twelve: chicken soup

I rushed back to my apartment, panting and completely exhausted beyond belief. That was the most I’ve run in all of my twenty or so years of existence – and all because of jealousy! I trudged to the living room, collapsing on my sofa as my legs grew numb. But the numbing pain was nothing compared to the frustrations building up in my head and chest. I hate to think about what I was feeling but I sort of end up doing it anyway – I couldn’t help it. It was like air, I couldn’t see it but it’s there.

I rolled over to face the ceiling, taking in breaths to refill my lungs. My face was sweaty but more so, it was hot and all because of the emotions surging in me from earlier. I cleaned my face with my hands, wiping some dry trails of tears in the process.

“I can’t believe I cried in public like that,” I complained from behind my hands even though no one really bothered me when I bawled by myself at the sidewalk. I rolled to my side and pouted. “Stupid Kris. Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

Images of Kris and Lay talking flash in my head.

“I wish you’d never come over again.” I hissed under my breath, curling up as the tears were ready to build up again. Oh no, you don’t. I thought. You’re not crying anymore. Stop it! STOP IT!

A tear fell from my eye and I sniffed, hurriedly wiping the rest away. “Stop – crying!” I curled up like a ball, panting again as the tears streamed down. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling of wanting something but being unable to do anything about it. I hate it so much.

I bit my bottom lip. Damn. I gulped the lump in my throat, trying my hardest to ignore the pathetic whimpers I was emitting. I really do hate cooking.

“Where did Chanyeol go?” Lay asked, trailing after Kris who had seemed to resume working. The elder didn’t answer and the younger one prodded further. “He seemed upset, what happened? Did you ask him anything? Did you do anything?”

“Yixing, be quiet.” Kris hissed.

“I’m worried!” Lay whined, “He’s the only person that could make you step out of that godforsaken ice cube you call a shell!”

Kris turned around to reprimand him but Lay returned his look with a flared up stare. The younger male was serious which doesn’t happen often. Kris clenched his teeth before throwing aside the fruits he was cleaning. He didn’t want to answer Lay’s question because he was just as bothered by it as Lay was, especially since he saw it – the look on Chanyeol’s face before he left. It was unlike anything he’s ever seen before.

Kris sighed, leaning towards the sink. He’s pretty much derailed cooking lessons off course to god knows where just to delay their competition because he knows that when this is over, well, it will be over. He just wants to spend more time with him, learn more about him and make him understand what he feels about him. But it’s hard for Kris. He’s never been one to associate with people, Lay is just too friendly and too spacey to ignore but Chanyeol’s different. Chanyeol bites back. Chanyeol picks on him too and Chanyeol, as he’d seen today, gets hurt as well.

“I...” Kris spoke softly, giving Lay a chance to soften his look at the elder. “I think I hurt him.”

The soft look disappeared and was replaced by that hard stare. He brought his hand up and slapped Kris hard on the back. “You think?”

“I don’t know!” Kris whined, turning his attention back to Lay. “I don’t know, Yixing! I’ve never... I’ve never done the chasing before!”

Lay snickered at the words, “You’re right. You’re always being the one chased. Well, you should’ve at least tried to chase after him.”

“If I chased after him, he’d only run away further from me.” Kris paused, “He looked like he really didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“What the--? What in the world did you do with him when you’re at his place?” Lay shook his head, unable to understand how Chanyeol could possibly harbour such anger at someone, even if that someone is Kris. “When I was talking about the dish we made together, Chanyeol looked really surprised to hear you helped me cook it.”

Kris looked at Lay with wide eyes. “He... what?”

“Like I said, he looked surprised.” Lay frowned. “Are you really helping him?”

“....” Kris glanced aside and Lay hissed.

“Ge!” Lay called out, “What are you doing?!”

“I don’t know!” Kris spat back, taking a dish towel hanging by the sink to clean his hands. “Look, leave me alone, Yixing. I can’t do this right now – we have to prepare all of these dishes in time for the head chef to arrive and—“

“... Really?” Lay cut him off, crossing his arms. “You’re just going to drop Chanyeol like that?”

“I’m not—“

“If you say he’s really hurt, you should do something.”

“Why are you so obsessed with setting me and Chanyeol up?!” Kris broke a fuse, throwing aside the dish towel in frustration.

Lay, surprised, took a deep breath and looked at Kris with solemn eyes, “Because you two need each other.” He smiled a second later, taking the towel off the floor. “I figured it out the moment I saw him – why you fell in love with him.”

“God,” Kris slapped his hand over his face, resigning. “I hate you, Yixing.”

“You’re welcome.” Lay grinned, throwing the towel over his shoulder and stripping Kris off of his apron before pushing him out the door. “Now put on a coat and go apologize!”

Kris stumbled towards the door, turning his head around to the younger male. “I...”

“I told you, right?” Lay looked at him smugly. “You’ll thank me in the end.”

Kris shook his head, muttering, “Thanks.” Before turning around to head to the door, grabbing his coat nearby and waving a hand at the younger chef watching out for him as he leaves.

I feel absolutely ridiculous, lying on my sofa, mounting my nose with tissue after tissue after tissue. It’s pathetic. It’s shameful. It’s horrible. I dropped my head back down the sofa after blowing my nose one last time, throwing the rolled up tissue expertly at a trash bin I had placed nearby which was filling up fast with heaps of tissue that bore my pain.

“Why do I have to cry over a guy like him?” I complained to the cushion my head was on. “Why? Why him?” I hate him, but I love him. Argh! It’s all so confusing!

Just as I was about to grab another tissue as my nose had more to give away, there was a knock on the door followed by the ringing of my doorbell. Who could it be? Kyungsoo? Ah~ I need some company right now~ Kyungsoo~

I got off my sofa, desperate to have Kyungsoo over and make him cook me some of that soup he made before when I was sick with LBM. Kyungsoo always had a knack for knowing when I needed him. That’s what friends are for, right? Right. That’s why—

The man I wish to never see again was standing right outside my door as I opened it and I, at once, felt betrayed that Kyungsoo wasn’t there to surprise me. I gulped the lump in my throat, obviously panicking deep down because one, I look like , and two, I look like because I cried like a baby.

“Chanye—“ Before he could finish his sentence, I slammed the door at his face.

I locked my door and at once, he began knocking and ringing the doorbell again.

“Chanyeol? Open the door!” His voice resonated from the behind the wooden wall separating us.

“Go away, you rotten piece of fish!” I coughed as my stuffy nose made my voice just as stuffy as well. “Go away!”

“Fish? What the—Never mind! I need to talk to you,” Kris replied, ignoring my order.

“Yeah? Well, I don’t!”

“God! Chanyeol, just open the door and let’s make things a whole lot easier!”

Easier? EASIER?! I cried my heart out like some kind of drama queen and he expects me to make some kind of deal half an hour later? I won’t give him the satisfaction nor will I let him see me in this pathetic state right now. “No!” I spat back. “Go away!”

“I’m not leaving here until you open this door.” Kris replied and I gripped the doorknob, almost ready to open the door as a part of me swooned at his words but I held strong. Remember; do not give him the satisfaction!

“Fine then!” I growled. “Freeze to death there if you like! I don’t care!” I turned around in my heels as I re-entered my living room, stuffing other tissue papers in the bin and cleaning the mess I made. The moment gave me strength to move once again which I’m partly thankful for. It’s always nice to have something or someone to displace all my bottled up frustrations at. After cleaning the room, I proceeded to change clothes and start afresh, ignoring Kris’s knocking and doorbell ringing. Faintly, I heard my neighbour open his door to complain about the noise. I gripped at my sweatshirt. Serves him right. I thought as Kris no longer resumed his knocking and doorbell ringing. So he gave up easily, huh? Jerk.

I walked over to the hallway and faced the door which was about a meter away from me. He’ll always be a jerk, no matter what. I gripped at my pants before turning around to go about my business.

Kris stuffed his hands in his pockets outside Chanyeol’s apartment, the night growing and growing. He said he wouldn’t leave until Chanyeol opens his door and he’s going to do just that. He was willing to knock at the door all night long if possible but he was just scolded by a neighbour so he can’t do it anymore, besides, he might be kicked out by the manager and he didn’t want that.

“...” He cursed, the night was brutally colder than before and considering that he’s still in his apprentice uniform, covered only by his single coat, he could feel the chill twice as much as normal. But he’ll wait. He’ll wait for this door to open. No matter how long it takes. A p