We just got home. Jong already went to work tough, poor him. I bet he’s tired.
And poor me – left home with nothing to do! But I don’t wan to call anybody. It’s good like this – just me and the silence.

I didn’t talk to Jonghyun much this morning. I am ashamed it figures out. And now I am ashamed of being ashamed, does that make sense? I guess it does somewhere …
I wasn’t even that drunk yesterday. I drunk what – two glasses of wine? Maybe more? Well, my head doesn’t hurt so it’s no way it was more than that. And I remember everything too. To the smallest detail unfortunately.
Was he startled by me? He doesn’t see me much in this kind of moods. Or is he used to me already? Well, he is still here of course he’s used to! Or maybe not … I’m insecure.
What? Seeing them together after that time? Of course I was shocked, who wouldn’t be! But they talked and even smiled at each other. It’s true that none of them said anything but I thought they wouldn’t even greet after our graduation. Or better after all that pregnancy stuff went away.
I was so scared back then!
Krystal and I broke up and it was ok. Something was off for some time so I just excepted it wasn’t meant to be. I clearly didn’t love her either.
Oh, she was a beauty. A mysterious one even better! I could watch her all day and late at night paint her or just her palms or one lock of her hair or an eyelash . Then we talked about it over a cup a coffee. And laugh. Kiss. Have . And on and on and on.
When we broke I learnt Jong slept with her. He didn’t tell me himself, but I wonder why. Does he think I would get mad? Well, it’s not a best decision to sleep with your best friend’s ex but I’m not his mother I wouldn’t lecture him. Never mind.
After that Krystal distanced herself. We no longer drunk coffee and I no longer got inspiration to paint her. Our relationship was completely lost but I couldn’t say anything – it was her life and her decisions.
And then she just called me and told me she was pregnant. It was some days after I realized I was attracted to Jonghyun. I was in bliss at the time and she was the earthquake that ruined everything. Pregnant?!
It’s still like yesterday in my memory – me bursting into her room, she looking scared and sad and the question I feared so much “Is it Jonghyun’s?”.
Everything went to its place after that. We didn’t associate much. I thought it would stay that way forever. I saw her after our graduation on one of my exhibitions. We talked for a bit but nothing more. Just remembering the old days. She seemed happy I think. Or at least content. She told me how she felt during out relationship, why she broke up with me and why she never returned. I already knew most of it but nevertheless listened – I hadn’t heard her voice for a while and it was nice. She still was beautiful.
That was the last night I pained her in my sketchbook. Just a draft but it expressed so many things I felt. And maybe a little regret among them.

Last night seeing her with Jong something just cracked in me. What were they talking about? Why were they smiling? He still slept with her before confessing to me, what was that?
I went back to my room and drunk. And made him have after. And cried.
Yeah, I’m certainly ashamed. But it’s ok. Maybe.
I won’t lose him.

Hum, I'm not really content with this update but what to do, it was harder than I expected it to be O.o

Initially I wanted to post Key's diary at the end of the story but now the plot needs it so I can't do anything -.-
Well I still may post the remaining stuff in the end. We will see ^^^

Comment please ^^^

Thanks for reading ^^^