Friday, February 13, 2009…

            Our schedules became more hectic after Kyuhyun’s birthday.  We hadn’t been alone with each other in almost a week.  That wasn’t by choice, we were busy with SMTown Live in Bangkok, practicing dances at the studio, getting hauled to photo shoots, and recording songs.  There were no opportunities to slip away together without drawing too much attention to ourselves.  I could tell Kyuhyun was starting to get frustrated by it, his temper was short with everyone accept me, and even I was starting to go a little nutty, thinking about him kissing me and touching me.  My own feelings were making me depressed, feeling sorry for myself that I had to be in a situation like this, that I was attracted to someone I wasn’t supposed to have.  And he was mine, that was the real kicker, and I still couldn’t have him.  I was slowly turning into an obsessive boyfriend that overthought everything. 

            I woke early that morning, unable to sleep because of my conflicted feelings.  Most of the members were sleeping in as it was a day off for most of us except those recording radio or television shows.  I began to make some breakfast, since cooking automatically put me at ease, and was adding vegetables to the pan when I heard a door open and close down the hall.  The food began to sizzle loudly, so I didn’t hear anyone come in.  It wasn’t until I felt two arms wrap around me that I realized Kyuhyun had come into the room.  I turned my head towards him and he instantly tilted his head and kissed me. 

            Kyuhyun turned me around to face him without breaking our lips apart and I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck and whined as his tongue pushed into my mouth and slid against my tongue.  It was the first time we’d managed anything more than quick peck on each other’s lips since the Sunday before and I was going crazy with want for him.  He held me so tight, I could hardly breathe, but I couldn’t care less.  No matter how close we were, it still wasn’t enough for me. 

            My hands caressed his face and dug into his messy hair.  I realized that I was actually shaking, not from nervousness, but from suppressed desire.  It was insane.  He was going to drive me crazy if this went on any longer.  I couldn’t go a whole week at a time without him.  As thankful as I was that we lived and worked together and could still see each other every day, I needed so much more than that. 

            All too soon, perhaps only a minute or two into our moment alone together, I heard another door open and close and we broke apart immediately.  Kyuhyun cursed under his breath and walked over to the refrigerator, rubbing his hand through his hair in frustration.  I watched him for a moment, feeling as sorry for him as I felt for myself, and then turned back to the stove.  I picked up the spatula and began to stir around the vegetables and beef.

            This time, I heard loud footsteps and glanced over my shoulder to see Heechul enter.  That gave me a little shock, since he was notorious for sleeping in when given the chance.  “Up so early, hyung?” I asked, smiling warmly at him.

            “Yeah,” he said, yawning and patting his mouth with his hand.  “I must have crashed when we got home yesterday.  I’ve must’ve slept twelve hours straight.  Are you making breakfast?”

            “I am,” I proudly admitted, knowing that simply feeding him would put me on his good side the rest of the day.  He always liked to come off as such an , but he was a er for a good meal and I never had a problem with him as a consequence.  “Are you hungry?  I made enough for several people?”

            “Count me in,” he said, retrieving a cup from the cupboard.  “You’re up early, Kyu.”

            Kyuhyun didn’t say anything, so I glanced over at him.  “I couldn’t sleep,” he finally said, his voice low and rough.  “Some of us aren’t blessed with your problems.”

            “Touché!  Is that any way to talk to your hyung, you little ingrate?”

            “And exactly what am I supposed to be grateful for?” he asked, heading for the kitchen door.

            Heechul just smirked at him, heading over to the coffee machine.

            “Aren’t you eating?” I asked, worried that he was going to hide all day from me.

            “I’m going to shower quick and then I’ll be back in to eat,” he said, walking out of the kitchen and heading for the bathroom.  There was silence a moment.  My mind was still on Kyuhyun and I nearly forgot that Heechul was still in the room until he finally spoke up.

            “You two just need to already and get it over with.”

            My eyes flew to Heechul, who nonchalantly poured himself a cup of coffee.

            “Wha—what?” I asked, my voice rising two octaves.

            My mind seized up at his comment, my brain failing to tell me what I ought to do or say.  Clearly, I should have denied knowing what he was talking about, but I just froze.  I was still standing at the stove and my hand shook so bad, I waved the spatula through the air like a conductor instructing his orchestra. 

            “Quit that,” he said, trying to calm me.  He walked over to me and grabbed my arm to still it.  “I didn’t tell you I didn’t approve or that I was going to oust you to the rest of the members…but they’re going to find out if you two don’t sleep together soon.  The so thick in the air, I’m about to choke on it!”

            I didn’t bother trying to deny Heechul’s observation.  He knows when he’s right.  I looked over my shoulder at him.  “How did you know?”

            “Please,” he said, sounding offended.  “The way he devours you with his eyes whenever he looks at you, how you can’t keep your hands off each other…it’s been going on for at least a month now.  You two were never so obvious before.”

            I stood there in silence a moment, thinking of what he’d said as I added some ingredients to the sauce and stirred it.

            “What’s taking you two so long, anyway?  I know you’re crazy about him.  You always have been,” Heechul said, leaning against the counter and sipping his coffee.

            “I’m afraid,” I admitted, not bothering to deny his claim.  “I’ve never done that before.”

            “That’s it?”

            “It’s a big deal to me,” I defended myself.

            Heechul sighed.  “How about this?  Later today we’ll take a long walk and I’ll explain the ins and outs of how to go about it and what you can expect.”

            “Have you tried it before?”

            “I’ve tried just about everything once,” he informed me.

            I looked at him, flabbergasted by his admission.

            “You can’t possibly be that surprised,” he said with a smirk.  “You already know my reputation to be way worse than any of my fans fantasize it is.  So, what will it be?  Are you game?”

            I nodded, relieved to have someone to talk to about it.  I had been reliant on reading up about it here and there and felt no comfort in the fact I couldn’t just ask someone questions.  I still felt a little weird about talking to Heechul about it…but I felt a little weird talking to him about anything.  That didn’t change the fact that I looked up to him and trusted him, however.  “Thank you so much, hyung!”

            “You don’t have to thank me,” he said, walking past me and ruffling my hair.  “I just want to see you two happy.  I mean, I can’t believe you two are still holding out this long, it must be driving you nuts!  And Kyuhyun’s starting to get moody.”

            I smiled to myself, trying to imagine the look of horror on Kyuhyun’s face if he knew that Heechul could see right through his recent behavior.  Thankfully, Heechul was the