Promises

He did not care that it might have looked rather silly, with the kitten in her lap and her in his. Nor did his incredibly numb lap and bum bother him one bit. All he cared about was that her breathing had become normal again, that she had completely calmed down and that she was feeling comfortable in his embrace. Right now, she was his priority. 

“Are you feeling better?” he asked, as he kept on drawing random patterns on her back with his thumb. Her nods lifted a heavy weight of off his heart. Not bothering to move, Jongin kept inhaling her soothing fragrance – a mixture of cherry blossom and plum.  

“Jongin?” He heard her ask, her voice cracking a bit. 

“Hmm?” She could feel his chest’s slight vibration as he hummed. 

“C-can I borrow your bathroom for a bit?” Her question completely took Jongin by surprised, as he had not expected it. 

“Yeah, of course. Just go straight and then it's the door to you right,” Jongin explained. Haru quickly thanked him, before she got up and hastily went in the direction he had just given her. Entering the bathroom, Haru made sure to lock the door before she put her hand on her chest, with the aim to calm her heart that suddenly had started to pick up its pace again. 

Everything started with his question to her wellbeing. That was when it had really hit her that she was actually sitting in his lap, while he held her tightly into his embrace. Her surroundings had suddenly become so clear, making her become incredibly sensitive to everything that happened around her - every his thumb made on her back and every breath he took – had somehow changed its effect and had instead made her heart beat faster and faster. Afraid that he would hear her drumming heart, Haru had quickly made an excuse to borrow his bathroom. *What’s the matter with you, Haru?* she asked herself, as she looked into her reflection in the mirror. Taking a deep long breath, Haru quickly splashed some cold water on her face and cleaned herself up. 

It was when Jongin tried to stand up that his sleeping legs and numb bum started to complain about the position he had sit in for far too long. it up, Jongin stood up and struggling yet successfully got over to the kitchen. Turning on his kettle, Jongin subconsciously leaned forward to look at the bathroom door, but did not find was his mind were looking for. *What the? Did I adopt a cat or a dog?*, he wondered looking at the little kitten, who as sitting and staring anticipatingly at the bathroom door, while her tail slowly wiggled from side to side. 

“Yah! Would you please leave her be? She going to come out in a sec.,” Jongin directed to the kitten, who just turned around only to look boringly at him for half a second, before returning her gaze back to the closed door, as if she would waste her precious time looking at him any longer than necessary. Letting out a sigh, Jongin walked over to the little white fur ball and picked her up, only to go back to the kitchen. 

“Did you just ignore me?” He asked, as he held her up, while looking into her blue eyes. Keeping her poker face, the little kitten stared indifferently at him.

“Yah, what's with the little diva attitude huh? We don't tolerate such an attitude in this house, do you hear me?” Jongin held her closer, so her tiny nose bumped with his. The kitten’s expression of boredom and indifference did not change by Jongin's little warning and order. She had instead put both her front paws on his face and pushed it away, as if she did not want to look at it anymore. Letting out a heavy sigh, Jongin suddenly saw a quick flash of light from the corner of his eyes, which was followed by a mechanical sound. Both Jongin and the kitten turned the their heads in the direction of the sound and flash, where they found Haru standing with her Polaroid camera that had just spit out a picture. 

“I'm sorry… It just…it just looked funny,” Haru admitted guiltily. 

“But in a good way,” she quickly added. 

“It's ok. You don't have to apologise,” Jongin chuckled and let the kitten down. As soon as the fur ball’s four paws hit the floor, she quickly ran over to Haru, who had put down her camera to tend to the kitten. Following the kitten as she was picked up, Jongin got a complete look at Haru. It was the first time he had ever seen her in a dress. He could not help, but think how pretty she looked, standing there in her yellow summer dress, cradling the kitten in her arms. *Not the right time to think that Jongin. Focus*. The sudden click of the kettle, telling him that he boiling water was ready to be used, brought him back. Turning the hot water to two cups of chamomile tea, Jongin took the two cups and went over to Haru. 

“Couch?” he suggested, and with a confirming nod, they went over to the couch. Jongin placed the chamomile tea in front of her, before taking a seat on the armchair beside the couch. With the kitten placed her lap, Haru had a calming and gentle smile on her lips. He could not help, but think how cute she looked. Another thing he could not help was that he had accidentally said it out loud instead of thinking it. 

“Hmm? Did you say something?” she looked up at him. Being caught red handed, Jongin let out a fake cough, trying to find some excuse.

“Well, I just thought that you looked really cute today,” he confessed. Not having expecting that, she could feel her cheeks begin to heat up.

“Oh, uhm…thank you,” Haru quickly looked down at the kitten and began to her a lot faster than before. 

“I wanted to look pretty for him. Isn’t it stupid,” she stated more than questioned, yet he still answered her it.

“It’s not stupid,” He said firmly. He did not miss the sad smile on her face. 

“And I’m more than sure that he also thought that you look very pretty and cute,” Jongin assured with a smile. 

“Thank you and thank you for being there, and sorry that I’m such a burd-” Haru did not manage to finish her sentence, before Jongin interrupted. 

“Don’t say it. Don’t think it. Don’t believe it either, because you’re not a burden and you’ve never been. I’ve never and will never see you as a burden, Haru.” Even though she wanted to believe every word he had said to her, her feelings did not allow it whatsoever, which was why she kept her silence and gaze down. That, of course did not pass unnoticed by Jongin.

“Did you see me as a burden, when I told you about my past and difficulties with Bo Ah, Haru?” Jongin asked and she shook her head. 

“Why?” He simply continued. 

“Because you're my friend,” Haru answered honestly. 

“Then why can't that go the other way too?” He asked, something in his voice pleaded her to look at him. Looking up she found Jongin looking completely serious at her, yet there was nothing, but softness in his gaze. 

“You can be as burdensome as you want to – but I will never consider you as a burden, because you're my friend Haru and friends help on another and are there for one another. Don't hesitate to come to me because you think that I consider you as a burden, because I don't, have never ever and will never think of you in that way,” Jongin felt like they had had this conversation before. He felt like he had repeated himself, but he did not mind. He would repeat it for her a thousand times, if that would make her believe him. 

“Come to me the next time you feel down or have something on your mind. If you want to, you can tell me the next time you're going to visit your dad again, so I could accompany you?” Because of the way she looked at him, he for a second thought that he had said something wrong – that she thought that his suggestion was ridiculous. 

“Would you really come with me?” Her question proved to him that her widened eyes, was not a sign of her finding his suggestion utterly absurd, but it was a sign of her not completely believing him. As to that, Jongin could not really figure out whether he preferred the real reason behind her expression or the one he had started off with. 

“Of course. Besides, I need to officially greet him,” Jongin assured her, making her let out a smile. Even though she found his statement sweet and silly, she something told her that he had meant it. Not knowing what to say, Haru simply thanked him with a smile. Following her kind smile was a silence that was neither completely awkward nor pleasant. Instead, Jongin could feel this anticipation and hesitation mixed with the silence that by now had completely taken over the living room. 

“Jongin, about what happened in the café on Jeju…” she looked down on her fumbling fingers trying to gather as much courage as she could. 

“You don't have to tell me, if you don't wan-“ before he could finish, she had cut him off. 

“I want to…it just…I'm scared that you'll hate me, when I tell you…please don't hate me. Promise that you won’t hate me.” Even though she had whispered, Jongin had heard it loud and clear. He could have given her a whole speech or hand in a complete thesis about how he could never hate her, but something told him that that was not what Haru needed to hear right now. The thing she needed was a little reassurance and Jongin was going to give her exactly that. 

“I promise.” 

“I went to middle school with the girls we met at the restroom. I’ve never been an outgoing person. Not even back, so I didn’t have so many friends...not as many as I have now”, Haru let out a warm smile before she continued to tell Jongin how this changed when Yeol Um came to the school. Yeol Um was not only pretty, but also loveable and outgoing. Thinking back to how people were almost standing in line to spend time with Yeol Um, made Haru’s smile grow a bit. 

“But even though she could be or talk with anyone in the school, she chose to spend her time with me. She chose to spend every lunch, every school project, every break, every time after school, with me – the one who barely talked to anyone, the one wasn't really anybody in school. It took a little time, but she was so patient with me and I started to open up to her. We became really close friends. I got to know that she actually could be really shy around specific people, despite the fact that she generally was really good at interacting with almost everyone in school. There was this specific boy though, a really popular boy in school – the captain of the football team - whom she had a huge crush on, but she was too shy to approach. We went to every game that he played and every practice he attended. The football team was really popular at our school, so it wasn’t that we were the only girls there. There was this one time where we were sitting on the grass watching them practice…I don’t know what happened, but I must’ve been a bit distracted at that time, because the next thing I know was someone shouting at me to watch out. With my luck, the ball had hit me right on my nose. It ended with the football captain and Yeol Um helping me get to the nurse, while trying to stop the blood from oozing out of my nose. After that incident, he began to greet us whenever he saw us and we also seem to bump into him a lot more, even after school hours. I began to notice that he would often glance in the direction of Yeol Um whenever he got the chance. It didn’t surprise me, when she told me, just before the end of the 8th grade, that they had begun to date. They were like the perfect couple and it seemed like nothing could come in between them. I had never seen her so happy. Even though they had started dating, it did not seem to change how much time Yeol Um and I spend together. The only thing that had changed, was that Lee Cheol Woo had joined us. At one time I was afraid that I was interfering, so I had begun to cancel whenever we were going to hang out, to give them some time alone. Cheol Woo noticed and convinced me to start hanging out with them again. He told me that Yeol Um had been down ever since I started cancelling. Everything was going fine, everything was going really fine, but after the summer vacation and the beginning of the 9th grade things started to fall apart. Things started to change,” through out Haru's reminiscence, she had had this big warm smile painted on her lips and evident on in her eyes. But at her pause Jongin could not help to notice how her smile suddenly had begun to disappear and was instead replaced by this uncertainty and discomfort. She was not looking at him anymore, but had instead turned her eyes down onto her intertwined fingers – almost as if she was ashamed of what she was going to tell.

“I noticed that Cheol Woo…I don’t know why… I don’t know why I felt so uncomfortable whenever he would touch me. Every time he squeezed my shoulder or brushed my arm, he was so causal about it, he did it as if there was nothing wrong with it, so at first thought it was just by accident. I noticed that the accidental touches became more frequent…I thought that it might be me, who was a bit…I don’t know…sensitive. I tried to ignore it, because I thought it was me, who had put too much thought behind something that could just be a simple reaction. But then…then…then…his touches began to …to somehow linger… and…and whenever we sat