The First Day

Arabesque

The keyboard was pushed and pulled up and down for many several times and the sound was extremely fast that not much of the employees heard it precisely, except for those 9 little super girls. The rattling of the keyboard delivered them the message that their mummy was looking for them and to have them grouped in the pavilion room (which was supposed to be the pavilion room, but now, it was not. It was an abandoned meeting room full of chatter box).

The 9 girls; Taeyeon, Jessica, Yuri, Yoona, Sunny, Hyoyeon, Sooyoung, Seohyun and Tiffany were also busy while getting deeper in the conversation about the horror story that they had read finished a few minutes earlier (it only took them a few minutes, but for a normal human being, it would take more than a week to finish half of the book even if they read it 24/7). They were able to talk to each other comfortably as their mummy thought that releasing a part of their mind for a relaxation among the sisters would not be that much of a bad idea.

“Okay everyone, attention please.”

“Good morning, Mummy”, the girls spoke out loud in a steady tone as usual.

“Good morning, girls. So, today’s the first day of your mission, and I hope you won’t forget it. Well, I have my trust in you, so, it’s up to you whether you are going to produce advantage or disadvantage out of it.”

Yuri stood up. “Mom, I need more information about the guy named Ryeowook. He has the family name Kim, but due to the analyses, he is not part of any Choi family. I want to know whether he involved in complicated stuffs, just like ‘us’.”

“Well, Yuri. Being the eldest among all your sisters, you don’t let me down even in the first mission ever to be worked out. Yes. All the 13 boys are involved in such complicated stuffs that you were thinking about. You’re good. Any more questions?”

“Not a single thing.”

“Okay, so, you better start off with your day. Good luck, girls!”

“Thank you, mummy!”

 


Bang! The head was buried under the steering wheel. A man rushed down from his car angrily, although there was no injury. He was not mad at the injury. His temper was for the girl who bumped into his car carelessly, and for the girl who didn’t follow the regulations along.

Knock knock. He knocked the window hard. The girl had her head up, glaring at the man. Afterwards, the figure of a man (probably a guy around his 20s) controlled over her eyes. In return, her figure had also overwhelmed the guy’s eyes. For a second or two, he was lost in his silence. He was lost in the beauty of the girl.

“Annyeong~”

“Ahh.. Miranghaeyo~ Gyongmal Gyongmal Miranghae. I’ll pay you the cost of the fix.”

“Eh??”

She made a direction towards the white Ferrari through her chins.

“Oh.. It’s okay. It’s not a big deal.”

He forgot everything what he was going to complain about when he got off the Ferrari.

“Umm. Then, let me help you with something. Anything that I can help you? Here’s my card.”

She passed one of her business cards towards the guy.

“My name is Jung Jessica and I work at Lotteria. Probably, I’m one of the food creators and I am a director, as you see in the card.”

The guy stretched out his hands towards Jessica.

“And I am Kim Heechul. How fortunate! I have just passed a job interview at Lotteria. I’m also in the directing section. Well, so, you are going to be my senior. Gyal butakamida~ And for the helping case. Well, you can treat me a dinner at Busan Tower’s. So, how’s the deal?”

“Well, call me maybe, and I’ll arrange my time for you. And what’s your number?”

“You told me call me maybe. I’ll call you. And you won’t have to.”

“Kurom, Heechul-shhi. Nagyukae manayo~”

“Nae. Annyeong~”

“Annyeong~”

Jessica just started her given job as an actress spy. She did it just flawlessly and she was being so natural. Unlike Eun Soo’s project, Song Jae’s characters were like real human beings as they could feel. Yep, for this reason, Heechul’s heartbeats were pounding like a drum.

Jessica was not the only one who was starting with her job, but the others were also making their first moves. Yoona, Yuri, Sunny, Taeyeon, Hyoyeon, Sooyoung, Seohyun and Tiffany were also brainstorming as much as they could.


On the top of Han Bridge was a young girl in her 20s standing up when a little guy on his bicycles was having a ride through the city when he saw her. “Andwae!!” He screamed out loud at the top of his voice.

She pulled her from jumping down and they both dropped on the walking path. The girl overlapped the boy. Their heads got in touch. Both of them froze for some time. Then, the girl spoke out an apology.

“Oh. I’m so sorry..”

“Umm..It’s o--” (he couldn’t even continue his words when he realized that tears were dripping down the girls’ cheeks fast)

“Uhh.. Did I do something wrong?”

Sobs had gotten even louder.

“I I I’m so sor-sorry.. I really didn’t mean it.”

It took more than 30 minutes to calm her down.

“Uhh.. Are you okay?”

She gave her a cold stare in his eyes.

“ARE YOU CRAZY?? HOW COULD YOU ASK WHETHER I WAS OKAY OR NOT??? CAN’T YOU SEE THAT IT’S NOT EVEN IN A FEW MINUTES THAT I STOPPED THE STUPID ING SOBS AND CRIES???? GOSH!”

She looked scary. Really scary.

“Umm. Ahh.. Wh-what I wan-want to say is..”

She led out a big sigh.

“I know I know. I’m so sorry for blaming you. But you shouldn’t have saved me, you know? My life is not any precious for a penny. What’s the point of living in?”

“Hey! I can guess that you’re in a sticky situation, and are stressed out, but you can’t easily say like that. Do you know how precious a life of a single person living is? It’s far too valuable.”

“I know I know. I’m so sorry for blaming you. Anyway, maybe, you, saving my life is not a very negative issue. So, I would like to thank you. I am Im Yoona. But my close friends call me Yoong.”

“Well, I am Donghae. And I think your words are what that are a reciprocal of mine. I should be the one who is going to help you. Anyway, borrow me a hand for a while.”


“Wh---”

She couldn’t complete her complain. Donghae had already written some codes on her right palm.

“This is my number. Call me maybe. If you need some help.”

Donghae ended up the conversation by saying farewell. Just like Heechul, the appearance of the girl namely Yoona, couldn’t get erased from his eyes. Unlike Donghae, like Jessica, Yoona was also not feeling anything, but she was different from Jessica in such a way. She felt that her eyes were filled with embarrassment. Yes. Not the embarrassment she received from the chat, but the embarrassment she received from the drops of sodium chloride that fell from her eyes 35 minutes ago when she was making the whole act.

All 9 sisters had completed their first approach of their first mission. Jessica approached to Heechul, Yoona approached to Donghae, Yuri approached to Ryeowook, Kangin and Donghee. Tiffany approached to Siwon, Sunny approached to Sungmin and Eunhyuk, Taeyeon approached to Leeteuk, Sooyoung approached to Kyuhyun and Kibum, and Seohyun approached to Yesung, and Hankyung.

All of their plans succeeded and that night, they were grouping together in their advanced bedroom, where they talked and gossiped about the guys they attracted, being so dump and stupid for falling for them. (of course, until then, they couldn’t feel the real power of love……)


A/N: Hey!! I've finally made this chapter complete after 3 nights of getting all the screams from my mom~  So, please enjoy~ I would be really willingly accept and reply to your comments whether it is a for or against. Thanks~

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
pinboo
#1
Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest!

Plot: Alright, first of all, I think your fic is one of the longest one –in terms of chapters, at least so far that I've been judging and I applaud you for that determination –although, maybe, unfortunately, I regret that you don't finish it.

Firstly, I have to say that the actual story is kinda different from what I expected based on my reading of your foreword/story description. I was expecting it to be a gangfight/spy type of a story, but the romance/drama fills nearly 80% of the plot. Which is not a bad thing, but in your fic, I do think a less romance approach would be more suitable.

The flow is also one of the aspects of the story that I feel could have been improved. There are 10 chapters already (I'm not counting the 11th chapter because it's just author notes), and it should have been sufficient to move the plot to a more intriguing level. The first 4 chapters, in my opinion, could have been summarized in one or two chapters. The first 4 chapters only discuss about the background of the story, and you drag it too long just to talk about the reason why Eunsoo wishes to establish the GG project. Then the remaining chapters talk about the loveline development –which, in contrary to the 4 earlier chapters – become both too long and too fast at the same time. It's too fast to develop their romantic feelings to each other (the characters fell in love way too fast), and at the same time, it's too fast, considering that nothing really meaningful happen –and I personally do not consider them falling for each other as a strong development.

The possibilities and potency of the story actually exists. If you add more actions or mystery or other elements that could make the story more intriguing, I think it would be better. I also get the feeling as if you do not exactly know the direction of the story, so you should take your time to compose and control the plot before you execute/implement it.
pinboo
#2
Characters: I particularly really understand how hard it is to maintain a story with more than 15 characters. And while I clearly do enjoy the numerous SuperGeneration interaction here and there, there is undoubtedly a bigger burden to manage the characters. Firstly, there is no real distinctive trait of one character from another. Jessica being the cold girl is one trait, but it's not dug deep enough, and it is still hard to set one apart from the other. This relates further on the character interactions –which I find to be kind of repetitive and there is no real dynamic on the relationship between one character and the other or one pairing and another.

I think that the big amount of characters also make you lose control/focus of the story. Of course, I'm not saying that you may not use a lot of characters. You undoubtedly may, but you also have to have a strong rein over the characters. On one part we're focusing on Heesica, then we're moving to Yoonhae, then to Taeteuk, then to HanSeoSung. Again, this is actually fine, but the transition is too abrupt and there's no real different premises in each pairing. Sure, they met in different situation, but it's still not sufficient to make the readers actually can linger or feel the relation to a character or a pairing.
pinboo
#3
Style: There are things that I think you can improve: first, do not focus too much on unnecessary description. Description is fine –it livens a story. But readers do not need to know what kind of perfume Eunsoo uses or the car that Heechul drove unless they substantially correlate with the plot. Secondly, do not combine two or more characters' dialogue in one paragraph. Thirdly, minimize the use of Korean. I think the readers can tolerate the general sayings such as "Unnie" or "Oppa", because these are the words that do not have the translation in English that would give the exact same implication. But there are parts where your dialogue are entirely in Korean, and it would only trouble the readers –and you do not want to trouble your readers. You may tease or confuse readers, but you do not want the readers to get so troubled reading your story that eventually they may stop reading it. I also think you could have used more narrative text, but this is not major. I think the dialogue's amount is still in the appropriate level at first; but in the later part of the stories, the story basically is littered with filler dialogues.
pinboo
#4
Suggestion:
• Pick a character and focus on him/her –at least until you are able to maintain the stability of the plot. Once your plot is stabile, you may eventually try to shift the focus to other characters. To be honest, until this point, I do not exactly know who your main character is.
• If you really want to use a lot of characters, introduce them slowly. Get the readers to be accustomed with the character first, before you introduce the others. Otherwise, the additional characters would only serve as filler sidekicks.
• Add more action, suspense, thrill –something to actually make your story more dynamic.


Favorite Parts:
• The foreword is actually kind of interesting –it promises something. It's a bit too dragging and you may wish to add something else to differ your fic from the other though, because it is not the only theme in AFF.
• You seemed to have taken a bit of scientific research for the first part of the story. I do not know and do not have the leisure to check on the truth behind it, but I obviously commend you for the willingness to research.
• I do like the title. But there should be more relation between the title and the story though
• Your narration reads better than the dialogue. Maybe you can focus on the narration.
catherine123 #5
Chapter 11: Lazy girl. I thot a chapter of story was updated. -.- hont
baechimi
#6
This is Webtoon Graphics. Your request was done.
roodlesnamen
#7
Chapter 10: Such random couples, lol. XD
catherine123 #8
Chapter 10: Dramas coming soon, eh? Btw, Trigonometic loves?lol i jst did the trigo sums and i read this now. xD
pompompoop #9
Chapter 10: aeyyy..i guess theres gonna be drama?? :((
roodlesnamen
#10
Chapter 9: Love triangles? Yesss, more drama. <3