He and I may have been living in the same building, but we hardly saw each other due to our hectic schedules and practices. I wouldn’t have wanted to see him anyways.

           During this time, I began practicing at a new dance studio that was around the corner from the SM building. I liked the atmosphere there better and I enjoyed the privacy. It was usually empty during the times I went (which was around midnight) and I liked it that way.

            One night however, a couple of days after my encounter with Myungsoo, there was an intruder. I came into the dance room to find the light already on. A boy in a navy hood was doing stretches and I suddenly felt small again. I didn’t like how my own little sanctuary was being violated, even though the property wasn’t mine.

            I sighed and made a move to leave before the boy spoke up. “Hi there.”

            ‘Hi there’?

            I looked back at the boy in the navy hood and my eyes widened.

            For a moment, I thought he was Taemin.

            But then again, of course it wasn’t Taemin.

            “Are you okay?” the mystery boy asked me.

            I snapped out of it. “U-Um yeah. Fine.”

            He peered at me. “You looked pretty shaken up just now.”

            “Sorry, you just…” I looked at him again, finding his resemblance to Taemin uncanny. But the more I looked at him, the more I found him extremely handsome, even more good looking than Taemin. “You just…look a lot like someone I used to know.”

            “What’s his name?” the boy asked, walking up to me. “Maybe I know him.”

            “Lee Taemin,” I answered.

            The boy started laughing. “Haha I get that a lot, actually. He and I are friends.”

            I gave him a look. “How?”

            “Well,” he said, “we both train in SM together. Well he used to, of course. I’m still training and he’s super popular now.”

            Taemin trained in SM?

            “He’s in a boy group,” the boy added. “SHINee. Haven’t you heard of them?”

            To be honest I’d always been so aloof and in my own world that I didn’t even bother doing my research on the current groups. But SHINee did ring a bell. Strangely enough however, I wasn’t as shocked about finding out that Taemin was in the same idol world that I was in as I thought I’d be. If anything, it passed quickly.

            “You train in SM?” I asked, changing the subject. “How is it there? I trained in Cube.”

            “Yeah I know haha. You’re Son Naeun from APink. We went to high school together.”

            “What? We did?!”

            The boy smiled, nodding. “Yup.” He stuck out a hand. “Kim Jongin. We had English together.”

            I felt horrible for not even knowing that this boy had gone to my school. I shook his hand and proceeded to apologize for not knowing him earlier. He laughed it off and said it was okay.

            “How’s training in SM like?” I asked him as the two of us sat down and started stretching.

“It’s pretty hardcore,” Jongin replied. “But it’s still fun, since I get to dance all day.”

            I smiled. It’s been a while since I met a guy whom I found easy to talk to. “Are you planning to make your debut soon?”

            Jongin nodded. “Sometime around next year I think?”

            “We might see each other then, backstage and stuff,” I said.

            Jongin smiled at me and nodded. “I’d like that.”

Jongin was pretty cool. He joked around with me and was extremely easy to talk to, which made me happy. Even though he looked similar to Taemin, he was actually very different from him. He didn’t talk about grades all day, I could and he wouldn’t take offense. If anything, he’d tease me back. It was great. Plus, he and I were the same age. I wished that I’d met him back when we were still in high school.

            I was walking to lunch one day when my phone suddenly rings. I looked at the caller ID to see Jongin’s name.

            “Hey,” he said.

            “Hey,” I said.

“Going to get lunch?”

            “Yup. You?”

            Jongin chuckled. “Haha yeah I am. So enough of the conversation starters. I want to ask you something.”

            “Yes?”

            “My friends are having a get together this weekend and I was wondering if you wanted to come. There’s going to be food and stuff. We can hang out,” Jongin said.

            I thought about it. Jongin was a great guy. Not to mention insanely attractive and he was an amazingly talented dancer. To be honest I loved to watch him dance. He was pretty awesome.

            It would also be, you know, really nice to get out there again. I couldn’t be stuck sulking about one guy forever.

            “Yes,” I said. “I’d love to go with you.”

            “Great,” Jongin said. “Um, I’ll pick you up at about 6? This Saturday? It’ll be fun I promise.”

            “Sounds awesome,” I said. “But wait. Don’t take this the wrong way but…your friend Taemin isn’t going to be there, is he?”

            “What? No, of course not. He and I aren’t even that close. We just see each other a lot and somewhat look alike,” Jongin said.

            I instinctively smiled. “Good. Cause I don’t really want to see him.”

            Jongin peered at me. “Did happen between you two or something?”

            “Something like that,” I replied. “Maybe I’ll tell you when we have time.”

            “You should,” Jongin said. “I would like to hear it.”

            All I’d known about Kim Jongin was that he was an awesome dancer. Other than that, I knew little about his world, the type of friends he hung out with, or the games he liked to play.

            But then again, I hadn’t known those things about Myungsoo either.

            That Saturday evening I dressed casually and got into Jongin’s car. He drove me over to this guy’s apartment that, to be honest, looked rather creepy and shady.

            “Don’t worry,” Jongin said, as if reading my mind, “it’s a lot nicer inside.”

            “Are you sure?” I asked, still a bit wary.

            Jongin got out of the car and opened the door for me. But I was still extremely hesitant about getting out.

            “C’mon,” Jongin said, holding out a hand. “Trust me.”

            “It’s hard for me to trust people,” I said.

            Jongin stared deep into my eyes. And the thing was, I saw warmth in them. I saw comfort, reassurance, and safety.

            Safety. The only other guy whom I felt truly safe with was gone. This was the first time in a long time that I suddenly felt safe again with another guy. Or just safe in general.

            “Well,” Jongin said, “you can trust me.”

            His eyes seemed so sincere, so genuine. So maybe that was why I put my hand in his, letting him take me into his world, whatever it was.

            It’s time to let go, I thought from that moment on. It’s time to be myself again. And I knew that I would be able to reach those happy, joyful moments in my life again because I had Jongin.

            And I trusted him.

            “…Chanyeol, and this is Sehun.”

            I waved and greeted all of Jongin’s friends.

            He was right. The apartment did look a lot better on the inside. There was a flat screen, a bar, and even mood lighting. Apparently it was one of Suho’s many estates. Suho was a friend of Jongin’s.

            There were eleven other boys, all crowded in this rather large but still quite small apartment room. Jongin told me about how they were all his bandmates, how they were all going to debut as a group called “Exo” soon. They were all super funny and cool to hang out with so I had a good time joking around with them. There was also food, like Jongin promised. If you would call pizza and soda a valid dinner. But I didn’t mind it at all.

            Then I noticed that there were no other girls there except me.

            Suho seemed to notice that I was catching on and while Jongin was in the bathroom, he told me in hushed whispers, “We all usually hang out with just us guys so when a member brings a girl over to one of our hangouts, she must be a special one.”

            I didn’t even get a chance to reply to Suho before Jongin scurries out of the bathroom.

            “So,” he says, “who’s up for Twister?”

            “ME, ME, ME!” Luhan shouts. Sehun rolls his eyes at Luhan’s enthusiasm but chuckles to himself.

            “You’re just using Twister as a chance to get close to Naeun, aren’t you?” Chanyeol says as he punches Jongin lightly on the arm.

            “No, it’s a fun game,” Jongin insists.

            So the guys pulled out the Twister mat and basically forced me to play. Jongin and I ended up next to each other of course, as the members would have it. But Jongin was right about the game being fun. I couldn’t stop laughing the entire night and it felt great to feel alive again. Even though my members were funny as heck, it felt nice hanging out with a bunch of guys for a change. It was a fantastic break from all of the nights of darkness and despair I’ve felt since years before.

            Jongin drove me back to the dorm building after the night ended. I whole-heartedly thanked him and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. I liked how it sent tickles down my spine.

            “I’ll call you,” he said softly. He charmingly smiled at me before going back to his car and driving away. His smile was insanely attractive.

            On my way up to the dorm however, I noticed a particular boy in the lobby, talking to the manager.

            “…I can’t find my cellphone anywhere. Has anyone turned it into the lost and found?” he was saying.

            “No I’m sorry,” the manager replied. “No one has turned it in.”

            I quickly walked by and got into the elevator, making sure to avoid him as quick as possible.

            I had a new potential guy in my life, a guy who understood me and made me laugh, a guy who I could trust, who found my interesting. Jongin was also a guy who wasn’t taboo, who wasn’t my own ing stepbrother.

            But the main reason why I bombarded my mind with Jongin so much that night was so that I could push Myungsoo out.

            Because Kim Myungsoo was like an open wound. The damage that he’d done, as long as it has been, had never truly healed. He was a wound that could open up anytime, that was still open, and I so desperately wanted it to close. I knew that, deep down inside my heart, I could fall back into him anytime I wanted. And I didn’t want to fall back. I wanted to move on.

            So I continued to see Jongin, I continued to fill my mind with thoughts of him, in the hopes that he could fix me.