CHAPTER SIX

how long do i have to hurt

until i stop loving you?

When Kai woke up, he was surprised.

A good majority of the time, he’d wake up on the dance room floor, after being too tired to trudge his way back to the dorm room. Taemin didn’t mind, nor did he ask, especially not with the bags under Kai’s eyes on days like these. But today was different. Today, Kai had woken up...in his bed?

“You never learn, do you?”

He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and shifted up in bed, propping himself up on his arms and searching for the source of the voice. Standing in the doorway was Sulli, her arms crossed over her chest. She looked unhappy, like she was forced to be here, but somehow Kai could tell she hadn’t been. Taemin was perfectly capable of taking care of him - Sulli chose to be here.

Her eyes were dark, cold, a sharp contrast to her usual personality. Kai had never really been good at reading people, but Sulli had once been someone who was like an open book to him.

Now, he wasn’t so sure.

He sat up, swinging his legs over the side to rest his feet on the ground. Sulli didn’t move and he simply shrugged in response to her question. “I guess not.”

She let out a curt laugh, a hint of bitterness in it. “Yeah, I figured. Do you always sleep on the dance room floor or is that just a one night stand kind of thing?”

Kai let out a brief chuckle, looking up to meet her eyes. “Krystal’s really rubbing off on you, huh?” She narrowed her eyes at him, and he bit his lower lip.

“When you care about someone a lot, you start becoming a little like them.” She said, finally taking a step towards him. She stopped near the desk separating Taemin’s bed from his, and took a seat in Taemin’s chair.

“Then why didn’t you become like me?”

The words were out of Kai’s mouth before he’d even realized he’d said them, and he immediately bit his tongue, wanting to apologize, but the way Sulli was looking at him made him stop short. An apology from him was worth nothing anymore.

“You’re wrong,” she finally said, her glare dropping just a moment to reveal a hint of sadness. “I was bitter and in love with someone who never loved me, isn’t that as close as it gets to being like you?”

Kai flinched at her tone, and the scalding truth behind them. If he was selfish now, then he must have been a million times worse in high school. Sulli deserved to be forever angry at him, to hate him as much as Krystal did, if not more, and he was grateful she didn’t. But she didn’t for a reason, and he’d almost prefer it if she despised him.

“Where’s Taemin?” He asked, breaking the tense silence that had enveloped them, and she turned towards the doorway.

“Buying food for you. Apparently you guys don’t have any.” She arched an eyebrow and this time he just laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah, Taemin...spends his time chasing you, and I...” He trailed off, and the corner of her lips turned up a little.

“Pass out in dance studios,” she concluded for him, and he smiled back at her, glad that she chose to lighten the tension instead of continuing the harsh attacks. Whatever happened in the past was over. All that was left for them was to keep moving forward.

He took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “...Yeah.”

Taemin was confused.

Scratch that, Taemin was beyond confused.

It was probably a really bad idea to be standing here listening to Sulli and Kai’s conversation, but he was curious, especially after seeing the expression on Sulli’s face last night when she showed up at the door, Lu Han beside her carrying Kai awkwardly in his arms. It was the middle of the night, so he wasn’t too surprised about Kai, but Sulli and Lu Han?

That was totally new.

The look Sulli wore, though, that was...different. It was something he had never seen before, not on Sulli. He’d seen her happy, her smile lighting up a whole room, he’d seen her focused, her eyes concentrated on the words and numbers in her books, he’d seen her pissed off and frustrated, ready to smack him if he so much as came near her one more time.

But he’d never seen her quite so worn out, so tired, and not because of the time. She seemed exhausted, just looking at Kai, but there was something in her eyes that was different from the way she’d looked at anybody else. Yet still she stayed late into the night, keeping watch on him until even she had fallen asleep in Taemin’s chair, and Taemin simply picked her up and placed her on his bed, not having the heart to wake her up.

Now she was looking so coldly at Kai, so unfeeling and hostile. It was a complete change. And Kai, who took nothing unless it was from Krystal, was accepting every blow Sulli threw at him like he deserved it.

Taemin was aware that they had known each other since high school. Sulli, Krystal, and Kai all came from the same high school, a rare occurrence since SMU was such a prestigious college. But for all of them to be connected, for Sulli and Krystal to both hate Kai like this, and for Kai to be following Krystal around like some sort of beat up, lonely puppy...

What exactly was their story?

“Are you just gonna keep standing there or...?”

Sulli appeared in front of him and he jumped, grinning embarrassedly back down at the shorter girl. “Yeah, I, um, yeah,” he stammered out, laughing nervously. He held out the bag of groceries for her and she rolled her eyes, grabbing it and muttering a small “thanks” as she opened the door. He stood in the doorway, still rubbing the back of his neck.

Sulli turned, raising an eyebrow. “Are you coming in..?” She asked, and he let out a short laugh again.

“Yeah-- yeah, yeah I am, ah..” He quickly followed after her, closing the door behind him.

Smooth, Taemin, he scolded himself. Real smooth. Way to go.

“Where’s Taemin?” Amber asked as she started stretching out. “And Kai, for that matter?”

Henry shrugged, pulling both arms over his head before swinging them around a bit. “No idea. Taemin probably forgot though, you know how he is.”

“But Kai would remind him, wouldn’t he?” Hyoyeon asked, walking up behind Amber. “Dance is literally the only thing he puts above girls.”

“And grades,” Amber said, and Henry wrinkled his nose and gave her a look. They both stared at each other for a moment, before shaking their head decisively.

“Nah,” Henry said. “Dance is the only thing.”

Hyoyeon rolled her eyes. “The point is, they’re both missing from dance practice. And where is that monkey, Eunhyuk?”

“I heard my name,” Eunhyuk appeared on cue, grinning from ear to ear. Hyoyeon gently smacked him in the arm and he made a mocking expression of pain. “Oof,” he exaggerated. “Ow, Hyo.” She elbowed him in the side in response. He pouted.

“They’ll be here,” he said, trying to put Hyoyeon in a better mood. “Just wait a few.”

“They’re already ten minutes late,” she scowled, shoving him aside mercilessly. Henry and Amber just watched, amused, as Eunhyuk let out a grunt of pain, which, this time, was real. He rubbed his sore spot, pouting.

“I tried,” he shrugged, looking at the pair. Hyoyeon began setting up the studio, and just as she was choosing the song, Kai and Taemin burst through the door, Taemin huffing a little while Kai looked calm, relaxed.

“Sorry we’re late,” Taemin gasped out. “Please don’t kill me, noona.” Kai patted his friend on the back in a poor attempt to help Taemin catch his breath.

Hyoyeon sighed, walking up to Taemin and taking him from Kai, who was pretty much useless at helping his friend. She ruffled his hair a little, and he smiled hopefully at her. She smiled gently back before quickly deadpanning, slugging him in the arm.

“Ow, ow ow oww, noona..” He whined, clutching his arm. “That hurt...”

“Good,” Hyoyeon snapped back. “Maybe then you’ll remember to show up on time! And you--” she whirled around and pointed at Kai, who blinked back innocently. “You, why are you late? You’re never late.”

“We ran into some issues,” he said nonchalantly, carefully avoiding mentioning that he’d fallen asleep last night on the practice room floor. Taemin made a face at him, still trying to ease the pain in his arm.

“It was Kai’s fault, so I don’t know why you’re even hitting me,” He complained. “And how come you never yell at Yunho hyung when he’s late? He’s always late. And sometimes he doesn’t even show--”

“Because he’s a Senior, you little froshie brat,” Hyoyeon growled, and Taemin shrank back.

“Hey! I’m a Senior!” Eunhyuk protested.

“Yeah, Senior citizen,” she muttered, and he stared at her, mouth agape. He was about to make a retort when she continued, saying, “Besides, he’s the leader. And you know he practices by himself all the time.”

Before anyone else could make a comment, Hyoyeon pressed the play button on the boombox, pointedly glaring at everyone. Immediately, they settled into position, a more serious expression setting into everyone’s faces as they waited for the beat.

Practice started, and any earlier thoughts disappeared.

Sulli walked slowly, stopping only when she’d reached a certain door. She’d only been in this hallway once before, having avoided it in order to keep her emotions in check.

Last night, she’d decided to explore, to at least get to know what this hallway was like, so that when she could finally come face to face with everything she’d hidden away, she’d at least know which door belonged to which studio. But instead of figuring out the hallway and its various rooms, she’d ended up stopping at the third door, finding Kai sleeping soundly on the floor in a sprawled mess.

Her heart had jumped to , but when she recognized him, it stuttered in a way that it hadn’t for a while. In seconds, she’d called Lu Han, shoving her emotions into a tight ball, buried deep in the back of her mind.

Lu Han was the only one who knew everything. He was the only one - who understood.

Now she glanced through the window, watching the dance team practicing. These were the people who loved to dance, who loved music and who put their everything into the beat and gave it out through the movement of their body. Hyoyeon and Eunhyuk stood at the front, their bodies moving smoothly to the beat. They matched perfectly, dancing in sync together.

She saw Henry and Amber together, too, and while they loved dance just as much as Eunhyuk and Hyoyeon did, they were more mischievous, playfully trying to mess each other up every now and then as they danced, wearing identical grins.

Finally, Sulli let her eyes drift towards Taemin and Kai. Taemin concentrated only on the music and the beat, his body moving flawlessly. Sulli, despite rejecting him multiple times, still had respect for Taemin because of what dance meant to him. Without him even knowing, she loved to watch him perform, to see the way he lost himself entirely in the music.

She turned her eyes towards Kai, and as if instinctively, he lifted his eyes to meet hers, and she stepped back, startled. One corner of his lips turned up in a small half smile, but his eyes were sad, apologetic. She swallowed, and turned away, trying to calm the pace of her heart.

Sulli had fallen in love with before. She’d fallen in love and she’d been hurt because of it, and because of that she wasn’t sure if she’d ever fallen out of love with that person.

That person, who loved dance enough to fall asleep on the studio floor, that person who had been sorry to her for so long and yet she wasn’t sure if she had really forgiven him, that person who met eyes with her just now..

That person, who was Kim Jongin.

AUTHOR’S NOTES;

so sulli fell in love with kai at some point in the past...did anyone see that coming? probably, right? xD

but ouch, sulli:“I was bitter and in love with someone who never loved me, isn’t that as close as it gets to being like you?” she’s harsh, isn’t she? throughout these chapters, sulli’s been sharp-tongued, but i think that’s just a part of her personality here, not just because she’s angry at kai.. lmao..

also taem LOL he’s such a kid x3 he’s fun to write about xDDD

pssst henber psssstttt they’re just small moments but juST WAIT MY SHIP IS GONNA SAAILL

anyway

the drama is starting! a little luhan/sulli friendship is up next so, i hope you’ll look forward to it! :D

comments are always appreciated~~