CHAPTER FOURTEEN

one step forward, two steps back.

Sehun sat outside the school’s gym facility, slouching on a bench. He absently bit the tip of the straw of the soda he was drinking from, deep in thought as he stared blankly out in front of him at the fountain. He was trying to sort his thoughts - they always became jumbled, thrown away, then tugged back in a bigger mess than before. He didn’t mean to always be like this, a little 4D; he couldn’t help it. It was a defense mechanism - Sehun didn’t like being sad, not that anyone else did, either. So he let himself push all these thoughts away until they came crashing down on him in a whirlwind of emotions.

It was frustrating, though. She was frustrating. She was closed off, she was open, she was childish, she was mature. She was way out of his league. She was his friend.

She was…

“Dude, are you okay?” Sehun asked, concerned. Kai shrugged, staring up at the ceiling. He had crashed at Sehun’s dorm again, needing the company. Kai hadn’t wanted to face Taemin - Taemin reminded him of Sulli, and Sulli reminded him of mistakes and memories and--

And Krystal.

But then again, he was always thinking of Krystal.

“You’re freaking me out a little here, kkamjong,” Sehun said, peering over the edge of his bed at Kai, who was on the floor, sprawled out on his back.

Kai tilted his head a little to look at Sehun, and shrugged again. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” Sehun muttered, reaching his hand over and flicking his friend on the head. “What’s wrong with you? You’re so moody.”

Kai sighed, sitting up, nearly bumping into Sehun in the process, who flinched back and sat up on the bed. “Dude!”

“Sorry,” he said, leaning against the wall. “I’m just-- does Krystal ever talk to you about me? Does she really hate me a lot still? Who am I kidding, of course she does. Doesn’t she?” Kai turned to look at Sehun and Sehun shrugged as an almost immediate response.

“I don’t-- Krystal doesn’t talk,” Sehun said, and the corners of Kai’s lips turned up a little in amusement. That was true. But what Kai didn’t know, that Sehun knew, was that Krystal didn’t have to talk. She said everything in her movements, her actions, in her silence. Sehun didn’t know a lot of the things that bothered Krystal, but he knew some of the little things about her that he’d picked up since he’d become her friend.

“I wish she would,” Kai said quietly, and now he wasn’t looking at Sehun anymore, but into empty space, lost in his thoughts of the girl he so obviously liked. He never said it outright, not to Sehun, not to Kyungsoo, not to Taemin. He said nothing but it was clear; anyone who really knew him was aware of it.

“I can’t tell anything about her,” he continued, and Sehun listened to Kai ramble. “On good days, she lets me sit with her in the bakery, and she won’t say anything. And then all of a sudden she’ll yell at me to get out, and--”

Kai went on and on, and Sehun had the sudden urge to smack him. Kai was searching - he was searching for anything that would indicate Krystal had changed her opinion on him. But Krystal hadn’t, and she wasn’t going to.

Sehun wanted Kai to stop, to stop being an idiot and to see things the way it really was. But Kai already knew the truth - he just wasn’t ready to face it.

Sehun knew the truth, too. If Kai wasn’t ready, then how could Sehun be? He didn’t know this girl. At least he didn’t think so. He knew she liked wearing hats and eating mangos and wearing sneakers and that burritos were ‘her thing,’ but what, really, did he know about Krystal Jung?

And what if Kai knew her better?

And why did that matter?

Sehun walked past the bakery window, peering in and smiling when he caught sight of Krystal, her hair falling over her shoulders as she looked at a customer. It took him a while to recognize the person - but just as he was about to open the door, he realized.

It was Kai.

And when he looked closer, he saw the smile tugging on Krystal’s lips, saw her chuckle briefly and then watched her laughter fall and her temper rise again, and the panic showed on Kai’s face as he tried to remedy the situation. Sehun furrowed his eyebrows, stepping away from the door, expecting Krystal to kick him out in seconds, but when Kai didn’t come out with slumped shoulders and a disappointed look, Sehun peered in again to find Krystal with an exasperated look on her face, looking at Kai. But this time that look was different; it was no less annoyed, no less frustrated. But a lot less tired.

Kai had a smile on his face and Krystal just rolled her eyes, tossing a pen at him and snorting when it rebounded off his cheek and Kai flailed a little, nearly falling off the stool in the process, pouting at the pen that now lay on the table.

Krystal bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling, and Sehun who didn’t understand what he had witnessed, who didn’t understand the twist of his heart, or why it felt like it was dropping a little, walked away with an uncomfortable feeling inside of him.

“You’re here again,” Krystal said, and it felt less like a threat and more like just a statement, and Kai smiled at that.

“I am,” he said, taking a seat at the counter and Krystal said nothing after that, simply fixing up a few of the bakery’s little designs of the week, featuring a red velvet cupcake display. The fact that she didn’t ask for him to leave was what Kai noticed most - these past few times he’d visited her had felt more like her tolerating him rather than her hating him, and it was a step - just a tiny one, but a step all the same.

“What’s that?” Kai asked, pointing to a pastry and Krystal rolled her eyes at him.

“Stand up and read the sign, maybe then you’ll know,” she responded, and Kai cracked a grin, because at least she’d spoken to him rather than demanding for his departure for bothering her at all.

“Well,” he said, testing the waters slightly. “Why should I, when you already know what it is, and can just tell me?” The corners of his lips turned up in amusement when Krystal whipped around the glare at him, and he put his hands up defensively.

“Fine,” he said, grinning slightly. “For you, I won’t be such a lazy .”

Krystal resisted the urge to roll her eyes again while Kai really stood up to actually read the sign, peering at the glass to scan his eyes over the words. “Peanut butter,” he mused, and Krystal watched as he bit his lower lip in contemplation. “It sounds delicious. I bet my noona would love everything in here. She loves bakeries. And Jungah noona too, she--”

Krystal tuned Kai out, turning her gaze away from him. She was surprised, a little, from his smile earlier. It wasn’t a smirk, wasn’t taunting and the glint that she had always despised had disappeared from his eyes. The way he said “for you” had been affectionate almost, teasing, and Krystal wondered why.

She knew Kai. She knew the teenager who’d played around with girls every week, knew he still did the same thing now. She knew the boy who, in his Senior year of high school, set out to break her best friend’s heart and succeeded, brutally, undeniably, immeasurably.

But she also knew the boy who played hopscotch with her and smiled little, shy smiles at her when they were young and small and innocent, and for just a second, in that smile that he gave her, she thought she’d seen that little boy she called Jongin.

But that was impossible, because Kai had changed beyond recognition, and that little boy she once knew had been irreversibly lost since the day he left Sulli.

AUTHOR’S NOTES;

so. it’s been awhile..

but yeah…

how bout that sekaistal?

((sorry i dont know how fast i will be updating anymore with schol and everything and i think i said this before but sorry anyway))

comments are much appreciated!