Winter Days

A scream pierces through Youngjae's slumber and he awakes with a start, darting out of the room. It's eerily reminiscent of the days he'd spent by Minhyun's bedside all the way till morning despite having ended his shift. Youngjae creaks open the door to find Junhong in bed alone, sitting up with tears streaking down his face.

Youngjae hurriedly rushes over, cradling Junhong in his arms as he whispers soothing words. "I'm here, Junhong," he pacifies, the boy curling up against his chest and clutching tightly to his shirt. "I'm here. It's okay."

"Hyung," Junhong wails, choking on his sobs as snot trails down his lip. He holds Youngjae tighter, biting down on his lower lip. "I- I dreamt I woke up."

"You woke up?" Youngjae gently replies, the small boy's back. His breathing begins to calm down and he snuggles against Youngjae for security. Junhong nods weakly, allowing Youngjae to dab away his falling tears.

"E-everything was a dream," Junhong blubbers, Youngjae's collar. "We were back at the alley. D-Daehyun-hyung was cold and he- he wouldn't wake up."

Youngjae's expression softens into one of agony and he embraces the boy, hand weaved into his hair.

"I couldn't find you, hyung," Junhong sobs feebly. "I-I didn't know what to do."

The door bursts open at this moment, Daehyun's hair soaking wet and his shirt draped on hastily. Junhong breaks out into a howl upon seeing Daehyun and Daehyun quickly climbs onto the bed. Youngjae places Junhong in Daehyun's hold and the older brother patiently placates the bawling boy, apologies on his lips.

"Y-you wouldn't wake up, hyung," Junhong repeats with a sorrowful cry. "You... you wouldn't wake up."

Junhong falls back asleep after fifteen minutes, Daehyun's tender touch and soft humming his lullaby. Upon ensuring Junhong is fast asleep, Daehyun leans back into the bed, exhaustion clear in his eyes.

"I was scared this would happen," Daehyun confesses quietly. Youngjae looks to him, expression forlorn.

"When we were living on the streets, after the fights became more frequent, he would make me promise every night I'd be by his side tomorrow morning. Alive."

Youngjae reaches out, hand delicately grazing Junhong's cheeks. The smear of translucency, done by Daehyun's hands, colours Junhong's pale and gaunt face.

"He couldn't feel your warmth beside him," Youngjae murmurs, tucking his hand under Junhong's jaw.

Daehyun nods somberly and holds Junhong closer. The scars on the sides of Daehyun's neck are faded but still visible.

The thought of Daehyun getting a job and leaving Junhong behind worries Youngjae. He can't bring Junhong to the hospital, and it's not advised especially with Junhong's weakened immunity.

"What if you can't find a job that'll let you bring him along?" Youngjae asks softly, gazing down at the frail boy in Daehyun's grasp.

Daehyun lets out a lengthy breath, unable to come up with a response. "I have to work to pay you back, and for Junhong's education. I want to send him to school," he answers, clearly conflicted.

Youngjae folds his lips and ponders to himself.

"Let's get you a phone," Youngjae suggests, sending Daehyun a small smile. "You'll at least be able to call him when you're at work. It'll be our last resort, but till then, let's keep looking."

Daehyun parts his lips to protest but Youngjae leaves the room, announcing that he'll make breakfast. 

Dawn stirs as Youngjae saunters to the kitchen, pulling out ingredients from the fridge. His bills are cluttered on the countertop and Youngjae purses his lips in apprehension. He cooks up omelets and toast for the family, Daehyun carrying out a groggy Junhong. The boy starts to sober up from the remnants of his sleep, inhaling the aroma drifting through the house.

"Shall we watch TV together?"

Junhong beams at this and excitedly hops towards the couch. He settles between Daehyun and Youngjae, thanking Youngjae happily when he's allowed to pick the channels. They eat their meal with the comical sounds of cartoon characters running about, and Youngjae collects their plates despite the brothers insisting they'll wash the dishes.

As expected, Daehyun follows behind and grabs the plates lightly out of Youngjae's arms. "I'll do it," he states, grabbing the sponge.

An amused smile stretches across Youngjae's face and he relents, joining Daehyun by his side. After Daehyun soaps a plate, Youngjae abruptly takes it and rinses the foam off. It's Daehyun's turn to chuckle.

"Why were you up so early?" Youngjae questions, humming a tune to the theme song blaring on the television as they go according to pattern.

"My interview," Daehyun provides, handing him a dish.

Youngjae sends him a innocuous raised brow. "It's at twelve."

"I was nervous," Daehyun sheepishly elaborates, "so I got up early to bathe."

Youngjae nods, bumping Daehyun away and prying the sponge from him. "You've got an interview, so I don't want your hands to get wrinkly," Youngjae cheekily explains. Daehyun laughs, dull eyes turning into crescents as they jokingly fight over the narrow space in front of the sink.

Afterwards, they head into Youngjae's bedroom with Junhong enthusiastically in tow. Youngjae pulls out some of his more formal wear and dangles them in front of Junhong, asking him for his opinion.

"What about this?" Youngjae shows a white dress shirt and a pair of black pants, Junhong with Youngjae's black tie hanging around his neck.

"It's nice too!" Junhong chimes, throwing his hands up in the air.

"You said that for all the outfits," Daehyun says, muffling back a laugh. Youngjae picks Junhong up and swings him around, carrying him out of the room as they wait for Daehyun to try on the suits. On Daehyun's third try, Junhong jumps and claps jubilantly.

"This one!"

Youngjae nods in agreement, patting Daehyun's shoulder. The sleeves are drooping a little and Daehyun's torso is longer than his, but he pulls off the look well. Junhong drapes the tie around Daehyun's collar and messily ties a knot, grinning in accomplishment. Youngjae ushers him to get his coat and redoes Daehyun's tie, their breaths weaving like a melody between chapped lips.

Daehyun is warm, despite his icy pale skin. Youngjae's fingers graze against Daehyun's chest as he finishes up, smiling at Daehyun. "You're all set," Youngjae proclaims with mirth, Junhong barelling out with his baby blue jacket and beanie on. He looks like a little penguin toddling around.

They head down to the nearby mall to get lunch. Youngjae manages to buy a secondhand phone for Daehyun, one lacking in new features.

"I'm sorry I couldn't get you anything better," Youngjae murmurs as he closes his wallet. He'll have to check his account balance when he gets home. Daehyun inspects the phone and perks up with a captivated expression.

"No, this is perfect. Thank you so much."

Youngjae's phone number is Daehyun's first and only contact. The bus ride isn't too long, reaching almost to the outskirts of town. They rehearse on the bus possible interview questions and Daehyun steadily grows more confident, reciting his answers with gusto. When they alight, Daehyun nervously fidgets as Junhong cheers him on loudly. Youngjae squeezes Daehyun's thin arm and reassuringly sends him in, them curiously peering in from the display window.

Junhong sends Daehyun one last wave as Daehyun is lead away. They stroll around for about half an hour, walking into toy shops as Junhong delightfully paces down the shelves. His look of awe and longing always disintegrates into a shake of the head and a smile when Youngjae asks if he wants anything. It leaves Youngjae confused as Junhong takes his hand and guides him out of the store.

Daehyun calls Youngjae just as they exit the candy store. His dejected tone unconsciously urges Youngjae to hurry back to the restaurant and he finds Daehyun leaning by a lamppost, shoulders slouched.

"How'd it go?" Youngjae's words are careful like the drifting bits of snow caught in their hair.

Daehyun looks at him, almost ashamed, and lowers his head. "They said they'd call."

"That's good, right?" Youngjae chimes encouragingly but Daehyun simply in a breath. Junhong interlocks fingers with Daehyun, staring up in concern.

"They didn't seem too happy I didn't have a high school diploma."

Youngjae sinks, Junhong comfortingly pressing his cheek against Daehyun's palm. "I'm sorry," Daehyun mumbles in a disheartened voice, affectionately patting Junhong's head. "For disappointing you two."

"You didn't," Youngjae quickly returns, earnestly looking at Daehyun to receive an averted glance in return. Youngjae scours around and finds a orange lit family restaurant down the road. He nudges Daehyun forward with a consoling smile.

The place is warm and toasty, like a b fireplace on Christmas. Junhong bolts towards the indoor playground as the two settle at a table, silence filling up the space between them as they order. Youngjae extends his hand to squeeze Daehyun's wrist, wordlessly telling him that it's okay and they'll try again.

"Hyung!" Junhong knocks on the transparent panel in the tunnel, waving eagerly at Daehyun. A boy behind him taps his shoulder and passes him a few balls, darting off as a smaller girl screams and chases after him. Junhong stands there in bewilderment with an armful of coloured balls before the boy yells at him to run.

Daehyun melts into a hearty laugh, Youngjae pleased to see Daehyun's mirth back. Junhong totters over to the little girl crying by the slide and hands him half of his stash. The boy points an accusing finger and Junhong gives him the rest, doe eyes waiting for a response.

"He's a really good boy," Youngjae says, watching Junhong and his two new friends scamper to a corner.

"He is, isn't he?" Daehyun replies, contentment seeping into his wrinkled cheeks. "Sometimes, I wish he'd throw more tantrums." Daehyun reclines into the chair with a sigh. "He's so used to not wanting anything for my sake."

"I brought him out shopping just now," Youngjae recalls, lips tugged to the side.

"Did he ask for anything?" Daehyun mumbles. Youngjae shakes his head.

"Back then, there were a lot of times where he'd wander to the toy stores and stand by the window, watching the other children pick out toys." Daehyun chokes back the lump in his throat. "I always felt so sorry that I couldn't get him any of those. The best I could give him were paper planes and boats. We'd go to the park and he'd throw the planes around and let the boats float down the river."

The tears are pricking Youngjae in the eyes, secondhand agony piercing him in the heart. He'd already been shaken up by the episode early this morning, between dawn and dusk and Junhong's fear of losing perhaps the only person who he had, who meant the world to him. He wills them away so as to not alarm Daehyun, gazing at Junhong scurrying up the ladder while the girl grapples at his shoe.

"There was this train set he really wanted. He would stand by the shop day after day, seeing it go round and round in the display window." Daehyun blinks slowly, the memories haunting. "He always told me he'd get a big train like that one day and we'd travel to some place warm and nice."

"I thought of stealing it," Daehyun confesses, flexing his fingers as though envisioning a rock in his hand, ready to throw and shatter the glass that separated Junhong from his joy -- a joy unjustly ripped from a little boy with eyes too bright in the winter gale. "But I wouldn't be able to explain to Junhong where I got it from. And I don't want to lie to him."

The waiter comes at this moment, setting down their food. Youngjae musters up a smile beneath his tearful eyes as Junhong races towards them, plopping down onto the chair. They finish their meals and Youngjae tells them to wait a while, paying the bill and jogging down to the nearby toy shop. He doesn't have much cash on his hands right now, but Youngjae decides all he has left is worth much less than Junhong's gleeful smile.

Youngjae purchases a small train set, battery-operated with a gorgeous dark green and a glorious red top. The cashier helpfully offers a small card and to wrap it for free. Youngjae writes a To Junhong on the front, drawing three stickmen with smiley faces holding hands with a particularly small one in the middle.

From Daehyun-hyung and Youngjae-hyung, with love.

They return back home, Junhong swinging his legs while peering out at the passing scenery. He sheds his jacket the moment he steps into the house, helping to tug Youngjae's and Daehyun's off and ambling to the room to hang them up. Youngjae hands Daehyun the box.

"I bought a train set," Youngjae supplies and Daehyun gawks at him. He flips the card, staring at his name signed on it.

"But..." Daehyun stops short as Youngjae tilts his head to one side with an assuring smile. Daehyun gazes at Youngjae for a moment, eyes misty like lost in a world of enchantment. "Still, I can't get the credit for this," Daehyun adamantly states.

"You wanted to get it for him, more than anyone else in the world," Youngjae begins. The backdrop behind Daehyun, snow descending past the glass window, seems all too fitting. But strangely, the snow doesn't look menacing as it always has been to Youngjae. It looks pure-hearted, like Daehyun is.

Daehyun whispers out a thanks, glimmer of tears on his eyelashes. Junhong emerges from the room, eyes perky, and Youngjae kneels down in front of him. "We have a surprise for you, Junhong," Youngjae says gently, the boy enlarging his eyes with a curious gasp.

Daehyun manages out a grin, bending down with Youngjae and placing the gift into Junhong's arms. Junhong gapes at it, looking back and forth between his gift to the two adults to ascertain it's for him. He lets out a loud squeal and drops to the ground, cautiously tearing open the packaging.

"A train set?" Junhong whispers in wonder, disbelief flooding his cherub face. "A train set!" He yells in unadulterated elation, lurching forward to hug the two men before him. His exhilarated ramble of 'thank you's are only ceased when Daehyun suggests they settle down and fix it together. They get it up and running in a quarter of an hour, Junhong euphorically padding along with the train as it rattles down the tracks.

An arm snakes around Youngjae and he gazes up to find Daehyun's face melted into the brightest of smiles, incomparable to the millions of shimmering stars in the night sky. "You really are amazing," Daehyun croaks, pulling Youngjae closer against his chest. Youngjae thinks he can feel his heart of gold in their close proximity. Daehyun's touch makes him feel safe and protected in the midst of the terrifying blizzard.

"No," Youngjae breathes, dissolving into Daehyun's secure grasp. "You are amazing."