“Just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are” – John Green

Tiffany was clearly exasperated but she didn’t show any sign of giving up while she explained for the nth time how to find moles in cupper.

“The formula is here, Choi, you can remember it by ‘mass is Mr Moles’, that’s what I do”

As much as he was trying, nothing seemed to get into his head, he felt as if he kept reading and writing, highlighting stuff, his head hurting from how long they’d been studying.

“Let’s get a break, I’m hungry” Tiffany said, standing up from the chair, she walked straight to the kitchen, as if it was her house.

They had to leave the library four hours ago because it was too late and the library closed. Fortunately, Seunghyun’s house was empty, perfect for them to study, or for Seunghyun to study more like as Tiffany already knew the stuff she told him, or taught him, more like.

She didn’t mind repeating the same thing, she had this tone whenever she told him things and what Seunghyun liked was that she used different ways to explain when he didn’t understand, she tried to make things easier and she applied everything to real life. She was firm but at the same time, she made sure to ask him if he understood it.

“You have nothing in your kitchen Seunghyun! What do you eat?” she shouted, coming back with a packet of biscuits.

“Yah, those are mine!”

“Then get me something edible! This house doesn’t even look like it’s lived in to be honest”

Seunghyun’s shoulders dropped when she said that, making him think of how much those words hit home. He remembered Youngbae saying the same thing years ago, when they were kids and it was then that he started seeing his house differently. He started noticing how his father rarely came home anymore, and his mother spent her time between shopping and gossiping with her friends but that was fine, he didn’t mind that much, it was better than having no parents at all. His sister wasn’t at home anymore, already in college with a life of her own so throughout the day, Seunghyun was mostly at the YG studio or around.

Tiffany picked up on the change of mood, sighing she muttered a “fine” and gave him the biscuits. She sat down and just looked at him, hungry but what could she do? An awkward silence enveloped them, she didn’t know what to say so she just started skimming through the pages of the textbook while he was munching on the biscuits.

“It’s true” he suddenly said, nonchalantly.

“Mh? Oh. It’s okay”. He scoffed at that, shrugging.

“Let’s go out and eat”

That was it, with just a few words, there wasn’t anything else needed to say, as always between them.

***

“Did we win?” was the first thing Jiyong asked when Jessica got to the infirmary after the ending of the match, making her roll her eyes. He could barely walk but he cared more about the match, typical Jiyong.

“What’s with the face, we lost didn’t we? Man, I knew we would” he sorted, ruffling his hair.

“We didn’t lose, idiot. We were already at advantage way before you got out, stop over reacting”

Jiyong nodded, too tired to say anything else but the unmistaken glint in his eyes showed how he was satisfied, he didn’t like losing.

“Is your dad coming to get you? You can’t walk”

“Oh really, I didn’t notice I couldn’t walk, Captain Obvious” he mocked her, his voice strained.

“Well Captain Obvious is going home, so bye” she retorted, her hand on his shoulder as to say goodbye. The contact surprised Jiyong, Jessica wasn’t the type to touch you unless it was for hitting you, but the touch was soft, making Jiyong’s heart beat faster. He lowered his head, he couldn’t look at her without giving away how happy such a little gesture made him, but Jessica could see through him, she could tell how flustered he was.

“Can’t you stay for a while?” he asked her without thinking, regretting his words a second after, he didn’t want to sound too clingy or needy, that would have been awful so he tried to cover it up by acting casual.

“Your dad is getting you in a few, isn’t he?”

“In an hour, he’s working”

Jessica sighed, she really did want to go home. Her bones were aching and if it was up to her, she would have went home hours ago and by now, she would have been sleeping. Dropping her bag on the floor, she kicked her shoes off and pushed him to the side of the bed, creating a space for her to lay down, putting her head on the pillow.

“I’m starting to re-think your Princess title” he said, scoffing.

“Mh, leave me alone” she muttered, moving her pillow in order to make herself comfortable.

“You’re as graceful as a cow, seriously” he then picked up her shoes to put it in order but with her foot she kicked the shoes out of his hands.

“What was that for?”

“Don’t touch it, I’ve had three matches today, it’s all sweaty and disgusting” she grumbled.

“Oh, how did they go?”

“Good, of course. We’re moving up to… uhm, quarter-finals? We’re probably going to win the whole thing anyway, most of our club is in our- Jiyong, what in the potatoes are you doing with my feet?” she blurted out, feeling the socks coming off her foot and his hands massaging it.

“I’m helping you out, you can’t not try my amazing massages” he answered, concentrating on her foot.

“You’re so disgusting, I haven’t washed it! Leave it!” she moved her feet, kicking upwards but he held on tight, still massaging it.

“Ouch, stop Jessica, it hurts” he yelped after she kicked his side with one free foot.

She then sat up, wrapping her legs around his side, she got closer and laid her head on his shoulders.

“I’m tired” she whispered, closing her eyes.

Jiyong didn’t say anything in fear of ruining the moment, he instead closed his eyes too to savour, still feeling his heart beating faster and dangerously too close to her. He wouldn’t be surprised if she could hear it, she did in fact.

“Don’t be so rigid, your shoulder gets pointy and it hurts” she murmured, then adding “you’re going to have a heart attack soon, I can hear your heart”

“You’re too close, it’s making me…”

“Uncomfortable?” she finished the sentence for him.

She then held her head up from his shoulders and looked at him.

“What do you like about me?” she thought out loud, realizing it too late.

Jiyong was taken aback, he was so surprised he turned his face around and a look of bewilderment was written on his face. She knew? But he didn’t want her to know.

It was a stupid crush, he wanted to get over it so letting her know was not in his plans whatsoever, he couldn’t help but feel a little pang in his heart, something tugging very tightly.

“How long have you known?” he asked, his voice low and calm, way too calm, surprising himself.

“For a while. It wasn’t a very well-kept secret, you know” she said.

“Oh. Was I that obvious?” he let out a dry chuckle, not amused in the least.

Why was he feeling so hurt? Was it because she knew and didn’t say anything? Or was it because she clearly knew and still treated him like she did before? He wasn’t sure but the feeling was so foreign that he couldn’t tell what exactly it was about.

Jiyong started thinking of the question she asked, asking himself the exact same thing, what was it that he liked about her? He had no idea, his mind was blank and no answer could possibly define what exactly it was that he liked about her.

“I don’t know” he simply said, shrugging his shoulders.

“You probably do know why, and I know why too. You like me because I’m pretty, right? See, you can’t even admit it to yourself. You’re not so hard to figure out Kwon Jiyong after all. I’m a pretty girl, but beauty only lasts for a while you know. We both know that you’ll get over me soon, you just have to meet the right girl” she mused, content with herself as it was proving her right.

He was like everybody else, he just didn’t want to admit it and Jessica was so glad she saw through him before anything else happened. It would have been a disaster if she started liking him, or it would have been even more awful if he did ask her out and she’d feel bad about rejecting him. She liked his friendship and losing it because of something as futile as feeling was not something she wanted if she could help it.

Jiyong glared at her, feeling angry.

How dare she tell him how he felt? She didn’t know, she wasn’t him.

“I like you because you’re pretty? Ha, Jessica, wake up. There are people who actually look beyond that. It’s sad how you can’t see that. I don’t even know why I like you and you know what? You don’t know me at all if you think I like people because of their looks”

Something inside Jiyong was breaking, he couldn’t tell whether it was because of her words or because of his own stupid belief that she actually thought that about him.

“You have no idea how many times I wish I didn’t have a crush on you, I told myself that I would get over it and you just had to ruin it. I wasn’t even going to tell you, I didn’t want that because I know very well that you don’t like me that way but then, you just had to say that Jessica huh? I only like you because you’re pretty.” He repeated, shaking his head. He was so close to tears that he had to turn his head around.

“What else is there to like though? Why don’t you tell me? I don’t know anything apparently so why don’t you explain to me?”

He shook his head then, he just looked at her. Suddenly, she didn’t seem that girl he so liked before, the girl that made him so happy by just calling out his name.

“You think that there’s nothing else to like about you other than your looks?” he asked.

Jessica nodded, raising her eyebrows questioningly. Why did she feel like the bad guy in the situation? She could see his eyes were teary, one moment or later, the tear would eventually mark his face but she didn’t understand. Did he like her that much to cry over it?

He then moved her legs away from himself, creating distance between them. She crossed her legs, sitting up better.

It was ironic how he was so weary of not ruining the moment that he couldn’t say anything but now, the moment was ruined.

He finally understood what people meant when they talked about heartbreak, he truly did as he felt his own heart cracking in little pieces just before him.

Once again, Jiyong had wished his stupid feelings would just go away and bury themselves because it was hard, how even when he was hurt by her, he couldn’t not like her.

***

First love , ey.

Did you guys ever experience your first crush?

I still remember mine, I was so immature and a kid.

I liked him for nearly six years, haha and now, I find myself asking why.

The funny thing is that he knew since the first week I ever started liking him that I did like him so now, thinking back, I think he took advantage of that.

It was a good experience, I learned a lot from it.

Poor Jiyongie.

Thank you so much for reading and your support!

See you guys soon

Minnie xx