Wolf,the Top Gang - deardeerhan
SPACE AND TIME COLLABORATION REVIEW || hiatus||Title:(/10) :8
JJ: It's relevant but to be honest, I've actually glanced at the title before and wasn't really interested. I'm sorry ok? It's actually really really well done.
IW:it's appropriate and apt, but not enough excitement. It should be something like ' When I was chosen as the prix' or ' Wolf, the top gang took me in'( just raw ideas)
Description&Foreword (/10) :7
JJ: a little lengthy , but you made good use of it, explaining the Prixes and gangs plus the common culture of the Dark Era.
IW:I think the forward is pretty good, impressive actually, but a bit too long. I got bored by the time I reached the end
Content&Plot (/50) :43
JJ: The plot is fantastic, explaining everything we need to know and keeping back certain points, but 36 chapters... Is a little draggy. I wouldn't mind reading this any day, but some people ( like InkWarrior4 occasionally) are put off by anything more than a 100 chapters, which seems to be where this story is heading. Although I really like the Houses though, like Erudite, Dauntless , etc.
IW:.
C&p: The plot is very original, and there are many good descriptions, peppered with good dialogue. However,34 chapters is really too draggy.
Characters (/35) : 29
JJ: I enjoyed reading about the Wolf members but the thing that kept bugging me was that you said Jinah has emotional barriers right? Make it a little more obvious from Jinah's perspective. She seems a little... Flat for a main character. Wolf was well done though! Cheonsa was definitely a good character despite her brief( but interesting) appearance, and I look forward to seeing the personalities of the members of Fang.
IW: I like all the Wolf members, but Jinah is a little'flat'. She HAS to have other feelings too, right? A little more happiness? Sadness? Wistfulness? You didn't express that very well.
Grammar&Spelling (/20) : 19
JJ: Careful sometimes you don't space properly, but besides that its fine.
Organisation/Flow (/35) : 32
JJ:The flow overall is really good, except there's just some parts that could go even more smoothly than where you are now, so you don't really need to work on this. Between the chapters could flow a little more smoothly though.
IW:quite good, but needs some patching in between chapters. The language flows magnificently
Overall satisfaction (/20) : 16
JJ:I would really like to see this story when completed, but as for now,I will see how the story goes along first.
IW: love it! So far, the story is going on very well.
First impression(/20) 15
JJ:I didn't expect much because of the title, so I was really really happy to see this story turn out differently from what I expected.
IW:It's the same as the forward. I suggest you cut to the chase, or elaborate th beginning.
Total : 169/200
Attained: Silver
Ranking: 1st
Comments :
JJ:I think this story is really interesting, but I truly wonder how the action scenes will be. Will they be fast and exciting? Or slow and boring? I hope it's the former. Overall it's a really good read and with a few tweaks here and there, can be brought to an even higher level.
IW:I think that you are a really good writer, and this story will definitely continue to gain more subscribers. All the way!!
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