Jessica’s POV

 

I sat up and looked around the unfamiliar room. The short girl from before came beside me. “Where am I? Who are you? Why am I here? How did I get here?” The questions just naturally poured out.

 

“You are in my hotel room; I am Sunny – your high school friend. You are here because you fainted earlier on. We brought you here.”

 

“We?”

 

“Me and the guy I was with earlier on, he’s my brother - Kyuhyun.”

 

“You’re my high school friend?”

 

She looked at me confused, “Of course. Don’t tell me you forgot me!” She glared at me but it was useless.

 

“I lost my memory 6 years ago, I don’t remember anything from the past but I do get some flashbacks.”

 

“Oh my gosh… so you don’t remember me or Kyuhyun, or Seohyun… or anyone from high school for that matter?”

 

I shook my head, “Well – I remember my fiancé because he’s been with me since even before the accident that caused my memory loss.”

 

She beamed, “Is it Donghae? Is he your fiancé? You guys were so in loooooooveeee before, I don’t get it.”

 

Donghae? In love? What didn’t she get?

 

“No, my fiancé is called Choi Siwon.”

 

What did she mean, Donghae? Donghae?

 

Kyuhyun walked in, “Whoa. Did you seriously just say Siwon is your fiancé?”

 

“Yes, I did,” I looked at their faces. “What does this Donghae look like, perhaps?”

 

I really hoped that it wasn’t the Donghae who told me that I disgusted him and annoyed him. I prayed as they led me to their laptop.

 

They went through a couple of files and managed to get a picture of him.

 

My heart was racing to the point that it couldn’t be caught.

 

It was the same person. It was definitely the same person.

 

“Is he called Lee Donghae? As in, Lee the surname?” I asked without taking my eyes off the screen.

 

“Yeah, Lee Donghae – according to him… the one and only Class C Lee Donghae!” Sunny exclaimed.

 

I back off from the laptop and tripped over my feet and landed on my bottom.

 

“Jessica, are you alright?”

 

I nodded but my eyes were still on the screen. My hands were shaking. Someone tell me this is a dream and that isn’t him.

 

“So does that mean, that guy – Donghae – was my boyfriend?” I asked, looking at them both.

 

They nodded.

 

“Tell me everything, everything that you remember.” I said, still shaking.

 

-

 

Taeyeon’s POV

 

I looked down; I really didn’t know how he would respond. Earlier on I thought of the worst situation and I hoped it wouldn’t happen. I didn’t want an abortion. It was another life.

 

“Taeyeon, look at me.” Donghae said, I looked up. He had the hugest grin on his face that became contagious. A smile crept up on me as he hugged me and spun me around the room.

 

“I’m going to be a dad!” He put me down, “Why were you so upset though? Aren’t you happy?”

 

I needed to make an excuse quickly; I didn’t want him to think I didn’t believe in him.

 

“My wedding dress wont fit…”

 

He laughed and so did I. We went downstairs hand in hand to tell his mum the good news.

 

-

 

Jessica’s POV

 

I listened to everything Sunny and Kyuhyun had to say, they began from my first minute in school till my last day but they said it wasn’t the full story because they weren’t me, but I couldn’t remember anything.

 

Sunny sighed. “How can we get your memories back?”

 

“I found it!” Kyuhyun shot it holding a CD.

 

Sunny looked at him questionably before I got up while picking up my phone.

 

“Wait a moment; I need to call my boss.”

 

They nodded and I went out the room to call Changmin.

 

“Hello?” “Hello?” “Uhm, Changmin – I’m might be late tonight. It’s alright, right?” “Yeah, it is your day off, just come back safely.” “Alright, well… bye.” And I hung up.

 

Returning to the room, Kyuhyun and Sunny were at the laptop again.

 

“What are you guys doing?” I asked.

 

“I found the CD that Ms Lee sent out…”

 

“What CD?”

 

“Well, we told you about the homework for creating our own song, right?”

 

I nodded.

 

“Well, Ms Lee gave out everyone individual CD’s of everyone’s song but your song wasn’t included – although she said you sent her it. So, I wanted to listen to the song and said that I had your new address after you left without telling us and she posted it to that address.”

 

“So why do you have it?”

 

“I gave her our uncle’s address and we got it. It’s the one I just brought in.”

 

“So did you listen to it?”

 

“No, because it said confidential on it – although we were so curious, because it was confidential we didn’t listen to it.”

 

I nodded, “Can I have the CD?”

 

He passed me the CD. I looked at it and Donghae came to my mind again. Why did he lie to me about not knowing me before? I know he didn’t forget me; he just lied to me to my face with a straight face. He twitched and avoided my eyes for a while though, was he contemplating over telling me or not?

 

“My boss said I needed to get going, so I’ll take this with me and meet you guys another day.” I lied.

 

They nodded but looked a little sad, “We’re leaving tomorrow to go back to Seoul. I’ll give you our number and you can call us when you get back there.” Kyuhyun said before writing his and Sunny’s number down on a sheet of paper. I got another sheet and wrote down my number then gave it to them.

 

“Haha, the Jessica from high school couldn’t remember her number.” Kyuhyun said, “You’re a fake who had plastic surgery, right?”

 

Sunny punched his arm.

 

“Thank you guys so much and maybe you’re the one faking it all.” I got my stuff and left the room. Closing the door behind me I could hear Sunny and Kyuhyun squabbling who got to use the laptop first. Kyuhyun wanted to play StarCraft but Sunny wanted to play it too. I laughed; they are definitely brother and sister.

 

-

 

Donghae’s POV

 

I laid on my bed and closed my eyes. I thought of Jessica. This is the end. We always needed a real closure. Now with Taeyeon pregnant, it’s definitely the end.

 

I was going to be a father but why wasn’t I as joyful as I thought I would be. Was it because Taeyeon was the mother?

 

This period of time only made me realise how much I missed Jessica, how much I loved her and how much I yearned for her. I know it’s wrong but I can’t deny what my heart says.

 

I thought back about the day Jessica left without a word to me 7 years ago. I cried to no end but Taeyeon was there to comfort me.

 

-

 

Jessica’s POV

 

I knocked on Changmin’s hotel room and he opened it.

 

“Come in,” he said as he forced a smile. There was something wrong with him.

 

I sat on the sofa, “What’s wrong? You don’t look too happy.”

 

He sighed and headed to his bed. “Check my phone, it says it all there.”

 

I picked up his blackberry, “I’ll check it later – I have something to do. Have a good sleep.” I said before leaving again.

 

“Oh, our trip has ended early – they signed the contract and we’re heading back home tomorrow night.” He said.

 

-

 

I sat on my bed and put the laptop on my lap. Inserting the CD to the laptop I opened it up.

 

There were two music files and two document files. I opened the first song and first document which had the same name.

 

The song began playing; it was named ‘Can you hear me?’

 

The document file was lyrics and it had ‘Lee Donghae’ under the title. It was dated back to September 2003. It was probably his song.

 

Audio: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF5EIJSQu1s

 

Lyrics: (credit: boxclub@soshified)

 

Even though it hurts but a little, tears form
My heart screams out
If I pass in front of you, beside you
You were my whole world
I want only you
But I can't breathe when I'm in front of you

As if you weren't my destiny
As if this was just a fleeting moment
Next to you, who just let me go so easily
I go closer to you step by step
Although I cannot move at all

You make me restless, you make me cry
Like a fool, like a child
I want to just laugh it off instead

The closer I get to you
Although I get more scared
I guess I cannot stop this love

Why is it just my love that is late
Why is it just my love that is hard
Although I'm right in front of you, although I'm right beside you
You were my whole world
I see only you
But when I'm in front of you, I always look away

As if you were my very last
As if it were my very last moment
Next to you, who just let me go so easily
I go closer to you again step by step
Although I cannot move at all

You make me restless, you make me cry
Like a fool, like a child
I want to just laugh it off instead
The closer I get to you
Although I get more scared
I guess I cannot stop this love

If even from a long distance
I could look upon you
That's what you call love

If perhaps this yearning, this longing
When it sounds, when it touches
Please just act like you didn't know
Although the closer I get to you, the more scared I get
I guess I cannot stop this love

 

When he began singing, I felt strong tugs at my heart. This song couldn’t have been about me, could it? Images flashed by in my head and they looked like the scenes that Sunny and Kyuhyun described. Although I had a headache, I opened the next song and the lyrics to it.

 

It was called ‘By Myself’, by me. I couldn’t recall writing a song like this before. This was dated to October 2003 though.

 

Audio: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yw5kThny7vk

 

Lyrics: (credit: boxclub, bug and aseo@soshified)

 

Please just walk by without acknowledging me
Please don’t even glance this way
On breezy days like this
Don’t offer anything to me

I’ve closed my heart
I’ve hid my tears
Just like a stranger you’ve seen for the first time
Just pass on by, you have to.

I alone spoke of love
And gave love away
In the memories I alone cherished, my tears fill up
Even though you’re far away, I wish you happiness
I bury my love deep within my heart

If we’re born again in another world
Let’s face each other then with love
Those times where we’re hopeless in front of fate,
Let’s be born again so that doesn’t happen again twice

I will be a flower in front of you
And I will sing a song for you
As one person’s girl
As one man’s love
I want to live forever next to you

I alone spoke of love
And gave love away
In the memories I alone cherished, my tears fill up
Even though you’re far away, I wish you happiness
My love deep within my heart

Even though it hurts, even though it will hurt
I will never cry
There is no separation of this love inside of my heart
Even if this life ends, in the next world we
Surely will love, we surely will love 

 

The song ended and my tears fell from my face and the memories rapidly returned to me. I closed my eyes as I remembered everything, from when my parents got a divorce, my life in California, returning to Korea, finding Donghae, falling in love with him and leaving him. I remembered it all, the hit and run with Donghwa. The tears fell.

 

I thought back of my days with Siwon, was that all a lie? Did I really fall in love with Siwon? Do I still love Donghae?

 

I thought back to our conversation about the girlfriend he had from years ago. He was talking about me… and I was oblivious to his feelings.

 

I wiped the tears from my eyes. I was jealous back then. I still love him, don’t I? However, I don’t deserve him. He hates me. I disgust him. I annoy him. He hates me. I killed his brother and I abandoned him…

 

I then remembered we had to return to Seoul tomorrow night. Donghae… Siwon…

 

I looked at my engagement ring, he was engaged too.

 

I picked up Changmin’s blackberry and read the text message that was visible.

 

‘From: Donghae

 

You guys have to return tomorrow night since you’ve got the contract signed. Oh, and Taeyeon’s pregnant – since you asked how she was.’

 

I dropped the phone.

 

Taeyeon was pregnant, with his kid…

 

Rushes of emotions attacked me mentally.

 

Why did Siwon not say anything about Donghae and Taeyeon? Did he plan to erase him from my life? Was this why he was reluctant to let me go to Seoul on my own and ended up coming with me? Why did Donghae deny knowing me? Why was Changmin dim over Taeyeon’s pregnancy?

 

What am I? A toy who they can meddle around with?

 

I needed to speak to Siwon. Quickly.