Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest!

Plot: Alright, first of all, I think your fic is one of the longest one –in terms of chapters, at least so far that I've been judging and I applaud you for that determination –although, maybe, unfortunately, I regret that you don't finish it.

Firstly, I have to say that the actual story is kinda different from what I expected based on my reading of your foreword/story description. I was expecting it to be a gangfight/spy type of a story, but the romance/drama fills nearly 80% of the plot. Which is not a bad thing, but in your fic, I do think a less romance approach would be more suitable.

The flow is also one of the aspects of the story that I feel could have been improved. There are 10 chapters already (I'm not counting the 11th chapter because it's just author notes), and it should have been sufficient to move the plot to a more intriguing level. The first 4 chapters, in my opinion, could have been summarized in one or two chapters. The first 4 chapters only discuss about the background of the story, and you drag it too long just to talk about the reason why Eunsoo wishes to establish the GG project. Then the remaining chapters talk about the loveline development –which, in contrary to the 4 earlier chapters – become both too long and too fast at the same time. It's too fast to develop their romantic feelings to each other (the characters fell in love way too fast), and at the same time, it's too fast, considering that nothing really meaningful happen –and I personally do not consider them falling for each other as a strong development.

The possibilities and potency of the story actually exists. If you add more actions or mystery or other elements that could make the story more intriguing, I think it would be better. I also get the feeling as if you do not exactly know the direction of the story, so you should take your time to compose and control the plot before you execute/implement it.

Characters: I particularly really understand how hard it is to maintain a story with more than 15 characters. And while I clearly do enjoy the numerous SuperGeneration interaction here and there, there is undoubtedly a bigger burden to manage the characters. Firstly, there is no real distinctive trait of one character from another. Jessica being the cold girl is one trait, but it's not dug deep enough, and it is still hard to set one apart from the other. This relates further on the character interactions –which I find to be kind of repetitive and there is no real dynamic on the relationship between one character and the other or one pairing and another.

I think that the big amount of characters also make you lose control/focus of the story. Of course, I'm not saying that you may not use a lot of characters. You undoubtedly may, but you also have to have a strong rein over the characters. On one part we're focusing on Heesica, then we're moving to Yoonhae, then to Taeteuk, then to HanSeoSung. Again, this is actually fine, but the transition is too abrupt and there's no real different premises in each pairing. Sure, they met in different situation, but it's still not sufficient to make the readers actually can linger or feel the relation to a character or a pairing.

Style: There are things that I think you can improve: first, do not focus too much on unnecessary description. Description is fine –it livens a story. But readers do not need to know what kind of perfume Eunsoo uses or the car that Heechul drove unless they substantially correlate with the plot. Secondly, do not combine two or more characters' dialogue in one paragraph. Thirdly, minimize the use of Korean. I think the readers can tolerate the general sayings such as "Unnie" or "Oppa", because these are the words that do not have the translation in English that would give the exact same implication. But there are parts where your dialogue are entirely in Korean, and it would only trouble the readers –and you do not want to trouble your readers. You may tease or confuse readers, but you do not want the readers to get so troubled reading your story that eventually they may stop reading it. I also think you could have used more narrative text, but this is not major. I think the dialogue's amount is still in the appropriate level at first; but in the later part of the stories, the story basically is littered with filler dialogues.

Suggestion:
• Pick a character and focus on him/her –at least until you are able to maintain the stability of the plot. Once your plot is stabile, you may eventually try to shift the focus to other characters. To be honest, until this point, I do not exactly know who your main character is.
• If you really want to use a lot of characters, introduce them slowly. Get the readers to be accustomed with the character first, before you introduce the others. Otherwise, the additional characters would only serve as filler sidekicks.
• Add more action, suspense, thrill –something to actually make your story more dynamic.


Favorite Parts:
• The foreword is actually kind of interesting –it promises something. It's a bit too dragging and you may wish to add something else to differ your fic from the other though, because it is not the only theme in AFF.
• You seemed to have taken a bit of scientific research for the first part of the story. I do not know and do not have the leisure to check on the truth behind it, but I obviously commend you for the willingness to research.
• I do like the title. But there should be more relation between the title and the story though
• Your narration reads better than the dialogue. Maybe you can focus on the narration.

Chapter 11: Lazy girl. I thot a chapter of story was updated. -.- hont

This is Webtoon Graphics. Your request was done.

Chapter 10: Such random couples, lol. XD

Chapter 10: Dramas coming soon, eh? Btw, Trigonometic loves?lol i jst did the trigo sums and i read this now. xD

Chapter 10: aeyyy..i guess theres gonna be drama?? :((

Chapter 9: Love triangles? Yesss, more drama. <3