Warning: unedited and contains a bit of , enjoy ~ 

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Luhan POV

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“Kai…”

“Hmm?”

“There's...” Luhan pointed at dark figures on the pool at their backyard. he can't see it clearly due to his glassy eyes from sweat and tears, but he certainly saw something in there, “Kai there’s a trespasser in our owww-….” His innocent words cut off by the slow yet deep he got in his back. It wasn’t hurt anymore, now their ual became another way to avert his attention from snacking outside his dietary hours so they did plenty of it, lately. Still the force he got from his lover weight and steady stabs made his body trembled and it also trailed his sentences into the series of short and high pitched moans.

Luhan felt the tanned fingers found his mouth and filled him with some digits, making him groaned in arousal. He lost control of his saliva and let it fell in between his open mouth and ragged breath, pooled on the crumpled sheet under his face. “It probably just your friends ing in public…” Kai snickered into his glistened back. The man hugged his skinny figure by sitting on his and stopped ing to feel their moment in unison. How this insanity could became a sacred love making, none of them knew. All they did was struggling to create friction, until they find the right timing to move on. Without any hesitation, Kai rocked their bodies again, made luhan moaned again at the fullness of the pleasure grazing every sensitive spot inside him.

“Close…” Luhan managed to speak when Kai was done molesting his throat with fingers. His head looked up, staring at the night sky outside the huge window with his hazy eyes. Cause he loved Kai, he was addicted at every way Kai took him. For him, pain was nothing compared to the pleasure he got from this man. That’s why, even in his cries there’s only smile plastered on his face. “I’m close…”

The intimacy didn’t stop with their simple dance, Kai grabbed his waist, brought him up sitting on the man’s crotch and whispering soft tease into his ears, “oh, so you’re close, baby?” Luhan just remember he had a when Kai finally caressed him, taking the whole of him in one hand. It made him reached up Kai’s neck with both his hands, turned his head to ask for a kiss. Kai titled and occupied his mouth while the hand moved in the same rhythm with their hips s.

Luhan whimpered, his hands grabbed a fistful of Kai’s hair when he came hard in Kai’s hand, all alone.

“Why?” He asked when Kai released him from the kisses and let him catch a few breaths while lying on his side, “Why?” Luhan whispered breathlessly, at Kai who the white milk clean, tried hard to swallow any upcoming desire cause the sight of the man he loved giving him the most fearful gaze. Oh, they already did a lot, today, he believed the last one was all he had yet now he watch himself getting hard again just because of Kai’s gaze.

“Kai?”

Kai smirked at him, “well,” the brunette crawled his way back on the top of trembling Luhan, spread the lean tights in a slow motion just to enjoy his miserable face, chuckling darkly at looking his candy, before a low, animal-like growl escaped his lips. “Tell Kyungsoo I'm sorry, baby.” Kai said teasingly as the man loaded the hard shaft into him, filled him with the burning sensation which made he laughed and cried at the same time. Kai laughed with him while hugging his plumpy figure to sit and rocked on the man's , “I doubt you can even walk after tonight.”

Luhan giggled on his lover lips, “that's tempting but I'm no easy defeat.” his heart marched so fast but the fear apparently turning into a gut, "I dare you to go faster.”

“And harder?” Kai pecked him.

Luhan kissed him back, “probably you could, if you stop talking nonsense.” 

*

Luhan stared at the broad chest where he used to drift into sleep. His lips turned pouty, silently protested cause tonight Kai wore a nightshirt. He didn’t like it. He wanted to inhale the scent and kissed this man’s warm skin. He wanted to play with the s, too, just to annoy his lover. But here they were, laid comfortably in the middle of their bed just like another normal couple, after their naughty play time and a quick shower.

Luhan looked up, watching the sleeping face of his lover. For a moment, the memories played through his mind like slide show. No, he’s not dying. This was something he used to do, recalled at how their relationship turned like this…

.

For Luhan, love was something to gain. If he did great in grade, sport, even friendship, his parents will be so proud of him, will be happy and with that, he felt he was needed and loved by them. For once it became a great satisfactory he ever tasted, but then Luhan started to be greedy by craving for more attention, more acknowledgement, and more love cause the truth was, in his heart, there’s this a big hole of nothingness, so no matter how much people showered him with love, it will never be enough.

He met Sehun and decided to make Sehun as his brother. Because he was the only child, having someone in the same age with him was enthralling yet in the same time, frustrating him. He didn’t know how to share food, bed, or bath time. Being around Sehun made him learn that his room was too big for one but when Sehun was there, the place became so comfortable cause they can spend their time together in there. Before, he never ate half of cookie, but once in a class, Sehun spared him an only one cookie by splitting it into two. Instead complaining, Luhan felt his heart thumped in a strange happiness which made him promised himself that no matter what happened, even if the world against it, he’ll always be on Sehun’s side.

One day, Luhan and Sehun met Kyungsoo. The boy was so cute, with big eyes and thick rosy lips. Luhan really fascinated with Kyungsoo face and he found his heart thumped every time he saw Kyungsoo laughed and squealed happily. The definition he had of love grew into something better. He began to realize love isn’t only happen because he gave something to other people. For example, Sehun and Kyungsoo loved being around him, even though he’s not getting high grade. Sehun and Kyungsoo were still there even when Luhan got kicked from baseball team. It’s not really his fault, this Senior Choi whom he hit on the nose keep teasing him with ‘a pretty doll shouldn’t be covered with mud’ for a whole year.

‘You shouldn’t get so worked up like that.’ Sehun grumbled lowly at him, who sat near the river in their neighborhood, refused to go home until the night time. ‘You know it’s hard to get into that team.’

‘I don’t care.’ Luhan hugged his legs, pouted at the dark blue water in front of him, ‘I hate people like him!’

Sehun and Kyungsoo exchanged gaze before they approached Luhan and sat on each the boy’s side. It’s hurt, to remember again what had happen today, but what made tears formed under his eyes was the sudden warmth brushing both his shoulders, a shared heat from the most precious people he had. It made his eyes burned so he tucked his head down to control his emotion. It’s not a succeed, now the tears fell from the gravity and then he cried, as his hands grabbed both Sehun and Kyungsoo’s fingers as support.

His friends said nothing.

Well, it’s not like he need words of encouragement and affection right now. He just needed them here.

‘Oh, I’m screwed up.’ Luhan released their fingers and covered his face, ‘What should I do if I had to face this alone…’ he sobbed, when Kyungsoo muttered his name lowly and hugged him.

‘Idiot.’

Luhan felt Sehun hand patted his head, ‘you’ll never be alone, Lu.’ And Luhan bit his own lips bitterly upon hearing the youngest soft whisper, ‘None of us will allow it.’

‘That’s why, don’t cry anymore, ok?’ Kyungsoo added while wiping away his tears, even going so far by cleaning his runny nose, ‘as long as we’re together, we’ll be okay.’

Like a good luck charm, the words giving back his confidence. He forgot about baseball, even though still long for it. It was winter when he put his interest into soccer. He joined a small league, met new friends, having another blast with Sehun and Kyungsoo in the end of their third grade, until the spring came.

‘I really like you.’

Luhan eyes widened at the shy girl in black hair who confessed at him, on his way to meet up with his friends at the cherry blossom park.

Luhan was stunned, couldn’t say anything aside sorry. It brought tears in her eyes as she excused herself and ran. It also hurt him cause he never knew this kind of love before, didn’t even capable to find any definition about this mixed feeling inside his heart. Why, it called love if it brought tears. Why it called love if his heart was nearly exploded just by such a simple confession.

He couldn’t answer it, so he decided to discuss it with his friends. However, a few step before he reached their meeting point, he froze at the sight in front of him. Sehun and Kyungsoo were sitting together, Sehun’s head in Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Their fingers entwined in between their close bodies and they both smiled while closing their eyes. It’s like the time stopped and they became a beautiful picture which sent Luhan into panic. In his frowning state, words of love began pouring into his mind, along with his own fear cause he can feel the distance, he felt alienated with his friends even though he stood right in front of them and probably soon, he’ll lose their love for him.

‘Are you guys dating?’ Luhan asked Kyungsoo once, when they had sleepover together at Luhan house. Sehun was in the bathroom so Luhan thought it was a good time to ask, cause lately, Sehun and Kyungsoo always together and Luhan couldn’t find it appeal to ask Sehun this kind of matter.

‘I don’t know, really.’ Kyungsoo titled his head, ‘why, Luhannie?’

‘What is dating?’ Luhan can feel his face burned by such an embarrassing question. But he didn’t want to ask anyone else cause people will think he was girly, that way. ‘I mean.’ He cleared his throat when he saw Kyungsoo blushed too, ‘I know dating, but how exactly people date?’

Kyungsoo blinked, tried to form a right answer and come up with, ‘my brother said, it depends.’ The boy scratched his head, ‘like, we hung out together, going to café or cinema, as friends. It can’t be dating cause there’s no agreement in between us. We just simply let it flow.’ Kyungsoo smiled sheepishly.

‘So dating is an agreement?’ Everything became clearer in Luhan’s mind, ‘for example, if I confess to you and I want to date you, it will be counted as dating if you agree to go out with me?’

Kyungsoo furrowed his eyebrows. For a while, the cute boy tried to follow Luhan’s fast talking, before he hesitantly nodded. Feeling unsure what to answer aside, ‘umm, probably.’

‘I see.’ Luhan seemed pleased with the answer. For a while, silent crept in between them, Luhan was drowning in his own hypothesis and Kyungsoo stared Luhan dazely.

Then suddenly the brunette murmured, ‘Luhan, do you like Sehun?’

Luhan startled, ‘huh?’ the question tickled the inside of him. From the way Kyungsoo said it, the way Kyungsoo looked at him right now made him realize something was off with this friend. Why, he wanted to ask that, if he likes Sehun and Sehun was a precious person in his life, what’s the problem? But he had a bad feeling that if he just said it he had to say good bye to his friendship with Kyungsoo.

‘Do you like Sehun?’ so he dodged it by asking the question back to Kyungsoo and his fear turned into real. He just glad he didn’t answer it, cause Kyungsoo was all red from head to toes just by hearing the question.

What a cute being.

‘Umm… can you keep a secret?’ Kyungsoo voice turned into low murmur, ‘cause this is so embarrassing.’

Luhan gave sign of ‘OK’ and with that the small brunette shifted to whisper on his ear, ‘I’m in love with Sehun.’

Love, was a magical words. It made Kyungsoo changed into a softer feature. It's like Kyungsoo turned to be have a feminime side, not really a girl but had the same cherish and adorable vibe, for example, pink tint of blush will always cover his cheeks and the boy will unconsciously smile just because Sehun was near. It also made Luhan heart trembled in happiness and the same time anxiety. He was happy for Kyungsoo and Sehun but he was also jealous for this loneliness in his heart grew like a black hole eating him from inside.

Slowly, he retreated from their friendship. He didn’t know the reason, why. It’s not like he dislike them together, or if he felt it was unfair to him to be left alone. They still come to him, still love him no matter how he tried to run from them.

Another spring came and Luhan was going to have lunch with Sehun and Kyungsoo at their usual café near the park. He didn’t want to go there but he tried to think positive. He shouldn’t be so mean to them. He only had them as his friends. However, something happened when he arrived at Kyungsoo’s house. As usual, Kyungsoo father always work and his brother will be nowhere and no one even bother to open the door for the guests, so Luhan just excused himself in and silently going upstair, murmuring Kyungsoo name while opening the brunette’s bedroom door.

It’s empty.

But when Luhan returned to the end of corridor, he went past the window to Kyungsoo’s backyard and saw his best friends sat close together in a white wooden bench with their lips pressed to each other in a chaste kiss.

Luhan’s tears fell. His feet brought him downstairs, outside the house and onto the lone road. Without saying anything, he stood waiting them while thinking. He was fascinated how love created such strange atmosphere. It’s the same people he knew since years ago, yet they didn’t look the same. It’s like they felt secured with each other presence, they created their own circle which no one else could barge in.

‘What is love?’ He felt something wet on his face, and when he touched his own tears which still falling, he asked himself again, ‘why it made me cry?’

Soon, the answer came to him.

At the corner of their block, there’s this old and big house which always be on sale. One day, a family move in and Luhan was going to practice when he heard someone whistling at him. He stopped walking and turned, just to see a tall brunette standing on the low brick fence, smiling at him. Confusedly, he smiled back at the boy but said nothing.

‘Watch this.’ The boy said in a cocky tone, before he jumped and bend in the air, before landed safely (and beautifully) in front of Luhan who can only gape in shock.

‘Kim Jongin a.k.a Kai.’

The boy gave him a hand like a gesture of a prince, ‘may I have your name, my princess?’

And that’s how Luhan met his love. At first, Kai thought he was a girl so Luhan immediately clear the misunderstanding by saying he’s not. Although he was disappointed with the fate of him being born as boy, now, cause if he was a girl then he will be the real princess to this boy. But then, Kai still smiled dazzlingly and still stubbornly calling him ‘Princess’, it made his heart heated and filled with indescribable emotion he never felt before.

Now, his free time was occupied with Kai. If he was done practicing, Kai suddenly was there and waiting him to go home together. If Luhan had a free time, the boy will attend the dance class, just to spend more of his time with Kai. Only when Kyungsoo reminded him that it has been a month since them spending their time together, Luhan apologized and finally tell his friends the truth, about Kai. Kyungsoo, took it a bit too happy, to the point Luhan became jealous. But then he knew Kyungsoo for a long time, the boy just being nice to everyone and of course Kyungsoo won’t make any exception to Kai. Then Sehun, became annoyed, half because Luhan who was being distant for a time being, half because he kept believing that Kyungsoo secretly fancied Kai.

But his friends accepted Kai into their small circle and Luhan can’t be happier, except the fact that this love he had for Kai grew bigger and deeply rooted in him. It was bad. Unlike Sehun and Kyungsoo who didn’t matter with gender, it seemed that Kai likes girl and probably prefer having girlfriend than boyfriend. So if Luhan fall in love to Kai, in the way his friends love each other, didn’t it make him get even lonelier, knowing that Kai won’t feel the same with him?

‘I love you.’

Still, it was worth trying.

Luhan said it as he sat next to Kai, after their dance class. He looked down, where his fingers entwined in anxiety. He was ready for rejection. He will be okay even though he won’t be able to move on. Probably he won’t fall in love again, or at least trying to. His love probably too simple, that he only wishes Kai knew and Kai let him around the boy’s life, forever but he was willing to give up everything for that.

‘I know,’ Luhan muttered again, ‘I’m not your type.’ Even when he was aware of it, saying it out loud made his tears forming, ready to pour like rain, ‘I’m a boy so, there’s no way I could get into your heart, but…’ Luhan turned and when he found Kai was staring at him all these times, he couldn’t stand it and sobbed, ‘but I love you and I just want you to know it...’

Now he understood why the girl was crying, when he said sorry. But he didn’t run. He stayed, no matter how hurt it was, he really want to be with Kai.

‘So.... you love me?’ Kai asked in a soft and careful tone.

Luhan nodded repeatedly, tried to wipe away his tears but ended crying even harder, cause then, Kai grabbed his hands away from his face, and leaned in to kiss his lips tenderly.

‘I love you too.’ the brunette murmured while cleaning his face, ‘I love you since our first meet, Princess.’

Luhan was left dumbstruck for a while, can only watch his world crumbled into pieces cause before he never think of dating Kai, didn’t even dare to dream about it, ‘but… but… but I’m a boy…’ he said, stutteringly, ‘I don’t have cute ponytail… I don’t wear skirt… and… and…I don’t play Barbie…’

Surprisingly, Kai chuckled into his lips, ‘but you’re still my and only Princess, Lu.’

At the age 12, Luhan and Kai had their first kiss.

Ten years later, they wake up in the same bed, still sleepy but comfortably touching and teasing each other as the trail of their dirty love making last night.

“You know,” Luhan giggled at the blank ceiling on the top of their bed, “how about we put mirror up there, so I can see your y when you pound me to the bed?”

Kai looked at the same direction, smiling smugly while muttering, “hmm, I would love too baby, but if the construction didn’t do well, we’ll die.”

Luhan looked back at his lover, “at least we died together…” he said while laughing like it was the funniest joke he ever made. But Kai didn’t laugh. Instead, the older leaned to place a kiss on the top of Luhan’s head, smiling when he heard Luhan gasped at the touch. He stared at Luhan again, now with a soft smile decorating his face, “but I’d prefer us to be alive, together…”

*

how was it?