Closing my eyes, I imagined a world that was only mine, a world where I was free, I was happy. It was nighttime, and the stars were shining so bright that they almost made the Moon envious of their splendor. It was a chilly night, and the smooth cold breezed touched my skin, making me shiver from the coldness.

Lying on the grass, I reminiscence on the past, when life was easier, when I was young and free. It was all far from a shadow of past, it was now far from a dream. Life wasn’t easy, but no one teaches you that.

“It’s cancer, and unfortunately, it’s too late, I’m afraid not even chemotherapy can help you now Chaerin” the doctor said this afternoon. I really couldn’t believe him, but if this was my destiny, I guess I have to make peace and accept it.

I rested my head on my hands as I watched the moon, trying to figure out how this happened. I was feeling fine a week ago, there was no pain, no signs of nothing. I was sane, I was healthy. Then I started to feel this pain on my chest, it was weird, but it was intense. The doctors said it was probably some cold or something, but nothing seemed to help me with my pain.

Final studies revealed I had the dreaded disease, and that it was too late, in other words, I was going to die. How is that possible? Why me? I’m young, I’m at college, I have plans, I have a life.

With only 23 years of life, I have to find a way to fight for dear life, or find a way to make it easier for the moment I depart from this decaying body. How can I tell my family? My friends? My boyfriend?

I let out a sigh and grabbed my phone. If there was one person who could help me, it would be my indigenous “grandmother”. I dialed her phone number and fortunately, she answered at the second ring.

“Hello Chaerin! How are you dear?” She answered happily. How can I tell her this without breaking her heart?

“Nagueti, I need to tell you something, and I need you to be strong to understand this” I told her.

“What is it Chaerin? Is something wrong? How’s Jiyong?” She said worried. I inhaled deeply and smiled, tears forming in the rim of my eyes with the sole mention of his name.

“He’s fine Nagueti, it’s not about Ji… it’s about me…” I said with a bit of sorrow on my voice.

“I’m listening” She said.

“I… I went to the doctor… remember that pain I told you about?” I told her.

“Yes, I remember, what did they told you?” She asked. I inhaled deeply and a tear escaped my eye.

“Nagueti… I have cancer… and they said it was too late, it already dispersed on my body” I told her. I heard a loud gasp and the music in the background died.

“A-Are you sure Chaerin? Is there any way he could be wrong?” She asked and I bit my inner cheeks holding the cry that was threatening to come out.

“I’m not sure… that’s what he said” I told her. I heard cries on the phone, I couldn’t hold mines either. We both cried for a few seconds before she spoke.

“We need a second opinion my child, there’s no way you can believe one person who says you are going to die! I’ll go with you tomorrow to another doctor, probably they’ll tell you it’s a wrong diagnosis or something” She said and I felt a slight hope within me.

“Nagueti… please don’t tell anyone I told you that… Let’s just… let’s just keep it to ourselves until we know the truth” I said.

“I will tell no one my dear child, count on that” she said. I smiled and nodded.

“Thank you Nagueti… I owe you” I said smiling and I heard a light chuckle on the line.

“You owe me nothing, that’s why I’m here for, to help you. Remember I love you” She said and I let out another sob and nodded.

“I love you too Nagueti” I said with a broken voice.

“Don’t cry my child, I’ll see you tomorrow, get some rest. Go home, I know you’re out and probably your mother’s worried, maybe Jiyong too. Go home” She said and I nodded.

“I will go now, thank you again Nagueti, see you tomorrow” I said.

“See you tomorrow my child, bye” She spoke and hung up. I let the phone fall from my hands and cried hard. That night, I was going to mourn for my life. That night, I will reminiscence of my life and smile tomorrow.

The morning came, and my eyes felt heavy. I was in pain today, as usual, but now it seemed more apparent the reasons behind it. I was slowly dying, and my body knew about it.

Tiredly I got out of bed, dragging my feet towards my bathroom, intending to look descent today. After all, I was going to find a second opinion, a second chance of living.

As I was taking a warm shower, someone knocked on the door on my bathroom as his life depended on it. I didn’t have to ask who it was for I knew too well who he was. Kwon Jiyong, the man of my life, the man who turned my world upside down with just a smile on his face.

“You will have to wait young man!” I yelled laughing as he knocked on the door. Only his presence could make my life easier, could make me happy.

“Hurry there! I want to see you so bad I feel like dying!” He yelled. I chuckled at the irony of his words. How little did he know about how fragile life was to joke like that? He was such a childish person.

“If only you know the irony on it” I said, more to me than to him. I heard another knock and a ‘hurry’ before he threw himself on my bed. I smiled and turned off the shower, drying myself. I walked out of the bathroom and saw him all comfortable on my bed looking at me.

“You look hot” He said smiling. I smiled and walked towards my drawer to grab some clothes. He stood up, s his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek. “I love you” He whispered on my ears and I smiled nodding. I grabbed his hand and held it tight, as if my life depended on it.

“I love you too” I whispered back watching him through my mirror. He smiled and kissed my cheek one more time before leaving my room.

“Get dress pretty, I’ll take you somewhere” He said and closed the door. I looked at the door and frowned, remembering I already had plans for today.

I quickly got dressed and fixed before going out of my room. He was waiting with my mom on the living room. They were watching some drama when I entered the room. He looked at me and smiled while my mom just winked her eyes and kept watching the TV.

“Ready to go?” Jiyong said and I took a deep breath.

“Ji… I had plans with Nagueti today… Can you pick me up later today?” I asked him. He frowned but then smiled nodding.

“It’s alright, after all, the big thing is tonight, I can wait” He said walking towards me.

“What ‘big thing’ eh? You two better be careful, I’m too young to be a grandmother!” She said laughing.

“Who will be a grandmother?” My younger brother, Taemin, asked as he entered the room.

“No one noisy kiddo” Jiyong said nudging his head. I smiled and hugged Jiyong tight.

“Thank you” I whispered and he nodded kissing my head.

“I’m off then, will be at college, call me if you need anything” He said and I nodded. He then went towards Taemin, both faked some punches and then left. Taemin was still laughing when he threw himself on the couch next to our mother.

“Mother, Taeminnie, I’m out with Nagueti today” I said grabbing my keys. Mother looked at me and then smiled while Taemin raised an eyebrow.

“Where are you going with Nagueti?” Taemin said. I smiled awkwardly and faked that I was looking for something on my purse.

“I’m just out, she needed me to take her somewhere, will be back this afternoon, I promise” I said and walked towards the door.

“Take care Chaerin ah, don’t forget to call me to know you got to Nagueti’s house safe alright?” Mom said while waving goodbye. I smiled and nodded, then left.

I quickly ran towards my car and started the engine. As the motor roared to life, I felt my heart beat a thousand times faster. I was going to ask for a second opinion, I was going to beg for dear life. I don’t know if I should be feeling happy, or sad, destroyed or triumphant, but I’m sure I should be firm and strong with whatever happens today.

The road seemed empty, desolated, lifeless, so long and silent it made my heart crumble. Will death be like this? Will this almost unbearable pain on my body be gone when I die? Will there be a paradise? I’m not quite sure, we can only hope.

I parked the car in front of Nagueti’s house, the sweet aroma of her cooking greeting my nostrils as I got out of the car. I didn’t even took two steps when Nagueti came out of the house to greet me. Her smiling face full of hope and happiness made me smile so wide I even forgot the pain on my chest.

“Hello my dear child, God bless you” She said as she wrapped her aged arms around my body. I inhaled the aroma on her hair as I hugged her, the aroma of lavender and Vanilla that would always remind me of my younger years when she used to take care of my brother and me.

Her face was painted with beautiful wrinkles that showed her long years of hard work. Her tanned skin told the world her ethnic roots and the white hair on her head showed the wisdom of her age. She was beautiful, short and slender, but also strong and wise.

“Hello Nagueti, I’m happy to see you” I said as she pulled away from our embrace. She smiled and grabbed my hands and walked me towards her house. She had indigenous paintings all over the place, some wooden furniture and feathers decorated her living room. It was like traveling towards an Indian tribe home, well, after all she is indigenous.

“Sit while I serve you the food, I made your favorite” She said as she walked towards the kitchen. I smiled and threw my body on the wooden couch. It will always have a different sheet covering the couch, today it was some tribal designs I loved. She would always teach us about her culture, always talk to us about how the used to live and why she left her home in South America to travel all the way back here, to South Korea. She would always tell us her story with a voice full of sorrow. How she lost her family, her only daughter and her husband back in her homeland. I couldn’t tell how it might have felt because I have never lost anyone in my life, but now, being me the one who was going to die sure gave me another feeling about her life, her suffering.

I felt sad, so sad, I knew I was going to give her more pain, not only to her, to my mother, my brother and my father, my boyfriend, the man who I love like no other. How can I even tell them I’m sick? How can I tell them I will die? It seemed like the best way would be to not tell them anything and just live like there’s nothing wrong with me.

“They will noticed how your body starts to decay my dear” Nagueti said as she entered the living room with a little tray on her hands. I never knew how she did it, I never even questioned it, but now it seemed strange that she would always have an answer for my unspoken words. I looked at her smiling face and simply knew that she know what I was thinking, which she only replied with a slight nod. I smiled and was about to stand up but the gestured me to keep sitting.

I won’t lie, I felt like a useless brat when she did this kind of things, but I can’t complain, she loves to babysit us, even if we are already old enough to take out own food.

“Nagueti, I don’t even know how to tell them… this…” I said. She smiled and sat at my side, settling the tray on the coffee table.

“There should be a way of telling them. You told me” She said. I let out a sigh and looked at my hands, they felt fragile and weak.

“It’s different…” I said. She grabbed my hands and caressed them.

“How it’s different? Isn’t Jaerin your mother? Isn’t Taemin your brother and Taesung your dad? Isn’t Jiyong the man you love? Why can’t you trust them with this like you trusted in me Chaerin?” She said. She had a point, hell, she was right, but I just didn’t wanted to let them know I wasn’t going to be around for Christmas anymore.

“I… don’t know…” I simply said. She let out a sigh and patted my tights.

“Eat, we leave as soon as you’re finished” She said standing up and walking towards the kitchen again. I let out a sigh and ate the food she deliciously prepared for me.

“I’m done Nagueti, let’s go!” I yelled while grabbing the tray. As soon as I stood up, I felt dizzy, nauseated and an unbearable pain took the best of me. I let out a soft whimper and the tray fell from my hands breaking all the porcelain on it.

“Chaerin? Oh my God my dear child!” Nagueti said running towards me. I had already fallen on my knees grabbing my chest from the pain. I tried to fake, I tried to hold on but my body wouldn’t respond to my pleas.

“I-I’m alright…” I said between whimpers trying to stand up. Nagueti put a hand under my arm and helped me stand up.

“No child, you’re not alright, let’s go to the ER right now!” She said with a firm voice. I couldn’t help but nod and agree.

She helped me get on her van and she quickly drove towards the ER. As soon as we stepped inside, the nurses came running towards me. I guess I look pretty bad.

“What happened to her?” The nurse asked my grandmother, I couldn’t talk right, I was in pain and I was trying to hold my screams.

“She’s having severe chest pain a few weeks ago. She went to the doctor and they said she had cancer and that it was already spread all over her body. Today we were coming to have a second opinion but this happened” Nagueti explained while some nurses where taking me inside of the ER.

“I see, thanks for telling us. Come with me so we can fill some papers” The nurse said walking with Nagueti far from me. Another nurse came to my side and asked me some questions, like if I was allergic to any drug and stuffs like that. I just shook my head no since my voice was long gone now. The nurses put me under I.V treatment while they waited to make some blood tests. Great, they were going to drain me again, just great.

After what it felt like years, Nagueti entered the little room the put me in. She was smiling but I knew there was something weird on that smile.

“How are you feeling dear?” She asked me while caressing my hair. I raised my left hand (since my right hand was with the I.V) and made a gesture telling her I wasn’t feeling great, nor bad, just so-so.

“I see, the doctor shall come any minute now, they said they would give you priority, so your blood is being analyze right now” She told me and I just nodded. I wondered why I was feeling so weak, I was just fine a few hours ago, and now, everything hurts. What’s wrong with me?

After two more hours in I.V treatment, the doctor came to the little room with some papers on his hands.

“Miss Lee Chaerin?” He asked and both Nagueti and I nodded. “Well miss Chaerin, how are you feeling?” He asked walking to my side. I raised an eyebrow looking at him but then smiled weakly.

“I feel like dying, thanks for asking” I managed to say, quite surprised my voice sounded so weak. The doctor smiled and patted my left knee.

“I will have to tell you some bad news miss Chaerin. The other doctor was right, you do have a quite severe cancer, I’m not sure, well, I wouldn’t recommend you to go into Chemotherapy, I don’t think your body would resist it” He said. I simply nodded while Nagueti gasped and started to cry silently.

“How much?” I asked him. He looked at me with a sorrowful expression. I already knew the answer, but I needed to hear it from a professional, I needed to confirm it before jumping to any conclusions.

“It will be a miracle if you last more than 3 months” He said. I bit my lip and nodded. I didn’t felt nothing, sadness, worry, pain, anger, nothing, I was numbed, I was paralyzed and stunned.

Only three months, only three. Forget about wedding plans, forget about Christmas, forget about college and work. Everything fell from the window as the doctor said those words.

“It will be a miracle if you last more than 3 months” Those words didn’t gave me more pain, didn’t surprised me. Instead of all those feelings someone normal should feel, I just felt empty. All my plans, everything fell on a pit I was soon going to fall.

It’s not fair.

It’s not normal…

“It’s not supposed to be” those words escaped my mouth. It was noisy inside the room. I had another episode, Nagueti was sobbing hard and the nurses were talking to each other, talking about the drugs and the stuffs they would get on my body. My phone rang nonstop, the doctor kept calling some nurses, some other doctors entered the room.

I simply closed my eyes and succumbed to the pain I was feeling. Only three months, my body decaying fast, my skin turning pale and my hair falling. Only three months, everyone noticing, people crying and saying how much they love me. Only three months, and it would mean the end of my life, but the beginning of someone’s depression.

Only three months and I would never see his face again…

In only three months…

Gily's Notes: Hello folks!!

This one is still under construction. I doubt it will more than 3 chapters long... I really hope you'll like it!

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