seventeen: strawberry cheesecake

Well, I’ve come to the resolute fact that I am losing myself with this whole dilemma. After thanking Kyungsoo and Jongin for letting me stay in their apartment for a while until my godforsaken cooking teacher came to give me a heart-stopping surprise, I left with Kris back to god-knows-where (probably his place). I stuffed my hands in my pockets as I walked beside him, feeling incredibly embarrassed because I had just recollected in my thoughts the fact that I lunged towards him and practically begged for him to let me tag along. Talk about a change of heart.

Kris was silent in our whole trip which irked me a little bit. Doesn’t he have at least one thing to say about what just happened? I mean, I have a lot to say to him but that’s out of the question right now. First of all, I just hugged the guy!

I pouted in silence but apparently, I did it while making some kind of noise. Kris turned his head and timely saw me sulking. He sighed, “Did it bother you that much?”

“What?” I blinked, not expecting him to say a word. I quickly reverted to a proper face but my heart was improperly beating fast.

“What I said earlier,” He said, clarifying the situation. “About... if you liked me or not.”

I blushed, feeling my ears go hot. “Oh... that.”

“Yes, that.”

“No, I... I wasn’t bothered or anything,” I mumbled.

“Says the guy who ran out of his own house like that,” Kris scoffed, turning his head to see my reaction. I gave him one, all right. I gave him a really ugly one.

“Sh-Shut it!” I growled and he chuckled, loosening up a bit, much to my relief.

“Normally, you’d bark at the person to leave rather than you leaving yourself.” He said, slyly smirking by himself. I pushed him at his back in retort.

“Well, I can’t exactly do that to someone who’s just recovering from a cold, right?!”

He stopped in his tracks abruptly that I almost, almost, bumped into his back again. If I had done so, I don’t think I would’ve minded it at all. Thank goodness, I didn’t. I blinked up at him as he turned his whole body to look at me with a mildly surprised look on his face.

“Really? That’s your reason?” He asked, cocking up an eyebrow.

I frowned. “Wh-What’s so bad about that?” Frankly, I think it was a good, humane reason, even if most of it was just an excuse to cover up my true feelings.

“No, I...” He scratched the back of his head, “I didn’t think you’d see it that way.”

Well, this is a little awkward. I glared at him lightly, “What do you mean?”

“I thought you didn’t care if I’d get sick or whatever,” He said. “You always ranted about how you’d be fine if I’d just drop out or something... after everything...”

I blushed, looking aside. “I’m not that cold-hearted.” I paused before mumbling, “Have you tried looking at yourself in the mirror?”

I must’ve been high when I thought and said that because after I did, I wish I hadn’t. I quickly clasped my mouth shut and looked at him with wide eyes. He blinked at me and sighed, shaking his head, turning away.

“You’re right about that.” He said before resuming his walk. I lowered my gaze down to the pavement under my feet. Had I struck a nerve? Or had I hit something else? Something more sensitive about him?

Either way, I know for sure that I didn’t want him to hate me after what I just said. Just what is it do I want to happen between us?

Before I knew it, we had arrived at his place, much to my slight despair. Now that I’m here, I kind of want to go back to Kyungsoo’s place and cry on his couch. Kris unlocked his door and let me in. I trudged my way inside, recognizing familiar furniture from my last visit. I swerved around to the couch where I sat, still as a statue and waited for something to happen – in this case, it would be Kris walking over to stand nearby.

“Want something to drink?” He asked casually, as if nothing happened before. Or maybe he’s decided not to talk about what I had just said while on the way here.

“No, I’m fine.” I squeaked, nervous as hell. The butterflies in my stomach were dancing to their delight at my uneasiness.

“There’s some strawberry cheesecake in the fridge—“

“Did you make it?” I asked abruptly, my thoughts coming out of my mouth before I could fully process them. I clasped my mouth shut again.

He blinked, “Uh... yeah.”

“....” I blushed, looking away slightly. “Then I’ll have some.”

Kris grew silent as he turned around to head for his kitchen, preparing a slice of cheesecake for me and a cup of warm jasmine tea. I sunk on the sofa, feeling my face go hot. Maybe I’m the one growing a fever now? I peeked and saw Kris placing the tray on the low table in front of me. Once he got everything ready, he straightened himself and pointed to a direction I had not yet been in.

“I’m going to change. Just make yourself at home.” He said, being stoic and polite. He didn’t wait for my response. He simply walked forwards and down the short hall where I sneakily saw the entrance to his room. Now that got my interests perked up. His room.

“Ah, .” I cursed by myself, feeling my ears go hot. I quickly reached forward and stabbed the poor cheesecake, stuffing my mouth with it. God, it tastes too good to be true. As I ate my feelings away, I noticed, through the corner of my eyes, a set of picture frames standing on a side table nearby. I must’ve been really distracted the last time I was here (go figure) because I had never noticed them there before.

I placed the small desert plate back on the table and walked over to the frames, glancing at them one by one. They were all pictures of Kris in his supposed glory days – days where he started cooking, maybe. He looked so happy.

I traced one frame where he particularly had a rather genuine and beautiful (in a not-so-homoual way) smile. I pursed my lips as I thought to myself. He never smiles like this anymore...

I picked it up for closer inspection.

I wonder why...

“That was a couple of years back.” His voice interrupted my thoughts that I nearly dropped the frame. I hurriedly returned it to its place and turned around to meet his gaze. His arms were crossed casually as he donned on some fresh new clothes. He walked closer to me and I wished to every god, fairy, and spirit that he wouldn’t.

“Oh, well, I...” I stammered, panicking at what to say. I can’t exactly ask him right then and there that I noticed he never smiled like that before.

“That was my first cooking school.” He said. “Where I graduated.”

“Hm?” I raised my eyebrow, looking back at him. “You didn’t graduate here?”

“I finished my internship here, which you could count as graduating as well, technically speaking.” His gaze returned to the frames. “But I considered that place my true school.”

“Where is it?”

“Canada.” He said, “But it can’t be helped. I had to move here to finish everything else.”

“Everything else?” I echoed and his gaze returned to mine. I quickly glanced sideways.

“... Can I ask you something?” He said. I squirmed.

“Is it something remotely close to what you asked me last time?” I grumbled, not really ready to hear another ‘do you like me?’ interview... but to my surprise, he chuckled.

“No, it’s something personal...” He paused. “Well, for you, at least.”

I blushed. “What is it?”

“Why did you want to learn how to cook?” He asked and my eyes widened slowly. He sighed, “I mean, you’re not exactly... chef material. You didn’t even seem like you were interested in cooking as a whole. So I was a little curious as to why you bothered to take up cooking lessons in the first place.”

I made a face. “It was... Kyungsoo’s idea.”

“Your friend?” Kris cocked an eyebrow. “You took up cooking lessons because you were told to?”

“Well, he thought it was for the best.” I rubbed my hands for lack of anything better to do with them. “I always had those shortcut meals and after getting really sick, he thought it’d be best that I learn to cook for myself, also because I really just depended on other people for stuff like that – I’m not that good at household stuff so...”

Kris grew silent which irked me. I pouted.

“I know it’s not a good enough reason so you don’t have to be so picky about it—“

“No, I...” Kris sighed, shaking his head. “I’m just a little surprised.”

“What?” I blinked, feeling just as surprised as he said he was.