“Lee Chaerin! Where the hell are you right now? I’ve been calling you since this afternoon and you know what time is it?! Call me back!”

“Baby? I’m worried about you, you’re not like this, answer the phone”

“Noona, what’s wrong with you? Mom’s going ballistic, answer your phone”

“Baby?! I’m calling the cops! Where the are you?!”

“Chaerin! You better answer your phone! You have us all worried! Jiyong came by and both your father and he went out looking for you. Where are you dear?”

All those countless voice messages only made my heart crumple on my chest. My family, my whole life, what should I do?

“I will call your mom and tell her you’re here” Nagueti said, it wasn’t a question, it was a statement. She was going to call and there’s no way I can stop her.

“Don’t tell her, just let her know I felt sick and fainted…” I said and Nagueti nodded. I felt a bit relieved she agreed to hide this from my family, that would give me time to think how to let them know I was going to die soon.

“Jaerin, it’s me, Anaboima, I’m with Chaerin at the Community Hospital, she fainted this morning at my house and I brought her here, I’m sorry for not calling you, I’m so sorry… Yes, yes yes come here, yeah he should come too. I’ll wait for you. God bless you my dear, bye” Nagueti said. My whole family’s coming here, just great.

What’s greater than that? This hospital is quite close to our home, meaning, it will only be 15 minutes until they’re here.

“They will come soon my child, I will go down and grab something to drink, do you want something?” Nagueti said and I just shook my head.

Not even 15 minutes had passed and Jiyong entered running to the room. He angrily pulled the curtains opened and his eyes widened as soon as he saw me on bed. I tried to smile, but the only thing I could do was look to the side, trying to hide my hideous face from him.

“Oh my ing God! What the happened to you?! Chari, my God!” He yelled and ran to my side, grabbing my face on both his hands. “You could have told me” He said now crying. I bit my lip holding my own tears as he kissed my face, my hands, my hair, everything. “I was so worried, I felt like dying. I thought the worst baby, the worst” He said between sobs as he kissed me everywhere. I nodded and he grabbed again my face on both his hands, now I was crying too. He cleaned my tears with his thumb and kissed my lips. “Why didn’t you call me? Talk to me baby, what happened to you?” He said kissing my lips. I kissed him back, inhaling his scent, feeling his warm touch. Slowly, I touched his hand and caressed the back of it, remembering how much I loved to hold his hand at every opportunity I had.

“I… was tired…” I spoke. He pulled a bit away and looked at me, then looked at the IV and looked back at me.

“You’re lying” He said. I bit my lip and shook my head.

“No I’m not baby, I fainted because I was too tired. Work, college, practices, it’s tiring” I lied. He nodded with a raised eyebrow. I knew he didn’t believed me, but I can’t tell him the truth, not yet.

“Jiyong, good to see you my child!” Nagueti said as she walked towards us. Jiyong looked at her and smiled a bit then hugged her.

“Nagueti you should have called me, I almost killed a cop because of this” He said hugging her. Nagueti laughed a bit and then pulled away and grabbed his face on both her hands.

“You should control that temper of yours, Chaerin will not be always around to control you” She said and then looked at me. I closed my eyes and bit my lips. She was right, he needed to learn to control himself because after I’m gone, there’s no one who could control him.

“Nah, I know she will be there always. Besides, I’m working on it, I didn’t killed him” He said trying to joke around. Just then, the door to the room opened and some quick footsteps where heard.

“Noona!” Taemin said and ran towards me and hugged me. I felt my body cry from the pain it gave me, but had to resist in order to keep my façade intact.

“Taemin ah, I’m alright” I managed to say and he pulled away crying.

“We thought you died, we thought you had an accident and died. Don’t do that ever again noona, my heart wouldn’t resist” He said and I felt like dying on the inside. I looked at Nagueti and she put a painful expression then looked out towards the window, hiding her sad face.

“I won’t do it again, come here and hug noona” I said extending my arms, ignoring the piercing pain on my limps. Taemin rested his head on my chest and I hugged him. He was sobbing while I caressed his head, just like when we were kids and the kids on his school bullied him. My heart was in pain with this sight, Jiyong was crying too, but not sobbing, just some tears rolling down his cheeks. Just then, both my parents entered. My mom, as usual, walked towards me crying and hugged me tight, kissing my head, my cheeks and my hands. My dad wasn’t crying, but he was worried, pained and exhausted.

This is what I feared the most, their love, their worry. I worried about them, how can the cope with this, how can the live when I’m gone. We are a close family, we depend on each other a lot, how can they survive this? Jiyong’s also part of this family, in our 5 year relationship, he had become a brother for Taemin, another son for my parents and another grandson for Nagueti, how can the survive this?

It’s not the time yet…

I was dispatched the next day, they gave me some medications for the pain and stuffs. Jiyong came to pick me up, he insisted to bring me home and watch over me until I fully recover, as if.

“Jiyong” I spoke in the car, I felt a bit stronger now, and the medications have been taking effect.

“Hmm?” He said without looking at me. I fidgeted with my fingers and took a deep breath.

“What would you do if you ever find out I was going to die? How would you take it?” I asked. He stopped at a red light and looked at me with a serious expression.

“You have a nice imagination CL, not today” He said with a firm tone. I gulped and inhaled deeply.

“I need to know” I spoke again knowing I was pushing it too far. He tightened his hold on the steering wheel and continued driving when the light turned to green.

“I don’t” He simply said, his jaw clenching.

“Ji please, I need to-“

“Know?! Why?! Why do you need to know that?! Why do you have to make think about losing you when I thought I lost you yesterday? Don’t be so insensible Chaerin, just don’t!” He yelled. I widened my eyes at his sudden outburst and before I could say another word, he pulled the car to a stop and went out of the car. I looked at him walk in front of the car, he was walking in circles and grabbing his hair. He was having one of his episodes, and unfortunately, I can’t help it today. I went out of the car and he glared at me.

“Go back inside” He hissed. I took a deep breath and walked forward. He glared at me and cross his arms on his chest, clenching his fist.

“Jiyong… Not today” I spoke. He narrowed his eyes and bit his inner cheeks. “I need to tell you something” I spoke. He softened his firm expression just a slight bit. I looked at him directly at his eyes, trying to find a way to give him the news.

“Speak” He said. I smiled a bit and walked towards him. He just looked at me as I slowly approached him. He still had his arms crossed, but as soon as I got close to him, I hugged him tight. Slowly, he hugged me too and kissed the top of my head.

“I love you” I said. He took a deep breath and kissed my head again. “I love you so much this hurts” I said and he pulled a bit away from me looking at me.

“Why? What?” He said confused. I smiled again and kissed his hands.

“Jiyong… I’m sick…” I said and put his hand on my cheek. He caressed it and with his other hand caressed my hair.

“I know you are” He said. I shook my head and closed my eyes. “How sick?” He asked. I always found fascinating how we both knew what each other thought, how we didn’t had to finish a sentence for the other to know what we were talking about. I loved the way he knew every expression on my face, every movement of my body, every aspect of my life.

“Very sick” I spoke. He frowned, then closed his eyes and opened them again, trying to hold the tears that were forming on his eyes.

“Please don’t tell me…” He said controlling his voice. I simply nodded, already crying with his hand on my cheek. “No…” He said and lowered his head crying.

“I have cancer Ji… it’s already eating me whole, already spread through my body…” I finally said the words I dreaded the most. And if the words haunted me, his actions haunted me the most.

Jiyong fell to the ground, sobbing hard, grabbing his chest as he kneeled on the floor, his right hand supported him on the ground while the left one clutched on his shirt. He screamed, said countless of times that that couldn’t be, that I couldn’t be dying, that I couldn’t leave him. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, couldn’t give him support, couldn’t soothe his pain because I was feeling the exact same way he was feeling.

How can you heal someone when you’re hurting? How can you help someone when you need help? I couldn’t do anything, just look at his outburst, at his pain and his anger.

He stood up and walked a bit far away from me, punched the walls of a store, kicked them, threw rocks, threw everything on his way. I cried harder. He then walked towards me and grabbed both my arms on his hand and shook me abruptly.

“Tell me you’re lying! For God’s sake tell me this is a sick joke you’re pulling on me Chaerin! Please tell me it’s a lie and you won’t die! Please tell me you won’t leave me!” He yelled while shaking me. It gave me a tremendous pain on my body, but the pain I was feeling on my heart, the lump on my throat, was even greater, even more tremendous.

“I… wish I was…” I managed to say between sobs. He let go of me and grabbed his head and screamed, then let himself fall on the car. I looked at him, crying, helpless and in pain, what couple we made huh?

“Please tell me you’re not leaving me… Chaerin… I will die without you…” He whispered with his head low, his hand grabbing his hair. I shook my head and walked towards him. I put my hands on his cheeks and made him look at me. He was red, out of breath and his face was stained with tears.

“Look at me right now Kwon Ji Yong, you won’t die, you won’t! I need you to be strong, for me, for Nagueti, for mom and Taemin! I need you to be strong for your family and mine! Please!” I told him. He shook his head and grabbed my hands.

“You’re asking for too much Chaerin… it’s too much…” He said kissing my hands.

“Please… Jiyong please promise me you will take care of our families… please” I pleaded and he shook his head.

“How can I be strong when you’re gone? Don’t be so selfish, don’t be so insensible, please, for now, just for now, stop being that cold hearted you always are and think about me! For once!” He said looking straight into my eyes.

“I’m thinking about you Ji… I am… but I can’t do anything, I will die, and you will stay, that’s how it’s supposed to be…” I said. He let go of my hands and brushed his hair back with his fingers.

“Says who? Huh? Where’s written I have to live without you?!” He said. I shook my head and chuckled a bit.

“Nowhere… you just have to…” I said. He bit his inner cheeks, a habit he had whenever he was having those moods swings he usually has, and looked to the road.

“Selfish ” He said and walked towards the driver’s side. “Get in” He growled and entered the car. I looked down and chuckled. This was so Jiyong, getting angry over something that breaks him it’s his way of dealing with his own pain.

I let out a sigh before entering the car. He had the music on loud, a silent (or noisy) protest against me, he obviously didn’t wanted me to talk anymore, which pissed me off because I was just being honest with him. I guess I just have to let him absorb the information he had already received.

He drove towards his apartment, I didn’t said anything, didn’t complained, didn’t asked, didn’t questioned, just followed his lead. He got off the car and walked towards the lobby, stopped at the doors and looked back at the car, gesturing me to get out. I took a deep breath and exited the car. He raised an eyebrow and waited until I got closer to him.

It was hard to walk, I was starting to feel the numbing pain on my limbs again, which caused me to walk slower. As soon as I stood at his side he looked directly at my face with a questioning look.

“Does it hurts?” He asked, even though it was a question about my health, his tone was cold, somber, and even uninterested. I simply nodded, he nod too and put his arm around my waist and made me put my arm around his neck.

“You can rest your weight on my body, I’ll help you” He said, now his tone was sweet and caring. I smiled a bit and nodded again. We both walked towards the elevator, and to our fortune, the doors open at our arrival. We both laughed a bit and entered. He pressed the 6^th button and the doors slowly closed.

“I’m sorry…” He spoke as the elevator went up. I looked down and nodded caressing my arm. He took a deep breath and looked at me. “Chaerin… I’m sorry I treated you like that… it’s just… it’s just…” He didn’t finished his sentence as he broke down crying again. I smiled and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Enough of tears for today” I said and he nodded cleaning his tears with the back of his hand. He grabbed my hand and kissed it, slowly, tenderly and passionately. I closed my eyes as I felt the familiar sensations of shivers run through my body. When he pulled me for a hug, the doors opened, we had arrived to his floor. He smiled and walked me out of the elevator and towards his apartment.

I always loved being here. It was always so clean and neat, so tidy and organized. I remember him getting all crazy when I accidentally spilled a Fruit Punch juice on his white carpets, it cost him a lot of money to get that stain out of the carpet, which I never step foot on ever again.

As soon as we entered, I went over to my favorite couch and threw myself there, the pain was starting to get awfully hard. I rested my body a bit as Jiyong went over to his room. I bet he was going to change to some comfortable home clothes or something. I looked to the side and saw our pictures on the wall. We were always smiling and doing dome dork poses. I smiled as I saw the pictures, one by one, remembering every day we took those.

“Are you feeling alright?” Jiyong asked as he entered the living room. I looked at him and he widened his eyes. I smiled but then felt something weird on my face. “You’re bleeding!” He yelled, I furrowed my eyebrows and put my hand on my face, I pulled it away and saw my hand full of blood. Jiyong quickly grabbed some Kleenex on one of the drawers, grabbed a bunch of napkins and put them on my face.

“I’m such a mess” I said trying to joke but he was already stressing out.

“Is this going to be like this?” He asked with a worried expression. I shrugged and grabbed the napkins. He put his hand (which was full of my blood) on his forehead and rested his elbows on his knees. I handed him some clean napkins and he looked at them and took them.

“Clean your face, you stained it” I said and he cleaned the spot he put his hand on and saw the napkin full of blood. He laughed awkwardly and threw the napkins on a basket on the living room. He usually worked in this place, that’s the reason this looks like a small studio or office.

“Is there any cure for it?” He asked and I shook my head.

“They said it was… terminal…” I said. He took a deep breath and looked to the side.

“How much time we got left?” He asked. I took a deep breath, wondering if I should tell him or not.

“Three months… maybe more… maybe less…” I said. He stood up and walked towards a window and opened it. The wind entered through it, making the curtains float, refreshing the room.

“So little time…” He whispered. I nodded and rested my back on the couch.

“Ji… can you… hand me my pills… they’re on my purse…” I said almost out of breath, the pain was starting to feel unbearable. He quickly looked for my purse and handed me the pills, then went to the kitchen and brought me some water.

“It’s not fair baby… you’re going through so much pain…” He said as I took my pills. I nodded and handed him back the glass of water.

“Tomorrow everything will be alright” I said as I got comfortable on the couch. He let out a sigh and walked towards his room.

“Come sleep with me tonight, I promise nothing will happen” He said. I smiled and nodded. I went towards him and he hugged me tight, then let go and we both entered the room. We laid on bed, watching each other, hugging each other, simply feeling each other’s presence.

“I love you, I don’t want to lose you” He whispered closing his eyes. I smiled and closed mine caressing his face.

“You won’t lose me, and I love you more” I spoke before drifting to dreamland. As long as he loves me, as long as he thinks about me and remembers me, I’m sure I won’t be completely away. If he still has that image of me, the image of me  being happy, being dork and just being me with him will make me live forever, as long as I’m in his heart, I’m immortal, I’m free.

Gily's Notes: Hello folks!

Thanks for reading!

I want to make some translation real quick!

Nagueti = Grandmother

Anaboima = An indigenous Arawak name, means "Flower of Great Wisdom" or Knowledge.

I'm arawak people!! Lol :D

Take Care! 

Happy Reading ~

Gily ♥

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