CHAPTER SEVEN

the problem is when you can’t tell the difference

between the mask you put on, and the person you really are.

Sulli jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, followed by, “Found ya. How did I know you’d be here?”

She whirled around, being met with Lu Han, who smiled gently at her. He lifted his hand from her shoulder and ruffled her hair, his eyes turning into little crescents when he smiled, amused by the way she scrunched her nose, quickly reaching her own hands up to fix her hair.

“Watching him isn’t going to help you any,” he said softly as his expression returned to a more serious one. “And Taemin’s there too, so if he catches you, he’s going to think you’re here for him. And you know where that’s going to go, right?”

Sulli sighed, her shoulders slumping a little as she followed Lu Han back out of the building, forcing herself to keep from casting one last glance back towards the practice room. Lu Han reached for her wrist, pulling her along to make her walk a little faster. Slowly, his hand slipped downwards until he was grasping hers lightly, leading the way.

Neither of them said a word as they left the music hall. It was a little past noon now, and Lu Han turned suddenly, and Sulli stumbled backwards a bit to keep from bumping into him.

“Sorry,” he apologized absently. “Do you want to grab something to eat? Actually, that’s not a choice for you, since you woke me up at one in the morning to haul Kai’s sorry back to his dorm. Let’s go.” Just as quickly as he had turned to face Sulli, Lu Han turned back around, dragging her down the street. His grip on her hand tightened to keep her from escaping, and Sulli just sighed as she let herself be pulled along.

“I hope you know that you’re such a child,” she said as they walked, and he turned his head to grin at her.

“Am I? Good, ‘cause being an adult’s no fun.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Sulli deadpanned, as she looked at Lu Han. He looked back up innocently, his lips wrapped around the straw of his bubble tea cup.

“You know, I really thought it was Sehun’s fault that you guys went to bubble tea places all the time. Now I’m starting to think it’s because of you that you’re both addicted to these drinks,” she muttered, curling her fingers around the cup. Lu Han grinned boyishly at her, and she rolled her eyes.

“Don’t be like that,” he said, chuckling. “I know you like bubble tea too--”

“Yeah, not for lunch,” she emphasized, and Lu Han just laughed, pushing a pastry towards her.

“Eat up,” he teased, and she reluctantly snatched the cake from him, stabbing her fork into it. Lu Han raised an eyebrow as she angrily picked the piece up, shoving it into with a constant frown on her face.

“Touchy,” he commented, and she glared back at him, her foot instinctively pushing out to kick him in the shin. He jumped a little at the contact, hissing a little and she simply raised an eyebrow back in response.

“You’ve been hanging out with Krystal way too much,” he muttered, and she just smiled in return. He sighed, taking his own fork and pushing it into his cake, then pulling his hands back, folding them under his chin.

“So,” he said, and she looked up at him, her fork still inside . The corners of his lips turned up in an amused smile, taking in the innocent look on Sulli’s face. He hadn’t known her for perhaps as long as Krystal had, but she was definitely quite a character. Sulli was a child and a woman rolled into one, someone who tried her best not to show her weak heart, and instead put forward a strong front. She was boyish and ladylike all at the same time, but if there was anything Lu Han had learned about Sulli was that she took a long time to open up. Her words and thoughts were all locked away, and he’d had to pry and force them out.

If he hadn’t, she might’ve kept those thoughts to herself forever, burying herself in a landslide of numbers and books. She would’ve hidden until she couldn’t take it anymore. Sulli was not the kind of person who needed someone to wait for her to open up. Instead, she needed someone who would be willing to ask, and ask again, and again, until she had the courage to speak what she had been afraid to say.

She seemed like a lot of things, outspoken and blunt, perhaps, but when it all came down to it, Sulli was the person who kept the most secrets.

Lu Han hadn’t realized Sulli was scrutinizing him with a confused look on her face until she kicked him again, and he jumped, wincing.

“Um, ow,” he said. “What was that for?”

“You said ‘so,’ and then you didn’t continue! I said your name like five times.” Sulli frowned at him and he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Oh, right. So...Kai.” He looked at her expectantly while she froze. Slowly, she set her fork back down on the plate, grabbing her drink and pulling it towards herself, not looking up at Lu Han.

“What about him?”

“You’re not really over him, are you?” He asked gently, and she let out a deep breath, her expression carefully kept neutral.

“I thought I was,” she said softly. “I really, honestly thought I was. I definitely knew I wasn’t ready for another relationship, and that’s why I kept turning Taemin down, even though he’s a nice guy. Everyone knows he’s a nice guy. But Kai...Kai was like that too.”

She fiddled with the straw of her drink, and Lu Han could see the disappointment and sorrow hidden in her eyes. She hadn’t expected much from Kai when they went out. But what he’d done; she had never seen that coming. No one had, and it hit her hard.

“You know, the person he is now...that isn’t who I fell in love with. Isn’t it obvious? I’m not so stupid to fall for someone who just messes around with girls. But back in high school, he wasn’t like that. Or maybe he was, but I kept seeing the other side of him that no one else ever saw...”

Sulli could remember when she first met Kai. Back then, she’d practice late into the night, working on her voice and struggling to keep up with her dance lessons at the same time while balancing her academics. That night, she’d also found Kai sleeping on the floor. He was so tired, too weary to even pick himself off the ground when she’d woken him up, and instead she hauled him up herself, dragging him out the door step by step, in hopes of at least getting him to the school’s lobby, so he could sleep on the couch if he couldn’t wake up enough to get home.

That was the Kai she knew. Because night after night she found him in the practice rooms, and it became a ritual between the two of them. She practiced singing some nights alone, practiced dancing with him on other nights. And some nights they didn’t do anything but sit beside each other and talk, and Sulli wondered why the Kai she spoke to was so different from the one Krystal hated.

“He was my friend first, oppa,” Sulli murmured, keeping her eyes glued to the table. “The guy I loved was my friend, and the person who no one else could see, but who I knew he was. Isn’t he the same guy Taemin sees? Isn’t he the boy Sehun and Kyungsoo see? They’re his close friends, aren’t they? But Sehun, Kyungsoo, and Taemin, they aren’t at all like Kai. How does a guy who plays around with girls, end up with such good friends? The person I loved, he’s still there...So when I saw him on the floor that night, Lu Han...how can I be sure?”

“How can I be certain that I don't have any more feelings for him?”

Sulli looked nonchalant on the outside, but Lu Han could see her shattered heart through the look in her eyes, the sadness and the ache that for her, never went away, just faded to the background.

After all, when your first love breaks your heart, how can you just move on?

Lu Han wasn’t exactly the kind of guy who understood boys like Kai.

If he had to say so himself, he’d probably say that he was pretty good at understanding people. Lu Han had fairly good perception of a good and a bad guy and Kai threw that all out the window.

Lu Han had never been friends with Kai, never so much as talked to him. Kai had been exactly the kind of guy he didn’t want to be associated with, and so he tended to avoid him on campus.

But still, Kai was the one Sulli had fallen in love with. There had to be something good about the guy, especially since girls were still throwing themselves at his feet for just one date. Lu Han knew Kai was handsome, but there was definitely something else about Kai that drew girls to him - including Sulli.

He felt bad. He felt bad that he hadn’t been able to protect Sulli back then, he felt bad that he hadn’t been able to figure Kai out for her and still wasn’t capable of doing so, as if that would make things any easier. Sulli was precious to him, like a little sister, and if he could do anything to make her happy, then he would.

He’d never had his heart broken before, but seeing Sulli hurt made his heart ache just as much.

AUTHOR’S NOTES;

ayo...this whole story is 24 pages on google docs...including author’s notes but not the forward or title page/whatever it’s called lol.. and it’s only seven chapters dude.. when did i write so much...

okay anyways xD hanlli! or more like, sulli talking and lu han listening lol.. he’s a very patient character in this fic, fairly perceptive and kind and just a hint of childishness c: he’s very playful on the outside, but he’s very serious on the inside ^^ and uh, no he doesn’t have pink hair in his fic, i just like that picture of him LOL imagine him..idk i guess blonde or something like that xD

erm, i actually don’t know what to say about this chapter. i guess just that a little more of sulli/kai has been revealed, but only a little bit. there’s still a lot to go.. xD

lu han/kai may or may not be developed, not really sure yet. probably. xD as for lu han/sulli, for those of you who ship them, don’t worry, they’ll have a few special moments that aren’t just sibling-like related :P

i...actually don’t know what’s coming up in the next chapter. i’ll probably throw in something not so centered on sulli though, since these past few chapters have all been sulli-centric xD

comments are appreciated! ^^