Winter Days

Today is particularly cold, the winter gales beating incessantly against the windows and demanding to swallow up all warmth inside houses. On days with light snowfall, Youngjae halts for a moment to admire how gentle winter seems, snowflakes like little petals wilting from the sky. However, today, he has to brace the harsh pelting snow as he makes his way to work. Inevitably, every once in a while, he's reminded that winter wears just a facade of tenderness and brews up the worst of storms.

His lips and cheeks are absolutely numb when he ducks into the hospital, thankful for the heat. He shakes off the snow trapped on the fibre of his clothes and gently untangles the scarf from his neck. Upon seeing how ferocious the wind was, Daehyun had told Youngjae and Junhong to wait while he bolted back upstairs.

Expectedly, Daehyun came down with a scarf for Junhong and Youngjae watched as Daehyun helped put it on for his younger brother. He had stopped to admire how adorable Junhong looked with his matching light blue wear when Daehyun's fingers brushes against his jaw. He had blankly fluttered his lashes as Daehyun wound another scarf around Youngjae's neck, brushing his fringe out of his eyes.

Youngjae smothers back a small smile as he makes his way to the counter, hanging up his jacket and the crimson scarf. The cherished feeling of being cared for is sweet. He had gotten used to living alone with no one looking out for him. Now that he has Junhong and Daehyun, life feels warmer and brighter. It is strange to say this but the world seems just a bit more colourful even though Seoul has been plunged into a mess of chilly white. Sunhwa has even mentioned a couple of times how he seems to carry around a glow nowadays.

It must be the work of those two, Youngjae thinks to himself with a silly chuckle. The nurses greet him brightly, undaunted by the cold weather and merely tossing a few complaints around. Youngjae thumbs through some records and fill in a few reports before leaving to make his rounds.

The moment Youngjae steps into the first ward, the new patient Jiwon flashes him a toothy grin and fervently waves. Youngjae greets him with a soft, amused smile and glances over to the other patients. Hanbin is hiding under the blanket while Junhee is still sleeping, sprawled out on the bed.

"Hi, Jiwon," Youngjae chuckles, crouching down and putting on the stethoscope. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm great, hyung," Jiwon beams, giggling when Youngjae places the cold chestpiece onto his chest.

"What did you have for breakfast?" Youngjae questions, relieved to find Jiwon's hacking cough from yesterday has somewhat alleviated today.

"Porridge. It was so bad, hyung! I want sweets," Jiwon sulks, folding his arms and plopping back against the pillow. He turns over and cranes himself over the bed guard. "Hanbin, it was terrible, right?"

Hanbin incoherently mumbles in return, still ensconcing himself under the blanket. Youngjae quietly laughs as Jiwon pouts, obediently letting Youngjae tuck him back into bed.

"Hyung," Jiwon pipes up as Youngjae winds over to Hanbin's bedside. Youngjae tilts his head one side as Hanbin curls underneath the blanket, evidently aware that Youngjae is standing by his side.

"Hanbin likes you," Jiwon finishes, crawling out of the bundle Youngjae tucked him into and shaking the guard rail. 

"I don't!" Hanbin retorts, voice muffled from under the quilt. Youngjae melts into an amused smile, gaze darting from one boy to the other wrapped up one.

"You do!" Jiwon throws back immediately, much to Hanbin's irritation.

"I don't!" Hanbin yells louder and throws the blanket off his face. He glances to Youngjae and cutely looks down at his thighs, sporting a light blush.

"He told me! Why are you lying?" Jiwon blabbers, innocently unaware of Hanbin's flushed state. "He told me you're pretty, hyung! He said you look like the girl he likes, Hayi."

"Argh, stop talking! You're so noisy!" Hanbin shouts, lips scrunched up into an embarrassed scowl. Youngjae bites back a saccharine laugh and tenderly clasps the boy's shoulder, doing a quick check while the two boys bicker.

"You must miss Hayi a lot," Youngjae hums as he takes Hanbin's temperature. "How does she look like?"

"I don't like her!" Hanbin spouts crossly, bashfully lowering his head when Youngjae ruffles his hair fondly. He leans a little closer to tease the boy and laughs when Hanbin shrinks back.

"Get well faster so you can see your friends and Hayi again, okay?" Youngjae says as he changes Hanbin's drip. He meanders over while Hanbin quietly acquiesces, frowning at Junhee still fast asleep. Junhee is a light sleeper; she often wakes up from her naps with just his footsteps. Youngjae's sixth sense warns him that something is amiss in but he urges himself not to be so paranoid, bending down by Junhee's side.

"Junhee, wake up," Youngjae coaxes. He carefully places a hand over the girl's shoulder and nudges her.

"Junhee," Youngjae tries again, voice growing louder with every call. Junhee remains unresponsive and the anxiousness slowly swarms Youngjae.

He hurriedly checks the rise and fall of her chest and puts his cheek near to her lips. Junhee's meek breath graze his skin and Youngjae turns around, yelling for a doctor. He swiftly shifts her onto her side and guides her into the recovery position, discerning her faint pulse on her wrist.

A doctor barrells in and everything happens with a snap of a finger. Flashes of white coats, loud orders, sharp footsteps. Junhee is promptly wheeled into the operating room and Youngjae is left assuring Jiwon and Hanbin that everything will be okay.

It takes a while before Youngjae leaves the two boys, numbly trudging out and standing aimlessly in the hallway. His heartbeat is palpitating at a jackhammer's ferocity and his head is spinning. He can feel his heart coughed up to the brim of his throat and it's only when someone clasps his hand that he realises his fingers are trembling.

Sunhwa forlornly gazes at him and lifts her fingers, offering a piece of tissue. Staring at it for a moment, Youngjae brings up his hands and absentmindedly pats his face. He blinks in surprise at the wet warmth he brings and hesitantly take the tissue, wheezing out a soft thanks.

"Are you okay?" Sunhwa asks in a gentle tone, grasping Youngjae's shoulder to offer some comfort.

Youngjae tries to churn out an assuring smile but the moment he glances up, he meets Sunhwa's knowing eyes and the words break from his shivering lips.

"It... looked so much like when Minhyun..." Youngjae whispers, the memory abruptly imprisoning his vision. He's standing at the end of the aisle as the medics rush him into the operating room, Minhyun's pale and unconscious body lying inert on the stretcher.

The silent tears scald Youngjae's cheeks and Sunhwa sighs, wrapping her arms around the other nurse. Youngjae gingerly embraces her back and thickly swallows back another bout of tears.

It hurts to think about it. Junhee has to come out fine. She had just been certified fit for discharge last night and Youngjae wanted to stop by the gift store in the basement to get her a farewell present.

The unforgiving memories taunt him relentlessly, bringing him back to months ago. He had been standing along the side of the corridor, shaking as the doctor emerged and spoke to Minhyun's mother and father. He could tell straight away from the look on Dr. Park's face but he still prayed against all hope, prayed like a mad man with his breath held.

It was when Minhyun's mother collapsed to the floor that he knew for sure Minhyun was gone. He can't let this happen again.

His nails embed into his palm and burst his capillaries. He thinks back to just a while ago where he had been joking around with the two children while Junhee laid in her bed, unconscious.

It's all his fault.

"If I'd just checked her first, noona-" Youngjae whispers feebly, biting back more tears. "I was still chatting with- still being happy while Junhee-"

"Youngjae, don't blame yourself," Sunhwa soothes, squeezing Youngjae tightly. "No one would have been able to tell with one glance."

"I told you not to get attached to the kids, Youngjae. You're only going to get hurt again and again," she softly chides, leaning back with a sigh. "Listen to noona, okay? It's already been a few years since you started working here."

Youngjae sniffles and gingerly nods. Sunhwa pats him on the back and ushers him back to the counter, persuading him to take a break. Not one to be fazed, Youngjae ultimately resumes his work, keeping Junhee in his prayers.

It's a few hours later when Junhee is shifted to a single ward in stable condition. Youngjae has to hold back his tears as he gazes at the child through the window in sheer relief, Junhee peacefully resting. He quickly dashes away his tears when the doctors come up to speak to him, briefing him on the things to look out for when Junhee is moved back to the normal ward.

He can't be anymore thankful. He had held his breath in his throat as he tried to go about his work, shelving all thoughts of the playful, bubbly girl out of his mind. The guilt had gnawed at his mind and he didn't dare to think of what else could have happened.

It's relieving. So much that Youngjae's knees had been weak when the doctors broke the news and he had to tell himself happiness shouldn't be celebrated with tears. He's grateful too that Junhee's parents showed up after a week of absence, huddling together outside the operating room in wracking worry.

As evening dawns, Youngjae does a quick check on his patients, stopping by Hanbin and Jiwon's ward just before his shift ends. The two are sitting on Jiwon's bed, drawing merrily. Jiwon and Hanbin perk up upon noticing the nurse and they start rambling frenziedly, nothing to be made out from their incoherent mess of words.

"Is Junhee okay, hyung?" Hanbin questions frantically as he cranes his head.

Youngjae assuringly nods and the two boys collectively sigh in relief, comically patting their chests. Lips quirking, Youngjae bends down by their sides and skims through their drawings scattered over the table. There are a few of Power Rangers and some dinosaurs and cars. One of them is of stick men—an adult holding the hands of two children. There's another child with pigtails randomly floating in the air, stick arm linked to the adult's shoulder.

Youngjae bites his lower lip as he stifles back laughter. Hanbin shoves Jiwon at this moment, indignantly barking, "I told you not to draw Junhee like that! It's stupid! See, hyung is laughing!"

"I'm not," Youngjae says, though he has to press his fist to his mouth to stop the laughter from escaping. "That's Junhee?"

"Mm! This is me, this is Hanbin, and this is you, hyung," Jiwon explains, bunny teeth gleaming under the sunset rays. "Yah, Hanbin, how does Junhee attach hyung, then? We are already holding hyung's hands."

"I think that means only two people can attach hyung," Hanbin muses thoughtfully, his pronunciation of the word attach slow and unsure.

"So, if Youngjae-hyung has more hands, more people can attach!" Jiwon declares with utter awe, gaping at Hanbin. The latter gradually nods and melts into the same wide-eyed expression.

"You're using the word attach wrongly," Youngjae laughs uncontrollably, nonetheless admiring the crumpled drawing. Honey-like warmth brews in his heart as he glances from the work to the two radiant boys.

"Oh, it's Hanbin's fault. He taught me that word. Attach," Jiwon announces, tripping over his syllables. 

"It's a new word to me too... I heard it today from that nurse noona," Hanbin protests, cheeks flushing in embarrassment. "Ryeowook-hyung says it's when two things are put together. Like when people hold each other. Is he wrong, hyung?"

"No, the meaning is correct, just that you attach something to something else," Youngjae explains amiably, affectionately patting the two boys' heads. "It's good that you're learning new words. What did the nurse noona say?"

He pulls over a chair to sit with the two children, momentarily sparing a glimpse at the wintry snowfall just outside the window. It's an eccentric mix of salmon pink hue and sheer white, coalescing to form a scenery quite beautiful.

"Um... She said Youngjae-hyung should not attach to us," Hanbin tries out the word, before furrowing his brows. "She said you will get hurt again and again. What does that mean?"

Youngjae blinks down in surprise at Hanbin and uncomfortably fidgets. "You heard me talking to Sunhwa-noona?"

"Hanbin was peeking at you, hyung," Jiwon chimes, shifting forward and putting out his palms. "I put Omma's cream just now. My hands are smooth. It won't hurt you when I hold your hand, hyung."

"Me too, hyung," Hanbin hastily pipes in and cutely throws out his arms.

Youngjae simmers into a hearty, effusive laugh, cupping his mouth with his hand. The two boys stare back in confusion.

"Attach doesn't just mean putting two things together," Youngjae corrects amiably, lowering his voice as the two doe-eyed children stare up at him. "Sunhwa-noona meant it in the way where people are close to one another. When you get closer and closer to someone, and you really care for them a lot, it means that you've gotten attached to that person."

Youngjae lets out a light exhale. "What she wanted to say was that if you get really close to someone, it makes it easier for you to get hurt because of them."

"What! I would never hit hyung! I would never be mean to hyung. Why did nurse noona say that?" Jiwon retorts fervently. Hanbin nods along and the two boys start yelling, trying to assure Youngjae.

"I know you won't," Youngjae breathes, smiling widely and tenderly cupping the two boys' cheeks. "Sometimes, you can't help but hurt someone."

He purses his lips and takes the drawing, pointing to their intertwined hands. "See this? When people get attached, it's like they become one person. You feel for the other person. So, whenever any of you are hurt, I will feel really hurt too."

"Oh no... We can't fall down, okay, Hanbin? Hyung will get hurt too," Jiwon murmurs hurriedly.

"Yes, let's be careful," Hanbin firmly states, the pair hooking their pinkies. Youngjae sweetly laughs and embraces the two boys, bidding them goodbye after giving them some healthy gummy sweets.

Daehyun calls just as Youngjae exits the building, the nightly breeze tussling his hair into a mess. He got off shift about fifteen minutes late so he has yet to arrive. It has become routine for Daehyun to wait outside Youngjae's workplace whenever Youngjae takes the morning and afternoon shifts, greeting him with a soft smile every evening as nightfall starts to set in.

To think about it, it has been a few months since Daehyun and Junhong has moved in with Youngjae. Things are getting better with both Daehyun and Youngjae working to pay for the expenses. Daehyun may not earn as much as Youngjae but his salary certainly does help for the monthly bills. With Youngjae scrimping on his meals, they are getting by just fine. They even usually have enough cash at the end of the month for a nice meal and the leftover of that is saved up to send Junhong to school.

On Youngjae's off days, he spends the time teaching Junhong how to write and do simple math, and then brings him out to play. Junhong is diligent—he sometimes reads the storybooks Youngjae borrows for him while at the arcade, even though it's noisy. In fact, both the brothers are hardworking. Daehyun studies into the night despite Youngjae assuring they can take their time, sacrificing his sleep for his studies.

Up till now, Daehyun still insists on footing a higher share of the rent and swears he will when he saves up enough to repay Youngjae for everything. It's weird to think of Daehyun as a tenant when Youngjae has come to see him and Junhong as family. But of course, Youngjae keeps this thought to himself, simply agreeing to the determined man's promises.

A light pitter patter snaps Youngjae out of his stupor as he glances up at the downcast, gloomy sky, flinching when a rain drop pelts his head. Experimentally putting his hand out, he catches some rain in his palm and stops for a while to watch as the drizzle gets heavier.

"Youngjae!"

The reverberation of loud, sturdy footsteps has Youngjae's head turning. Daehyun sprints up to Youngjae with Junhong in his arm, the little boy carrying a bulky plastic bag while the older brother holds an umbrella. Daehyun quickly shrouds Youngjae from the rain and flashes him a warm smile, igniting a buoyant sensation in Youngjae's stomach.

"Oh, Daehyun," Youngjae greets, thumbing Junhong's cheek when the boy cheerily calls out to him.

"What are you doing standing out in the rain?" Daehyun chuckles, letting Junhong climb out of his hold and into Youngjae's arms.

Youngjae lightly pecks Junhong's forehead and sheepishly murmurs, "I zoned out for a while."

"You'll catch a cold." Daehyun clips the umbrella against his jaw and his shoulder, tugging out Youngjae's scarf from the bag and carefully winding it around Youngjae's neck.

Heat tickles Youngjae's cheek as his lips bashfully quirk. "Thank you."

Daehyun's b smile dwindles into a perturbed look, the man leaning closer and squinting at Youngjae. "Are you okay? Your eyes are sore."

"Mm, they got a bit irritated when I was clearing out the store room," Youngjae lies, dismissing the question with a quick wave. "Let's go before it gets late."

The trio manage to catch the bus right as they arrive at the bus-stop. Seeing just one empty seat, Daehyun ushers Youngjae over and looms over him in the aisle, all the while wearing a giddy smile.

"What's inside the bag?" Youngjae asks Junhong, the boy sitting obediently in his lap while hugging the bag.

Junhong promptly turns around and whispers, "It's a surprise for you, hyung. Daehyun-hyung and I picked this out for you."

"Oh," Youngjae churns out, hugging Junhong a little tighter. "Thank you, Junhongie." He briefly glances up to find Daehyun's misty, glazed eyes already fixated on him, inciting a tingling feel over his fingers.

"Thank you, Daehyun." Seeing the wide, blinding smile on Daehyun's wrinkled cheeks, Youngjae teasingly prods him. "Someone's happy today. Why, did something good happen?"

Daehyun shrugs, still persisting in his giddy grin.

"Did you get a girl's number?" Youngjae asks, Junhong staring up at the two with his large, hazelnut eyes.

"I was working the whole day," Daehyun guffaws. "You know there's only me and Seungyoon manning the shop, and the arcade's only ever filled with kids."

"Well, maybe a girl saw you and decided to give you her number." Youngjae purses his lips in thought. "I wouldn't be surprised if that happened."

"Why?" Daehyun hums, the curl of his lips growing. Someone squeezes past him and he shifts forward, leaning closer to Youngjae.

"Well, you're handsome," Youngjae remarks unabashedly.

Surprised, Daehyun flits his lashes and shyly rubs the back of his neck. "I'm not."

"You are," Youngjae cheekily throws back, patting Junhong back onto his chest as the boy curls up, yawning.

"I'm not," Daehyun denies again, evidently fidgeting skittishly around. He clears his throat and brings up in a casual tone, "How about you? Has anyone recently asked you out or um, do you have a special somebody?"

Youngjae ponders lengthily to himself before divulging, "Well, today I found out this person likes me."

"What?" Daehyun blurts, eyes going wide as he inclines forward. "R-Really? Who is it?"

"His name is Hanbin," Youngjae hums as he pretends to mull over the incident. Junhong has fallen asleep against his chest, still hugging the bag. "His friend Jiwon told me he found me pretty."

"Oh," Daehyun mutters, scratching the back of his head. He shifts around before asking, "Uh, did you do anything about it? Is he your colleague?"

"I met him at the hospital. He's my patient," Youngjae stops for a moment and breaks out into a teasing grin, "and he's four years old."

Daehyun's jaw slackens and Youngjae bursts out into laughter. Daehyun shuts his eyes and veers away with an incredulous smile.

"Guess even kids swoon over you," Daehyun chuckles, apologising when he bumps against Youngjae.

"You mean only kids," Youngjae amends lightheartedly. "No one's ever called me handsome."

"You must be lying," Daehyun immediately rebounds with a frown. "You're really beautiful."

The conversation abruptly hits an awkward pause, drone of the bus alleviating just a bit of the odd stillness. Youngjae flutters his lashes and their shared gaze seems to shudder, Daehyun gulping and Youngjae averting his gaze with a quiet cough.

"I'm not, but thank you," Youngjae simpers, playing with his fingers. Junhong's head starts to loll and Youngjae shifts the boy into a more comfortable position.

"I'm not kidding," Daehyun adds belatedly, voice lowered and almost bashful.

"I'm not kidding too. You're handsome. I bet you were the popular type back in high school," Youngjae remarks.

Daehyun flashes a mischievous grin as he gloats, "I was. I got a lot of confessions back then."

"I knew it. Were you a player?" Youngjae elbows Daehyun's thigh, looking up at the other.

"Mm. Once, I dated a girl for just a week and called it off," Daehyun recounts. "I was the typical high school bad boy. Cut classes, smoked, vandalished a lot of property."

Youngjae makes a face and shoves him. "I didn't know you were that kind of guy."

"Hey, I've changed," Daehyun chuckles, clumsily stumbling when the bus comes to a stop. He lightly nudges Youngjae when the latter erupts into a fit of laughter.

"I haven't dated since Junhong was born," Daehyun mentions as he Junhong's hair. "He became the only thing that ever occupied my mind. Why I worked so hard at my job."

"I wanted to give him as much as I could, even if I couldn't earn much." He dissolves into a nostalgic smile and fondly reminisces, "I really wanted him to feel loved. Even though our parents didn't care about us, I wanted him to know he had me. That I loved him."

Staring up at the scars marring Daehyun's jaw and then to the sleeping child in his arms, Youngjae suppresses back a smile. For a moment, he thinks of the snow resting on thin, dark branches, standing in a field of vast white. Of quiet walks and feet sloshing through slow, footsteps left behind in the endless blanket of snow. It's captivating.

Youngjae holds Junhong a little tighter and smiles up at Daehyun, their wordlessness drawing sugary colours into the air. The rest of their ride back is spent talking about their day—Junhong playing at the arcade, some peculiar customers Daehyun came across and the kids Youngjae are taking care of in the hospital. Youngjae discreetly leaves out the part about Junhee suddenly falling unconscious so as to not dampen the mood and burden the pair.

Thinking back to what happened in the morning, Youngjae decides to cook for the two instead of going out to eat. He cooks some rice along with a few side dishes—fried pork, spinach and some tomato eggs.

The atmosphere at the dining table is homely and uplifting, Junhong particularly animated despite having just woken up from his nap. Daehyun takes his time to eat today and as they finish their dinner, Junhong tugs Youngjae to the living room while Daehyun does the dishes. He dashes to the bag in the corner and waddles over, the bulky bag shrouding the lower half of his face.

Junhong pulls Youngjae to sit and eagerly bounces up and down when Daehyun emerges from the kitchen. Youngjae curiously gazes at the two as they settle down opposite Youngjae, Daehyun pulling out a stuffed penguin and handing it to Junhong. The little boy cajoles as he hugs his toy, watching as Daehyun hands the bag to Youngjae.

"For me?" Youngjae hums, opening up the bag. Out pops a yellow chick plush, round like a ball with large black eyes and two small wings.

"Hyung, do you like it?" Junhong questions eagerly, almost climbing into Youngjae's lap. "Seungyoon-hyung said we could take back any two, so Daehyun and I chose one for you."

Youngjae stares at the plushed toy and nuzzles his nose against the chick's beak, mirth coaxing out a dizzy grin from him. "Hyung loves it. Thank you."

Junhong exuberantly cheers and wrings his arms around Youngjae's shoulders, embracing Youngjae tightly. "Thank you, hyung. For taking care of me and Daehyun-hyung. Next time, I will buy a really big one."

Daehyun chuckles at the two and hums, "Can I join the hug?"

"Yes, yes!" Junhong declares avidly, voice muffled against Youngjae's cheek. With that, Daehyun scoots over and wraps his arms around the two, squashing both his brother and Youngjae against his chest. Winter is left forgotten outside of their little circle, Youngjae laughing against Daehyun's warmth and Junhong grinning jubilantly.

When they part, for some reason, Youngjae feels like crying. He plasters his frail, runny smile to his lips and caresses Junhong's cheek, trying to do away the furious echoes of doctors yelling and the stretcher pushed down the aisle at breakneck speed. He can't take another loss, not after Minhyun's death.

Nightfall cements along with the lessening snow, coldness painting condensation over the glass windows. Youngjae tucks Junhong into bed and he settles down by Daehyun's side, Daehyun already prepared with his books open. It's always like this every night: they stay up under the weak glow of the night light, huddled in one corner and speaking softly while Junhong sleeps away. The auburn glow of the light always shades Daehyun's face in a way that obscures his lacerations and lends some warm colour to Daehyun's greyish eyes.

They go through a new chapter of Math today and every once in a while, Youngjae lifts his head to find Daehyun staring at him instead of concentrating on the book. Sometimes, their hands brush, Daehyun's thick fingers scrawled with numerous wrinkles. It's gratitude, Youngjae hums to himself as they sink into another silence, Daehyun smiling at Youngjae for a moment before doing his work.

When they're done, Youngjae reminds Daehyun not to sleep too late and quickly turns in. It's under the sheets that he lets his fingers tremble, the darkness offering him shade as he holds back a soft sob. His mind mercilessly flings him back to this morning and the heartwrenching torment batters him down once more. If the doctor had emerged with a painstaking sigh on his lips and listless eyes, how would he be able to live?

Sunhwa is right. He's already been here for a few years yet he still doesn't know how to cope with loss. After Minhyun's death, he has been on the edge ever since and it's as clear as broad daylight. It's the reason why he has never been assigned to the children's surgery ward.

It still hurts. Winter is here to stay this year, mockingly, and he still keeps the torn notebook paper listing the things they would do together. It was the same thing every day—showing Minhyun polaroids of pretty things and lovely places, saying I'll bring you there when you get better and gently patting his head.

A part of Youngjae thinks that the illness took away not just Minhyun's days but his innocence as well. He always spoke as if he was older than a six year old, taking care of the other kids that came and went while he stayed in the corner bed for months. It was hard to hear his parents tell him for the first time that he would go earlier than the other kids. Minhyun's father had tried to get him to understand by comparing it to the seasons—while the other children were spring leaves, Minhyun was an autumn flower. His winter came sooner than others.

Youngjae heaves a sigh and picks at his white quilt, drenched in the black darkness. He sniffs and pats away his tears, peeking out at the relentless snow knocking on the window.

Spring will come again.

A creaking noise startles Youngjae as he swiftly shuts his eyes, pretending to be asleep. Silence floods the room and Youngjae remains still when he hears Daehyun's raspy voice.

"Youngjae?"

He can't let Daehyun know he's awake. Else, Daehyun will see his tears. Youngjae keeps absolutely quiet and makes not a single movement, evening out his  breaths.

Instead of hearing the door shut, he feels the bed sink. He fortunately manages to keep still as Daehyun's rough fingers cup his jaw. Daehyun thumbs the tear streaks down Youngjae's face and a knowing, dejected sigh grazes Youngjae's nose.

As Daehyun wipes away the rest of the tears, Youngjae coordinates his breathing and his heart suffocatingly beats in his throat. He freezes when he feels wet warmth against his skin, Daehyun's lips pressed to his cheek.

Daehyun drapes the blanket over Youngjae and caresses Youngjae's face for a moment more before leaving, the door clicking shut behind him. Waiting for a few seconds out of caution, Youngjae pries open his eyelids. He sits up upon finding his room empty and touches his cheek, folding his lips at the leftover sensation.

Discomfort stirs heavily in Youngjae's guts and he wipes away the lingering wetness on his cheek, sighing softly. 

thanks for reading~ (๑>ᴗ<๑) this chapter was inspired by huiden ko's april sonata. all your kind words really mean so much to me ♡