Chapter 13

Watch Over Me

  Hyukjae was looking over two different bundles of vegetables in his hands when he felt a tug on his shirt. He turned at the pull and looked at Jino who was alternating between glancing longingly at the box of pink frosted treats on the shelf in front of him and staring pleadingly up at Hyukjae.
  “Jino, you have too many snacks in the cart already,” Hyukjae said, causing Jino look at him with big teary eyes and a small pout over the thumb in his mouth.
  “Jino-ah,” Hyukjae could only sigh. When he first told the toddler the news of him moving out, he had been so upset that he would barely even talk to Hyukjae, and unfortunately his thumb- had drastically increased over the past few weeks.
  “Fine, fine,” he relented, dumping a box in the basket right next to the toddler. He tried to tell himself that it wasn’t just to earn back some of Jino’s favor, but he couldn’t deny how happy he was when he saw a big grin directed at him instead of a small frown or a tiny pout.
  “Hyukkie, let’s get this one too.” Hyukjae turned at the sound of his name and saw Donghae holding more boxes of junk food, of the chocolate, potato and marshmallow variety.
  “Donghae, you’re worse than the kids," Hyukjae deadpanned. "You know you don’t need all of those,” he said frowning disapprovingly.
  “I do. Henry always takes these,” he held up one of the many bags of chips that were in his hands, “from me when I bring them into work and I never get to eat them. And Kyuhyun steals all of these,” he holds up another box of snacks, “so I never get to eat any of them either, and these-“
  “You can have two, okay. And that’s it,” Hyukjae interrupted Donghae before he had justified every single box and bag in his hands. “Go put the rest back, and don’t you give me that face,” Hyukjae nearly whined when Donghae looked at him with a pout of his own.
  “Ugh, fine, fine. You can have one more, and that is it,” Hyukjae relented, ignoring the furious thudding in his chest when Donghae smiled widely at him. “Go grab some milk so we can get out of here before you find something else to shove in the basket,” Hyukjae muttered and shooed Donghae away so he could cool down his burning face.
  Since he moved out, he hasn’t seen that much of Donghae, save for dinner and the occasional breakfast when Donghae had time before he left for work. It seemed like the other had become busier with work since he spent more time at the office than usual. Though there has been an increase in them spending more of Donghae’s off days together; like today for instance when the other suddenly decided he wanted to go grocery shopping with Hyukjae and Jino. In hindsight, Hyukjae probably should’ve turned him down seeing as how shopping with Donghae was worse than shopping with Jino and Kyuhyun together, but Hyukjae had eagerly agreed.
  He had hoped that if they spent more time together he would be able get accustomed to Donghae’s various displays of affection and his touchy-feely ways again, since it seems that ever since Hyukjae moved out he'd stopped being used to it, not having been exposed to it as much as while he was living with them. So, now when Donghae would randomly place his head on Hyukjae’s shoulder to peek at what he was cooking, or when he would fall asleep on Hyukjae while watching a movie with him and the kids, Hyukjae would feel an uncomfortable tightening in his chest and a haphazard fluttering in his stomach.
  Of course it was because Donghae was rarely around him nowadays and he wasn’t used to the attention anymore. At least, that’s what Hyukjae had been trying to convince himself.
  “Ah, ah, you can’t eat that now Jino, we haven’t paid for it yet,” Hyukjae said when he turned his attention back towards Jino and saw him with pink frosting smeared across his face. Jino only giggled and offered Hyukjae some of what was left of the soggy treat in his hand.
  “Eat eat! Ah!” Jino squeaked as he prodded Hyukjae’s mouth with the treat until Hyukjae resigned and opened his mouth to take a bit.
  “Mmm,” Hyukjae gave his approval of the sweet taste. Jino grinned widely, pink mouth and all, and took a bite of the snack before putting it to Hyukjae’s lips again, and watching with glee as Hyukjae took another mouthful.
  “You two are messy eaters,” Donghae announced as he walked in on the two, milk in hand.
  “Well, it’s a messy food,” Hyukjae tried to defend them, wiping at his mouth as best as he could. Donghae only smirked at him, before cooing at Jino, who immediately the treat at his mouth, urging him to take a bite of it too. Donghae nibbled on the end, and smiled at Jino when the toddler quickly pulled it back to himself and bit it before shoving it back towards Donghae.
  “Thank you Jino, but uncle Hae is full now,” he said as he wiped the mess from Jino’s face, which was only replaced when Jino smashed the food back into his mouth. Donghae only smiled at the excited toddler before he turned to Hyukjae.
  “What? He gets his table manners from you,” Hyukjae said.
  “Oh really?” Donghae replied with a raised eyebrow as he moved closer to Hyukjae to wipe at the corner of Hyukjae’s mouth. "It looks like he gets it from your side of the family, love." Hyukjae’s eyes were so wide Donghae really couldn’t help the loud, almost obnoxiously so, laugh that spilled from his lips.
  “Yah! Y-you, just push the cart!” Hyukjae huffed as he scowled at Donghae with a painfully red face and stormed ahead of them, cursing the way that Donghae switched personalities on him so quickly and effortlessly.
  He walked ahead of them, Donghae was now mostly focusing on playing with Jino instead of tormenting him, and continued browsing through the aisles, picking up a box of snacks for Kyuhyun and grabbing some of Donghae’s favorite coffee before telling him to head up to the registers while he went to grab something to cook for dinner.
  Although he hadn’t been that good at it at first, he had begun cooking more meals around the house—well, Donghae’s apartment—and he found that he really enjoyed it. Especially since it was a way for him to spend more time with the kids, and it made him feel like he was still a part of the family.
  After deciding to try a new recipe he had tried out on Ryeowook and Yesung the week before, he quickly found what he needed and headed towards the cash registers in hopes that Jino and Donghae hadn’t found anything else to stick in the basket.
  While the cashier was ringing up their things—and a few of them were indeed not there before—he was trying to distract Jino so he wouldn’t see all the candy on display. He poked at his face and softly combed down Jino’s hair and the little one let out a tired yawn at the soft affection. Hyukjae figured it was about time for his nap. While Hyukjae picked Jino up out of the front of the cart so that he could rest more comfortably in his arms, Donghae heard his phone ring.
  Pulling it out of his pocket, he glanced at the screen and his face was immediately set into a frown when the familiar number flashed on his screen. As Donghae answered the phone, he sighed and quickly paid the cashier. Hyukjae noticed the abrupt dip in his mood and walked slowly behind him as Donghae grabbed the bags and pushed the cart hurriedly out the store. Hyukjae figured this was not going to be good news.

  “Again, I am so sorry about all of this. I will make sure that this doesn’t happen again,” Hyukjae heard Donghae say as soon as the door opened. He saw Donghae bow to Kyuhyun’s principal and teacher. Jino was asleep in his arms and Kyuhyun was holding Hyukjae’s hand tightly, babbling away to him, seemingly undisturbed by the tense atmosphere surrounding all of the adults.
  “I hope so, Mr. Lee. We are very concerned about his recent behavioral problems. His acting out in class is becoming more and more frequent and we’re afraid that it is hindering his and the other’s students’ learning experience. We are well-informed about Kyuhyun’s history and we are willing to work with him, in light of the circumstances. There are plenty of capable therapists and counselors who would be happy to speak with him, if you’re interested,” the principal offered.
  “Thank you for the suggestion, sir. We will definitely keep that option in mind,” Donghae plastered on a tight smile.
  “I hope that this will be the last time we meet under these circumstances,” the principle bowed to Donghae, who rose from his seat and bid him good-bye, as well as Kyuhyun’s teacher.
  “Come on, Hyukjae,” Donghae said as he walked past him, to which the other gave a polite good-bye to Kyuhyun’s teacher and principal before following behind Donghae.
  As soon as they were out of the building and in the parking lot, Hyukjae strapped a still sleeping Jino into his car seat and proceeded to buckle in Kyuhyun, who still seemed blissfully unaware of the bad mood hovering around Donghae, into the backseat and climbed into the passenger seat. Donghae wasted no time in pulling off and speeding down the street, jostling Hyukjae a little bit.
  “Donghae,” he called, though the other seemed to not hear him. “Donghae,” he said again, as they sped down the street. “Hae,” he said more firmly, gently placing a hand over Donghae’s where it was rested on the gear shift.
  “What is it?”
  “You’re going a little fast. Maybe you should slow down a bit,” Hyukjae told him and gestured to the back where Kyuhyun was leaning his head against Jino. Donghae’s eyes flickered to the two before he let out a sigh and eased up off the gas. He could feel Hyukjae’s tense hand on his slowly relax and he looked out the corner of his eyes to see the other lean back into his seat comfortably when he felt the car slow.
  “Sorry,” he whispered. Hyukjae only offered him a small smile as he pulled his hand back.
  The ride back to the apartment was quiet besides the soft hum of the engine, and before Hyukjae realized they were already in the parking garage of the grand building. He looked over to Donghae after the car was shut off and saw the other pinch the bridge of his nose.
  “Can you take the kids upstairs, I’ll be up in a minute,” Donghae spoke into the air, still not removing his fingers from his face.
  “What about the groceries?” Hyukjae asked as he unbuckled himself.
  “I’ll bring them up.”
  “Do you want me to ask Shindong-sshi if he can help you?” Hyukjae suggested.
  “No. It’s alright. I’ll be fine,” Donghae insisted.
  “Okay. Don’t take too long,” Hyukjae told him as he climbed out of the car. He walked around to the back and gently shook Kyuhyun awake before carefully taking Jino out of his car seat. Kyuhyun wasted no time clutching onto Hyukjae’s free hand and walked quietly beside him as Jino made a pillow out of Hyukjae’s shoulder.
  Kyuhyun, rubbing the sleep out of his slightly blurry eyes, gazed back at Donghae’s unmoving figure as they walked away from the car and looked up to Hyukjae in confusion.
  “Why isn’t Hae hyung coming with us?” he questioned.
  “Uh… Donghae just… wants some time alone right now,” Hyukjae says delicately. “He’ll come up in a minute,” he assures Kyuhyun as they step into the elevator. Hyukjae watches as Kyuhyun lets his hand go to run and stand on his tiptoes and push the button that he knows leads to their floor and run right back to grab onto Hyukjae again.
  “Do you want to open the door Kyu?” Hyukjae asks as the elevator door slides open.
  Kyuhyun looks up with a grin and nods as Hyukjae carefully fishes the keys out of his pocket. He hands the right one to Kyuhyun, who runs up to the door and jabs the key in, twisting and turning until it clicks open. Kyuhyun pushes it open, leaving it wide enough for Hyukjae to walk in and takes off his shoes while Hyukjae tries to do the same without jostling Jino too much.
  “Hyung, can we play a game?” Kyuhyun asks with a hopeful look on his face.
  “Go wait for me in the living room. I need to put Jino in his bed first,” Hyukjae tells him.
  Kyuhyun quickly scurries out of sight and Hyukjae treks down the hallway until he reaches Jino’s room and lays the toddler down softly on his bed. He gingerly removes his shoes and jacket, pulling his thumb out of his mouth in the process. He hears Jino let out a soft sound and scrunch up his face, so Hyukjae kneels beside him and softly his hair until he settles down again. Giving him a soft peck on the head, he stands up and walks out the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.
  He hears the noise from the TV as he walks towards the living room, and upon entering he sees Kyuhyun sitting in front of it, pressing buttons on both it and the game console to try and get it working.
  “I’ll do it, Kyu,” Hyukjae says, scooting Kyuhyun out of the way and starts to set up the game for them to play. As soon as he settles down on the floor, Kyuhyun climbs over him and right into his lap. Hyukjae doesn’t say anything, only waits for a good time to bring up what he wants to say.
  He’s reluctant, to say the least, since he hasn’t really had to discipline the kids much in the time he’s been with them. They were pretty good kids, if he did say so himself and the few times they did do something bad (like not cleaning up their toys or the occasional food fight) a stern warning was usually all he had to do and sometimes coupled with the threat of time-out was good enough to stop any bad behaviors.
  He didn’t really know what to do about Kyuhyun’s recent behavioral problems at school. It’s been happening a lot lately and something like this was a little more serious than not cleaning up after himself, and he didn’t know if he should or could really scold Kyuhyun about it. At least not without getting Donghae’s input on the situation. For now, he figured he could at least ask what happened.
  “Kyu?” he called the other, who was pressing the buttons on his controller furiously. Hyukjae hadn’t really been paying attention to what he was playing let alone doing, so Kyuhyun’s advantage wasn’t really unexpected.
  “I’m beating you hyung!” he squealed out happily.
  “Kyuhyun... do you want to tell hyung about what happened at school today?” he asked, eyeing Kyuhyun, who seemed to bury himself just a bit further into Hyukjae’s lap.
  “Not really,” he said, going back to pressing at buttons.
  “Well, Donghae hyung got a call from the principal today. Do you know why?”
  “…Maybe, a little,” Kyuhyun admitted slowly, trying harder to focus on the television screen.
  “Why don’t you tell me what happened?” Hyukjae said, pausing the game so that he could have Kyuhyun’s full attention. Kyuhyun fidgeted around a bit, seeming reluctant to talk about it, but after a quiet but firm ‘Kyuhyun’ he was speaking almost faster than Hyukjae could listen.
  “I… I was just playing with Changmin outside at recess and then he told me to pull Seohyun’s hair and I only did it a little bit but she still started to cry anyway! I didn’t know she was going to be a crybaby about it!” Kyuhyun rattled off quickly, voice getting higher and faster as he spoke. “And and, then Mr. Kim came over and Changmin ran away and then he took me to the office after Seohyun cried some more! I didn’t mean to hurt her that bad! I only wanted to do it a little bit,” Kyuhyun trailed off, more and more remorseful as he neared the end. “I didn’t mean it,” he repeated sullenly.
  “Well, Kyuhyun, why did you do that anyway? Don’t you know better than to pull hair?” Hyukjae scolded.
  “Yes,” Kyuhyun said meekly, lowering his head.
  “Then, why?” Hyukjae wanted to know. Kyuhyun may have had a little bit of a loose tongue but it wasn’t like him to pick on anyone physically, especially girls.
  “I don’t know,” he said quietly.
  “Kyuhyun, you have to know why. I know you wouldn’t just do something like that for no reason.”
  “I-“
  “Kyuhyun, what are you doing?” Donghae's voice interrupted the two's talk, an angry frown on his face. “After what happened today, do you really think you can just play your video games like nothing happened?” Donghae said in a stern voice, walking over and shutting off the TV.
  “Hey, why did you do that?!” Kyuhyun asked.
  “Don’t you dare talk to me like that, Kyuhyun! Go to your room right now before you get in even more trouble than you already are!” Donghae ordered.
  “You’re mean! I hate you!” Kyuhyun yelled with his face red in anger as he stood up and stomped angrily to his room.
  “Donghae, I’m sorry. I was just-” Hyukjae started off.
  “And you! Why are you playing around and acting like nothing happened?!” Donghae turned his frustration on Hyukjae, who froze at the fact that Donghae was furious and yelling at him for the first time .
  “I-I wasn’t. I-I was just-“
  “He did something wrong, why are you rewarding him?! Is this what you do all the time?! It's no wonder he keeps doing it if this is what he gets instead of discipline!”
  “I k-know. I don't always do it, but I wasn’t trying to reward him. I just wanted to find out what happened and I was about to-“
  “About to what? Give him a pat on the back so he can be on the fast track to being kicked out of the 2nd grade! What kind of message are you sending him if this is what happens every time he screws up?! His principal and teachers already thinks he needs therapy, for God’s sake! With the way you’re going about it, he’ll need a parole officer soon!”
  “Donghae please, just listen to me!” Hyukjae said pleadingly, feeling his face burn in hurt and shame as he eyes felt moisten.
  Donghae took one look at his face and turned away, his irritation turning inward as he realized how he unfairly took his frustration out on Hyukjae. He sighed harshly, running a hand forcefully through his hair as he tried to reign in his anger.
  “I’m s—sorry. I was just trying to help. I didn’t mean it… I didn’t mean to,” Hyukjae said in a small voice as he lowered his head, trying to hide the tears on his face and in his voice.
  “No, no. I’m sorry, okay. It’s just—I’m seriously at the end of my rope here,” Donghae said tensely. “I just don’t know what’s wrong with him. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help. And I—I can’t give them any reason to say that I can’t do this. I had to fight so hard to get him in the first place—I just don’t want any excuses for anyone to say I’m not capable of raising him and risk getting him taken away from me.
  “I don’t want him to be taken away from me. Neither of them… But I—I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know Hyukjae. I just want to be a good dad to them. I want to prove my parents wrong, to do right by my hyung and raise them just as well as he would’ve but, I’m stuck… And it’s only the beginning! What do I do Hyukjae? What can I do?” Donghae asked, nearly on the brink of tears himself.
  Hyukjae was at a loss for words. He knew even less about this than Donghae did. Where Donghae at least had prior practice and exposure to children, Hyukjae had none. No experience whatsoever. And here Donghae was, asking him, trusting him to help him to do as well as their parents would have in raising them.
  Hyukjae knew he couldn’t do that. There’s no way he could even come close to that. But when he saw Donghae break down in front of him, just literally fall apart, he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around him and comfort him. To try and convince both of them that even if they couldn’t do this, they could at least try.
  “I can’t lose them Hyukjae. I can’t lose them too. I just can’t,” he said as he buried his face in Hyukjae’s shoulder.
  “You won’t, Donghae. You won’t lose them, okay,” Hyukjae repeated to him, reassurance in the softness of his voice, and the gentleness of his hand as tried to give Donghae as much strength as he could despite the slight shaking in his fingers and the unsteady breathing leaving his lungs.

  Hyukjae paced outside of Kyuhyun’s room trying to decide on a course of action. After the incident in the living room Donghae said he needed to take a walk to clear his head so he would be able to talk about this a bit more calmly. Although Hyukjae wanted to, he didn’t have the heart to stop him, not when that hopeless look was still so apparent in his eyes. He hated not being able to do anything to help Donghae, especially when the other had done so much for him already, but this just wasn’t something Hyukjae could risk giving bad advice on. He wanted to help, not make things worse.
  He stops his pacing and stares at Kyuhyun’s closed door. Kyuhyun at least seemed to be willing to talk to him about what happened, so that was a plus. Maybe would be able to do something after all. He didn’t want Donghae to think he was doing this alone. Hyukjae wanted to be there for him and the kids. Feeling a little more confident in his decision, he took a deep breath and knocked.
  “Kyuhyun?” Hyukjae called quietly as he peeked his head into the 6 year old’s room. His eyes widened in slight panic when he didn’t see him in his bed, but his heart rate decreased drastically when he saw the blanket-covered lump in the corner. He walked into the room slowly, closing the door behind him.
  “Kyu,” he called again as he sat down next to the pile on the floor where he could see the soft curls of hair sticking out. He heard a muffled reply, but couldn’t really hear what was said. “Kyu, can you come out of there and talk to hyung?”
  “Are you gonna yell at me too?” Hyukjae heard the question, and looked down to see the top of Kyuhyun’s face, red eyes showing uncertainty and a little bit of fear.
  “No, I’m not going to yell at you Kyuhyun-ah. I think there’s been more than enough yelling for today,” Hyukjae said. “I just want to talk.”
  “…Okay,” Kyuhyun said as he slid out of his blanket more.
  “Kyuhyun, hyung is really disappointed in you. You know what you did today was wrong, right?” Hyukjae asked seriously. Kyuhyun looked at him and then back down, nodding slowly and curling into his blankets more.
  “Well, then why did you do it?” Hyukjae wanted to know. “I know you never hurt anybody on purpose, so why?”
  “Cause…” Kyuhyun started. “Cause Changmin told me I would get in trouble if I did it,” he admitted quietly.
  “Why would you want to get into trouble Kyuhyun? I don’t understand why you have been misbehaving in school so much lately.”
  “Cause when I get in trouble… they call you,” Kyuhyun said.
  “What? What do you mean?” Hyukjae was having a hard time understanding what Kyuhyun was trying to tell him.
  “Cause when I’m bad and get in trouble, Mr. Kim calls you and you always come and get me. I get lonely at school when I don’t see you a-and,” Kyuhyun’s breath catches as he tries to speak through the cries that are rising “and I just want to see you a-and I want you to come and get me cause I miss you.
  “B-but I don’t wanna make you sad hyung. And I don’t want Donghae hyung to be m-mad at me anymore. I just want to be with you and hyung like we used to. I just d-don’t like it when you l-leave me, hyung,” Kyuhyun cries and wipes at his eyes with his hands.
  “Ssh, Kyu. Ssh,” Hyukjae tries to soothe the now sobbing child as he pulls him into his arms and rocks him. “Don’t cry. I’m right here Kyuhyun. I’ll always be here for you,” he tries to reassure him.
  “No you’re not! You’re a-always leaving us now! And I don ’t want you to! I don’t want you to leave us!” Kyuhyun cries into his shirt and clings onto him as Hyukjae cradles him in mute shock at what to do.
  “Don’t leave me hyung, don’t leave me,” Kyuhyun whimpers into Hyukjae, breaking the older’s heart with every sob that reaches his ears.

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HappyBonBon #1
Chapter 15: WAIT FINALLY I FOUND YOUUU!!! OMG
dewiss #2
Chapter 15: Hello Lulledbyscreams, I'm waiting, waiting and waiting. Would you update your story soon? I really love your story. Please. Its been too long.
And sorry, my English is bad, hope you understand.
Once again pleas update your story as fast as possible.
cho2312bee
#3
Chapter 15: AAaakkkk finally I found you here author-ssi!!! /dancing/
I love this story~ I feel so warm when i read this story ;")
Ganbatte!!! I will always waiting for an update!! HEHehe
Dhenia
#4
Oh my God I found u >_________<
HaeHyukLoving
#5
Chapter 15: Oooooh this chapter breaks my heart. The ending with Hyuk and Kyu, and Hyuks moment with Donghae and this line "I cant lose them Hyukjae. I cant lose them too. I just cant." </3 oooohh Donghae, you poor baby...... :( all of it is like falling apart since Hyuk decided to go back huh.. and the chapter before this, I believe it was at the end when it said Donghae stopped at the door and while they were walking and Hyuk called him and he basically had to mask his true feelings into a smile .. Really made my heart drop, I feel Hae hurting alot more than he shows, wanting to not worry anybody and Especially if he had a fight with his brother or something before he died and never got to reconcile. That type of thing can haunt you and guilt can eat you alive.. So I hope Hyuk opens his eyes soon and see that all he need is them and he moves back in.. Such a good story, great chapter. Thank you for sharing!
angelkpopluver
#6
Chapter 15: Imagine my surprise when I find one of my favourite LJ authors (and story) on AFF! I've been following this story since chapter 5 and yay! You're here! I hope that you find that spark again, to continue this story. I love how well their individual personalities and the pseudo-family personalitites have been shaping up!!

*homemade brownies, cookies, chocolates, and cupckaes as bribes have been offered* mayeb these will help you find that spark?
bemybaby_love #7
Chapter 15: This story is really good author-nim!! I feel so many emotions as i read this story.. I bet there is more stories about donghae past..

Thanks for the great story and fighting!! Will wait for more update..
heecloud0404
#8
Chapter 15: Hi author nim! Glad you save your story on aff too^^ because I read it on LJ long time ago! But i found that you save here too kkkk I love this story and read this couples of time! Warm story author nim :)
jaezetta #9
Chapter 15: So sad...things gets more complicated...
Glad found this on Aff...looking forward :)
mrandmrlee
#10
some chapter make me crying..1st when kyu upset at donghae because donghae broke his promise (chap 4)..2nd when hyukjae told his past and last chapter when kyu ask hyukjae to not leave..i just ;u;..but I didn't regret it..this story is so beautiful. .glad you posted it here..