Breathe - S.M. The Ballad

Promise

The skies were darkened and the sun was completely hidden behind the clouds. The air was silent and only the din coming from the heavy downpour was heard. The pavements were already slathered wet, but the rain only continued to fall. Bansong-dong's usual liveliness was nowhere to be seen, and everything seemed lackluster.

Just like how the atmosphere seemed dead, Sehun’s heart was slowly falling apart.

Sehun wasn’t dense. He could notice how the girl would always seem somewhat restless whenever Luhan would suddenly get close to her. Aerin had said that she had her first love when she was just fourteen. The picture of her in Luhan’s room was dated four years ago. Aerin said that her Polaroid camera was given to her by her first boyfriend. Sehun had noticed Luhan stiffening when Sehun had told him that Aerin had given the camera to him.

It didn't take Sehun much effort to figure out the pieces to the puzzle; the answer was already there. Sehun had refused to admit it, even if the truth was already right in front of him, because he didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to get hurt. Even if it meant having to be blinded from the truth, he would choose to do so, just to avoid the painful reality.

But he couldn’t run away forever. Sehun knew that, and at the most unexpected moment, reality had managed to catch up to him, letting him face the horror that he had refused to see.

Taking shelter from the hard rain under a huge tree, hands gripped tightly and bodies pressed together, Aerin and Luhan were kissing.

At that moment, he was forced to accept the truth.

His brother, Luhan, was Aerin’s first love.

Sehun didn’t know what hurt more, to be honest: being lied to by the person he loved and treasured, or being betrayed by the person he trusted and believed the most. Albeit, both of them happened, and just that fact alone hurt even more than he could ever take. The pain couldn’t even compare to any kind of wound that he could possibly ever get, to the point where he didn’t know whether he would still be able to heal or not.

Everything happened so suddenly that he wasn’t even given a time to sort out his thoughts. Everything was suddenly poured onto him like it was just an accident. He would prefer it to be an accident, for that would mean that they didn’t do it on purpose, that they didn’t choose for it to happen.

But the reality was different. They chose to lie to him. They chose to betray him.

Now, he felt like every happy and precious memory that he made with them was gone, disappearing as if it was just nothing. He didn’t want them to vanish; he wanted to treasure them. But the pain was so overwhelming that he couldn’t control himself anymore. He couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t find his rationality. Past, present, and future suddenly didn’t matter anymore. He didn’t even know whether he could last another day, hurting from within.

He felt lifeless. He felt like dying.

His heart felt like bursting, his throat was drying out, his breathing became unstable, and his hands were running out of strength. Dropping the umbrella on the wet asphalt with a soft thud, Sehun felt every drop of the rain engulfing his body, successfully covering up every last bit of light left in his heart.

“Sehun…”

At the sound of his name being called, his feet suddenly pivoted and he found himself running away from the place. Before he could run any farther away, a small and cold hand grabbed ahold of his, causing for him to stop.

“S-Sehun, it’s not… it’s not what you think… I-I…” Aerin trailed off, her voice losing its presence at the sight of Sehun’s eyes. They were filled with hurt and sorrow, to the point where even Aerin couldn’t bring herself to keep him in the light anymore. “I-it’s true that I loved Luhan before, that he was my first love…but the only reason that I didn’t tell you is because I thought that it wasn’t needed anymore. Everything’s in the past, and right now, the only one that I can see is you,” she said, not letting go of Sehun’s hand, even as her voice was already being drowned out by the downpour. “I lost all of my faith in love, but you brought it back. I thought I would never fall in love again, but you proved me wrong. You changed my beliefs, Sehun. You changed me, and if I ever lose you…I don’t know what I’ll do...”

Sehun stayed silent and unresponsive amidst the upset girl's ramblings. “Sehun, I love you...believe me, please...”

He was nearly there, almost close to giving in to her words. Sehun just wanted to pull her into his arms and hush her sobs, to cradle her fragile frame, to relish the warmth of her hands, and to fall into the windows to her soul.

Yet the agonizing pain in his heart was much stronger.

The life in his eyes was nowhere to be seen.

The w