Hyukjae sat curled up on the sofa next to Donghae with the latter’s arm slung over his shoulder comfortingly as he picked at one of the muffins from his birthday cake. His eyes were puffy and his nose was still stuffed up, but those muffins were addictingly delicious. Donghae watched him finish off his third one and quirked an eyebrow when he quietly expressed his desire to get another.
  “You know you’ll get fat if you keep eating those this late at night,” he grinned, chuckling at the glare Hyukjae threw his way.
  “Yah, I won’t get fat. Jerk,” he murmured softly, scowling a little bit.
  “I was only teasing,” Donghae said and Hyukjae flicked his eyes to him for a bit before looking away.
  “… Donghae?” he called the other in a soft voice.
  “Yeah?”
  “Thank you,” he said quietly, playing with the empty wrapper in his hand.
  “You already said that. I told you, the boys did most of the work. Kyuhyun didn’t even let me draw on the card. He’s so bossy,” Donghae said with a pout on his face. Hyukjae’s lips turned up in a slight smile before he could help it.
  “No, I meant for, you know, earlier…,” he trailed off. “…I probably freaked you out,” Hyukjae said, increasingly embarrassed at the way he fell apart.
  “Don’t worry about it. I’m plenty used to tears by now,” Donghae said, waving Hyukjae off.
  He was quiet for a minute as he regarded the other. He knew Hyukjae was a bit of a cry baby—the tears he spilled after the first picture Kyuhyun brought him home months ago convinced of that—but the tears, the sobs that he let out this time were different. He knew they weren’t just from gratitude.
  “Hyukjae,” Donghae called for the other’s attention and Hyukjae glanced up at him through his dark brown fringe. “I don’t mean to pry or anything, but uh… this wouldn’t have anything to do with what happened earlier would it?” Donghae could feel the way Hyukjae stiffened under his arm.
  “Um… Yeah. Something like that,” he finally said. “I just… don’t have very good memories of this day. I remembered some things I would rather have stayed in the past.”
  “I see,” Donghae said as he rubbed Hyukjae’s shoulders a bit to get him to relax again. “I didn’t mean to make things hard for you. I’m sorry,” he apologized.
  “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m very grateful that you went through all of this trouble for me. I haven’t had such a nice birthday in a while,” he said with a soft smile. “The last one I had ended up… really badly and this day just hasn’t been the same since,” Hyukjae sighed. “I’m touched that someone cared enough to do something like this for me again.
  “I forgot how nice it felt,” he said quietly, and as he felt Donghae’s arm tighten around him he allowed himself to lean a little closer into his warm embrace. “Thank you. Really,” he said earnestly, looking up at Donghae with a genuine smile.
  “Trust me; it’s not hard to care for you. I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t once they met you,” Donghae said, making Hyukjae blush and look away, and Donghae inwardly face-palm at how cheesy he must have sounded.
  “I beg to differ,” Hyukjae said softly.
  “Anyone who can’t see how amazing and wonderful you are just doesn’t know you well enough,” Donghae argued.
  “I know people who have known me my whole life and ‘amazing’ and ‘wonderful’ are not exactly the words that they would use to describe me,” Hyukjae said.
  “Then those people are ridiculous and don’t deserve a second thought from you.”
  “I know and that’s what I keep trying to telling myself, but… it still hurts,” Hyukjae admitted. Donghae saw the way his head drooped and figured that these people were more important to Hyukjae than he had previously thought.
  “Hey,” he said quietly, calling for Hyukjae’s attention, “I won’t ask you to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’m always here to listen if you need me,” Donghae said sincerely, giving Hyukjae a slight squeeze.
  He was ready to let the subject drop after that, sensing a sensitive topic, but he was surprised when he felt Hyukjae bury his face in his chest. He tried very hard not to flail around from the sudden closeness, but his heartbeat obviously didn’t get the ‘stay calm’ memo. Before he could address exactly what was causing these reactions, he felt Hyukjae shake a little and then he could hear it, the soft sniffles and cries that were coming from the body in front of him. He automatically wrapped both arms around Hyukjae and pulled him closer, patting him gently and rubbing soothing circles on his back. He waited patiently for Hyukjae to calm down, all the while consoling him softly until the other was only releasing soft hiccups in his shirt.
  “I did it again. I’m sorry,” Hyukjae said remorsefully, his voice faint and broken.
  “You don’t have to apologize for being upset, Hyukjae,” Donghae said, and Hyukjae stayed quiet for a minute before trying to speak again.
  “Do you—“ Hyukjae started, but then broke off suddenly.
  “Do I what?” Donghae encouraged.
  “Do you… do you believe in second chances?” Hyukjae waited quietly for Donghae’s answer as the other thought through his response.
  “Yeah, I do,” Donghae answered truthfully after a while.
  “Even if they did something horrible to you? Something unforgiveable?” Hyukjae finally looked up at Donghae, and the other could feel the pain pouring out from the look in his eyes. He almost wanted to say no. Anyone that could ever cause Hyukjae to make such a heart-wrenching expression doesn’t deserve any kind of forgiveness or sympathy. But…
  “I think so. Someone that seeks forgiveness must feel some regret or remorse over their actions. Anyone can apologize, whether it be genuine or not, but asking for forgiveness is another thing. It means that it matters to them what the person they wronged thinks of them, and that the incident, big or small, holds some value to them. So, yes. Even then, I would probably give them a second chance,” Donghae concluded.
  “But—“ Hyukjae started, but this time Donghae cut him off.
  “Hyukjae, let me ask you, would it bother you if you chose not to forgive this person or not?”
  “N… no. Well, not really,” Hyukjae said hesitantly.
  “Are you sure? Could you honestly say that you could decide not to forgive them and then not give this another thought?” Donghae asked and Hyukjae remained quiet.
  “We can easily dismiss things of no importance to us, but you’re obviously having a hard time letting this go,” Donghae said. Hyukjae could slowly feel himself tearing up again.
  “Because it’s them. I mean, I want to hate them. I really want to. But I can’t! They said me they hated me, but why can’t I hate them back?!” Donghae tried to wipe at the ever falling tears streaming from Hyukjae’s eyes, but he couldn’t catch, nor contain the volume of Hyukjae’s sadness.
  “I- can’t help it. I can’t help the way I am! I didn’t choose this, but I’m still me! Nothing else is different! Why can’t they see that?!”
  It abruptly clicked into place for Donghae where this was stemming from, having felt and thought the exact same things at one point. And he knew there was not much more he could do than listen and try to comfort him.
  “Am I really so disgusting?” his voice cracked around the word and Donghae didn’t think his heart could break anymore. He gathered Hyukjae up until the other was in his lap and he rocked the other back and forth as he cried into his neck.
  “You are not disgusting Lee Hyukjae. Do you hear me? I don’t care what anyone says, you are NOT disgusting. There is   absolutely nothing wrong with you,” Donghae whispered fiercely.
  “B-but, that’s what they said! They told me that! It was on my b-birthday, and I—I didn’t know they were home. I didn’t know they would be there,” Hyukjae broke off to in a deep breath. “I w-wouldn’t have told him to come in if I knew. I thought, I thought I had some time before they came home, b-but they saw me. They saw us and, god, my dad just went out of control. He called us both so many names, I-I… didn’t know what to do. He was able to leave and run away, but not me. I w-wish… I wish I could’ve run away with him.
  “He cursed and screamed at me until the whole neighborhood heard. Then, the police came and…,” Hyukjae paused to rub furiously at his eyes.
  “He told me to get out—to never show my face around there again, a-and I looked at my mom, my sister for help, and they… they couldn’t even look at me.” Hyukjae started sobbing harder and Donghae only shushed him and rocked him faster, maybe a bit too fast to really be considered comforting, but he didn’t stop, not until Hyukjae had calmed down again.
  Donghae finally sighed and leaned back into the couch, pulling Hyukjae with him since the other refused to relinquish his hold on the other’s shirt. Donghae just sat quietly and listened to the way Hyukjae’s breathing even out, reluctant to even say anything in fear that it would set the other off again.
  “If it wasn’t for Leeteuk hyung taking me in, I don’t know what would’ve happened to me,” Hyukjae continued quietly after he could manage. “And I was staring to do better. Not completely fine, but better. But then my sister started calling me, crying, and telling me how sorry she was, and how everyone missed me but, I… didn’t believe her. I couldn’t believe her. I didn’t think I would ever be able to forgive them, but now… now I don’t know.
  “D-donghae…,” Hyukjae started, feeling the way Donghae shifted under him to glance at him, but he avoided his gaze in favor of staring at the threads in the other’s shirt. “What do I do?” he whispered.
  “Hyukjae, you know I can’t tell you what to do,” Donghae whispered back just as quietly and he felt the way the other suddenly sagged against him, as if all of his energy left him and the only thing supporting him was Donghae himself. “But, I don’t advise you to carry this around with you forever. I think if you have the chance to free yourself from it, you should take it.” Still feeling the other’s hesitance, he continued. “Forgiving them is to give you relief, not them. It’s to show that you are no longer bound to the past by what happened and that you are choosing to move on to the future.
  “And this is your family. I know that they are really important to you, even now, right?” he asked and felt Hyukjae give a short nod.    “Well, speaking from personal experience, I know how easy it is to fight with someone one day and not have the opportunity to see them again to apologize. The regret of today easily takes over the hurt and anger of yesterday, and it will be too late to do anything about it. They’re still your family Hyukjae. You should at least hear them out and use the time that you have now to at least try to mends things while you still can… It won’t be around forever.”
  Hyukjae looked up slightly and saw the way Donghae’s eyes lingered on the picture frame across the room, but as soon as he noticed Hyukjae’s stare, he met the other’s eyes and smiled a small smile.
  “Sorry, I’m not being too preachy am I?” he asked, and Hyukjae shook his head no and spared him a slight smile.
  “No, you’re not. You’re being kind of amazing,” Hyukjae said with a short laugh as he wiped his face. “I’m not being a cry baby am I?” Hyukjae asked in return.
  “Hmm… well, maybe a little,” Donghae joked, earning a pinch on the chest from Hyukjae.
  “You jerk,” Hyukjae repeated his earlier sentiment as he sat up and glared at Donghae.
  “I was only joking. I didn’t mean-“ he froze when he felt Hyukjae wind his arms around his neck and sigh heavily.
  “Thank you, Donghae,” he spoke extremely close to his ear. “For everything.”
  It took a while for Donghae’s heart to restart, and even longer for his brain to start functioning properly again, but by that time Hyukjae had pulled away and was already standing up and looking guiltily at Donghae. “I think I’ve kept you up with my problems for long enough. Maybe we should turn in now,” he said.
  Donghae nodded and stood up slowly, still partly dazed and Hyukjae mistook his flustered state as lethargy.
  “What, do I have to tuck you in?” he asked with a slight teasing smile and an outstretched hand, and although his eyes were red and swollen, at least they were finally dry and Donghae could see that the dark chocolate irises had a little of the warmth back in them that had been missing earlier. And for that he smiled tenderly at Hyukjae, and before he could stop himself, grabbed his offered hand before pulling him Hyukjae towards him for a tight hug. He then surprised both himself and Hyukjae by scooping the other up in his arms.
  “Yah! What are you d-doing?!” Hyukjae asked in alarm, his arms spazzing around before going around Donghae’s neck again for balance as he carried him out of the living room.
  “I think I should tuck you in tonight,” Donghae grinned at him, glad to see the color back in his cheeks.
  “I don’t need you to do that! Put me down!” Hyukjae said, kicking his legs out and squirming in Donghae’s embrace.
  “Ssh, or you’ll wake up the kids,” Donghae mock chastised, watching in satisfaction as Hyukjae stilled for a second before frowning at Donghae.
  “Just put me down at my door,” he said in a stage whisper.
  “But where’s the fun in that?” Donghae smirked as he bent the corner that lead to Hyukjae’s room.
  “Donghae!”
  “Alright, alright,” Donghae said as the reached his door. He put Hyukjae down as instructed and the other frowned at him again, feeling like Donghae was only teasing him.
  “As cute as your frowning face is,” Donghae said as he leaned in, pausing for a second before just thinking to hell with it and placing a small kiss on Hyukjae’s forehead. “That face suits you more,” he said quietly as he pulled back quickly and took note of Hyukjae’s red face and wide eyes.
  “Good night, Hyukkie. Sleep tight,” he said with a cheeky grin and turned to make his way to his own room before he could do something that he couldn’t pass off as a ‘cheer-up attempt’ later.
  Hyukjae watched the other walk away in shock, lifting his hand hesitantly and touching the spot to make sure it was still there, as if it had magically disappeared from the press of Donghae’s lips. But he found that as the shock wore off, frustration set in and he opened his door in a slight huff, wishing he could slam it, but settled for taking his annoyance out on his pillow instead. Now just how was he supposed to sleep when his irritatingly hot, and flirt of a boss goes around kissing him all nonchalantly like that? Did Donghae really think he would be able to think of anything else now?
  He punched his pillow in exasperation. Just when he had his mind all set about making his decisions, Donghae had to go and wipe everything clear with such a simple gesture.
  And just why was he getting all worked up from a forehead kiss, anyway?!
  ‘I hate you Donghae,’ Hyukjae thought begrudgingly as the assault on his pillow turned from a flurry of punches to a flood of tears. ‘How can you make everything so hard, so easily?’ he cried into his pillow.

---

  Hyukjae sat on the floor of his room, surrounded by all of his belongings in various stages of packing. It was going well at first. He had cleaned out his drawers and gathered up all of his things out of the bathroom. He was nearly halfway done with the closet when stumbled across some of Jino’s toys that were hidden in there. So, now he was in the middle of the floor, squeezing the life out of the poor stuffed animal and trying not to cry again.
  He saw his phone flicker from the corner of his eye and picked it up after seeing the name that flashed across the screen.
  “Hyuk! I got the paint for your room! You’re going to love it!” Ryeowook squealed in his ear.
  “Ah, thanks Wook. I’m sure I will.” Ryeowook sighed as he heard the tone of the other’s voice and the lack of enthusiasm in it.
  “Hyukjae,” he almost whined.
  “I know Ryeowook, I know. Just… remind me why I need to do this again?”
  “Because, Hyuk. It will only get harder later. You need to do this now, before it’s too late,” Ryeowook said. “Think of the children,” he added as an afterthought and Hyukjae nodded, more to himself than to Ryeowook.
  “You’re right. It’s for the kids,” he said, starting to stuff his things into bags once again.
  “I’m sorry Hyuk. I know this is hard for you,” Ryeowook said sympathetically.
  “It’s okay. I know you mean well. And you’re right; the last thing I want to do is hurt Kyuhyun and Jino.”
  “Have you told them about it yet?”
  “I haven’t even told Donghae,” Hyukjae admitted.
  “Uh, don’t you think he’ll start to notice something’s up when he sees you moving all of your stuff out?”
  “Which is why I’m doing it now while he’s out taking the kids to the dentist. And that’s why I need you to come and help me. Like, 20 minutes ago,” Hyukjae said.
  “I’ll be there in 15,” Ryeowook sighed.
  “Can you make it 10?”
  “Only if you’re going to pay my speeding ticket.”
  “Okay, okay. Just hurry.”
  “I’m on my way.”
  “Oh and…Ryeowook?”
  “Yeah, Hyuk?”
  “Do you think… you can do me a favor?”
  “What is it now?”
  “Can you drive me somewhere? I think… I think I want to see my sister.”