True Love?? Did they find it??

Arabesque

Yuri ran into Ryeowook and his 12 brothers’ room. She was pretty surprised from the fully decorated room. Well, she was impressed because that was her first time seeing a room better than their room made by Eun Soo. She decided to give a ‘wow’.

“WOW! Your room is DAEBAK!! JJANG!”

“Jyinkya?? Gomawo, noona~”

Yuri didn’t even notice Ryeowook calling her noona, but curiosity striking inside her was tickling her to ask more questions or inquire Ryeowook about his room.

“Kurondae, Wook-ah.. Why is your room so special??”

“Ahh.. Our sajangnim Song—ong ong”

Ryeowook couldn’t continue his words..

“Your sajangnim Song---ong ong—what?”

“Anniya.. Amutu anniya.”

“Wookie. You told me to consider for your confession. You are keeping secrets from me. And how am I supposed to trust in you to be my lifetime partner? I was thinking to reply a ‘yes’. But I don’t think it is going to work anymore if we continue to walk this kind of path, Wookie.”


Meanwhile, Jessica was taking the lift downstairs to the parking level. There, aside her car was Heechul, standing for hours in exhaustion. Of course, for a guy like Heechul who’s falling for the term perfection of Jessica, it was just a normal case.

Jessica, who was surprised again by his actions, couldn’t take back her impression, but to stare him in glare into his glittering eyes.

“Heechul-shi, were you standing and waiting for me here all time along since we ended our chat?”

“Ahh.. Nae..” Heechul replied, having his hands scratching his ears.

“Kuraeyo?”

The ice princess was surprised by how the man reacted to her. But her acting skills could help her keep herself from pulling back.

“Imm. Anyway, come on Jessica-shi. I’ll drive you. Give me the key.”

“Its okay, Heechul-shi. I can drive.”

“No. It’s not about whether you can drive or not. It’s just that I can never trust in your driving skills again.”

“Haha”

Jessica shed a loud laughter, making Heechul think in satisfaction that he could finally make this sad girl laugh. It is mentioned this sad girl as Jessica was not smiling the whole day in work all along while Heechul was staring at her in spark, not doing any of his tasks.

Unfortunately, Seohyun saw her unnie, the ice princess’ smile and laughter when she was visiting Jessica that time. Seohyun, for sure, was surprised, but in turn, glad. She thought that her unnie’s icy wall was melting bit by bit by the power of true love that sleeked in, even when she didn’t know that all of the 9 sisters were falling in love with the guys they were supposed to be enemies with. The darkest enemies ever.


Yes. All the 9 sisters were forgetting their missions ever to be carried out under the words of Eun Soo. Yoona also found herself attracted to the prince-charming Donghae, receiving enormous caring from him in turn. She tried to make those thoughts vanished, but only to have him spy. But Eun Soo never told them not to find those guys cool or hot, from a part of their hearts, did she? Of course not.

Yoona thought, “Well, maybe I could fall for him while getting to know him more by spying. Who’ll knows? Maybe I could hit 3 birds with a stone. Keke..”

She was giggling alone in the brown cafeteria, having herself dripped in the another world, without knowing that Donghae was sitting still just in front of her, staring for 2 hours.

Her phone shuttered as a message came in.

“Yoong-ahh. Why are you still sitting at that place for even 2 hours? Aren’t you getting tired of it? What are you thinking about?”

AHHH… Yoona was shocked. Who is this guy??? She rushed alone in her thoughts.

“Yahh!! Who are you?? Where are you?? Are you stalking me??”

Donghae chuckled himself.

“I am your the one and only prince-charming. Just look in front of you. I’ll be right there. I’ll be always there for you….”

Yoona looked up. Her eyes widened as she saw a monster in front of her eyes. She was waiting for his contact, but she thought that she would have to contact him first. Well, her prince-charming didn’t disappoint her ever from the beginning.

“You… You’re the one who saved me, aren’t you?”

“Ahh. Yea.”

“Donghae, is it?”

“Yoona, is it?”

“Annyeong~” They both replied in a same tone.

“haha.” They both laughed together again.

“So, what takes you here?”

“Well, I was having a walk around here and probably, one of my hyungs own a restaurant in this area.”

“Ahh.. I see. Were you having fun at his’?”

“Of course..”

“So, let’s be friends, will we?”

“No problem. Annyeong, chingu!”

“keke. Awwn. Annyeong~ So, what do you do?”


It was 3 hours later when they recognized that they talked for too long. Both of them were laughing out of all the  statues, forgetting the point that there were also other people in the world that they were talking in. Well, they were précising themselves in their own new world…

After they paused their conversation for the other day, Donghae having Yoona back to her place, Yoona thought that the technique of trying to shoot 3 birds with a stone probably worked.


Besides all of the brothers and sisters, Leeteuk and Taeyeon were still finding themselves in confusion. Leeteuk was refusing his true heart towards Taeyeon, although Taeyeon really was giving all her effort to her destined prince to be spyed on, as well as to have herself falling in love with.

Leeteuk who was bickering Taeyeon for being too stodgy and for not understanding the others’ feeling, couldn’t see how Taeyeon was feeling in turn for his actions. Being kicked out and rejected as a girl, Taeyeon couldn’t hide her feelings. Leeteuk somehow knew that from his heart, but still continuing to turn things out in such way.


All the 9 girls were falling in love with the 13 guys, although some of them were facing troubles with the love triangles. But somehow, they were happy and satisfied in the current situation.

BUT, it won’t be satisfactory for Eun Soo, if she found out that her codes were facing very serious errors, which would led her control and importance over the girls fade away in no time, having them fall in love in uncontrollable situations. Eun Soo would be seriously mad if she knew that her controlling system was turning out to be in a wrong way in their brenisis.

But she would know that someday…. She would. And if she found out, what would the 9 girls’ hearts and lives transform into again? The beautiful teenage young love would be vanished just like it was wiped out…. Would the girls let their lives and loves face such kind of incident? What kind of problems would they face? The solution would be revealed the day Eun Soo knew everything about her lack in systems….


A/N: Hey guys!! I’m back again after 2 days, I guess so.. Well, I want to impress you with my improving work, which I think is. The story’s getting in mode!! Isn’t it? Well, please upvote and subscribe this story, maybe?? Thanks!! :DD Ahh. And comments are welcome in the box below!! *.*

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pinboo
#1
Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest!

Plot: Alright, first of all, I think your fic is one of the longest one –in terms of chapters, at least so far that I've been judging and I applaud you for that determination –although, maybe, unfortunately, I regret that you don't finish it.

Firstly, I have to say that the actual story is kinda different from what I expected based on my reading of your foreword/story description. I was expecting it to be a gangfight/spy type of a story, but the romance/drama fills nearly 80% of the plot. Which is not a bad thing, but in your fic, I do think a less romance approach would be more suitable.

The flow is also one of the aspects of the story that I feel could have been improved. There are 10 chapters already (I'm not counting the 11th chapter because it's just author notes), and it should have been sufficient to move the plot to a more intriguing level. The first 4 chapters, in my opinion, could have been summarized in one or two chapters. The first 4 chapters only discuss about the background of the story, and you drag it too long just to talk about the reason why Eunsoo wishes to establish the GG project. Then the remaining chapters talk about the loveline development –which, in contrary to the 4 earlier chapters – become both too long and too fast at the same time. It's too fast to develop their romantic feelings to each other (the characters fell in love way too fast), and at the same time, it's too fast, considering that nothing really meaningful happen –and I personally do not consider them falling for each other as a strong development.

The possibilities and potency of the story actually exists. If you add more actions or mystery or other elements that could make the story more intriguing, I think it would be better. I also get the feeling as if you do not exactly know the direction of the story, so you should take your time to compose and control the plot before you execute/implement it.
pinboo
#2
Characters: I particularly really understand how hard it is to maintain a story with more than 15 characters. And while I clearly do enjoy the numerous SuperGeneration interaction here and there, there is undoubtedly a bigger burden to manage the characters. Firstly, there is no real distinctive trait of one character from another. Jessica being the cold girl is one trait, but it's not dug deep enough, and it is still hard to set one apart from the other. This relates further on the character interactions –which I find to be kind of repetitive and there is no real dynamic on the relationship between one character and the other or one pairing and another.

I think that the big amount of characters also make you lose control/focus of the story. Of course, I'm not saying that you may not use a lot of characters. You undoubtedly may, but you also have to have a strong rein over the characters. On one part we're focusing on Heesica, then we're moving to Yoonhae, then to Taeteuk, then to HanSeoSung. Again, this is actually fine, but the transition is too abrupt and there's no real different premises in each pairing. Sure, they met in different situation, but it's still not sufficient to make the readers actually can linger or feel the relation to a character or a pairing.
pinboo
#3
Style: There are things that I think you can improve: first, do not focus too much on unnecessary description. Description is fine –it livens a story. But readers do not need to know what kind of perfume Eunsoo uses or the car that Heechul drove unless they substantially correlate with the plot. Secondly, do not combine two or more characters' dialogue in one paragraph. Thirdly, minimize the use of Korean. I think the readers can tolerate the general sayings such as "Unnie" or "Oppa", because these are the words that do not have the translation in English that would give the exact same implication. But there are parts where your dialogue are entirely in Korean, and it would only trouble the readers –and you do not want to trouble your readers. You may tease or confuse readers, but you do not want the readers to get so troubled reading your story that eventually they may stop reading it. I also think you could have used more narrative text, but this is not major. I think the dialogue's amount is still in the appropriate level at first; but in the later part of the stories, the story basically is littered with filler dialogues.
pinboo
#4
Suggestion:
• Pick a character and focus on him/her –at least until you are able to maintain the stability of the plot. Once your plot is stabile, you may eventually try to shift the focus to other characters. To be honest, until this point, I do not exactly know who your main character is.
• If you really want to use a lot of characters, introduce them slowly. Get the readers to be accustomed with the character first, before you introduce the others. Otherwise, the additional characters would only serve as filler sidekicks.
• Add more action, suspense, thrill –something to actually make your story more dynamic.


Favorite Parts:
• The foreword is actually kind of interesting –it promises something. It's a bit too dragging and you may wish to add something else to differ your fic from the other though, because it is not the only theme in AFF.
• You seemed to have taken a bit of scientific research for the first part of the story. I do not know and do not have the leisure to check on the truth behind it, but I obviously commend you for the willingness to research.
• I do like the title. But there should be more relation between the title and the story though
• Your narration reads better than the dialogue. Maybe you can focus on the narration.
catherine123 #5
Chapter 11: Lazy girl. I thot a chapter of story was updated. -.- hont
baechimi
#6
This is Webtoon Graphics. Your request was done.
roodlesnamen
#7
Chapter 10: Such random couples, lol. XD
catherine123 #8
Chapter 10: Dramas coming soon, eh? Btw, Trigonometic loves?lol i jst did the trigo sums and i read this now. xD
pompompoop #9
Chapter 10: aeyyy..i guess theres gonna be drama?? :((
roodlesnamen
#10
Chapter 9: Love triangles? Yesss, more drama. <3