It was morning, maybe 7 or 8 am, I wasn’t sure. I opened my eyes and looked at the window, the light of the Sun entering through the curtains, even if the curtains where a shade of gray, the light was still bright enough to illuminate the whole room. I looked around Jiyong’s room, I doubt I need to say it was clean and organized. His white furniture made a perfect match with his black sheets and pillows. It always gave this feeling of modernity and darkness, it was perfect.

I didn’t dared to move an inch, didn’t wanted to wake Jiyong up, nor wanted to feel any pain I was sure it was going to come. I was planning to stay here the whole day, probably the whole week, or the rest of the months I had left. Living here for three months… it sounded so perfect, so right, but so wrong.

“You’re awake?” Jiyong mumbled while turning towards me. I slowly turned towards him, so we both were facing each other and nodded. His morning face was beautiful, scratch that, his face was beautiful. As soon as our eyes met, I smiled and nodded, letting him now I was awake and I was alright. He smiled and got closer to me, kissed my forehead and then rested back on his side of the bed, still facing me. “How are you feeling?” He finally asked.

“I’m good” I said with a hoarse voice. He furrowed his face and looked at me confused.

“What’s with the voice?” He asked. I shrugged and tried to stand up, wrong move. As soon as I sat, I felt dizzy, my chest hurt, my head and my limbs, everything. That bump I felt on my throat made me cough non-stop. I felt like dying right there. “Babe what’s wrong?!” He asked sitting and holding my shoulders. I shook my head and continued to cough.

I saw him panicking as soon as blood came out of my mouth. He even shrieked as soon as the blood touched his dear rugs. “Oh my God we need to take you to the hospital!” He yelled running towards the bathroom. I shook my head and stood up, holding myself with the bedside table. I grabbed a glass of water on it, one Jiyong fills every night, and drank it. It made me feel better, the water temperature was just right, which help soothe my sore throat.

“I’m fine” I managed to say. Jiyong came back with towels and napkins on his hands. I wanted to laugh at his face when he saw me standing up. I looked at him and straightened myself so he would know I was alright.

“What happened to you?” He asked and I smiled.

“I guess it’s a secondary effect for the pills…” I said grabbing the bottle of pills.

“Don’t take them anymore” He said walking towards me. Did I ever mention he was shirtless? No? Well, he was shirtless, only with his pajama pants on, which were a bit low showing his Dolce&Gabanna underwear. I gulped while he grabbed my pills and read the prescription. “Maybe we should google it, the secondary effects” He said walking towards his laptop.

I took a deep breath and found it rather hard to do it normally. I shook my head, stood up and walked towards him. He was already google-ing the prescription. I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder. He caressed my cheek and continued browsing the internet.

“It doesn’t say anything about internal bleeding. It just says the drowsy effects, which is obvious, and nothing more. I’m really confused now” He spoke. I smiled and gave him a back hug.

“Forget about that honey, let’s eat breakfast and enjoy our day” I said. He smiled and grabbed my hand.

“Are you feeling strong enough to… enjoy?” He asked with a smirk on his face. I jokingly punched him and he started to laugh.

“I’m good enough to enjoy it my way, not your way Jiyong” I said sitting on the edge of the best. He stopped laughing and stood up.

“Ok, ok, jeez. I’ll make breakfast, you go and watch the news or something” He said walking out of the room. I laughed to myself and decided I should just investigate my disease. After all, I didn’t know much about it.

I stood up and went over to his desk and open the laptop. I sat down and clicked on the browser, typed ‘Cervical Cancer’, which is what they said I had, and let Google find the rest. The pages appeared on the screen, some were questions, some others information, but there was this site that had all the specific symptoms, the after effects and the future changes. That’s all I needed.

I kept reading and reading, clicking every link on the site, learning more and more, getting more frustrated, even scared. They called it the ‘Smart Cancer’ because once you find out you have it, it’s already spread all over your body. You attack it on a certain area and it pops in another. It’s definitely an annoying type of cancer…

And I just happen to have it…

“Breakfast’s ready!” Jiyong yelled from the kitchen. I took a deep breath and tried to smile. I stood up and walked towards his kitchen and sat on a small wooden table he had on his kitchen. He smiled and served the food. I inhaled the delicious scent of it, he never failed to amaze me with his cooking skills.

“I thought you might want something different than eggs today, so I prepared some French Toasts, eat them like a pancake, it tastes awesome” He said handing me the syrup. I smiled and got them covered with the syrup. The moment the French Toast touch my tongue, I felt an tongue-gasm. It was delicious, like all he ever cooked. I moaned at the deliciousness of them and he smiled wide. “You like it?” He asked. I nodded, then gulped.

“I loved them” I said taking another bite. It was simply far from heavenly.

After we finished eating, Jiyong insisted to do the dishes, even though he cooked, he wanted to clean. I just had to agree with it. He sent me to watch TV like a child, so I just agreed. After he finished the dishes, he went towards me and jumped at my side.

“What do you want to do?” He asked. I shrugged and looked at the TV. Fortunately, they were transmitting a commercial about a Amusement Park near Jiyong’s apartment. I smiled and pointed at the TV.

“I want to go there!” I said and he laughed.

“Do you want to go because you really want to or just because it looked attractive on the TV?” He asked and I pouted.

“I really want to” I said and he pinched my cheeks.

“I love it when you do that” He said and I smiled.

“So, are you taking me there?” I asked and he thought for a moment.

“Let’s call your family. I’m sure your dad’s working, but I bet Taemin and Jaerin are doing right now” He said and I laughed knowing that they were probably doing nothing.

“That would be awesome!” I said and Jiyong nodded smiling.

“Take a bath while I call her” Jiyong said and stood up then helped me stand up. I walked towards his room and he spanked my but while I did. I glared at him and continued walking. What he didn’t know was that it actually hurt a lot.

I entered his room and went directly towards the bathroom. Since I spend a lot of time here, there are pink and purple towels, and the purple is mine actually. Also I had a toothbrush here, well, all my personal belongings are in here along with some of my clothes.

 I the faucet and let the warm water run for a while. I slowly took off my clothes and got inside of the shower, I didn’t felt like taking a bath, so a shower should do.

After I was done with that, I went inside of his room towards my drawers to find something descent to wear. He usually buys me clothes, and whenever I open my drawers, there’s new lingerie and clothes, so I always get surprised, but today was different, everything looks normal, the same to me.

I grabbed some skinny black leather pants and a baggy but fashion shirt. When I finished dressing, Jiyong entered the room. He eyed me from head to toe and then raised an eyebrow.

“Change that shirt” He said and walked towards his bathroom. I let out a sigh and made an effort to look right. If there was something he knew well was everything about fashion, I was never allowed to go out looking like a hobo. When he finally got out of the bathroom, he eyed me again and then smiled. “Now that’s better” He said and went towards his drawers and grabbed some jeans and a white polo. I smiled and left the room, it was my cue.

He drove us towards my house and honked. I glared at him and he just smirked. He knows mom hates it when he does that, but he just love to . We went out of the car and when he set foot on the porch, mom opened the door glaring at him.

“Jiyong ah, I’ve told you to stop doing that! I will have to spank your sorry young man!” She said and hit him with her purse. He was laughing hard, so was my mom. I felt a rush of happiness within me. She didn’t had any clue of what was going on with me, neither Taemin, and they shouldn’t know, at least, not now.

“Taemin ah! Get out here and help me!” Jiyong yelled while my mom kept hitting him. Taemin walked towards us shirtless and laughed at our mom.

“Ah hyung, you’re seriously screwed right now” He said and Jiyong frowned. Mom stopped hitting him and then glared at Taemin.

“Taemin ah! Watch that language, and why are you out here?!” She yelled and Taemin laughed.

“Mom I’m not , I’m shirtless, I’m a man, I’m allowed to walk shirtless” He said and mom glared at him.

“Go wear something” She hissed and Taemin laughed a bit more and walked inside. Mom looked at me and smiled widely.

“How are you feeling honey? Are you better now?” She asked and I nodded smiling. Jiyong raised an eyebrow but I glared at him. He caught it fast so he just smiled looking to the other side.

“I’m great mom, Jiyong took good care of me, even cooked breakfast, I’m sorry I didn’t called you last night” I said and she patted my shoulders.

“Jiyong did, don’t worry” She said and then walked inside. I looked at Jiyong and then smiled, our mom was probably watching us. I went to hug him and as soon as our faces were close, he frowned.

“Aren’t you going to tell them?” He whispered.

“No, not yet” I whispered. He frowned and pulled away.

“I hope you’re not planning on keeping the secret, I will not help you with that” He mumbled and I shook my head.

“I will not, I just need time ok, it’s not easy” I said.

“It was with me” He said, now with a hint of anger. I frowned and crossed my arms.

“You think it was easy? I was having internal issues the whole day, it’s just that I know you’re stronger than then, I just know” I spoke, he just bit his inner cheeks and walked inside. I know he was mad, but as a dying person, he has to fulfill my wishes, it’s on my will, well, it will be.

After everyone got ready and ate, we finally got in Jiyong’s car and went towards the Amusement Park. Even though my body ache, I was feeling excited, happy, fulfilled. I had anticipated this moment so much, and now, I can cheerfully appreciate every aspect of life, now that it was going to end, I could take every detail, notice every expression, everything.

“Are you happy?” Jiyong whispered on my ear. I smiled widely and nodded like a child. Taemin looked at us and started to tease me, smirking and laughing like a maniac.

“Umma, noona’s way too happy, and I’m the youngest. Shame on you noona!” He said. I laughed. If only he knew, if only he had any idea how much I appreciate everything, his teasing, his joyful laughter, his face, his adorable hands, his hair, everything.

“Taemin, do you know how much noona loves you?” I asked him. He smiled and shook his head. I laughed hard. “I love you even more than Jiyong. I love you more than the Sun loves the sky” I said and hugged him.

“Noona, you’re going to make me cry” He spoke. I smiled, a tear already rolling down my cheek. I will miss him, oh God how much I will miss my little brother.

“No don’t cry baby, it’s a happy day. Happy!” I said pulling apart. He smiled and nodded, then went towards our mom. Jiyong went by my side and put his hand on my shoulder. I felt the heaviness on my chest slowly dragging me down, and his hand was the support I needed at this moment.

“It’s so hard…” I said. Jiyong inhaled deeply and nodded looking at the floor. He then looked at me and smiled, even though there was a tear on his eye.

“Let’s go have fun, that’s why we came here” He said and I nodded cleaning the tears that escaped my eyes.

That day, we laughed like kids, got into every machine there was, all that until my body couldn’t take it anymore. Jiyong faked he was tired and that he needed to work tonight. I was so thankful he said that, I didn’t had the guts to tell my mom or Taemin that my body couldn’t resist anymore ‘fun’ today.

Fortunately, mom also said she was feeling tired, the only one who complained was Taemin, but then he remembered he had a ‘date’ with a girl and forgot that we left early the amusement park. Which I wondered, since when my little brother started dating girls?

That day, by nighttime, I was left alone in my room. I couldn’t move from bed due to the pain on my body, even breathing hurt, so I decided it was better if I slept for the rest of the day. It was the least I could do to my body, it was really cooperative today, I should reward him with a nice rest.