thirty one.
lather, rinse, repeatI loved Jaebum. He could have destroyed everything about me, changed me into a complete monster, but in the end, I would have forever loved him anyways. Even if it would kill me in the process.
“Why?” I whimpered. I needed a reason. He loved me, didn’t he?
Couldn’t I be enough for him?
I stiffened, and his hold around my only grew stronger. “I love you, but I love her too. At least, I think I do.” With a final squeeze, Jaebum pulled me away, his thumbs rubbing away my tears gently. I didn’t want to look at him, but his hands held me in place, “I don’t want to lose either of you.”
“I-isn’t that a little selfish?”
I didn’t want this. Whimpering, I squirmed away from his hold, stumbling back onto my bottom on the way away from his grasp. The disappointment was clear in his eyes as I scampered to my feet, wobbling back to hit against a desk on the way. I loved him, enough to know this wasn’t the right way around things.
Jiyeon wouldn’t like this. She would get upset at him; Jaebum would get in trouble because of me. I didn’t want that at all. “W-we should stop.” It was better that way.
Jaebum kicked up at this, springing up to his feet with his hands reaching for me.
He never did reach me.
I ran. Before he could say anything more, I ran, as fast as I could.
On the way out, throwing open the door, I caught a glimpse of Daehyun, sitting just next to the door as he’d promised he’d be. Upon my burst, his eyes were pealed open in surprise, fluffy lips opened in surprise. “Youngjae?” I’d only paused for a second before continuing on, a new filled stream of tears coloring my eyes.
I wanted out.
Growing up, I’d always known that it was impossible for someone like me to become happy, but facing my first breakup (and more than likely, the biggest in even the years to come) had only continued to tear me down.
I ran until I couldn’t anymore. Until my legs gave out under me, tripping my steps and leaving me crumpled on the floor, I ran. And there, I cried. Curling into myself, I cried.
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