The Beginning of Terror

Arabesque

Sadness and Sympathy. All gone. They're all gone. They're never to be found again in EunSoo. Bit by bit, she was turning wild.. Darkness had blinded her. She found herself in a very furious world even without knowing it herself.

 

She stayed up all night for a month. She did not pay attention to the surrounding around her for a month. She was stuck to the study room with A4s spread out all over the room. She did everything in the room. She ate, she thought, she sat, she slept, she bathed, she busted, she got furious, she got wild, the most terrible and awful thing what happened to her was, she lost herself. She thought about the plan recklessly. She had already aimed her target she was going to shoot. Her old betrayer oppa.

 

The procession took long, but the result was a terribly genius one. She was determined to drag her target and on the same circumstance, she also meant to rule over the world, removing every single man from the Earth. Every single man. To create a world filled with women. Women would rule, women would order, women would take over, women would succeed, and women would win. No one could pacify her. No one.

 

She named the secret organization SM. She hired many geniuses from all over the world. They bankrupted together. In this way, their supplies could not run out anymore, but still remain. Not even converted into constant.

 

She decided to hold control on the hormones of women. Only females should be bred. According to the biology of human beings, this constant-bearing-angle strategy has been suggested as a fundamental visuomotor heuristic and as an instance of Darwinian intelligence that overcomes the need for complex and expensive computations involving multiple sources of uncertainty. She tried to change the theory. She tried to mould the hormones into the variety she wanted. She ordered the machines in privacy. What was her plan? She was thinking to have the useless faithless male species extincted from the entire world. The GG project. Girls’ Generation.

 

She was going to try a very horrible test. She was going to up the hormones from the women without giving them any shot of chloroform. She did it all by herself. She prayed to Jesus Christ before doing any criminal offences. She believed that the injured were helping her for the better future of women. She was not forcing them. She was improving them.

 

She then had the vacuum cleaner-like machine so called “The NW”. It probably referred to THE NEW WORLD. A new world with women. She placed the NW in the place-where-to-be-un-mentioned and up the hormones. It hurt like pain. It was so absurd. It was too painful. It was like hell before they helped her reach the destination of the women in the future, the heaven of women. There was no clue in what the future of the women would be like, but, for now, it was placed in ponds of blood.

 

That was not finished. Their dead bodies were clung tight above the rain water-leaping ceiling. They were sunk in the tubes of blue-neon coloured sticky fluid. After 3 months, the flesh weakened. She carried them out of the tubes by sliding them through the dropper.

 

There were thin layers of liquid stuck onto the skin like yellow-mango jelly. She collected them from each body and had them kept in glass bottles. She then filtered each of the samples in the distillation. It fractioned it and received two different kinds of liquid. One seemed like plasma, the clear liquid part of blood, in which the blood cells float. Another played the role of blood cells, if compared with the ordinary human being’s blood circulation. But, this whole thing was different from an ordinary person. This was to create super humans. In fact, super women.

 

The one seemed like plasma was named the kenteris and the one seemed like blood cells were so called pentesis. They were again kept in some more separate bottles. And for sure, in EunSoo’s point of view, she thought the plan she was carrying out was perfectly working. Perfectly.

 

The future super women were developing their organs in the long frozen tank. They were growing day by day. The functions were inserted into the bresinis (the so-called brain in ordinary beings). Many varieties of languages used by people around the world were typed into their bresinis with codes. The abilities were added. The movements were concealed. Their characteristics and personalities were also running under the control of the monster, EunSoo. She was the main remote of everything of the GG project.

 

The plan was working. Yes, it was. But it would take a long time. It would take 21 years to create the super women. 21 years. She waited for 21 years patiently. Time was moving too slow. She was also getting older and older. She was no longer a young woman anymore. She was entering her 40s.

 

Her patience which had held her temper back tight had not let her down. She finally succeeded. Her gamble worked out. Heroes were born. They were created. 9 samples of the project GG had made their first step into the world. TaeYeon, Sunny, Yoona, Jessica, Yuri, Tiffany, HyoYeon, SooYoung and SeoHyun. They were the 9 samples created by their mom, Yen EunSoo. Now that they were created, they were to follow the orders of EunSoo, to practically prove that her theory had really worked and that they were robotic. Not humans. They were robotic humans who had no heart and feelings, but only knew their target and determination, and would sacrifice anything willingly to achieve their goal.

 

She used those women’s body illegally. She up the hormones illegally. She took off the kenteris and pentesis illegally. She ordered machines illegally. She created them illegally. Everything she did was illegal. But after all, she could prove it. GG project was starting....to take over the world.....


A/N: So, here's how the GG project was created. Starting from the next chapter, there won't be much of EunSoo's part anymore. The granted are going to be in the main part on now, so expect~ xD Btw, thank you for subscribing the story!! I lubb you guys! The poster for this chapter is cool, eh? Credits go to Crystal Graphics. Go check their site: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/512329/crystalgraphics-open-taking-requests-graphic-poster-you-everyone

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pinboo
#1
Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest!

Plot: Alright, first of all, I think your fic is one of the longest one –in terms of chapters, at least so far that I've been judging and I applaud you for that determination –although, maybe, unfortunately, I regret that you don't finish it.

Firstly, I have to say that the actual story is kinda different from what I expected based on my reading of your foreword/story description. I was expecting it to be a gangfight/spy type of a story, but the romance/drama fills nearly 80% of the plot. Which is not a bad thing, but in your fic, I do think a less romance approach would be more suitable.

The flow is also one of the aspects of the story that I feel could have been improved. There are 10 chapters already (I'm not counting the 11th chapter because it's just author notes), and it should have been sufficient to move the plot to a more intriguing level. The first 4 chapters, in my opinion, could have been summarized in one or two chapters. The first 4 chapters only discuss about the background of the story, and you drag it too long just to talk about the reason why Eunsoo wishes to establish the GG project. Then the remaining chapters talk about the loveline development –which, in contrary to the 4 earlier chapters – become both too long and too fast at the same time. It's too fast to develop their romantic feelings to each other (the characters fell in love way too fast), and at the same time, it's too fast, considering that nothing really meaningful happen –and I personally do not consider them falling for each other as a strong development.

The possibilities and potency of the story actually exists. If you add more actions or mystery or other elements that could make the story more intriguing, I think it would be better. I also get the feeling as if you do not exactly know the direction of the story, so you should take your time to compose and control the plot before you execute/implement it.
pinboo
#2
Characters: I particularly really understand how hard it is to maintain a story with more than 15 characters. And while I clearly do enjoy the numerous SuperGeneration interaction here and there, there is undoubtedly a bigger burden to manage the characters. Firstly, there is no real distinctive trait of one character from another. Jessica being the cold girl is one trait, but it's not dug deep enough, and it is still hard to set one apart from the other. This relates further on the character interactions –which I find to be kind of repetitive and there is no real dynamic on the relationship between one character and the other or one pairing and another.

I think that the big amount of characters also make you lose control/focus of the story. Of course, I'm not saying that you may not use a lot of characters. You undoubtedly may, but you also have to have a strong rein over the characters. On one part we're focusing on Heesica, then we're moving to Yoonhae, then to Taeteuk, then to HanSeoSung. Again, this is actually fine, but the transition is too abrupt and there's no real different premises in each pairing. Sure, they met in different situation, but it's still not sufficient to make the readers actually can linger or feel the relation to a character or a pairing.
pinboo
#3
Style: There are things that I think you can improve: first, do not focus too much on unnecessary description. Description is fine –it livens a story. But readers do not need to know what kind of perfume Eunsoo uses or the car that Heechul drove unless they substantially correlate with the plot. Secondly, do not combine two or more characters' dialogue in one paragraph. Thirdly, minimize the use of Korean. I think the readers can tolerate the general sayings such as "Unnie" or "Oppa", because these are the words that do not have the translation in English that would give the exact same implication. But there are parts where your dialogue are entirely in Korean, and it would only trouble the readers –and you do not want to trouble your readers. You may tease or confuse readers, but you do not want the readers to get so troubled reading your story that eventually they may stop reading it. I also think you could have used more narrative text, but this is not major. I think the dialogue's amount is still in the appropriate level at first; but in the later part of the stories, the story basically is littered with filler dialogues.
pinboo
#4
Suggestion:
• Pick a character and focus on him/her –at least until you are able to maintain the stability of the plot. Once your plot is stabile, you may eventually try to shift the focus to other characters. To be honest, until this point, I do not exactly know who your main character is.
• If you really want to use a lot of characters, introduce them slowly. Get the readers to be accustomed with the character first, before you introduce the others. Otherwise, the additional characters would only serve as filler sidekicks.
• Add more action, suspense, thrill –something to actually make your story more dynamic.


Favorite Parts:
• The foreword is actually kind of interesting –it promises something. It's a bit too dragging and you may wish to add something else to differ your fic from the other though, because it is not the only theme in AFF.
• You seemed to have taken a bit of scientific research for the first part of the story. I do not know and do not have the leisure to check on the truth behind it, but I obviously commend you for the willingness to research.
• I do like the title. But there should be more relation between the title and the story though
• Your narration reads better than the dialogue. Maybe you can focus on the narration.
catherine123 #5
Chapter 11: Lazy girl. I thot a chapter of story was updated. -.- hont
baechimi
#6
This is Webtoon Graphics. Your request was done.
roodlesnamen
#7
Chapter 10: Such random couples, lol. XD
catherine123 #8
Chapter 10: Dramas coming soon, eh? Btw, Trigonometic loves?lol i jst did the trigo sums and i read this now. xD
pompompoop #9
Chapter 10: aeyyy..i guess theres gonna be drama?? :((
roodlesnamen
#10
Chapter 9: Love triangles? Yesss, more drama. <3