehun is generally perceived as the clingy one T.T you know and I like to think Luhan likes Sehun too, in real life.