Realization
It's you, Lee Donghae
In Seoul
Jessica and Changmin didn’t utter a word to each other on the 10 hour flight . They sensed that both of them had a lot on their mind but couldn’t click on what it was because they were both too concerned about their own problems.
When they got to the office, they ignored everyone and got into their respective area and put away the files from Paris and headed home to get some rest.
Taeyeon watched Jessica from her desk and could feel an icy aura around her. It felt like the Jessica she met 7 years ago, cold and disinterested in everyone. As for Changmin, it had been almost 2 years since she had seen him like so. He was never so quiet, he always had something to say and if he didn’t he would at least smile to someone – but he didn’t.
-
Jessica’s POV
I got out the cab and walked towards the front door. Pushing the door open, I got inside and took off my shoes. I saw Siwon running towards with me a smile.
I forced a smile and gave him a hug which I didn’t want to give.
“Siwon, can I talk to you?”
He nodded, “Do you even need to ask?”
I sighed. He walked behind me and lightly pushed me to the kitchen.
We sat at the kitchen table.
Okay, Jessica – don’t blow out of proportion and be nice. Listen to his explanation first.
“When I was in Paris, the day before we left – I met two Korean’s.” I began, “They were called Sunny and Kyuhyun. They were brother and sisters.”
I observed his expression. It stiffened. A lot.
“They said they were my high school friends, we had a chat and they told me everything they knew from high school to help me get my memories back…” I continued.
I could see him trying to speak but he couldn’t.
“Kyuhyun gave me a CD; it included 2 songs – my song, and my ex-boyfriend’s song. They also showed me a picture of my ex.”
His lips became dry.
“It was Donghae, you know – my boss.”
“Did you get any memories back?”
“Not until I heard the songs. When I did, I remembered everything.”
It was silent. I had no idea where this was going, on the journey home I was constantly thinking on how to confront him. I was angry at first, but then I thought about it – without Siwon… I wouldn’t be alive. He was the one who saved me from jumping off the roof, he was the one who was there for me when my dad died even if his parents died too, he was the one who gave up on his dreams to inherit his family business even if he didn’t want to and finally, he was the one who looked after me.
“Siwon, why did you hide so much from me?”
“Because I was scared you would get hurt again, because I was scared you might harm yourself again, and because I didn’t want you to leave me again.” He struggled to say, his eyes were turning red.
“You know I hate liars!” I shouted, getting out my seat. I wanted to explode in his face but it wouldn’t be fair.
“I hate liars too, do you have any idea how much I’ve hated myself from lying to you? Do you have any idea how scared I was?” He said.
I thought back on our happy memories for the past years only to realise Siwon had done nothing but love me. I was his first priority and here I was, shouting at him. He always put my feelings first when it came to me, and his second. At time, he didn’t even care about his feelings and just let me be.
I made my way to him and pulled him for a hug.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise how much pain I caused you.”
“Please, Jess, you mean everything to me. I’ve only got you now, I’ve only had you like you’ve only had me.” He sobbed onto my shoulders. Tears fell from my eyes when I remembered the accident that caused the death of his parents.
“I want to plead you not to leave me, but if it means you will be happy. I’ll let you leave.” He said in-between tears.
I hugged him tighter, “I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving you.”
“But Donghae…”
Of course, he had to be mentioned, doesn’t he?
“He’s not worth it. So what if I loved him? It was 5 days only. The feelings I had for you for these 6 years won’t just disappear.” I pulled away from the hug and looked him in the eyes. “Plus, Taeyeon is pregnant.”
I lied. The feelings I had for him for the 6 years had faded. I felt like the 17 year old Jessica Jung again. The one who loved Donghae, whether it was 5 days or not. It was a destiny I created and didn’t end.
-
I sat at my desk thinking of my conversation with Siwon yesterday. I glanced at my ring. I tried to convince myself that Donghae was the past, and it was destiny that he wasn’t to make it into my future but that doesn’t make sense. Right now, he is in my life.
“Jess, can you give this to Hyoyeon when she gets back from lunch?” Changmin said as he handed me a black folder. “Here’s a sandwich, no cucumbers this time.” He handed me the sandwich and forced a smile.
Anyone could tell me and Changmin weren’t our usual selves ever since we got back from Paris. We both avoided Donghae and Taeyeon since we got back and didn’t speak to anyone other than each other. We couldn’t even force smiles. We had no tone in our voices in general, zoned out when we could and didn’t look anywhere but at what we were doing.
I wasn’t going to confront Donghae or Taeyeon because there was no point. They were in love, so I should let them be. There was no reason to anyway. We’ll live our lives like how it is now if everyone is happy this way.
-
The rest of the day was the same. Work, work and more work. Just that today, everyone decided to leave together for dinner – and yes, that included Changmin, Taeyeon and Donghae. Me and Changmin had no choice, they practically threatened us with throwing us more workload and not letting us leave the country. What we wanted exactly now was to leave the country; we just needed time to calm our thoughts down properly. Even if I didn’t know the full reason to why Changmin became cold, it definitely had something to do with Taeyeon.
We made way downstairs and walked to COEX.
Going up the elevator was quiet.
“Why don’t we split up for a while? I need to go to the loo and some of you can go to the restaurant.” Yoona broke the silence.
Now that she mentioned it, I needed the loo too.
“I’ll come with you, anyone else need to come?” I asked.
“Me too,” Taeyeon said before smiling at us.
“No one else right? Well, we’ll be off – the loo is downstairs. What a waste of time getting up here.” Yoona said, taking both our hands into hers. The rest of them walked off as we went down the steps.
End of POV
Taeyeon got back on the elevator first, followed by Jessica and then Yoona. Dropping a pen from her pocket, Taeyeon knelt down to pick it up. When she stood up she missed the step and tumbled back. Grabbing Jessica to try and help but Jessica wasn’t prepared and tumbled down the elevator with her.
Yoona cried for the two girls before running down. Yoona turned to Jessica first; her head was bleeding in the corner.
“Taeyeon… she’s pregnant…” Jessica said before closing her eyes.
Comments